AN: Here's more that I was too lazy to post before. :P  Thanks to everyone who reviewed, especially the flamer, who helped me roast marshmallows.  Yay!

Meanwhile, backstage...

-Hermia and Demetrius make out. A lot.

-Starveling tries to convince everyone that girls have sperm.

-Titania loses Oberon's guitar pick. In her cleavage.

-Random Oberon fairy and talking Titania fairy find closets and other dark places.  

-Philostrate sleeps.

-Egeus wants to *expletive* Snug.  With an Oh Henry.

-Director murders anyone who dares call him Santa Claus.

Act 3, Scene 1

(Enter Rude Mechanicals)
Bottom: Arr we all met?

Snug: I'm scary.

Audience: No, you're cute.

Starveling: I somehow manage to mess up my only lines.

Flute: Everyone marvel at my falsetto.

Quince: We rock.

Puck: No, you don't. (Gives Bottom donkey head)

Quince: I have the funniest scream ever!

Bottom: *makes several jokes about asses*

Puck: *cackles evilly* (Exeunt)

(Exeunt all but Bottom)

Titania: I like ass.

Fairies: We have names. We're special!

Bottom: Help! I've got an extremely hot fairy hitting on me and I don't know why! Heehaw!

(Exeunt all)


Act 3, Scene 2


Puck: Titania likes ass.

Oberon: Haha. Look, people!

(Enter Hermia and Demetrius)

Hermia: Where's Lysander?

Demetrius: I want you.

Hermia: Screw off! (Exeunt)

Demetrius: Dammit! (Sleeps)

Oberon: Bad Puck! *hits Puck with rolled-up newspaper*

Puck: I go, I go, look how I go! *walks away slowly*

Oberon: I enjoy messing with people's love lives.

(Enter Lysander and Helena)

Lysander: I love you.

Helena: Asshole!

Demetrius: *wakes up* I love you, Helena.

Helena: Screw you all!

Lysander: I'll trade you Helena for Hermia.

Demetrius: No!

(Enter Hermia)

Hermia: I love you, Lysander.

Lysander: I hate you, Hermia.

Helena: Bitch!

Lysander/Demetrius: Let's fight!

Audience: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

(Exeunt Lysander and Demetrius)

Hermia: Stupid tall people! I can scratch your eyes out!

Helena: Ahhhh! (Exeunt)

Oberon: Bad Puck! Now go make things be good again!

Puck: Wheeee!

Lovers: Damn you all! I'm going to fall asleep not noticing my lover right next to me. (Lovers sleep)