A/N: Hey, thanks a lot to the supporters!!!! Btw, I didn't prove-read this, so I bet there'll be lots of mistakes.
Chapter 13- Father?
'Mom, dad, we're going out for a while.' Mr. Jin answered with a vague
'Yes' from upstairs. The five of them walked out.
Rukawa, who was walking beside Aya, had his hands around her waist. The wind was blowing, softly and coldly. The wind blended perfectly with the silence around them, creating a very peaceful atmosphere.
'Well, she took it better than I thought she would. Funny that she gave in that fast… but I think she will bring it up again another day,' Jin said breaking that silence.
'You'll never know what impact five teenagers can have on parents,' Fujima said jokingly. They all smiled. Though it was too dark to actually see, yet they knew. They didn't need eyes to understand each other anymore.
In the end, after 5 minutes of aimless walking, they ended up in the public basketball court. The wind rose, softly, silently, making Sendo realize that… something was wrong. Something, but he couldn't place it. It was in the silence, the stillness… everything. He looked at each of them and knew that they felt the same way. Something was going to happen.
An owl passed by overhead, unheedingly.
The five of them stood in a row with Aya in the middle. They looked a little comical, standing there, waiting for something unknown to even themselves.
Then, they heard it. Footsteps. Around five people were walking towards them, dragging their feet, crunching the gravel beneath their feet. That sound echoed around the court, breaking, yet at the same time, sealing the silence that had descended just before. The silence which seemed to have a meaning. A silence that sealed their friendship bond. Before the cause of the noise showed itself,
'Otou-chan?' Aya asked inaudibly. They all looked at her.
'Um… no, that's not the right word,' she said apologetically.
'Here you are. Long time huh, honey? Wanna come home?' Kenzen asked, as always, making his question sound more like threats. There were four people flanking him, grinning menacingly, yet stupidly. Sendo, Rukawa, Fujima and Jin stared back angrily.
'Sure, you'll be punished for all your, um… "sins", but you'll be fine. Better off than now!' he said, suddenly meaner and greater when he stressed on the last sentence. He knew Aya always succumb when he used that method. There was a pause where the wind blew harder, pushing Aya's fringes to the back.
*Click*.
They turned towards the sound, and saw the moonlight reflected from a blade. Switchblade. When Aya didn't answer, they heard another four clicks, and realized that everyone of Kenzen's sidekicks had switchblades themselves. Kenzen looked at his daughter expectantly, dangerously. For five full seconds there was silence. The soft wind rose and fell, with excitement tingling in it.
* * * * * * * *
Kenzen looked at his daughter, putting on a dangerous face. Then, he realized that there was something different about her, all of them. She wasn't giving in as usual, heck, she didn't even flinch at the sight of the blade. Wasn't she scared anymore? For once in his life, Kenzen started to worry that his 'daughter' wouldn't submit to him.
* * * * * * * *
'No!' she said softly, firmly.
'Nani? Dare you go against me? Do you want your friends dead? I'm your father, I brought you up, and I have a right to…'
'Father?' Aya cut in. Kenzen blinked stupidly, staring at Aya, shocked that his 'daughter' would do such.
'You call yourself a father? A father would love me. The person who brought me up should have cared for me, then maybe I wouldn't have found life so hard. Every human needs love and care, I'm no different. If I was really your daughter, you would have given me the love that I craved for, the care that I needed!' she said, her voice wavering at times, but her mind was steady, it was set.
'What makes you think I don't love you?' he shot back at her. Aya caught a hint of uncertainness in his voice, and… hurt?
'Love me? What on Earth is your definition of love? Was I ever loved by you? You beat me, you hurt me. You didn't let me have anything. Anything at all! You even took away my virginity, the one thing that was in my possession, that was mine. You call that love? If you love someone, no matter what happens, no matter how bad something seems to be, that person would always be in your heart. Somewhere deep down, but there. But no! I wasn't in your heart. I was in your mind! All the while, I was in your mind. You didn't love me. You lusted for me.' She stopped to take a breath, but she quickly continued, as if afraid that if her father cut in, she wouldn't be able to continue.
'Can you tell me even one instance where you actually loved me? Even with the short three years I had with mother, I can remember at least some happy moments. With you? Fifteen years, and I have no idea when I was happy beside you. All I ever felt was pain and hurt. I felt filthy in your house, and the main thing that caused me to be filthy was you! You know that don't you? Why? What did I ever do to you? What made you want to hurt me so much?' she shot back at him, countering his point. Again there was silence. After a while, a long while in which Kenzen just remain silent, Kenzen's friends started stirring uncomfortably. Kenzen wouldn't keep quiet this long. He would have fought back. Anyway, whether they were willing to admit it or not, what the girl said touched them, deep down in their heart.
Kenzen lowered the hand which held the switchblade.
'You want to know why I hated you? Do you?' he asked angrily, and then, without waiting for a reply, he plunged on,
'Your great-grandfather murdered my grandfather. No, no, let me tell you from the beginning. You won't understand the depth of my anger if I didn't tell you from the beginning now, would you?' he asked a little hysterically. There was a pause in which he laughed in an eerie, maniacal way that Aya had never heard before. She stepped back a pace, and felt Rukawa's hands on her shoulder, protecting her. Never in her life had she ever heard something so… evil.
'He raped my grandmother in front of my grandfather. Raped and murdered her. Then, he killed my grandfather, stabbed him to death. How would you feel if you saw your mom and dad murdered in front of you?' he asked, raising his voice.
'I would never know, considering my parents were never given a chance to love me,' Aya said softly, calmly, but she wasn't calm inside. Rukawa could feel her fear. Sendo, Fujima and Jin felt terror pouring out of her, contaminating the lovely aura she always carried around her.
'Listen!' Kenzen said, ignoring what she said. Ignoring the little flare of guilt that was burning in his heart.
'My dad saw what happen. He wasn't supposed to, but he did. Your idiotic great-grandfather didn't realize it, but he saw. My grandfather never did anything to your great-grandfather either. In the same way, he asked the exact same question you asked me. Why? He didn't understand, and lived with the confusion, and guilt of not being able t help his parents at that time. Before he died, he made me promise to take revenge on the Jin family. He made me swear that I'll hunt you all down and hurt you like how he was hurt,' Kenzen said, his voice getting more in control. The wind rose again, not silently though. Aya flipped her hair back, shivering a little.
'Making another suffer won't relieve your pain. It'll just make you bleed more, with the extra load of guilt you carry. If your father really went through such suffering of not knowing his parents, not getting any love or care, not knowing why, but still not receiving the love he deserved, I don't think that he would have wanted another to go through that. He would understand how precious love is. Did he actually ask you to take me away from my family? Did he really ask you to take revenge? Or did he ask you to find out why, and you assumed that he meant and wanted you to take revenge?' Aya questioned back, suddenly offensive. Kenzen stared at her, and this time his uncertainty was obvious. He cast his memory back to the time when his father lay on his deathbed, and realized, with surprise, shock and contempt, that Aya was right. Slowly, he shook his head. His friends fidgeted nervously.
'So what? Maybe he didn't actually ask me to take revenge, but I'm sure he'll be pleased with what I'm doing,' Kenzen replied.
'You'll never know and understand what he wants because you've never been in his place. When you have it all, you don't realize just how important it is. Have you ever thank God for your dad? I'm sure he showered you with love because he didn't want you to go through what he went through. Do you think he would be happy to see you this way?... Even though I don't know why my great-grandfather did that to your dad, but then what is done, is done, you have tortured me for fifteen years, isn't that enough? Even though I'm a descendent of the person who murdered your grandparents, I'm not him. I don't deserve all this. So why are you still chasing after me?
Kenzen looked down. He was silent a while.
'I wanted you for myself.' The wind rose into a how, and Aya wondered whether she had heard correctly.
'I realized that I… I needed you. I made you to pay your great-grandfather back, but…,' he didn't continue. Everyone was shocked to see tears welling from his eyes. Aya, on the other hand felt an emotion well up in her chest. It was a familiar feeling, yet at the same time, totally new.
'But…?' she prompted softly. Kenzen looked up, into her eyes.
'But you hurt me more than your great-grandfather did. After some time, I didn't only hit you because of my father's hate, but out of venom in the… the uncertainty you caused in my. I was never uncertain in what I did. Hundreds of man, armed man crossed my path before, and I knew what to do and did it. But… you… you were just a kid! A girl! And you made me uncertain. I didn't know what to do. I hated you for that, but there was another feeling that was new to me. It was, I dunno, darn it! All I know is that the way you submitted to me, and yet at the some time was peaceful, the way the boy next door played with you, it all made me feel I lost something. I had accidentally let something slip out of my hands without me realizing, and not knowing what it was made me angrier. You were certain in what you did too, but in a different way. You didn't hate everything around you the way I did, probably that was why I felt uncertain. I wanted to be like you… You were so different.' Silence, a silence so deep that it cut through Aya's heart. What Kenzen said sent waves of gray shock rolling over her. The moonlight was not helping either. It gave the surroundings an unreal look. Her head was spinning, trying to take in all that Kenzen had told her. She felt unstable, tethered, and would have fallen if Rukawa hadn't been there.
'Did it all come down to me? Did I make a wrong choice?' she whispered out loud. She was struck by such a complex wave of despair and sorrow for she had, once again, did something wrong. Rukawa stroke her hair softly.
'No.'
'I just wanted you to suffer for what you did. I wanted to love you, to love you the way they all did,' he continued, pointing towards the four of them,
'But I couldn't. I couldn't, you didn't respond the same way,' he said. Then, lowering his voice…
'Maybe I was too late in realizing how much you meant to me… I was too proud to admit that I actually needed you… that I was as insecure as the rest…' he stopped. Aya didn't in her life expect this. She didn't know how emotional, how insecure he was, and yet, yet, it was she who said that everyone needed love, and no one was different. Was Kenzen an exception? Suddenly, Kenzen laughed softly.
'And now that I've admitted it, I know that it's too late, far too late. Now all I can do is pay. I'll pay, Aya, for what I have done,' he said, taking out a revolver. Watching Kenzen point the revolver at his head, for the first time Aya felt compassion for the man in front of her. She felt love for the guy who had many times beaten her within an inch from death. And she realized that the unfamiliar emotion she felt just now was love.
She now had all of them to keep them company, but he didn't. He had no one in the past, nor in the present (except of course, his father, who had passed away when he was sixteen, and mother who died a year later). Yet, she had always been there. They were just too blind to realize, and he was too proud and conceited to admit that he actually needed someone. All these thoughts passed though her mind in a flash.
'No!' Aya shouted. Everyone looked at her. Kenzen was not just looking, he was staring, totally shocked.
'Yeah, sure, you've made mistakes. Sure, you're a terrible father, but everyone deserves, needs a second chance!' Aya said. The moon shone down brightly. The stars twinkled against the dark velvety sky. Yet, to Kenzen, the moon didn't provide light to the basketball court. Sendo, Rukawa, Aya, Jin and Fujima were. Aya was the star. She was twinkling brightly, lighting up his dark sinful heart.
'It's too late, Aya. There's no point in me living anyway,' he said softly,
'But I want you to know, you brought a spark into my life. One I myself don't understand.'
'Do you think that your dying would bring any difference to the world? Do you think it will even bring any difference to me? Do you think you can escape your pains and sins by taking your own life? No! With all the sins on your back, all you'll have after death is eternal death. You can't change anything by dying. But by living, you can,' Aya countered, raising her voice against the howl of the wind. Kenzen looked at her bewildered that she would say such a thing at a time like this. Would his death not bring any difference to her?
'Of course my death will bring a whole lot of difference to you,' he said.
'Would it? What would I get if you die? Your money?' she asked, and when he nodded, she answered immediately.
'Why would I want your money? Your life is like a thousand times more important than money! What can I do with your money? Nothing I would actually want. Everything I want is here,' she said, pointing towards the four people around her.
'What else can I get from your death? Nothing! But if you lived and tried to change your ways, I'll receive pleasure in knowing that my life left an impact on others.' He continued looking at her in such a disoriented way that she smiled.
'You were always a strong man. You wanted your own way, and always had it. Do you want to give in now? Give in to death?' Sendo asked lightly.
'Aya's right everyone needs a second chance, no one would have managed to live if there was no such thing, not even Aya. No man is sinless. Besides don't you want to understand things better? Do you want to die without knowing what you lived for?' Rukawa added.
'Find out what was your mistake. Then change your ways. Why did I hate you? Why did I avoid you? I think you know that well enough. You always approached me in hate, anger and… lust. You covered yourselves with these because you were insecure on the inside, and yet, you didn't want to admit it. You didn't want others to know that you too, like everyone else, needed something to hold onto. Everyone is unique, and yet no man is different,' Aya said.
'Yeah, needs are needs. Forgiveness is a need too. Maybe not a physical one, but a mental one. God will save you if you really mean it. Remember, every man is immortal until he completes the task God set for him,' Fujima said.
'You've wronged Aya the most, I should think, and if she can forgive you, others should be able to too. Anyway, even if they don't, but you thoroughly repent, God will forgive you, and that is still the most important thing of all. And, the last person of all, is of course, you yourself. Don't walk around with the weight of guilt on your shoulder. Forgive yourself,' Jin said. Aya walked towards Kenzen and pulled out a gold cross chain he was wearing.
'You've been wearing this for as long as I can remember. What's the use of wearing it if you don't understand, if you don't want to accept the forgiveness that God so freely gave you?' she questioned. (I don't know what religion Japanese are, so please forgive me for using my religion, Christianity) Then turning and walking back towards her friends,
'But I can't come back to you. Yeah, we can remain friends, but I just can't. I don't hold a grudge against you, no! But… I have found where I'm supposed to be. I've found my parents, my place. I'm sure you'll find the one destined for you too. Destined to give you love, and when you find her, remember me once in a while. Now, we can only remain friends,' she said softly, and with that, the five of them walked away, still glowing like the sun.
'Just friends, huh?' he muttered softly, fingering his chain, watching their receding backs.
'Maybe I should give myself another chance. I want to start clean, and then maybe I'll understand what it means.'
The wind rose and fell. Rose, and looking at their peace, their strength, his will to live burnt.
His sidekicks stared at him, and then at the five of them walking away, and felt guilt and sin wash over them.
A/N: well? I know it's kinda long… n' I know I did sorta explain a little too much about the peace thingy *looks at sLL with a smile* but I couldn't be bothered to check this chapter… so I'm sorry if I repeat myself to much!!!! Well… see ya!
