Author's Note: It took me a while to write this chapter…I think Sirius is a bit OOC here, but I tried…tell me what you think!

This chapter especially goes out to Unknown_Dude4, Smile7499, Luthien, and Bon.  Unknown_Dude4 and Smile7499 for e-mailing me and asking for the promised posts, and for Luthien and Bon for reviewing from the very first chapter.  Thanks everyone!

monday

july 31st

Draco felt something press against his arm in a very specific spot.  It hurt for a moment, then relented.  The thing that was pressing against his arm pulled back, and pressed his arm again…and again, and again…and again.

Draco willed his eyelids open, and when his blurry vision cleared, he found the face of Sirius Black staring at him.  He immediately sat up, from slight shock.  "What is it?" he snapped at Sirius.  He had been feeling very cozy in his large bed and hated the idea of having to get up.

Sirius grinned at Draco.  "It's Harry's birthday."

"And why should I give a damn?" Draco retorted.  He stood to leave to his room, but Sirius grabbed his arm.

"He's turning fifteen."

"So?"

"Oh, come on," Sirius said with a roll of his eyes.  "You're going to have to be friends."

"No," Draco corrected harshly.  "Allies, maybe, acquaintances—but I will never call Potter my friend."

"Why?"

Draco snapped his head up at Black, searching his face for any sign of mockery.  Instead, he could only see genuine curiosity.  He scowled.  "Because, he's stuck up, thinks he's better than everyone, and he's a Gryffindor."  He laughed in disbelief and shook his head.  "I don't know why I'm even talking about it."

Black's expression went from curious to evil in a split second after he finished.  "Well, now, Drakie-boy, no matter how utterly wrong you are about my godson, you're going to help me anyway."

"'Drakie'?" Draco sputtered.  "Don't call me that!"

Sirius raised an eyebrow at the boy.

"No," Draco grunted.

"You know," Sirius said, plopping himself down at Draco's desk.  "I could always go tell Moody that I want to take over his lessons for a while."  His eyes glinted dangerously.  "I can make them a hell of a lot worse.  For you."

Draco looked up, his eyes narrowed tiredly.  Now he could see why so many people thought that Black was a murderer.  But it was too early for Draco to come up with a proper rant.  "You…erg."

Sirius stood and clapped his hands merrily.  "I knew you'd see things my way!"  He cackled, innately reminding Draco of You-Know-Who.  "Get dressed, I'll be waiting by the portrait."

Draco glared at Sirius' retreating back and rolling his eyes in an exasperated fashion, he turned towards his bathroom to take a shower and get dressed.  He shot one last longing look at his warm bed.

Black owed him big time.

***

Harry blinked sleepily, looking around his room.  Since his watch had been broken during the Second Task, he had found one of Dudley's old plastic watches that came out of a cereal box to use.  It was so cheap a watch that it didn't even work half the time, and Harry didn't even bother checking whether it worked at Hogwarts.

Knowing that it was around nine in the morning or so, he felt it was a good time to get up.  He had finished his essay for Moody the night before, having had gone to the library after sending Hedwig off with his letters to Ron and Hermione.

He sat up slowly, stretching his arms in front of him, he reached over to the goblet on his nightstand to take a long drink, relaxing when the cool water ran down his dry throat.

Placing the goblet back on the nightstand, he furrowed his eyebrows at the aftertaste of the water.  It tasted different from water, come to think of it.  Familiar….

He could barely blink when he realized that it was a sleeping potion, and he was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

***

"Oh, honestly," Minerva McGonagall clucked in disapproval, "Sirius Black!  How long will he be asleep?"

Minerva had trouble getting angry with Sirius Black now—she felt that as the man had so little good things in his life until his quite recent escape from Azkaban that she shouldn't prevent him from having his fun.  But still!

"I don't know where you get your ideas," she went on, pointing at him with her wand and shaking it at him as she would her finger, had she not been holding her wand.  "A sleeping draught, no less!  That could have him asleep the whole day!"

"But—"

"Oh, I know, I know, you want to make this nice and fun for him, do you?  Heaven knows that he needs a break of some sort—the poor boy—but sleeping draughts can be very dangerous!"

"It's all right, I got help," Sirius said, pointing at Draco.  "I never could get a potion right—I never had the patience to stir and wait before adding something—and since the library is closed until Madam Pince returns, well, I didn't really know the ingredients till Draco here pitched in…."

Minerva glanced at the pale, white-blond boy standing beside Sirius with a delighted smirk on his face—why?  Oh, right.  Who wouldn't love to see a full-grown man being admonished by their old Transfiguration teacher?

Minerva turned back to Sirius and fixed her stern gaze.  "Oh, I don't know why I bother," she snapped, not being able to sound severe.  "What do you plan on doing?"

"Stuff," Sirius replied off-hand.

Her frown deepened.  "What exactly, may I ask, do you mean by 'stuff,' Mr. Black?"

Sirius shrugged and looked at the older woman with an innocent and shiny-eyed expression.  It was amazing what big a difference those eyes made…Azkaban's look had not worn off, but it was fading.  "Stuff," he repeated, with a hopeful smile.

She pointed her wand at him.

Draco's smile was in full bloom now.  Sirius looked disappointed.  That expression quickly became sheepish.  "Well, I baked him a cake!"

Minerva's face twisted into a disgusted grimace.

"I'm not that bad," Sirius said crossly.

"Yes, you are," Draco interjected with a derisive snort.  "I should know—I stole a taste of the icing."

"I'm not that bad," Sirius repeated stubbornly.  He didn't look like he believed himself, though.

The look on his former teachers' face told otherwise.  "Sirius Orion Black," Minerva said, using his full name for measure, "what do you plan on doing?"

Sirius' bright expression dimmed.  His eyes darkened, and he looked as if he were worlds away.  "I wanted to take him to Godric's Hollow."

Minerva was so shocked that she blinked and nearly dropped her wand.  "W-whatever for?"

"So he can see where his parents lived…how they used to be," Sirius replied.  "He has the right, you know…."  Suddenly stopping, Sirius turned to Draco.  "You can go on ahead, get some food from the kitchens."

Draco grunted, wishing he knew how to become invisible so he could hear the rest of the conversation.  He had heard of Godric's Hollow, the place where Voldemort had been defeated.  It would have been interesting to go and see that place.  He decided he was in dire need of a glass of water to get rid of the horrible aftertaste that the cake icing had left in his mouth, and that he wouldn't want to go with Potter and Black anyway.

Minerva and Sirius watched as Draco walked off, hands in his robe pockets.  A few moments later, Minerva turned back to Sirius.  "I do not advise you to take him there," she said quietly.  "It will distract and upset him.  He's had enough."

Sirius shook his head, slightly.  "During the duel, Minerva…he told you?"

Minerva didn't understand for a moment, but being very bright, caught on very quickly.  Of course Dumbledore had told her what had happened to Harry last year…she was his second in command.  "Yes, of course…."

"He saw Lily and James, Minerva," Sirius said quietly, almost pleadingly.  He turned back to face her, and his eyes were almost willing her to understand why he came to that decision.  "I know it's been troubling him, it has to be—for his portrait, he chose Lily and James, and he needs his parents more than anything right now, and…."

He trailed off, looking around, as if it would help him describe how he felt.  "It hurts.  It hurts not to have them here, it hurts to see them but not be able to be with them, it hurts that I can't be there for him.  And he's dwelling on it.  I will never, ever forget Lily or James…but I feel I need to put their deaths behind me, so I can concentrate on protecting and being a good godfather to Harry.  I'll never let go of my memories of them, I'll never not think about them every day, but I need to let go of the pain those memories bring.  I'd like to be able to remember them without hurting."

Sirius took a deep, trembling breath.  "I need to remember them without hurting, Minerva, or else I'll go mad.  I'll go insane.  It's like having my own, special Cruciatus Curse, my own Dementor, just for me, constantly there.  I've always believed…I still believe I deserve this pain…but Harry's still here, and he doesn't have a family left, he never really had anyone left.  I need to be here for him, even if we never become close, even if he doesn't like me, because he's all I have left, too.  He's all I've had left since Lily and James died, and if something ever happened to him, if he ever died, I'd die along with him."

Minerva felt her eyes tearing, but quickly blinked them back.  Sirius Black was a thousand times braver and stronger than anyone had ever given him credit for, and she had just realized it.  She couldn't begin to imagine what he had gone through, what he still had to face in his future….  Lily and James' death had hurt her as well—both bright and sweet (James, although, quite the troublemaker), she had taken quite a liking to them throughout their seven years at Hogwarts.  It had hit her hard, but she knew it had hit Sirius much, much harder, of course, being as he was their best friend.

"I understand," she said quietly.  "I apologize for intruding on your privacy about it."

Sirius, for the first time since Draco left, looked her in the eye.  "No, thank you.  I needed someone to talk to about it…."  He turned away, leaning on the stone wall.  "Am I making a wrong choice, here?  Would—"

"Oh, Sirius," Minerva interrupted softly, knowing what he was going to ask, "if Lily and James knew what you had been through over their deaths, they would have given anything for you to be free of it."  Sirius turned around quickly, looking into her face, eyes searching for whether or not she was telling the truth.  She looked back at him firmly.  "In all honesty, Sirius, they were fine people.  You could never find anyone as good as they.  But they're gone, and they would never have wanted for us to be upset."

She smiled gently.  "Go to Godric's Hollow with Harry.  Tell him what you've told me, and tell him what I've told you.  Put this behind and face the future, Sirius…there's a lot coming, and you both must be ready to face it.  Together."

***

Harry stirred in his bed, and Sirius looked up at the boy from his seat at the desk.  He was eager for Harry to wake, but was hesitant to help wake him.  He stood and walked around the bed to watch Harry.

It was one of the few times that Sirius had ever seen Harry so quiet and peaceful.  Long ago, Harry had been a sweet, small baby boy, was the last time he could remember, actually.  He never cried for anything, but waited patiently for Lily or James to come and carry him.  He had loved being held, and Sirius could just remember holding baby Harry as the small infant snuggled into the crook of his arm and slept softly.

The baby Harry had always had an aura of innocence and tranquility about him, and Sirius had sadly noted how that had changed over the years.  When he first met Harry at the age of thirteen, the boy carried an angry, passionate air around him.  At the age of fourteen, he carried a quiet, sad atmosphere.  At fifteen, now, he became so much more complex.  He had become a handsome and an oddly mature boy.  He was silent, yet demanding, confident but insecure, a jumble of contradictions rolled together into one person.

"Sirius?"

Sirius blinked to find Harry's sleepy green eyes staring up at him, curious and questioning.  He managed a grin.  "G' morning."

Harry yawned.  "So.  Who switched the water with the sleeping potion?  You, or Malfoy?"

"Both."

"Okay.  So.  What was the point?"

"You'll see," Sirius said after a moment, quite unsure of how to describe his "cake" to Harry.  It was a cake…but it didn't taste anything like one, Sirius had to admit.  Sirius stood.  "It's four o'clock, so get dressed.  I have some stuff planned for today."

"Four o'clock?" Harry grumbled.  He yawned again, and when noticing Sirius' gaze, he grinned.  "You know, I just realized that we've never had a conversation about—well—normal stuff until…well, actually, we still haven't had a conversation about normal stuff.  Oh well—conversations about stuff that's semi-normal for me."

Sirius grinned back at his godson.  That will change, he swore to himself fervently.  He was determined to be a good godfather to Harry.  He would keep his promise to James—not only for the memory of his best friend, but for himself, and his godson.

"Well, come quickly," Sirius said lightly, heading to the common room.  He had to admit, Draco had executed the decoration of the rooms quite well—nothing he or James ever did was quite as elegant as this.

He waited until Harry came in, his hair wet and mussed up from a quick shower, and his face bright.

"Let's go get you some breakfast, and I can tell you what we're going to be doing then."

Harry nodded agreeably, falling in step after Sirius as they crossed the short hall and went down the spiral staircase.  As they made their way out of the tower, Sirius noticed Harry glancing at the portrait, and the barely masked disappointment flashing in his overcast green eyes when he realized it was empty.

Sirius sighed softly, and was reaching over to sling an arm around his shoulders in an attempt to comfort him, but stopped himself and dropped his arm just in time.  Sirius really didn't know how Harry would react to the physical contact.

They walked to the kitchens in silence, both not quite sure what to say to each other.  All they had ever spoken to each other about was problems they were facing that put their lives in danger.

As they reached the kitchens, Sirius asked, "What do you want for breakfast?"

"Lunch," Harry corrected with a lopsided grin.  "I don't really care.  Aren't you eating?"

"No, I've already—"

"Good afternoon, Harry Potter, sir!"  Dobby had come running at the sight of Harry's unruly black hair.

"Hey, Dobby," Harry said warmly.  "D'you think you could get me something to eat?  Not too much, though—" he added hastily, as dozens of house elves came rushing at them with platters of steaming foods.

When they finally sat at a table in the kitchens with a plate of sausages and toast in front of Harry, Sirius began to speak.

"Well," he started, "first of all, I'd like to wish you a happy fifteenth birthday."

Harry blinked and stopped chewing for a moment, as if he'd completely forgotten, but then graced Sirius with a brilliant smile.  "Thank you."

Sirius smiled back.  Just as Harry swallowed the last bite of toast, he added carefully, "I'm going to take you someplace today."  He watched as Harry perked in curiosity.  "It may upset you—it probably will—but I feel that we really need to go to this place together and talk about a few things.  All right, Harry?"

Harry's curious gaze had changed while he'd been talking, becoming more serious and gauging.  "All right, Sirius."

Sirius smiled widely, and felt something in him glow a bit.  It took a lot of trust for someone in Harry's position to agree to go someplace without questioning.  Actually, Sirius felt as though he should scold the boy, tell him that he shouldn't be so trusting of people because of the danger that would bring him, but couldn't bring himself to do so.  He felt incredibly reassured that Harry trusted him to that extent.

"Come on, then," Sirius said.  "We're going to go past the Hogwarts Apparation wards and I'll Apparate us there."

***

"Where…?"

The question died on Harry's lips, as his inquisitive stare took in his surroundings.

They were in a yard, with a gray-stone, waist-height walls that were covered in ivy, sprouting beautiful and bright plants.  There was a small, but cozy cottage in the distance, also made out of gray and off-white stones.  A flowerbed was situated around the home, as if it were a moat of some sort.  Steps led from a door in the back of the house to a small patio that had scattered white, metal chairs on it.  It seemed familiar, but Harry wasn't sure from when or where or how, but it was.

Harry noticed Sirius swallow, as if he was nervous or extremely upset, and Sirius placed a gentle hand on Harry's shoulder.  Sirius met Harry's eyes, and with a squeeze, led him closer to the house.

Harry glanced at the flowerbed, noticing that the most prominent type of flower were soft pink and lavender lilies.  Climbing the steps to the patio, Harry noticed the rings of ivy wrapped about the home and patio.  It gave the home a bit of a fantastical appearance, as if it had been pulled out of a child's fairy tale book.

A hoarse voice broke through the silence.  "Do you remember, Harry?"

Sirius' hand shook ever so slightly, causing Harry to look up in alarm.  "Sirius?"

"Do you remember?" he repeated, a bit more forcefully, as if he demanded to know the answer.

Harry breathed in very slowly.  "It…it seems familiar, but…."

Sirius didn't move for a few moments, making no action whatsoever; even his breathing stood still.  With a pull closer, Sirius started leading Harry towards the back entrance.

Pushing the door open as if he expected a monster to jump right back at him, Sirius inhaled the floral-scented air of the home.  As he stood and took in a few breaths, the smell began to comfort him, as it always had before….

Sirius took Harry's arm this time, shutting the door behind him and pulling Harry along the kitchen.  He led him to the living room, the study; showed him the master bedroom, the three guest bedrooms, the basement, all in complete silence.  But there was one door left that Harry had noticed Sirius avoid.

"What's in there?" he asked softly.

Sirius looked at Harry, his face blank and unreadable, and he released his hold on Harry.  Jerking his head toward that particular door, Sirius motioned silently for Harry to go on in without him.  This surprised and confused Harry…there was something very important about this home, he thought as he gently pushed the door open…why else would Sirius bring him here, why else would he be so upset —

There was a crib in the far corner of the room…Harry stopped, and stared at it, not completely sure of anything anymore.  He approached the crib slowly, and once he reached it, he reached out to touch the light blue blanket that covered it….

Letting go, he looked at the wood of the crib…there were scorch marks on some parts.  This was my crib, Harry thought, the very idea of it hitting him like a sledgehammer to the head.  This was my crib.

His hand trembling slightly now, he lifted the blue blanket up and brought it in front of his face, fingering the soft cloth in a complex mixture of shock and unreality.  He noticed a sweet, refined scent from the blanket, and tilting it towards the light shining in through the window, his sharp eyes caught a flash of something shining.

Slowly, he inched towards the window, trying to make the light reflect off whatever it had again.  He caught the flash this time, and picked at the place on the blanket where it had been.  He pulled up a long, red strand of hair.

He stared at it, the strand, not noticing the fact that his fist was trembling and that his knuckles were turning white.  Mum….

He looked around the room, suddenly and furiously, tying everything together.  This was my room. This was my mum's hair!  He looked back outside the window at the stone fence.  T-this is Godric's Hollow!

He stood in a daze, rocking back and forth on his feet as if trying to calm himself, holding his mother's strand of hair in an almost revering way.  Sirius, he thought suddenly, his heart wrenching.  He couldn't imagine what the older man was going through.

Setting the blanket back down and placing the hair on top of it, he crossed his arms over his chest, pushed his shock and grief away, and stepped out of the room, closing the door gently shut behind him.

***

He found Sirius in the kitchen, sitting at the humble, round table, staring out the window into the backyard.  Sirius jerked around when he heard Harry coming, and turned fully to the table, gesturing for Harry to sit across him.

Harry did so, and they both found themselves at a loss for words.  So, for quite a while, they stared at each other, not really knowing what to say to make the other feel better.

"Harry," Sirius started.  "I'm sorry about this.  I'm not so sure that I should have brought you here anymore."

Harry quickly and adamantly shook his head in the negative.  "I…I'm glad you did, Sirius," he replied softly, glancing around the kitchen.  "More than once, I wondered what it was like before that night…."

Instead of Harry's intention of making Sirius feel better, the exact opposite thing happened—Sirius' face fell.  "I'm also sorry that I wasn't here for you afterwards, Harry.  I'm sorry for a lot of things."

"Don't be," Harry replied sadly.  "It's nothing, really."

Sirius looked up at Harry, the tip of the mouth perking upwards even as his eyes got bright.  "It's nothing?"  He snorted softly.

Harry merely nodded.  He wouldn't claim his life was awful when he knew what Sirius had been through, what Remus had been through, even what he saw homeless muggle children go through.  He did hate the Dursleys, and he didn't appreciate them, and he felt terrible when he was with them—but that didn't mean others hadn't gone through worse.  I should be happy that I've lived this long, he thought.  Cedric.  What right did he have to claim his life was horrible?

Sirius snorted again.  Then his face mellowed, and he sighed.  "I used to come here everyday, and James and I would sit around and try to get you to learn something new.  Probably around when you were eight months or so," he cocked his head to the side thoughtfully.  "James once held you while flying on his broom, pretty high up.  You had loved it, but Lily found out and threatened to kill James if he ever did that again."

Harry smiled.  "So, what happened?"

Sirius laughed.  "James took you flying again and Lily yelled herself hoarse before performing the Body-Bind Curse on James and leaving him there for a day."  He laughed again, and as his laughter at the fond memory faded, he continued.

"So James and I would continue flying around without you, and you would stay on the ground and watch us intently.  Every time we brought the brooms out, you would always crawl towards us and say 'b'oom' and try to grab onto the handle.  It was extremely tempting, but we decided not to face Lily's wrath again.  After a few weeks of this, you got so upset that you would get all quiet and teary when anyone said 'broom'.  Lily finally let James take you with him, but only as long as if he were five feet above the ground."

"That's not very high," Harry said in mild indignation.

"Of course not," Sirius said with a wave of his hand.  "That was the point.  So everyday, James would take you about a foot higher and so on…Lily knew, though.  She saw how much you liked it, and even though she watched like a hawk every time, she would let James take you afterwards."

Harry smiled through the tears he felt pricking at his eyes.  No.  I won't cry.  For Sirius.  The tears were banished from his eyes, but Harry could still feel them prickling.  "You said you wanted to talk about a few things earlier."

Sirius looked as if he were having an internal struggle before nodding.  He relaxed a bit, putting his elbows on the table and putting his head on his folded hands.  His voice started low, and guttural, and his eyes seemed to unfocus.  "Lily and James meant the world to me, Harry.  Everything.  I had no family left at that point—all of them died while I was at Hogwarts.  James was there for me, each and every single time I was upset or depressed.  He could read me like an open book."  Sirius smiled weakly.  "He told me, after my family died, that he would be my new family.  Him, and Lily, and Remus, and Peter.

"That meant the world to me.  They were all I had left.  Later, when you were born, surprisingly enough, Lily agreed with James on the matter of my being your godfather.  I was surprised that she'd agreed—after all, I was quite irresponsible.  I was holding you once—you were asleep—and I asked her why she did.  She told me it was because I was family, and I've never forgotten that moment, not even in Azkaban.  It was a good memory, then, Harry, but it stayed with me because it made me feel so guilty…all in one night, I had let my whole family down.

"I loved your parents more than anything in the world, Harry."  Sirius' eyes were bright now, looking at Harry imploringly.  "They were like the brother and sister I never had.  When they died, it was like losing my identity.  I didn't know who I was without them.  I didn't know where I was without them.  I didn't know why, without them.  It just tore something in me.

"At that point, I wasn't trusting Remus very much.  Not because he was a werewolf, mind, but because he was always off somewhere, doing something he couldn't speak of.  Pettigrew," the name came out like a curse, "was always in sight.  He was always around us, so I made the mistake of trusting him."

Sirius paused, then continued.  "I realized that I hadn't lost everything…there was still the matter of the baby boy I cared for so much.  I still had you.  I would raise you as I would my own, teach you, help you become a strong and good wizard."  Sirius gave a twisted smile.  "It didn't turn out the way I had hoped.  I was sent to Azkaban, and even though I begged to keep you, they wouldn't let me near you, put charms everywhere so that I could never reach you….  I gave in, then.  I had lost my family in a single day; Lily and James dead, Peter a traitor, Remus thinking I was the murderer, and…you."

Sirius took a longer pause this time, and Harry gave him his space by staying silent and waiting.  "I was locked in my misery until twelve years later…Fudge had come for an inspection, and I heard him speaking to a few other ministry members, when they reached my chamber.  He had said that it was lucky that I hadn't reached you before Dumbledore, or else you wouldn't have been living with your muggle relatives in a nice environment.

"That just lit something in me…you were alive, you were getting taken care of.  It mended some of the cuts, Harry, knowing that you were safe.  But then I remembered the…people…you were staying with…that the Dursleys were probably not treating you well.  It made me want to be able to look after you even more than before.  I felt so guilty—still feel guilty—that you don't have parents; all because of my decision.  But the fact that it was Peter's betrayal was the only thing that kept me from breaking down.  I eventually escaped…and you know that story."

Harry's jaw worked, but he couldn't say anything.  He could feel his eyes getting painfully prickly, and blinked a few times.  He couldn't remember ever crying.  He wasn't crying now, but his eyes were prickly.  "It wasn't your fault, Sirius," he said softly, almost whispering.

Sirius's lip falteringly quirked upwards.  "Yeah.  Everyone's been telling me."

They sat there a little while, both in silence.  Harry not know what to say to make Sirius feel better, and Sirius, in turn, not know what to say to Harry.

Harry's mind processed the new information that he had been given.  He just didn't get it.  There was one thing in all of this, there was one thing that no one had answered; the one thing that would make everything fall in place.  He wanted to put this into words, try to convey this emotion that something important was missing from him, but couldn't find the words to do so.  Finally, he asked, "Why…?"

Sirius looked up at Harry, his stoic façade back in place, raising an eyebrow at his godson.  "Why what?"

"Why did Voldemort come after me?"

Sirius narrowed his eyes.  He opened his mouth to speak, then snapped his jaw shut.  Then he closed his eyes, tilted his head, and with one hand massaged the bridge of his nose.  "Harry…look, I can't tell you these things.  It's up to Dumbledore."

Harry looked pleadingly up at Sirius, who had stood.  "Please, tell me, Sirius."

Sirius adamantly shook his head.  "You'll have to wait for Dumbledore to tell you that."

Harry pushed himself to stand up.  "I've waited for almost five years now.  None of you ever tell me things about the past, and Ron and Hermione and I end up having to find out ourselves."

"Harry," Sirius said, keeping his voice low but calm, "I can tell you other things that you'd like to know—what's going on, and things like that.  But I really can't tell you about why Voldemort came after you."

"I'm getting sick of waiting!" Harry exclaimed suddenly, for the first time ever, raising his voice at Sirius—or, for that matter, any adult that he respected from the wizarding world.  "You tell me what's going on, but you don't tell me how I can help.  You tell me what to do, but you don't give me the whole explanation as to why.  Voldemort's been after me since I came into the magical world, constantly trying to kill me.  Last year, my friend died because of Voldemort—because Voldemort wanted to get at me—and I want to know WHY!"

Sirius stood in silence, staring at his godson.  Harry breathed in and out, letting go of his sudden rage, and starting to feel upset that he had yelled at Sirius like that.  He looked up at Sirius, expecting to see anger in his eyes, but strangely, finding that Sirius had no expression on his face at all.

Waiting in silence for a few moments, Harry stammered, "S-Sirius…I'm sorry—"

Sirius sighed and gave a dismissive wave of his hand.  "Don't be.  I understand what you're saying Harry, and believe me, Dumbledore knows what he's doing.  You have to have faith in him and the Order."

"It's not that," Harry blurted, before he could stop himself.  He stopped himself short, but Sirius noticed.

"Finish what you were saying, Harry," Sirius said sharply.  He would not let his godson withdraw from him, he would not let Harry bear all his burden alone.  He knew that Harry did trust the Malfoy boy somewhat, but not to a very intimate extent.  He knew Harry wouldn't put the Weasleys and Hermione in danger by telling them anything.  So he fervently swore to himself to help Harry get through this—but to do so, he needed Harry to trust him.

Harry squirmed uncomfortably in his seat and looked back down at the tabletop, looking just a bit depressed.  "Well…I have faith in the Order.  I don't have faith in myself."

Sirius waited patiently for Harry to explain himself.  Harry glanced back up at his godfather and then back at his hands.  "You guys made me a member of the Order, as if it would help or something.  As if I could help.  I don't see why you did that.  Everyone…everywhere I go, they look at me as if I'm someone special, as if I did something that made me so.  No one understands that my mother's protection saved me—it had nothing to do with me.  My mother's power stopped Voldemort.  Not mine.  I don't want any of the attention I get, I did nothing to deserve it."

Sirius felt sorely tempted to interrupt his young godson as he spoke, but held his tongue and waited for Harry to finish.  He felt sort of awed at the young boy's humble and modest view of himself.  Sirius didn't even want to wonder about how conceited he himself might have been with all the fame that his godson had.  He focused back onto what Harry was saying.

"…and I don't even know what I'm doing at Hogwarts, come to think of it," Harry muttered depressingly to himself.  "They shouldn't let me stay there, not when Voldemort is out there…he's coming after me first, and he'll hurt other people to get to me, he killed Cedric…."  Harry's voice faltered and Sirius felt it was time for him to step in.

"Harry, you can't think like that.  You can't.  It's not right at all.  People love you because of what you stand for, and for who you are."  Sirius glanced at Harry once more, then stood, pulling Harry up with him, and led him back to the porch.  He leaned against the rail and looked out into the pleasant-looking forest beyond the stone fence.

"I brought you here for a reason more than just to see this place.  I wanted to talk to you about the future, about now.  James and Lily meant the world to me.  They're gone.  But you're here, and you mean the world to me too.  I came here to put the past behind myself.  So I could promise myself, and maybe to Lily and James, if they're watching, that I would do my best to protect you and keep you happy and safe."

Sirius grinned at Harry sideways.  "But I can't do that without your cooperation.  If you'll have me, I really would love to look after you as I would were you my own son."

Sirius watched Harry, hiding his anxiety.  What the heck had made him say that?  He was quick to wonder what Harry's reaction would be: What if Harry said no?  What if Harry was offended that Sirius would suggest that he take James' place as his father?  The boy may have agreed to live with him before, but Sirius had never said anything about trying to be a father figure!  The more thoughts that raced through his head, the more he believed he had just royally screwed things up with his godson.

Harry, though, stared at Sirius with blank eyes.  After a few tense moments, he smiled widely.  "I'd love it," Harry said sincerely.

Sirius' mind didn't really comprehend Harry's answer.  Oh, you idiot, he thought furiously, I can't believe you said that, this whole thing was a bad idea, he'll never ever speak to you again, I don't even know where that came from, all I came here to say was that I was going to put my past behind myself, not tell him that I wanted to do for him what James never got the chance to do….

Suddenly, he realized what Harry had said and stopped, staring at the boy with incredulity written all over his expression.  "Really?"

Harry nodded in a puzzled fashion, as if wondering why Sirius seemed so surprised.  Sirius gave a laugh, then, that was so happy and full of joy that Harry froze with wonder.  Then, with a joyous whoop, Sirius leaped forward and pulled Harry into a tight hug, and after a few confused moments, Harry cautiously hugged back.

Releasing each other, the two smiled widely, and they felt something in themselves strengthen, a deeper bond being formed.  No matter what came at them, they'd be able to handle it…together.

***

It was dark by the time they returned to Hogwarts.  They had spent the afternoon exploring the woods and talking to each other.  It had been quite draining, emotionally, but he didn't remember ever feeling so, as corny as it may have seemed...loved.

"I talked to Moody yesterday," Sirius was saying as they strolled up to the entrance to Hogwarts.  "He said as long as I gave you and Draco a lesson today, he look over it.  You have to study really hard, this year, you know…not because of your grades, but anything you learn now may help you against Voldemort."

Harry nodded, and wished, not for the first time, that he had the same fervor that Hermione had with her studies.  He wished he could just as eagerly consume the information, but found that although he would have liked to, he was too overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work and stress that he couldn't.

He and Sirius went past the doors into the castle, and continued through the dark halls and changing staircases to Harry's new dorm.  They went up the staircase to the cul-de-sac where the portrait was.  Lily and James' portrait-selves were speaking when they saw Harry and Sirius.  They smiled, and purposely, without saying anything, swung forward.  Harry and Sirius climbed the spiral staircase to the mini-common room, and sat down at the fire.

Sirius pulled out his wand and muttered "Incendio" to make the fire bloom.  Harry glanced curiously and asked, "Where did you get that wand?"

Sirius smiled fondly at the tool in his hand.  "Turns out Arabella managed to get a hold of my wand and kept it…she was there, that day, posing as a muggle when I confronted Peter.  She got my wand, unnoticed, and kept it."  Sirius shrugged.  "Well.  Hold on, let me go get a few things…."

Sirius went around back and towards Draco's room, which he knocked at before entering.  There was a scuffling sound before Draco's pale face appeared and pulled the door open.  He scowled.  "What is it now?  Want to take another shot at baking a cake, do you?  Well, I'm sorry, but I sincerely think you're hopeless—"

Sirius swatted Draco away from the door and went into a corner of his room, gathering all of Harry's gifts that they had hid there.  "You bring the cake," he ordered Draco.

Draco scowled again.  "It's not a cake," he muttered as they were walking back into the common room, "it's a poison so toxic that I don't think even Snape can decipher it."

Sirius snorted.  "It doesn't kill like poison does," he pointed out.

"Yeah," Draco said, scrunching up his nose.  "But it leaves an aftertaste."

But Sirius was already bounding to Harry, dropping all the presents beside him and plopping down merrily to watch as he opened his gifts.  Draco rolled his eyes as he set the "cake" on the table, and decided to watch—just out of curiosity.

Harry smiled gratefully at his godfather, and then at Draco.  "Thank you," he said, before turning to his gifts.  He seemed eager to see what as given to him.  Draco was surprised at how young Harry seemed suddenly.  Granted, Draco was born January and was only six months older, but somehow Harry conveyed a certain childish innocence that Draco couldn't help but notice.

Harry grabbed the first gift in the pile and plucked off the card.

Dear Harry,

I'm relieved you're at Hogwarts, everyone's been worried sick about you.  It really is the safest place for you to be, and I daresay you like it there better than with the Dursleys.

I'm also glad to hear that you're doing some extra readingit's about time I started rubbing off on someone.  I've already memorized the school textbooks for this year, so I've picked up a fascinating book about BulgariaI'm going to visit Viktor the week before term begins.  Ron hasn't been talking to me since he found out.  Oh well, maybe you can get through to him?  I hope you're having a productive time at Hogwartsput the library to good useand the quidditch pitch!  And, of course, happy 15th birthday!

Love,
Hermione

Harry smiled and passed the note to Sirius to read.  As he was pulling the wrapping off the parcel, Sirius asked dryly, "When will they admit that they're in love with each other?"

Harry shrugged.  "Knowing Ron, maybe a few years…."

Draco laughed, putting the card down after reading it.  He was about to say something insulting about Ron and Hermione before Sirius caught his eye and made it clear that he didn't want Draco saying anything about them at all.

Harry found that Hermione had sent him a personalized snitch.  It had his name engraved into it, and a manual on how to use it.  Harry laughed in wonder, and activated it, letting it fly around the common room crazily.  As the snitch stopped on Harry's left side, Harry's hand snaked out and plucked it from the air, deactivating it and putting it back in its case.

"You two can practice on the pitch tomorrow, if you like," Sirius said as Harry put his snitch aside.  "I have some work to do, so I can't watch, but I'll try to stop by.  The weather should be nice tomorrow."

Harry nodded and proceeded to the next gift, from Ron.

Harry

It's good that you got away from the Dursleys.  But Snape being in the castle must make up for that.  I've been practicing quidditch with Fred and George all summer, so I can try out for Keeper this year.  There hasn't been an opening for ages and I want to take a shot at it.  Did you hear from Hermione?  She's going to Bulgaria to spend time with her little Vicky!  She's completely nutters….  Well, I hope you like your gift.  Write back soon, all of us are wondering what you're up to at Hogwarts.

Ron

Harry smiled and shook his head, a bit ruefully.  "The longer they don't get it, the harder it'll be for me to put up with their constant fighting…."

He unwrapped his gift and found that Ron had gotten him a Chudley Cannons scrapbook, with the history of the team and its players since the team had been created.

Harry took the next gift into his hands, and read the card.

Harry

Wear this at all times.  Your father had it, so I dug it back up from your parents' old things for you.  Happy birthday.  Don't get yourself into trouble.

Hagrid

Harry pulled a long, thin silver chain out of the small packet, and found a phoenix pendant on it.  It was very pretty, small, and made of a delicate-looking colored glass.  The strange thing was that the pendant looked as though it were alive; it was flaming and the little pendant phoenix started singing a content little melody, soothing to Harry's mind.

But Sirius wasn't staring at it in the same fashion Harry and Draco were.  Rather, he seemed to have paled just a bit.  "Harry, let me see that," Sirius said, holding out his hand.  Harry looked at his godfather curiously before handing it over.

Sirius closed his fist around the small pendant.  Closing his eyes, and reaching out through the power of the Order that ran through him, he poked at the pendant with his senses.  He had sensed an immense magical power in it when Harry had been holding it, but for some reason, the pendant wasn't nearly as strong as Sirius thought it may be.  Strange, he thought.  It was more powerful when James was wearing it….

"Harry, touch the pendant with your finger," Sirius ordered, opening his fist.  Harry obeyed, and Sirius sensed the object's power rise quickly.  But it was even stronger than when James had worn the pendant.

Damn.

Sirius kept his eyes closed a few moments more, wishing it wasn't true and that Hagrid hadn't given this and that Harry wasn't in the Order….  He opened his eyes and handed it to Harry.  "Wear it," he said wearily.  "Don't ever take it off.  It has strong…protection charms."

Harry nodded solemnly, slipping the chain over his head.  The little pendant sang a cheerful note, before quieting down.  Harry smiled faintly, before reaching for the next gift—from Remus.

We thought you might want this back.  Use it wisely.

Remus

It was the Marauder's Map!  Harry eagerly looked the parchment over to make sure that Barty Crouch Jr. hadn't hurt it in anyway from the year before, and tucked into his pocket.  He would not let Draco see it—it would come in extremely handy during the Prank War.

"What was that?" Draco asked, peering over to get a closer look at it.

"Just an old bit of parchment," Harry replied, waving it in Draco's face and putting it away once again.

Draco snorted.  "What'd Lupin give you that for?"

"Well," Harry said, wracking his head for an excuse.  "Well—it's a very nice old bit of parchment."

Draco snorted again, but didn't say anything.

"And here's my gift," Sirius said, pulling a small parcel out of his robes and handing it to Harry.  Harry grinned as he said his thanks and opened the parcel.

Inside was a wristwatch of Gryffindor colors.  The band was metal, plated red, and the watch was gold.  It was like a wizard watch-there were no numbers, but little things that said "Mortal Peril" and "Hogwarts" and "Ministry" and "Traveling" and so on.  There were hands with names on them-Sirius, Hermione, Remus, Ron, Draco, Severus, Flora, Orpheus, Diedra, Hagrid, Chardae, Minerva, Arabella, Albus, and Alastor.

"You can add more names to it later, if you like," Sirius said, "but leave the Order members alone.  I want you to be able to tell what's going on with them."

"I didn't realize that so few people were in it," Harry muttered.  "Seemed to me like all of Hogwarts was in that room."

Sirius gave a half-grin at Harry.  "Well, the Professors were invited to come and watch, but only so they know who they can trust.  They're not members of the Order, and as long as they're not in the Phoenix Room, they don't remember anything that took place."

"But then how would they know who to trust?" Draco asked.

"It's a feeling they get," Sirius said.  He paused, before elaborating, and noticed how dead-still and silent the two boys had become, both eager for more information on the Order.  He sighed inwardly—Harry wouldn't be able to get into much trouble just from a little information, would he?

Sirius quickly made up his mind, and started speaking.

july 31st

end

A/N: Okay, well, I know that took me ages.  But it's 15 pages long!  By the way, I want to finish this fic by the time book 5 comes out, so look for more frequent posts.

I started a semi-serious humor/action fic called "Catch" so read that (and review) to lighten up!  Hehe ^^() Shameless advertising....  I wrote the second chapter of that, but it was awful so I'm re-writing it.

As always, please review, and tell me whether you want to be on the mailing list (leave your address!)!

~ Jedi Cosmos ~