The Disease that Killed Love

Chapter 6-Kero

We got use to Syaoran being blind. We got use to Syaoran being silent. It's easy to understand. Syaoran was able to feel his way around. And sometimes he wouldn't answer us when we talk to him before. Syaoran was afraid when he got blind. It's kind of like when you close your eyes and you weren't allowed to open them, and all of the sudden you feel insecure.

We never got use to Syaoran not hearing us.

Sure, sometimes he wouldn't answer, pretend he didn't hear. But it wasn't like that. He would pretend he didn't hear but we would still know he did. Now, sometimes I catch myself calling him, and getting angry because he didn't respond. Then I remember why he didn't respond.

Yue yelled at Sergei once. Well, not yelled, but accused. He said Sergei knew all along. Sakura said the same.

" There's nothing that can be done." Sergei answered. " Nothing. Be glad that you're with him now, in hard times. It will only get harder."

It was not encouraging at all.

Most of the time the house of Yukito was silent. Except for that blasted clock, nothing was really going on. Outside, a car would honk occasionally, or the sound of a child dribbling a basketball will ring across the desolate rooms. But inside, there was very little movement.

Sure, Syaoran would curl up on Yue's lap on the couch. They would sit at the table and eat. Sure, but that was all. There was no movement in that. All was quiet.

It was frightening. It was like the house of the dead. Despite the sunlight rushing into the room, and the cheery decorations, the dog hustling and bustling from here to there. But even Lele was quiet, always guiding Syaoran. Always being his eyes, his ears, his voice. Sometimes it was funny. Syaoran would open his mouth, have this scared look in his eyes, but then Lele would start barking like crazy, and Yue would come running. Yue would first try to calm Lele, and then notice the frightened look in Syaoran's eyes and realize Lele was calling him for Syaoran. But then, all will be quiet again. The dog will curl around Syaoran and everything will be still.

Have you ever pictured a haunted house? All is dark, all is old, right? And all is covered with spiderwebs and cobwebs and dust. Everything is silent, and at the smallest creak you jump, thinking that some ghost may be right behind you, or a little whisper of wind will make your skin crawl. That's what it's like in Yukito's house. No, it's not dark, it's not old, and nothing is covered with spiderwebs and cobwebs and dust except for Syaoran's cello and cello case. Still, everything was silent, and the smallest creak may startle you, and the whispers of wind, the door opening, the curtains flapping, it will drive you crazy. It's always as if something is waiting for you, waiting for your loved ones, ready to pounce when you don't watch out.

Kami-sama. That place is horrible.

Yet Syaoran wouldn't go out anymore. I don't go in there without someone coming with me. Sure, I know Yukito's always there, and Syaoran is too. But still, I like to have at least someone with me. Spinel, even. Kaho sometimes drop by to deliver the groceries. Tomoyo, Sakura, Touya and I sometimes go there.

God, it's so lonely in there. I'd swear, I could never imagine Syaoran at during Chinese New Year with all the decorations. How he was beaming. Kami! I can never imagine that now, and I had seen in for myself.



" Hey, Sakura-chan! How was school today?" I asked.
" Okay, I guess." Sakura said, very low spirited. " Things were normal."

One thing good about this whole ordeal was that there were no mysterious sorcerors out to kill Sakura or anything like that. Sakura was absolutely right. Things were normal.

" We're having a party tomorrow night." She said. " I'm not sure what for. Just a party, I guess."
" That's odd." I blinked. " Schools don't usually have parties for no reason."
" The seniors told me to invite Syaoran." Sakura shrugged. " I'll try, I guess. I doubt he's going. I don't know how to break this to him. And if he's not going I don't feel like going either."
" Aw, come on! You might meet some boys that might want to go out with you! Hopefully that will get Touya started. He hasn't been chasing boys of you these last couple of years because you haven't got any except Syaoran, who Touya now had no problem with."
" Why do you want him to get annoyed?" Sakura asked curiously.
" Things were slow lately. Hopefully Touya will start them up." I answered. " All these sad faces make me lose my appetite."
" I never imagined that was possible." Sakura turned a page in her book.

I wanted to yell at her. Seriously I did. I would have if she was looking at me with laughter in her eyes. But she wasn't laughing. It was a humorless joke.

I sighed. I can't blame these people. Things have been going wrong lately.

Kami-sama.



" Three years. Please! Geez, you're annoying. I'd swear there's something wrong with time here. Ouch. That hurt." I muttered.

Lele growled. I ignored the dog.

" Sheesh, ouch, stop biting me! What is today? April 23rd. Ow! Stop biting me! You blasted dog." I flew high up out of Lele's reach. " Urgh."

I turned around and looked at the master of this dog who was sitting on the couch, his eyes looking at my direction.

" Would you stop staring at me!?" I yelled.

No answer. Not that Syaoran could answer, anyway, even if he heard what I just yelled at him. It made me feel better to yell at him like that. Sure, I wish he would stop staring at me, as if he could see me. It made me feel self conscious.

" This is all your fault!" I yelled at him, knowing full well that he wouldn't hear me anyway. " If you weren't so weak, if you weren't sick, if you weren't born, everyone would be laughing their heads off right now! Sakura would go to that party of hers and meet new boys! Touya would chase them off! Yukito would be in college! Eriol would be back in England! But iieee, you had to be here! This is all your fault!"

I knew Yukito was listening, but we understood each other very well. Hai, Yue and I understood each other. He knew that I didn't mean what I said, that I was as upset as he was, and that I was only yelling at Syaoran because I knew that I could blame him without hurting his feelings.

He stared at me. He stared at me with those harsh blind eyes of his.

" Stop staring at me!"

This time, though, I wished that he would stop staring at me. I wished that he would hear what I was saying. I wished he would see me and actually look at me instead of right through me.

" You gaki!"

Gaki. How long has it been since I last called him gaki? A long long time ago, three years ago. That is a very long time.



I was suddenly tired. I don't feel like yelling at an empty shell anymore. I don't feel like blaming him, completely innocent of all this. Sure, it made me feel better. It served its purpose. Now I want him to laugh that clear laugh of his and call me a stuffed animal. I want him to yell out as I bite his finger. I want him to bicker with me like in the past. I want him to actually glare at me. Threaten me even. I want him to blush when I say Sakura's name. I want him to growl. I want him to smile. Kami-sama, I want him to do something!



Syaoran sat there silently, deaf to all sounds, his blind eyes staring at me. White, blind eyes, white like the whites of his eyes that were supposed to be white, but it wasn't supposed to be white. Black pupils were small but obvious. Dark rings of his eyes stood out, separating white from white.

I cursed him.

I cursed him again and again and for the first time I felt myself crying. What would Yue think of me? What was Yue thinking of me?

Lele nosed me with that cold nose and licked my face. It was wet, sloppy comfort, but comfort all the same. I sighed. It's no use crying. Syaoran wasn't crying anymore. He had cried all his tears out long ago. But I was the only one perhaps, other than Spinel, who hadn't shed a tear in a long while. And here I am, sniffling like an idiot.

" Hey, kid! I dare you to say that again!"
" I'll take that dare! Stuffed animal, stuffed animal, stuffed animal, stuffed animal...!"

" Stuffed animal." I started laughing suddenly. Yukito looked at me strangely.
" Hai, that's what I am, a stuffed animal." I shook my head. Why didn't I think of that? " Was that what you were trying to do, Lele?" I asked. " That's why you annoyed me earlier. You were doing that for Syaoran. You were calling me a stuffed animal by treating me like one."

All of the sudden, I felt calm. I was glad Yukito bought that dog.

" Stuffed animal, stuffed animal, stuffed animal, stuffed animal, stuffed animal, stuffed animal, stuffed animal..."