Middle Earth Welcomes NoviceWizards and Witches
Disclaimer - Not mine. Don't sue. I am just borrowing them for my own sadistic little pleasures and promise to have them all returned in one piece, in the boxes they arrived in, and all in their appropriate fandoms.
Though I must apologise in advance if lines get crossed and Ron is suddenly King of Gondor.
It happens, ok?
AN: Sorry this took so long, I was occupied by a million other things. Somebody who shall not be named, *coughs* TzAmZ *coughs* chucked a Dragolas slash bunny which clamped on my leg and refused to let go .. which reminds me .. I really should send you that, it's been clogging up my lap top for a while now, oops. Bear with me girl.
That and my regular elf muse was ambushed, kidnapped and replaced by an Adam Ant styleé muse … heavy make up, eye liner, landing strip on nose and everything.
Must apologise for the lack of Potter and co. speaking in this. This bit requires setting of scene .. which invovles LoTR's more. The next chapter shall be focused on the Potter crew. Promise.
Ooh, and thank you to Emma for beta-ing.
Middle Earth Welcomes Novice Wizards (and Witches)
By - ms.dynamite
Chapter Two - A Downward Spiral of Random Weirdness
"Today just keeps getting better and better." Muttered Ron as they eyed the menacing, and unwashed, riders, he was getting the feeling that today was going to be one of those days where you really shouldn't have bothered getting out of bed.
One of the Riders pushed his horse through the rabble and glared menacingly at the group from underneath a very daft helmet with what looked like a cat's tail sticking out the top. "What business does a man, an elf, a dwarf and four strangely clad youths have in my territory? Speak up!"
"Tell me who you are, and I shall tell you who I am." Said Gimli, leaning on his axe and peering up at the Rider through his beard.
The Rider attempted to raise a sceptical eyebrow but found it impossible to achieve with the helmet on his head. Muttering, he hopped of his horse, his armour clunking in the approved fashion as he somewhat waddled towards the group. "I would cut off your head Dwarf, if you were a foot or two taller."
There was a blur of blonde and green to Hermione's right and the Rider found himself with an arrow up his nose, ala elf. "You'd find that rather difficult. For you would be dead."
Ah, Legolas has obviously been reading up on how to make friends and influence people because now the rabble of Riders looked thoroughly annoyed and the spears edged ever closer. Strider looked rather worried and leapt forward with a look that screamed, 'I'm moderately sane .. Talk to me!' He gave Legolas a pointed look and gently nudged his arm down, before looking back to the Rider.
"I am Ara-ahahowowowowow-Strider." He corrected, whilst shooting Legolas a death glare and rubbing his side where he had just been stabbed with an arrow. "I am Strider, and Ranger from the North, not Aragorn son of Arathorn."
Legolas looked like he was going to strangle Aragorn with his spare bowstring.
Unfazed, Strider-Aragorn continued, "This is Gimli son of Gloin, and Legolas a Prince from the Woodland realm of Mirkwood and these are ... his arms gestured wildly at the four Hogwarts students, all who were starting to look decidedly bored, well, except Hermione who was looking at Legolas with puppy dog adoration, "... these are ... another story entirely.. We are friends of Rohan and of Theoden, your King."
The Rider listened to him carefully before nodding slowly. "All fine and dandy I suppose, but Theoden no longer recognises friend from foe, gone slightly mental you see." He said, tapping a finger to his head, he sighed and removed the crime to fashion known as a helmet. "The name's Eomer."
From somewhere in our group of travellers game a snicker and the mutterings of 'helmet hair.'
Waving his armour clad arm in the rough direction of his rabble and was gifted many sullen looks as the spears were lowered.
Ignoring them, he continued to speak. "This stupid wizard show off, Saruman, has poisoned the mind of the King and pinched these lands. My company are those who are loyal to Rohan and for that we are given the boot. The White Wizard is cunning, he walks here and there as an old man, they say, hooded and cloaked." He paused and shot Legolas a death glare, "And everywhere his spies tiptoe past us."
There was a growl from among the Hogwarts students, and Eomer very nearly found himself under attack from an infuriated Hermione who was fully prepared to rip his head off in defence of her 'true love', but Eomer was saved, once more, by Aragorn. Who also looked like he'd kill, or at least severely maim, Eomer given half the chance. His patience was wearing thin.
"Look. We're not spies, we're not Uruk-hai in disguise. We're cold, we're hungry, we're tired and we're armed. Don't push it." he sighed and attempted to regain composure. "We were tracking a gaggle of Uruk's until we were surrounded.. Have you seen anything."
Eomer, who had looked a teeny bit intimidated, puffed out his chest before he spoke. "The Uruks are destroyed. We saw to them during the night." That was Rohan speak for, 'we got their first! Ha!'
Aragorn went to reply but he was forcibly shoved out of the way by Gimli "But there were two hobbits with them! Did you see two hobbits?"
From somewhere on the ground came Argon's slightly strangled response, "They will be small, you'll think them children."
Eomer shrugged and shook his head. "We left none alive. We piled the carcasses and burnt them."
"You mean they are dead?"
Eomer felt like he had kicked a puppy, but returned to his usual state of butch manliness in time to reply. "Yeah, pretty much. Unless Hobbits are fire resistant."
It was now that Harry decided to speak up, "What we need is Dumbledore, because I'm sure that if he were here, he would be able too.."
Hermione who, much to the delight of everyone, slapped him across the back of the head, cutting his little speech short. Legolas turned to her and gave her an award-winning smile.
"Thank you. Otherwise I would have been forced to cut his head off at the elbow."
Hermione's response was to nod maniacally, then she babbled something incomprehensible before giggling like a seven year old.
The elf gave her a small nod before he was very nearly knocked over by a large, grey horse.
"Borrow these horses, and pray to your Gods that you don't meet the same *ahem* ending as their former riders."
"Oh that makes me feel so safe."
Eomer chose to ignore that sarcastic comment from the poncy, and if he was honest, strangely effeminate yet curiously attractive elf, and continued, "Look for your Habit.."
"Hobbit." Aragorn corrected, still in a heap in the mud.
"Whatever, but do not get your hopes up. It's pointless." As he spoke, he mounted his own horse, returned his helmet and nodded to his motley crew of Riders. "We ride North lads!"
The entire group watched the band as they vanished over the horizon.
"Frankly. If that's the state of Rohan, I have never been so glad to live in Mirkwood. Giant blood thirsty spiders and all."
From his spot on the ground Aragorn snickered.
Draco sighed and shook his head, "Well they were charming." He turned back to look at the horses they had been given, he frowned. "Wait a minute. Call them back. We've only got four horses."
"There is no way I'm talking to that lot again. We'll just have to share." Said Aragorn as Legolas pulled him to his feet. "Except me of course."
Legolas let go of his hand, causing Aragorn to squelch back into the mud. "What? I'm the Prince here. I should get the horse to myself."
"Nope. You're only a Prince. I, on the other hand, am the King of Gondor and of Men."
"Since when? I have been reliably informed that you had chickened out, done a runner and had been wandering the wilds under the title, 'Strider' in the same outfit for five months when you were accosted by that gaggle of hobbits. That caused Arwen to be able to hunt you down and drag you back to Rivendell, kicking and screaming." He gave a small shrug. "Apparently."
"Says who?!"
"Elrond."
"Oh."
***
I know that finished weirdly, but I was tired and my room mate had started playing 'Prince ruddy Charming' over and over and over again. Which is where my Adam and the Ants muse appeared from *sigh* 'Prince Charming, Prince Charming, ridicule is nothing to be scared of. Don't you ever, don't you ever, stop being dandy, showing me you're handsome.' Etc, etc, lol.
Anyways, spare me a little review all you lovely people .. otherwise I shall start to sing 'Stand and Deliver' or 'Puss 'n' Boots' or some other Ants atrocity.
Btw, Adam and the Ants = 80's Brit group. Rather camp. Adam was one of those 'is he gay or not' type people. Did we care? Nope. Would we? Most definetely. ^-^
ms.d
