Disclaimer: All characters, with exception of Setha Stuart, are not my
invention but J.K. Rowling's. I'm not writing to make any profit but for
writing's sake, and because I love the HP books.
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A Love Lost - and Refound?
Chapter 9 - He's Gone
For hours and hours they talked. Setha still refused to hear Sirius apologize even though she could see the pain she was causing him clearly written in his eyes. She longed to comfort him, to give him what he wanted. Yet she knew that this would be nothing more than a lie. She loved him dearly, but in no different manner than she had James and still loved Remus. They had been her family through all the years at Hogwarts. And maybe this was the reason that she had never realized the change of Sirius' feelings towards her.
Twice she accidentally mentioned Severus, and twice Sirius could hardly hold back his hatred. Instead of weakening it had grown in intensity over the years, Setha realized. And Sirius was no longer just a student of magic, he had mastered charms in a manner no one she knew ever had before. Would he use this against his rival? Now that she had returned, both men were transported back to their schooldays ... and there was no telling what they would do to each other.
Remus, who had read her thoughts, tried to console her when taking her back through the tunnel to the Whomping Willow. "Sirius has learned from his mistakes, Setha. He may burn with hatred, but he won't do anything that might jeopardize your friendship again. The one you really have to worry about is Severus. Don't forget what he was..." The look upon Setha's face told him once again that her feelings for Severus were far from dead, but also that she denied their existence to herself.
"Then you better keep an eye on Sirius. Don't let him anywhere near Hogwarts and nothing will happen." Neither of them believed this, but they didn't say so.
They had reached the steps up to the Whomping Willow and Setha turned to Remus again. "Please, come and see me as often you can. I long to hear more of your life since we parted. And," she added with a sigh, "please watch him. I fear for him." Before Remus could make a response, Setha had transformed again. The slender form of a panther moved upwards towards the tree above. Within a second it was gone.
Once outside of the beating range of the Willow Setha transformed back into her human form. The evening had gone cold and she wrapped her cloak around herself. Memories flushed her mind again. Last time she had emerged from the tree she had just found out about Sirius' feelings for her. Severus had left her standing alone in the dark, only hatred in his dark eyes. She had been petrified with terror, still imagining what could have happened had James not been there to pull Severus back. Her life was undone, all dreams for her future utterly unmade. When Sirius emerged beside her, she had slapped him and struggled to get away from him. But her feet had failed her. She had sunk to the ground, but still she wouldn't let Sirius touch her. It was James that finally carried her back to the castle. Sirius had stayed behind, looking crestfallen.
'How could I do this to him? I should have seen it coming. He had behaved strangely towards me for months, why didn't I see it? And how could I blame him?'
With these thoughts worrying her she made her way back to the main entrance, where, to her great surprise, she was met by Professor McGonagall. "Setha, Professor Dumbledore needs to see you, immediately!"
Setha could hear a note of panic in the voice of the Deputy-Headmistress. What on earth could be so bad that it might trouble her this much? Voldemort? No, Setha would have heard of that from one of her Auror- colleagues. Sirius or Remus. No, she had just left them. But that left only...
"Setha, please take a seat..." Professor Dumbledore beamed down at her while gesturing at the chair in front of his desk. "No, I'd rather remain standing, thank you." Setha looked around in the familiar room. There was the Sorting Hat, tons of ancient books, the pictures of previous headmasters on the wall. And there, yes, there was Fawkes. The phoenix caught her eye and spread his wings to glide over to her. "Hello Fawkes. Remember me?" The huge eyes of the bird showed joy, she knew she had been recognized.
"I guess the Order is going to be re-instated? Yes, we are in need of you again Fawkes." Dumbledore smiled at Setha. She was almost the same she had been all those years ago when she had been a frequent visitor to his office. Then she had befriended the phoenix, which never forgot a friend he had once made. But now was not the time to dwell on memories.
"Setha, he's gone!" She looked up at the Headmaster with a puzzled look. "Severus I mean, he's disappeared. No one saw him since his last class." Setha's eyes sparkled. "And what has that to do with me?" - "Do you really have to ask? Seeing you again must have taken him back twenty years ago. When I asked you to come back to Hogwarts I might have made a mistake..."
At hearing this, Setha almost screamed with anger. "So do you want me to leave to console poor Severus? Professor, he's killed innocent people. He used the Unforgivable Curses a thousand times ... and still you treat him as if he's made of glass! He isn't I assure you of that! Neither is he a child who needs to be watched. I'm quite sure he'll return."
"So much hatred? Still? Could it be that there is still..." - "Don't Professor! The only thing between Severus and me is hatred! I for one wouldn't trust him ... I still find it hard to believe that you gave him a position here at the school. But then, that's your business ... I'm only asking you not to meddle in mine."
No one else had ever spoken to Dumbledore this way, but he didn't hold it against Setha for a second. She had always been rather impulsive when it came to her feelings, and now she was dominated by them. By feelings she did not acknowledge, did not want to see. Maybe this was also the reason for Severus' disappearance? He hoped so. But there was still a feeling of unease when he thought of the Potions Master.
"I'm sorry that I troubled you. Calm down my dear. Maybe you're right and I'm too protective of those I trust. And I trust him, Setha. As I trust you and your two friends who're just hiding at the Shrieking Shack." Setha looked at him in wonder. "Yes, I know that both Remus and Sirius have returned. And I also perceive what you are going through right now. But don't fear, those years in Azkaban have changed Sirius, at least in one way for his good ... He's less impulsive."
Setha smiled weakly. 'Less impulsive? He almost jumped at me when I mentioned Severus.' Aloud she said, "Well, if you think so ... Please, would you mind excusing me? As I said I don't think that anything bad has happened to Severus, after all, I disappeared as well and have found my way back. So will he, and if only to complain about my unfair treatment of the members of his fine house." She almost spat when saying 'fine'.
Dumbledore smiled, "You have done nothing against our rules. Though I must say that you seem to have pleasure in taking points of Slytherin. But so does Severus when it comes to Gryffindor. I think you are equal..." In his mind he finished the sentence, 'Equal in everything.'
"Very well, then I shall go now. And please, don't go through the trouble of informing me when he returns. I couldn't care less..." With that she turned abruptly, so abruptly that she almost knocked Fawkes off her shoulder. The phoenix flew up with a loud scream of disapproval. Setha took no notice and without any backward look she swept from the room.
While walking back to her office she told herself again and again that she did not care what Severus was doing. But a voice inside her head kept asking, 'Do you really?' But she still found a way to ignore that voice ...
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A Love Lost - and Refound?
Chapter 9 - He's Gone
For hours and hours they talked. Setha still refused to hear Sirius apologize even though she could see the pain she was causing him clearly written in his eyes. She longed to comfort him, to give him what he wanted. Yet she knew that this would be nothing more than a lie. She loved him dearly, but in no different manner than she had James and still loved Remus. They had been her family through all the years at Hogwarts. And maybe this was the reason that she had never realized the change of Sirius' feelings towards her.
Twice she accidentally mentioned Severus, and twice Sirius could hardly hold back his hatred. Instead of weakening it had grown in intensity over the years, Setha realized. And Sirius was no longer just a student of magic, he had mastered charms in a manner no one she knew ever had before. Would he use this against his rival? Now that she had returned, both men were transported back to their schooldays ... and there was no telling what they would do to each other.
Remus, who had read her thoughts, tried to console her when taking her back through the tunnel to the Whomping Willow. "Sirius has learned from his mistakes, Setha. He may burn with hatred, but he won't do anything that might jeopardize your friendship again. The one you really have to worry about is Severus. Don't forget what he was..." The look upon Setha's face told him once again that her feelings for Severus were far from dead, but also that she denied their existence to herself.
"Then you better keep an eye on Sirius. Don't let him anywhere near Hogwarts and nothing will happen." Neither of them believed this, but they didn't say so.
They had reached the steps up to the Whomping Willow and Setha turned to Remus again. "Please, come and see me as often you can. I long to hear more of your life since we parted. And," she added with a sigh, "please watch him. I fear for him." Before Remus could make a response, Setha had transformed again. The slender form of a panther moved upwards towards the tree above. Within a second it was gone.
Once outside of the beating range of the Willow Setha transformed back into her human form. The evening had gone cold and she wrapped her cloak around herself. Memories flushed her mind again. Last time she had emerged from the tree she had just found out about Sirius' feelings for her. Severus had left her standing alone in the dark, only hatred in his dark eyes. She had been petrified with terror, still imagining what could have happened had James not been there to pull Severus back. Her life was undone, all dreams for her future utterly unmade. When Sirius emerged beside her, she had slapped him and struggled to get away from him. But her feet had failed her. She had sunk to the ground, but still she wouldn't let Sirius touch her. It was James that finally carried her back to the castle. Sirius had stayed behind, looking crestfallen.
'How could I do this to him? I should have seen it coming. He had behaved strangely towards me for months, why didn't I see it? And how could I blame him?'
With these thoughts worrying her she made her way back to the main entrance, where, to her great surprise, she was met by Professor McGonagall. "Setha, Professor Dumbledore needs to see you, immediately!"
Setha could hear a note of panic in the voice of the Deputy-Headmistress. What on earth could be so bad that it might trouble her this much? Voldemort? No, Setha would have heard of that from one of her Auror- colleagues. Sirius or Remus. No, she had just left them. But that left only...
"Setha, please take a seat..." Professor Dumbledore beamed down at her while gesturing at the chair in front of his desk. "No, I'd rather remain standing, thank you." Setha looked around in the familiar room. There was the Sorting Hat, tons of ancient books, the pictures of previous headmasters on the wall. And there, yes, there was Fawkes. The phoenix caught her eye and spread his wings to glide over to her. "Hello Fawkes. Remember me?" The huge eyes of the bird showed joy, she knew she had been recognized.
"I guess the Order is going to be re-instated? Yes, we are in need of you again Fawkes." Dumbledore smiled at Setha. She was almost the same she had been all those years ago when she had been a frequent visitor to his office. Then she had befriended the phoenix, which never forgot a friend he had once made. But now was not the time to dwell on memories.
"Setha, he's gone!" She looked up at the Headmaster with a puzzled look. "Severus I mean, he's disappeared. No one saw him since his last class." Setha's eyes sparkled. "And what has that to do with me?" - "Do you really have to ask? Seeing you again must have taken him back twenty years ago. When I asked you to come back to Hogwarts I might have made a mistake..."
At hearing this, Setha almost screamed with anger. "So do you want me to leave to console poor Severus? Professor, he's killed innocent people. He used the Unforgivable Curses a thousand times ... and still you treat him as if he's made of glass! He isn't I assure you of that! Neither is he a child who needs to be watched. I'm quite sure he'll return."
"So much hatred? Still? Could it be that there is still..." - "Don't Professor! The only thing between Severus and me is hatred! I for one wouldn't trust him ... I still find it hard to believe that you gave him a position here at the school. But then, that's your business ... I'm only asking you not to meddle in mine."
No one else had ever spoken to Dumbledore this way, but he didn't hold it against Setha for a second. She had always been rather impulsive when it came to her feelings, and now she was dominated by them. By feelings she did not acknowledge, did not want to see. Maybe this was also the reason for Severus' disappearance? He hoped so. But there was still a feeling of unease when he thought of the Potions Master.
"I'm sorry that I troubled you. Calm down my dear. Maybe you're right and I'm too protective of those I trust. And I trust him, Setha. As I trust you and your two friends who're just hiding at the Shrieking Shack." Setha looked at him in wonder. "Yes, I know that both Remus and Sirius have returned. And I also perceive what you are going through right now. But don't fear, those years in Azkaban have changed Sirius, at least in one way for his good ... He's less impulsive."
Setha smiled weakly. 'Less impulsive? He almost jumped at me when I mentioned Severus.' Aloud she said, "Well, if you think so ... Please, would you mind excusing me? As I said I don't think that anything bad has happened to Severus, after all, I disappeared as well and have found my way back. So will he, and if only to complain about my unfair treatment of the members of his fine house." She almost spat when saying 'fine'.
Dumbledore smiled, "You have done nothing against our rules. Though I must say that you seem to have pleasure in taking points of Slytherin. But so does Severus when it comes to Gryffindor. I think you are equal..." In his mind he finished the sentence, 'Equal in everything.'
"Very well, then I shall go now. And please, don't go through the trouble of informing me when he returns. I couldn't care less..." With that she turned abruptly, so abruptly that she almost knocked Fawkes off her shoulder. The phoenix flew up with a loud scream of disapproval. Setha took no notice and without any backward look she swept from the room.
While walking back to her office she told herself again and again that she did not care what Severus was doing. But a voice inside her head kept asking, 'Do you really?' But she still found a way to ignore that voice ...
