Warning! Angst and fluff ahead! More fluff than angst.... mind you,
but it's still there.....
The Elf and The Digimon
Chapter 7 : Demons of the Past and Present
His dreams were the usual. Though the term 'nightmares' would be a more apt description. In each of them, his fate was always the same. To be hated and feared and eventually destroyed for the sole reason that he wasn't of their world. Digimon and humans alike taunted and hunted him. Wearing him down until he was too weak to fight back. The ultimate disgrace for a warrior, to die like a weakened child.
He tossed and turned on the bed, fangs partially bared in a defiant snarl as he fought his attackers, nearly crying with desperation when they kept coming, hacking and cutting at him until he could barely stand. Each time, he felt as if his destiny was being dangled in front of him, like a lure on a hook, baiting him, taunting him with the knowledge that no matter how hard he fought to reach it, it was not meant to be.
He's a fake. Just a thing made from some stupid control spires! He's not a real Digimon!
The voices came from all around him, teasing, hurting, cutting into him like no weapon possibly could, and he howled in rage and desperation as he sought to silence them any way he could, to reach his destiny, a warm light that shone upon him from far away. If he could only touch it....
Blackwargreymon.... Blackwargreymon.... Blackwargreymon....
The taunting chant was mixed with jeers and laughter, derogative comments intertwined here and there, serving only to fuel his anger, which in turn gave strength to his desperation, making him cut and slash his way though those who stood between him and his future. And when his fingers were mere centimeters away from the warm, forgiving light, the ground fell out from under him, invisible hands grabbing at him and pulling him screaming back down into the darkness....
Blackwargreymon... Blackwargreymon...
"Blackwargreymon!!"
He gasped and bolted upright, eyes frantically darting over his surroundings as his chest heaved, his breath coming in rapid panicked pants as a chill washed through him, sweat running down his forehead and into his eyes. The dreams still held him, so the light touch on his arm made him recoil, and he turned his gaze towards the one that sought to hurt him, blinking when he recognised Lashana. The taunts and jeers of his dream still echoed in his ears, drowning out what she was saying, and he swallowed thickly to try to moisten his throat as he stared at her. "What?"
She frowned at the turmoil in his gaze and slowly reached out to touch his arm again, feeling how tense and shakey he was. He's trembling! "Are you alright?" she whispered, worry evident in her voice. She had never heard someone cry out in their sleep like he had, it had sounded like he was being tortured. "Blackwargreymon?"
Not trusting his voice, he closed his eyes and shook his head, unable to look at her, not wanting to see the revulsion on her face. His heart nearly stopped when he felt the bed dip, felt her arms slowly encircle his shoulders and pull him close until he could rest his head on her right shoulder, her fingers smoothing his sweat dampened hair. Completely unused to any form of comfort, he tensed, ready to shove her away, thinking that this was a cruel joke. But it was when she started humming, her voice soft and reassuring that he paused, slowly realising that she wasn't going to laugh, or taunt, that she was offering solace without wanting something in return.
Shuddering in reaction, he found himself wrapping his arms around her, trapping her against him as he rubbed his face against her shoulder, the cloth of her robe absorbing his tears as quickly as they came until the material was nearly soaked. Through it all she said nothing, merely held him and rocked him back and forth, humming softly, the melody slowly calming him until the physical and emotional exhaustion caught up to him, dragging him into a darkness that, for once, didn't frighten him.
~*~
The sun was high the sky when Lashana opened her eyes the next afternoon. She had stayed with the Digimon almost the entire night. For one part, she was worried that he'd have another nightmare, and for the other, she was certain that until he released her of his own free will, she wasn't going anywhere.
Shifting a little to relieve the ache of her ribs, she rose her right hand and gently smoothed the yellow-gold bangs out of his face, relief flooding her when he rumbled in his sleep, a low contented sound. A complete contrast to last night. She didn't know what he had been dreaming of, but Lords above, she had never seen someone in that much emotional agony before. How long had he been carrying this?
Her back was pressed up against the headboard of the bed, in fact she had been using it as a pillow, something that her back and neck did not approve of, and she yawned softly as she rose her free hand and worked the crick out of her neck, reburying her fingers in Blackwargreymon's hair afterwards, lightly brushing her nails through it until all the tangles were gone.
She knew right away when he started to wake. His breathing quickened as his arms tightened around her, a hint of a purr escaping him as he rubbed his cheek over the still damp robe that covered her shoulder. Full wakefullness was easier to recognise. It was almost as if he had thought it had been a dream. The moment his eyes opened and he realised where he was, he tensed, every muscle turning into pure steel as he froze in place, holding his breath in shock.
Smiling slightly in amusement, she hummed a few bars of one of her favorite songs and stroked his hair, feeling him resist for a moment before he relaxed, letting her calm him. She waited until she was certain that he was fully awake before speaking, and even then, it was only in a whisper. "Blackwargreymon? Are you alright?"
"....isn't there another question you want to ask?"
"No," she murmured, frowning at a cut on his shoulder from the day before and sighing as she quickly Healed it with a spell.
He shifted a little, not releasing her, but pulling away from her hand. "Don't. You don't have to."
"I know."
"Why did you...." He paused for a moment and swallowed, almost fearing the answer. "Why...."
Lashana closed her eyes at the pain and fear in his voice and gently hugged his shoulders. "Because I wanted to help you. Because I was worried." When that didn't get any reaction, she sighed and held him tighter. "....you scared me. I was damned near ready to fireball whatever was hurting you."
Surprised at her admission, he rose his head from her shoulder and met her gaze, seeing the very real worry there, and fear. For him. Fear that something that been hurting him. She had been ready and willing to rise to his defence, he saw it in her eyes, along with a relief that he was alright that plainly startled him.
Completely at a loss for words at this discovery, he could do nothing but stare at her, watching as she reached up and lightly traced a small cut on his cheek, the wound Healing until it was as if it had never been there. The gesture tugged at something inside him, and he sighed as he pulled her closer, until she was resting against his chest, her head directly under his chin, allowing him to rest his cheek against her hair.
In a voice that shook ever so slightly, he told her of the nightmares, of the neverending questions that plagued him, of his creation by Arukenimon, and the battles he had fought in the hopes of finally finding his destiny. Through it all she stayed silent, her own arms curled around his middle, returning his desperate embrace as she listened to him speak. When his voice finally broke, she rose her head to look at him, and he tensed when he saw her own tears, afraid that she thought him a pathetic creature in need of pity.
"Hey, don't," she frowned when he winced and looked away from her. "Look at me." When he only glanced at her, she sighed and reached up to lie her hands on his cheeks, gently forcing him to meet her gaze. "Listen to me. You are not evil and you are not some heartless thing. It doesn't matter if you were born or created, understand? And it sure as hell doesn't mean that you don't have a soul. No, don't look at me like that. You have a soul. You know how I know? Because all those questions you fired off at me, everything about emotions and your destiny and having a heart... there's a term for that. A very truthful and fitting one. It's called 'soul-searching'. It's when someone's lost, when they don't know how or why they're in this world, when they're trying to find their reason for being. That's what you're doing, Blackwargreymon. Only someone with a heart.... with a soul could be on a search for the answers to questions like yours. Now, I'm not saying I have all the answers, Goddess knows that I'm about as screwed up as they come, but I'll help you.... if you let me."
The Digimon looked at her for a long moment, searching her eyes for any trace of deception, of ridicule. When all he found was truth, and the promise of hope, he shuddered and wrapped his arms even tighter around her, burying his face into her hair as fresh tears fell from his eyes.
Lashana grimaced slightly and reached up to lightly tap the metal horn on the end of his snout, meeting his curious gaze when he looked at her through misty eyes. "No offense, but you're not really helping the whole cracked ribs scenerio."
"What? Oh! Did I hurt you?!" He snatched his arms away from her as if she had burnt him, looking at her and wincing when he saw her clutch at her side. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't--"
"It's alright. I'm okay," she said quickly, knowing that the past night had pretty much brought all of his insecurities to the surface, after all, she'd gone through the same thing herself once. Trying to get him to calm down again, she let him pull her back into his arms and sighed when he rested his cheek against the top of her head, his movements slow and cautious, as if he was afraid that she'd break.
A comfortable silence fell over them, and Blackwargreymon contented himself with listening to her breathing as he held her and was held in return, taking the opportunity to memorise her scent while she was close. Of course, the moment he had calmed down enough, his stomach took the time to remind him that he was passing up the chance to be filling himself once again, and he groaned at the sound, elicting a soft chuckle from the one he was holding.
"C'mon. Leggo so I can reach the phone," Lashana smiled, poking him in the ribs and grinning when he yelped and twisted away, shooting her a resentful glance as he did so. "I'll be damned. You're ticklish?" When he snorted and looked away, she chuckled softly and reached past him to grab the phone, grimacing at the yell that immediately sounded from it.
Frowning at the tone of Digitamamon's voice, Blackwargreymon snatched the receiver from her and snarled into it, silencing the Ultimate. "We want breakfast. A large one. And..." He glanced over at Lashana for a moment before continuing. "A large coffee and some juice."
"Who are you to--"
"My name, is Blackwargreymon," he growled, cutting the Ultimate off. "Food. Now." Sighing, he hung up, cutting off the gibberish of apologies and pleas that he not blow up the hotel, turning at the sound of soft clapping.
"Couldn't have done better myself," Lashana grinned, elicting a low chuckle. "Feeling a little better now?"
He nodded. "A little."
"Good! Don't you ever scare me like that again! Gods above, you took a year off my life." She glared at him warningly as she spoke, though there wasn't any real anger there. Sighing, she slowly got to her feet and stretched, placing both hands against the small of her back as she groaned. "Oh, my poor back...."
The Digimon stared at her in thinly veiled surprise, watching her as she stretched sore muscles from the day before. I.... scared her? What does she mean? Maybe.... was she so worried about me that she really was afraid for me? She glanced over at him then, and he grunted softly as he averted his gaze, turning his attention to a piece of his armor that lay nearby.
"I swear those things are fixing themselves."
"Hmm?" When she gestured to his armor, he nodded. "The data's slowly de-fragmenting itself. It'll be as good as new in another day or so."
"Cripple that and run it by me again. Data?"
"This is the Digital World, remember? Everything here is made of data. The buildings, the trees, the Digimon...."
"You."
"Maybe.... and don't look at me like that."
"Fine, fine. So everything's made of data, then how the hell am I here? I'm flesh and blood, not some computer program."
"I don't know. But I've seen other huma-- people... coming and going from here to the Real World. As well as some Digimon."
"So.... the dimensions must be close together if beings from each world can easily travel back and forth like that without any side-effects... Must mean that people who visit here get converted into data somehow, then revert into flesh and blood when they leave..." Lashana mused to herself, tapping a cracked nail against her chin for a moment before frowning and looking down at it. "Good to know, I suppose."
He shrugged, not completely understanding what she was talking about, and straightened when the scent of food caught his attention. "Food's here," he announced as he rose and went to open the door, staring down at the trembling Digimon that was pushing a small cart laden with the breakfast trays. Not waiting to hear any whining or pleas, he grabbed the cart and shoved it into the room, slamming the door in the 'mons face afterwards.
A snicker drew his gaze to the Elf that was watching him, and he frowned at her curiously. "What?"
"We have to work on your personal relations skills."
He snorted and grabbed a toast. "You can explain what that means after breakfast."
"So long as you don't eat all the bacon, you've got yourself a deal."
~*~
A loud burp and a very satisfied sigh announced the Digimon's present contentment, and Lashana rolled her eyes from where she was in the bathroom, getting changed into her jeans and tank-top. "You do realise that was disgusting."
"Didn't taste all that good either."
"Okay, ew. TMI."
"TMI?"
"Too much information."
"Ah." He looked up from where he was sitting on the floor while studying a mending crack in his chest armor as she walked back into the main room and frowned at her. "Where are you going?"
"Nowhere. I just got sick of that damned robe," she explained as she sat lotus-style on the bed, looking at him curiously. "Why?"
Suddenly feeling a little awkward, he shrugged and turned his gaze back to his armor, using a corner of the bed's blankets to wipe the dirt off of one of his gauntlets. "Just asking."
"Mmhm."
"What's that for?"
"Nothing."
"Tell me."
"What? It's nothing."
He growled.
Chuckling, Lashana leaned down and lightly tapped the horn on his snout. "You were worried that I'd leave you behind, weren't you?"
"I said nothing of the sort!"
"You know, you're not a very good liar."
"I'm not lying!"
"Want to know your tells?"
"My what?"
"Tells. How I know that you're lying?"
"I am not!"
"For one thing, your voice gets louder. And then there's the whole avoiding eye contact thing, and the fact that if
you rub any harder you're going a wear a hole straight through that gauntlet."
He glanced down at the piece of armor in his hands and frowned. "...Dramon Destroyers."
"What?"
"The gauntlets. They're called Dramon Destroyers."
"Ah. But you're avoiding the subject."
"....maybe."
Sighing at the turmoiled tone of his voice, she carefully reached out and ran her fingers through his hair, seeing him close his eyes and lean his head back against the bed, moving closer as he did so. "Has your life been so empty? Haven't you known anything except fighting and struggle?" When he didn't answer, she growled softly. "I have got to get you out of here."
That got his attention, and he pulled away from her as he twisted to look at her. "What's wrong with the hotel?"
"Not the hotel. This place. This world! It's going to end up killing you!"
"So?"
"So? So?! Are you serious?! I can't-- You--! Argh!" She slammed both fists into the bed and shot to her feet, stalking over to the patio doors and glaring out the windows.
Now completely confused, Blackwargreymon stood and looked over at her. "I don't understand. I was created to destroy, what else is there for me? No matter what you say, I'm still a creation of control-spires, I'm not like the others. They've told me that numerous times. I've tried to search for my destiny, but all it brings me is more suffering. Wouldn't it be better if I just wasn't here to--" He cut himself off with a growl of shock when she suddenly lashed out, her right fist slamming against and into the closest wall. An aura flickered around her, and he warily backed away as he watched her, frowning when he saw that she was trembling, her bangs hiding her eyes.
"Don't think like that," she whispered, her sorrowful tone a stark contrast to her show of anger. "There's so much more. So much. Friends and family, relaxing in the shade of a tree on a gorgeous day, having fun.... Gods above, if I could get my hands on those bakas...."
"Lashana...."
"No! There's more to life than conflict!" She rose her head and looked at him, not caring about the tears in her eyes. "Just because those closed-minded imbeciles tell you otherwise doesn't mean they're right! You're not some thing to be used as a weapon! You don't deserve to be treated like this, and you sure as hellfire don't deserve to die!"
"....come sit down."
"I can't."
"Why?"
She winced. "My hand's stuck."
Sighing, he walked over to her and gently closed his hands around her arm, just managing to squeeze a few fingers into the wall so that he could rip it apart, freeing her with ease. "Why do you.... care.... so much about what happens to me?" he murmured as he lightly brushed his fingers over her hand, checking to see if she had broken any bones, using that as an excuse not to meet her gaze.
"Because somewhere along the way I started thinking of you as a friend. And because I understand what it's like to be alone, trapped in a world that doesn't accept or understand you." She reached up and lightly rested her free hand on his chest, feeling his strong heartbeat. "And no matter how hard you try to hide it, I know that you don't want to believe what people keep telling you, about being evil, about there being no future for you. Your destiny is what you choose it to be, no one else can decide it's outcome except you. Life is so much more diverse than you know, Blackwargreymon, don't give up on it until you've experienced all it has to offer."
He closed his eyes as he listened to her, a shudder working it's way down his spine when she touched him. Being careful not to hurt her, he rose one of his hands and gently rested it over hers, pressing her palm against his heart. "I've been searching for someone who could answer my questions since I was created...." Feeling a burst of playfullness overtake him, he opened his eyes and smiled at her. "What took you so long to get here?"
She smirked. "Interdimensional traffic was murder."
~*~
"So... what is this again?"
"That, is a hot fudge sundae with sprinkles. If you insist on having me show you the finer things in life we might as well start with the stuff that doesn't involve a whole lot of energy considering that we both look like hell."
"I resent that."
"You're just lucky your black skin hides all those bruises. I'm not supposed to be polka-dotted."
"I don't bruise as easily."
"Oh, yeah? Then what's this?"
"Ow! No touching!"
"That's what I thought. Now hush and eat your sundae before I steal it from you."
"Fine, fine.... Hey! This is good!"
"Well, duh." Lashana rolled her eyes as she set her now empty bowl aside and lay down on the bed, closing her eyes as she laced her fingers behind her head. She was busy revelling in the softness of the mattress when the springs creaked slightly, signifying that the Digimon that was sitting next to her had twisted to look at her.
"If you're tired you can sleep you know. I don't mind."
"M'awake."
"And you say I'm stubborn?"
"I refuse to answer that in the light that I may incriminate myself."
"Uh huh."
"Same to you. And stop looking at me like that."
"How do you do that? Your eyes are closed."
"Hehe."
"Oh 'hehe' yourself," he muttered as he finished off his sundae, licking his spoon and the bowl clean before glancing at her, a rather evil smirk spreading over his lips as he moved to touch the still extremely cold utensil against the side of her neck.
"Don't even think about it."
"About what?"
"Whatever it is that you're -- Ack! Cold!"
Chuckling despite the glare that was being sent his way, Blackwargreymon set the bowl and spoon onto a side table, then leaned back against the headboard of the bed, glancing over at her when she grumbled and lay back down again. "Tell me something?"
"Maybe."
"You said you understood.... what it feels like to be alone...."
"That's not exactly something I like talking about."
"....right. Sorry."
She frowned at the ceiling and sighed. "When I was a kid, I didn't fit in anywhere. I lost my real folks when I was a baby, so after that I was basically living in foster homes and orphanges. Really, no one knew what to do with me. I was the only half-elf there, an outcast in every sense of the term. The kids laughed at me and the adults condemed me for something that was completely out of my control. I was too Human to fit in with the Elves, and I was too Elven to fit in with the Humans. At one point I ended up just about where you were - I was pretty much ready and willing to die... It wasn't until some very special Human fosters took me into their home that I realised that life doesn't have to be all agony and depression. ...I still hate most Humans and Elves for what they did to me. For making my childhood a lesson in pain instead of one of joy. That's why I reacted that way when you called me a 'half-breed'. It's what people called me when I was a kid, when they were taunting and teasing me. Hearing it.... it kinda brings back all the pain all at once, y'know? Sometimes I can control it... others... well, you saw."
He stayed silent for a moment before looking down at her where she lay next to him. "You didn't have to tell me that."
"You asked."
"But you said...."
"Just because I don't like talking about it doesn't mean I won't. You asked and I trust you enough to tell you, leave it at that."
"You trust me? I nearly killed you!"
"Oh, let's not start that again."
"Right. Sorry. But, still, you trust me?"
"Is it that hard to believe?"
"How many people know about your past?"
"Why is that important?"
"Humor me."
"Four. My two foster parents, my best friend Telca, and you."
"That's it?"
"It's not something I tend to broadcast to everyone I meet, y'know. It's not like I can walk up to someone and say 'Hi! How are ya? An, hey, did you know my childhood sucked royally?!'"
"Then why'd you tell me?"
"I already answered that!"
"Hrrm...."
"....I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. This just isn't the topic that brings out the best in me. But hey! At least I'm not blowing things up this time, right?"
Frowning, he shifted so that he was propped up on his elbow next to her and met her gaze when she looked at him. "Lashana, don't," he murmured, gently brushing her bangs out of her eyes and lightly tracing her cheek with the smooth curve of an overlong talon. "You don't have to do that with me."
She sighed and glanced away, smiling slightly when he copied her example from last night and stroked her hair. "I never said I was good at coping."
"I know. Neither did I. You know.... you're the only one who's seen me cry."
"There's nothing wrong with that."
"I just wanted you to know." Sliding an arm around her shoulders, he lay down on his back next to her and joined her in staring up at the ceiling, raising his left arm so that his hand was behind his head. "So. What now?"
"....I want a fudge sundae."
"Another one?"
"Chocolate is a wonderful cure for depression."
"....pass me the phone."
