CHAPTER 19

Saradoc walked into Merry's bedroom. He saw Frodo, the Took lasses and little Pippin sitting around Merry; they were all laughing about a jest someone had just made. No one took notice of him standing there yet.

"It's your move!", Perva told Pippin.

"I know! I'm thinking!!"

"How long does it take you to think?!"

"Not long!", said Pippin, as he made a sweeping motion down the board with his rook, and a triumphant grin on his face. His rook took her knight, and..."Check Mate!"

Perva was shocked. "You can't do that!"

"What do you mean, I can't do that?" Pippin laughed, "Of course I can, and I just did!"

"Perva, Perva," Frodo mockingly shook head, "even I saw his moves several on ahead, and I hate chess! He let you take all his pawns!"

"Fine! Have your day, Pip, because I can still wrestle you to the ground on my worst day with one hand tied behind my back!"

"Tied behind your back?", Pippin actually considered that offer...

"No you two! And, Pippin, I had better not see you wrestling, running, jumping, or any of that for a long time!", Pearl stated, but couldn't help but smile at her young brother. Then she noticed Saradoc at the door.

Everyone followed her gaze. Silence.

"Uh...hullo, all." Saradoc nervously addressed them. They continued to stare at him.

"Did you forget something, father?", asked Merry. "I'm sorry, I can't see you to the door." he added flatly.

"No...no", Saradoc answered, not taking Merry's hint. "Of course you can't." Saradoc felt eyes boring into him. He spotted an empty chair in the far corner. His knee still gave him grief over an injury this past summer, but he made it to the chair and sat down.

Pearl nudged Pim, who nudged Perva. 'I think it's time to help clean up the kitchen.'

"Oh, my, it is!", agreed Pim.

"I must help!", cried Perva running after her sisters.

Pippin busied himself with picking up the chess pieces. He tidied them into a neat little box, and set it off to the side.

More silence.

"If you didn't forget anything, why are you here?", said Merry.

"I came here for you, son. And I will visit until it is time to go home."

"And the time hasn't passed, yet? Goodness, your pocket timer must be off!", but no one laughed at his jest.

"Like it or not, I am here for the duration of our stay." Saradoc ventured, hoping this would set the peace. But that was not to be; Merry had sixteen years of anger pent up inside him.

"Our stay? I don't know about you, but I'm staying here for quite a long while" --here he nudged Pippin sitting next to him on the bed-- "and no, I don't like your being here! So you may as well leave this instant!"

Frodo cleared his throat, and made to leave them alone. "Don't leave on his account, Frodo!"

Frodo purposely turned his back towards Saradoc, and spoke softly to Merry, so as only he and Pippin could hear Frodo's words. "As feeble as it looks, Merry, your father is trying to correct himself, and reach out to you. I don't know....maybe entertain him for a while, and then make your decision. But right now, I wish my father were alive, even in Saradoc's state of self-centeredness; at least he'd be alive, though. Don't waste this chance as he's wasted his." Frodo patted his friend's shoulder, got up and walked out.

Merry plopped back onto his pillows. The headache that never really went away was doubling back in force. He rubbed his eyes and face. Saradoc didn't rub away; he was still sitting in the chair. Merry stared up at the ceiling, took a deep breath and sighed.

"How is mum?"

"She is well; she speaks of you always. She misses you, Merry"

"You told me that already; tell me something I don't know. I know she loves and misses me--she's always told me that." Merry rubbed his forehead. "My heart breaks every time I think about her; I'm sure she knows by now that I will never return home. And my absence is no thanks to you!" Merry retorted.

Pippin could feel the hurt pouring from his cousin's heart. He climbed under the blankets with Merry and held his hand. It pained Pippin to see Merry so wretched, but understood things had to be "set" in order to heal properly; he knew that first hand.

"You look as if you're bored silly. You obviously have nothing to say to me, and I to you." Merry was growing agitated. "just...please leave!"

Saradoc got up, and using the chair as a walking stick, he shuffled closer to the bed.

"That isn't leaving, father!", Merry raised his voice, and winced at the loudness, "Why are you doing this to me?! Do you think that after all these years you can just walk into my life as if nothing has happened?!", Merry's anger was strong. "You silly old ass! Go home! I don't want you here, don't you understand?" Merry held his head and made a face.

Saradoc took all the daggers Merry threw at him; he deserved it. He was a terrible father to Merry. Paladin was right; he had taken his anger of Saramac's death out on Merry all these years. But why his child--he looked at the small child sitting next to Merry in the bed, and wondered how Pippin survived and not Saramac. Pippin was born too soon as well, so how was it that he survived and not Saramac? So many questions and hurt, but no answers, so Saradoc paid attention to the moment at hand; was he willing to go the full mile with Merry? Was he ready to take on his paternal responsibilities and guide Merry into adulthood? Lastly, would Merry be willing to allow him this privilege? Saradoc tightened his belt for the long ride; he would endure, for the sake of his surviving son. His son. He got up, and scooted his chair even closer.

Merry angrily threw a pillow at the older hobbit. "Get out of here! Get out!! Leave me alone!!", between the pain in his head and the anger in his heart, Merry became visibly upset. He held his head. "Why don't you do what you do best and leave me alone?! Go home and lock yourself away in your study and never bother me again!", he held his head and curled up into a ball as nausea swept up in him.

Pippin was getting worried over his cousin's headache. He hopped out of bed, nearly falling in the process, and ran to find his papa. He'd know what to do.

Saradoc stood up from the chair, he too, was now worried over Merry's head. He went to the bedside, only to be shoved away by Merry. "Get away from me!! Don't touch me!...", he sobbed. "Don't touch me!"

Saradoc put his hand on his son's head. Merry jerked away, "NO!", he screamed at his father. "Oh, please...", he held his head and sobbed all the more, "it hurts...my head hurts."

CHAPTER 20

Paladin ran into the room with Bilbo, Frodo, and Pippin behind him. "Saradoc, please stand over there.", Paladin indicated to where Bilbo stood, and tried to look at Merry's face. Merry's hands held either side of his head and his eyes were clenched shut in spite of the tears falling down his face. Merry gasped with sobs. Paladin looked at Saradoc, "When did this start?"

"Shortly after I entered the room.", he said dejectedly.

"Merry, open your eyes", Paladin instructed. Merry was clearly upset, but between gasps, he opened his eyes for Paladin. "Someone shut the drapes, please." Frodo and Pippin fell to the task. "Is that better, Merry?"

Merry still held his head and sobbed, but nodded. Paladin let out a sigh. "It's probably no more than because you're upset, lad. You need to try and calm down a bit. Saradoc--can you leave him alone for a little while?"

Saradoc gave a puzzled look to Paladin. Paladin nodded that it was okay. Saradoc turned and limped out of the room, and Bilbo followed him.

"Merry...", Paladin held Merry and spoke softly so as not to agitate Merry's headache. "Merry....Shhhh. Calm down, son" Paladin rubbed Merry's back while Merry sobbed into his pillow.

Pippin leaned against his father, "Papa, will Merry be alright?"

Paladin saw the concern etched on his young son's face. "Yes, Pippin, Merry will be fine. He has a terrible, terrible headache right now, and we must try not to upset him further." Paladin didn't want to overburden a child with matters of the heart, but Pippin surprised him.

"After all this time, papa, why does uncle Saradoc want Merry now? Will he take Merry from us?"

Paladin smiled inwardly; Pippin apparently no longer considered Merry a cousin. "I don't know about that, Pip, but don't be afraid; what you, Merry, and me have together, no one, not even Saradoc, can ever take that away." then Paladin leaned closer to Merry, "Did you hear that, Merry? No one!"

Merry sniffed, and turned over. The room was darker, and that helped, but his head still throbbed.

"Merry, please try to calm a bit; tea is almost here, and I want you to be able to eat a little bit--you haven't eaten all day, and you need your strength to get better." said Paladin. "I'm going to have a word with your father, alright?"

Paladin left Merry in the hands of Frodo and Pippin, and met Saradoc in the great room with Bilbo.

"Is Merry alright?", Saradoc inquired.

Paladin grinned inwardly, you ask only now? What about when he was seven years old and fell off the fence and nicked his chin? Did you think to ask then? Or when he was twelve, and had nightmares about wolves after one attacked him? Did you even ask why his foot was bandaged?

Paladin smoothed his own brown curly hair away from his face with his hand and sat down. He indicated for Saradoc to sit down as well. "Perhaps I misjudged, Sara. Perhaps this isn't the best time to try and win Merry over."

"What are you talking about? Why not?"

"Saradoc, if you haven't noticed, your son is very ill right now. And your presence apparently disturbs him greatly. That was my error. I daresay, though, I believe you got his attention." Paladin gave Saradoc a weak smile. "I would suggest limiting your bedroom visits, but I say again, do not leave until I say it's alright to do so."

Saradoc was lost in thought...he seemed less worried, for now.