Chapter forty-Four

Selina watched as the trio returned she noted a look of disbelief and loss in Dick that frightened her. Something had gone wrong. As she studied younger man she took note of blood trailing down his arm but said nothing about it. She looked to Bruce for answers and saw the sense of loss. Barbara ignored her all together and went about changing before leaving the three to speak alone.

"What is it?"

"Zanah's gone," Dick murmured still unable to believe it, though he'd seen it with his own eyes.

Selina blinked fighting back tears. "How?"

"Clay Face," Bruce replied as Dick moved to change.

"Is he dead?" She hissed.

"There was no sign of him."

"Good."

"You okay?"

"I will be, it's just she…"

"Was a lot like you. I know."

"Do you think Dick will be okay?" Selina asked concerned.

"He'll be fine."

"I hope you're right."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to but…"

"She didn't want us involved," Bruce said understanding.

Selina nodded unable to speak.

"Let me change and we'll move upstairs. I don't want you upset."

"Well, I am. She wouldn't have been out there if I…"

"That easily could have been you. If you want to place blame lay it where it belongs. This is Daggett's fault."

Selina nodded knowing he was right. "I wish I could say my investigation turned up evidence to point in his direction, but it didn't."

"Shh, lets not dwell on it. Instead we'll morn the loss of a friend and ally together. I don't know how to tell Alfred. He really seemed to lie her," Bruce said.

"We'll tell him, but Bruce no one else will ever know she's gone, and most won't know she was ever here. The city will forget she ever existed."

"I won't," Bruce said before withdrawing to change.

Selina watched with growing concern as Dick reemerged and made his way to the study. He looked distinctly as if he were in shock and it was not a good sign. He would be the hardest hit by the loss. Zanah had told her about his family no doubt this would only bring the loss more completely to the surface. Selina noted the blood had been cleaned away, but afresh trail was staining the sleeve of his shirt as if he were unaware of the injury, another bad sign and a mystery as well. If Clay Face had been responsible then Dick would no doubt be headed to an ER. That left Zanah, but why would he hurt him.

Bruce emerged from the vault and together the two of them made their way upstairs and into the kitchen in search of Alfred to deliver the bad news.

Upstairs…

 Dick stepped into the privacy of his room and closed the door. In his mind's eye the only thing he saw was Zanah falling as he lost his grip. He heard a blood curdling she never made. It rang in his ears. A curse flew from his lips as he covered his ears to silence it, but it only grew louder. Opening his eyes his focus fell on his sketchbook and the picture he'd begun that morning. Pained he watched as the image changed to the mental picture that continued to replay in his mind.

Disgusted and frustrated he tore the picture from the drawing tablet and tore it apart throwing the image in the trash. He then threw the sketchbook and shoved his colored pencils watching with satisfaction as they scattered across his floor, but the pain didn't diminish and he found his room wouldn't supply the peace he wanted. It couldn't quiet the thoughts in his head. So, grabbing his helmet and keys he moved downstairs and left the manor. Getting on his motorcycle he sped away into the night.

In the Kitchen…

Bruce and Selina watched as Alfred looked up from his work. The smile on his face dimmed as he looked at them. 

"Master Bruce, Madame Selina what is it?"

"Bad news," Selina said.

Alfred blinked. "How bad?"

"Tragic," Bruce replied.

"Oh, dear."

"Zanah's dead," Selina said. She spoke quickly knowing if she didn't say it now she wouldn't be able to at all.

"No. Poor Master Dick and Madame I know she was your friend, but he was close to her. Letting her in. I thought perhaps in time… and now. She was such as nice girl."

"I understand Alfred. I'm worried about him too. He almost looked like he was in shock."

"I'll try to talk to him Madame."

"Thank you," Selina whispered. She and Bruce watched as Alfred vanished. They sat down at the table together in silence and looked up moments later as the old man returned.

"Master Dick is gone."

"Probably out for a ride. He did this after his parents' murder too. It's his way of cooping."

Alfred nodded, but he was still worried. The three sat together morning the loss of their friend for several hours before Alfred suggested they turn in. After some prodding the two relented and withdrew to their room.

Dick stumbled into the house just before dawn and disappeared into his room, collapsing on the bed and passing out from exhaustion. Alfred shook his head not sure what exactly to expect from his younger ward in the days ahead. He only hoped the boy snapped out of it quickly.

A Week Later…

 Selina woke in the middle of the night to the sound of Dick's motorcycle roaring to life. Rising from Bruce's side careful not to disturb his sleep she stepped out of the room and moved downstairs to get a bottle for the cubs.

She was just finishing up when Alfred stepped into the kitchen.

"Madame Wayne," he said surprised.

"Alfred, what are you doing up?"

"Master Dick has me worried Madame."

"Why?"

"This is the fourth night this week he's left at this hour. He stumbles in close to dawn and then does nothing but sleeps. He hardly eats. I know Master Bruce thinks this is just a repeat of before, but I suspect its worse. I think the young master has taken to drinking."

"Zanah."

"I believe so Madame. Something happened that night that only he's aware of."
            "I'll follow him tomorrow night, try to talk to him."

"Thank you Madame."

"No problem Alfred."

"How are you doing Madame?"

"I'm okay."

"Good night Selina."

"Good night Alfred and don't worry. We'll make sure he's gets through this. He'll be okay," Selina assured him before returning to bed.

Alfred shook his head and sat up the rest of the night until Dick stumbled in and finally went to bed.

The Next Night…

Selina sped after Dick tailing him close enough not to lose him, but not so close as to alert him to her presents. She watched with dismay as Alfred's concerns were confirmed. Dick pulled to a stop outside a local bar. Selina sat in her car and watched as he stepped inside and took a seat at the bar. He spoke to the bartender and after producing his driver's license he proceeded to drink.

After watching several hours of his heavy drinking Selina got out of her car and made her way towards the bar.

Selina walked into the grimy dive and moved through the crowd steering her way toward the bar. She was stopped by a taller man who had clearly had one too many.

"Hey baby, want to dance?" He slurred.

"Back off creep," she hissed coldly in warning, before she continued on to the bar. Selina sat down in the stool next to Dick. "Hello Mr. Grayson."

"Miss Kyle what re you doing here?" he asked coldly.

Selina blinked as the smell of alcohol assaulted her. "Looking for you."

"Did Bruce send you, because if he did…" Dick began in anger.

"No, I came on my own. I've seen you at the manor and I wanted to know what's wrong."

"What's wrong? How can you ask that? She's dead and it's my fault." Dick snapped.

"No, its not…" Selina began.

"Yes it is. If I had only held on a moment longer she would still be alive. He would have been able to pull us up to safety."

"Dick he's only one man. The cliff was a wreck, he told me. He berily had time to save you."

"Yes but…" Dick began in protest.

"And what about this?" Selina asked grabbing his arm she exposed the deep gashes in his arm. "She made you let go. He couldn't have held onto her either with that. She knew you were losing your grip and she cut you to make you let go, because she didn't want you to die."

"It should have been me."

"Dick listen to me. If it had been he and I hanging from that cliff I would have done the same thing. Sometimes you have sacrifice yourself for the one you love."

"But he would have held on despite your efforts."

"No, he would have wanted to, but he wouldn't have been able to just like you."

"I let her go…"

"Put your self in her shoes. You would have done the same thing."

"That's completely different."

"No, it isn't. It wasn't your fault. Zanah knew the weight of her and Clay face would get you both killed and she loved you too much to let you die."

"She died because of me. I let her go and I never realized until she was gone how much…"

Selina slid down off the bar stool seeing she couldn't reach him. She walked out of the dive and climbed into her car. She then drove home. Hoping that her words might reach him later.

Dick picked up his shot glass and downed another drink and then paid his tab, moving on but not ready to go home. He drove past the theme park and the aquarium hoping to find her, but she was gone. He'd let go and now she was dead. It was his fault.

At Wayne Manor…

Selina stepped inside and was surprised to find Bruce standing in the hall. A look of relief washed over him.

"Where have you been? I woke up and you were gone." Bruce said still concerned.

"Following Dick," she said wearily.

"Selina, what's wrong?" He asked.

"I'm fine Bruce, but I'm worried about Dick."

"Why?"

"He's not taking Zanah's death well. He's blaming himself. Beating himself up for letting go of her, but I know she made him."

"How bad is he?"

"He was at a bar when I talked to him. I didn't think one person could reek so badly of alcohol."

"That bad."

"It's eating away at him Bruce. He really loved her and he didn't realize it until now. I tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't listen. He didn't want to."

"I'll try and talk to him."

"Thanks Bruce."

"No Selina, thank you I didn't realize how bad he was."

"No problem I owed it to Zanah she loved him, and I know she'd hate to see him like this."

"You miss her too."

"She was my best friend, but I know I would have done the same thing if it had been us hanging from that cliff.

"What would you have done?"

"She cut him with her claws when she realized the weight was of them was going to kill him too."

"He couldn't possibly have held on, hell, even I couldn't have."

"I told him that, but he didn't want to hear it," Selina said.

"I'll talk with him when he comes in. Go back to bed."

 "Are you okay?"

"When I found you were gone I was afraid you'd gone after Daggett alone. I was worried…" he began.

"Shh… I'm here love, and I won't do that again. I learned the hard way, it doesn't solve anything."

"I know, I just panicked," Bruce whispered.

Selina seeing she had really frightened him reached out and brushed her fingers through his brown hair. He caressed her cheek his own fingers combing through her black hair. She turned her cheek into his palm her lips brushing his fingers. "I'm not going to leave like that again Bruce. What I want is right here?" She murmured. He drew her against her and kissed her fore head.

"I was afraid I'd lost you again," he whispered putting a voice to his fears.

"No love, I'm here and I plan to stay," she said.

"Selina every one I've ever…"

"Shh, I know love, I know. Dick won't be home until down come back to bed," she murmured.

Bruce kissed her lips briefly and let her go. Selina took his hand in hers and lead her husband upstairs back to bed.

The Next Morning…

Selina woke to the sound of Bruce cursing. She sat up and watched as he struggled to get dressed. "Something wrong?" She asked.

"Yes its almost Noon and Dick hasn't come in yet," Bruce said, his hands shaking.

Selina got up off the bed and crossed the floor she kissed him briefly before brushing his hands aside and finishing the task for him. "I'm sure he's fine. Probably just knew to expect a talk and is trying to avoid it," Selina said.

"But what if …" Bruce began.

"He's not that gone yet. He'll be back."

"I'm going to go look for him," Bruce said.

"You won't find him unless he wants to be found."

Bruce nodded knowing it was true, "I'm still going to try."

Selina nodded and watched as he left. She got dressed and then moved down the hall to Dick's room opening the door she found it in a complete state of disarray. She found the drawing tablet and the torn picture. Dick was not doing well at all.  She turned and moved out of the room as the phone rang. Selina answered it. "Tell Bruce I just need a few days to myself," Dick began with out preamble. He hung up the phone before she could respond. I hope you can come to terms with yourself, she thought before she stepped out of the room and closed the door.