AN: Here's more that I was too lazy to post before. :P Thanks to everyone who reviewed, especially the flamer, who helped me roast marshmallows. Yay!
Meanwhile, backstage...
-Hermia and Demetrius make out. A lot.
-Starveling tries to convince everyone that girls have sperm.
-Titania loses Oberon's guitar pick. In her cleavage.
-Random Oberon fairy and talking Titania fairy find closets and other dark
places.
-Philostrate sleeps.
-Egeus wants to *expletive* Snug. With
an Oh Henry.
-Director murders anyone who dares call him Santa Claus.
Act 3, Scene 1
(Enter Rude Mechanicals)
Bottom: Arr we all met?
Snug: I'm scary.
Audience: No, you're cute.
Starveling: I somehow manage to mess up my only lines.
Flute: Everyone marvel at my falsetto.
Quince: We rock.
Puck: No, you don't. (Gives Bottom donkey head)
Quince: I have the funniest scream ever!
Bottom: *makes several jokes about asses*
Puck: *cackles evilly* (Exeunt)
(Exeunt all but Bottom)
Titania: I like ass.
Fairies: We have names. We're special!
Bottom: Help! I've got an extremely hot fairy hitting on me and I don't
know why! Heehaw!
(Exeunt all)
Act 3, Scene 2
Puck: Titania likes ass.
Oberon: Haha. Look, people!
(Enter Hermia and Demetrius)
Hermia: Where's Lysander?
Demetrius: I want you.
Hermia: Screw off! (Exeunt)
Demetrius: Dammit! (Sleeps)
Oberon: Bad Puck! *hits Puck with rolled-up newspaper*
Puck: I go, I go, look how I go! *walks away slowly*
Oberon: I enjoy messing with people's love lives.
(Enter Lysander and Helena)
Lysander: I love you.
Helena: Asshole!
Demetrius: *wakes up* I love you, Helena.
Helena: Screw you all!
Lysander: I'll trade you Helena for Hermia.
Demetrius: No!
(Enter Hermia)
Hermia: I love you, Lysander.
Lysander: I hate you, Hermia.
Helena: Bitch!
Lysander/Demetrius: Let's fight!
Audience: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
(Exeunt Lysander and Demetrius)
Hermia: Stupid tall people! I can scratch your eyes out!
Helena: Ahhhh! (Exeunt)
Oberon: Bad Puck! Now go make things be good again!
Puck: Wheeee!
Lovers: Damn you all! I'm going to fall asleep not noticing my lover right next
to me. (Lovers sleep)
