Disclaimer: All characters, with exception of Setha Stuart, are not my invention but J.K. Rowling's. I'm not writing to make any profit but for writing's sake, and because I love the HP books.

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A Love Lost - and Refound?

Chapter 8 - Old Friends

Setha had just finished the last class of the day, Slytherin 5th years. Draco Malfoy had evaded her eyes as much as possible, not giving her the slightest chance to take more points of his house. Still, in the end Slytherin had lost another 10 points, because of the incompetence of Crabbe and Goyle to name so much as the results of the Jelly Leg Curse.

Now she was once again in her office, waiting for a message from Remus. She had got hold of him at the nick of time. By now he should be in Hogsmeade already. And hopefully he could already convince Sirius not to come to Hogwarts.

And sure enough, suddenly her fire changed its colour and became a brilliant purple. Suddenly, amidst the flames, Remus' head appeared once more. In that very moment she thought that she heard the door of her classroom open, but as no other noise came from outside, she turned to her old friend's head.

"Have you been successful? Where is he now?" She almost screamed, the tension in her voice betraying her. "There is no need for you to be anxious anymore. He's retreated to the Shrieking Shack, provided that you come to see him tonight. But I really don't think that this would be wise. He might think that you're feelings towards him have changed, if you do as he asks right away. Or he might think..." and his voice trailed of.

"All I want to prevent is more blood shed. I had no idea that Severus would be here, or I would have never accepted Dumbledore's offer. You believe me, don't you?" She could see that he didn't believe a word she was saying. "Alright, I knew. Yes, I wanted to make him pay, pay dearly for what he has done to me. And isn't that understandable? After all..." - "After all, he broke your heart. I know that. But why didn't you tell me that you would come back? I could have told Sirius, explained the details to him."

"I didn't know that Harry would send a note to Sirius as soon as he could." She fell into her chair and rested her head on her left hand. "I was afraid of Sirius' reaction. As I ... as I was one of the Aurors to arrest him." Tears were filling her eyes. "I'll never forgive myself for it, never." - "How come no Death Eater ever found out about you being an Auror? I mean, you are the only one who can still work in secret." - "Only those who will not use it against me can remember it when they talk to someone else. It's a spell, a charm that I thought up to protect myself. And it works. For example, Draco Malfoy could never tell his father, even though he wanted to. I'm quite save when it comes to this. But," she continued with a sigh, "I'm not save from what my friends think of me. Will he ever be able to forgive me?"

"He loves you. When he found out about you being back, before he rushed out of the house, he asked me the same question you just did ... will she ever forgive me?" Setha stared at Remus in shock. "Setha, he thinks he destroyed your life with this curse. And looking at you now I can't stop myself from thinking along the same lines. The wonderful and warm girl we once knew became a vengeful and cold woman." - "That wasn't Sirius' making, but my own. I hated him for cursing me; I believed that he had betrayed James and Lily. But soon afterwards I wasn't so sure of it anymore ... I forced myself to hunt down Death Eaters wherever possible and locked myself out of my heart, like everyone else. Even you," she whispered almost inaudible.

"What about Severus, how do you feel about him?" - "I hate him!" Setha said with a sparkle in her eyes. "I hate him for what he did to me, to Sirius, to so many a good witch and wizard." Remus stared at her in disbelief, but she didn't see it as she once again heard a noise from the classroom. "I think someone's outside. You better leave. As for tonight, tell Sirius that I accept his condition. Could you come up to the main gate, no, wait for me at the end of the tunnel, before it makes it's way up to the Whomping Willow. I'll be with you in half an hour." Remus' head nodded in approval and disappeared. When the fire had returned to its normal colour, Setha quietly opened her office door. But the classroom was deserted; only the door of the room was open. 'Must have been Peeves again' Setha thought to herself and, taking up her cloak as she went, left the room behind her and made her way to the dark grounds around the castle.

When she stood in front of the old familiar tree she looked around her. Yes, she was quite alone. And suddenly she was gone and in her place stood a black panther. The panther had become her favourite when turning into an animal, the swan only brought back sad memories. The panther now found the button in the trees truck without difficulty and stopped the beating of its branches. And within a second the great cat had disappeared entirely.

Once she was on the ground level of the tunnel she transformed back to her human form and stood face to face to Remus. Tears were welling in her eyes when she threw her arms around her friend. "I've missed you," she whispered. He stroked her cheek and said in wonder, "You haven't changed a bit. My dear Setha, it's so good to see you again." He smiled at her and behind the grey hair and worn face she once again saw the boy she had known at school. "Well, I wish I could say that of you," she said with a wicked grin. Remus laughed, "Ha, ha. You really haven't changed."

Slowly they followed the tunnel towards Hogsmeade, talking about Setha's work and Remus' time as Hogwarts teacher. None of the two mentioned Sirius. Remus felt the tension that once again built up in Setha. He had always loved her like a sister and now wished he could help her out of her problems. But he knew there was no way.

Finally they reached the stairs that led up to the house above. Remus went in front of Setha and blocked everything from her view. So she didn't see the man that suddenly stood in front of them. But she heard him and his voice was piercing her heart. "Is she with you?" How she longed to comfort him, to love him, to give him what he desired. But she couldn't. Even though she was denying it to herself, she was still in love with another.

Remus turned to Setha and gave her an encouraging nod. She smiled back weakly and said, "She is, Sirius." Remus stepped out of Setha's way and finally she faced Sirius. He looked even more worn than Remus, and still as heartbroken as on the day she had ended their engagement. 'What have I done to you?' she thought to herself, 'I'll never be able to take this back.'

Sirius stared at her, his heart cramped as if someone was crushing it with an iron fist. Nothing had changed for him; she was still the only one. Slowly he moved towards her and reached out to touch her. And unable to resist, she allowed him to take her into his arms. The feeling that now came over her almost overwhelmed her. She had done unspeakable things to him, she had given him hope where there was none, and in the end she had destroyed these hopes. And she had believed him to be a traitor. Seeing her at his arrest must have been worse than death or torture.

Slowly she drew away from him and he let her go, reluctantly. Before she could open her mouth he said the words that were burning in her soul as well ... "Forgive me!" Hearing this was too much for her; she broke down, almost falling to the floor if Remus hadn't catched her in time. Sirius kneeled next to her, looking worried and questioning into his friend's face.

"She can't stand you asking her for forgiveness, she says, nothing you ever did can be compared to what she has done. It's breaking her heart to see you this crushed. But she knows there is nothing she can do, or she might raise new hopes which she'll never be able to fulfil." Sirius looked crestfallen. Nothing had prepared him for this. He longed for Setha; he couldn't remember a time when it hadn't been so. And to see her lying in the arms of Remus, so forlorn, so vulnerable made him love her even more.

Slowly Setha came to again. When she opened her eyes she looked into Sirius'. "There is nothing I've to forgive you, on the contrary. I'll never be able to make the things undone I did to you." She raised herself, being aided by Remus. "Whatever you think the reason for my return is, you're mistaken. I only wanted to help Dumbledore..." She could feel that Remus was about to say something and stopped him with a short glance at him. "Please, don't make me choose between staying here having to fight you and leaving. Try to forget the past, try to forget about Severus."

Only the mentioning of the name of his enemy made Sirius' face contort. "There is no feeling left but hatred between us. And only the thought of revenge enables me to face him. He will pay for what he's done to you, and me."

In that very moment Remus realised something the other two didn't ... there was still love between Setha and Severus, it would never fade away. How else could she hate him with such passion? It grieved him that there was no chance whatsoever for his two best friend to be together. But at least he would try everything to make Setha happy. This talk of revenge had to stop. Somehow he had to make her find her heart again and see what it really felt. Somehow...