The Disease that Killed Love

Chapter 12-Xuyan

" So Syaoran, you want some fried noodles?" I asked. Syaoran shrugged. I boiled the water and went to chopping up the tomatoes.

Yukito, who we haven't seen for some time, came down the stairs rubbing his eyes.

" Ohayo, Xuyan." He said. He didn't mention Syaoran's name. But Syaoran waved anyway.

Why do you laugh?

So ironic. I remember a long time ago when Syaoran had asked me that question. We were younger then. I was laughing at Syaoran when he fell down the stairs, and Syaoran got up, trembling, but his voice was calm and his eyes steady.

Why do you laugh?

And yet here he is, the very same Syaoran, laughing in his silent way at Yukito.

What was there to laugh at?

" Things are different." Syaoran answered mildly, when he still had his voice. " I saw how things were if they didn't come with me. I would come back. Ho, I'll come back, and Sakura would still die. I would be alone and everyone will alienate me. Especially Yue and Touya. And all the hate in this place will drive me insane, Xuyan. I will return to Hong Kong again. I would die with no one to miss me. And my family would die and I will be over at your place and we would bicker this way and that without ever realizing we love each other." He smiled at me, his amber eyes curving. " I would still die. Just more quicker. And in more pain."
" You're fighting." I answered. " You still have a chance."
" Hai, I am fighting. I always will fight, till the end." Syaoran answered. " And even then I'll fight, fight to come back even when it is useless. But here is a difference, Xuyan. I will not mind fighting. I have friends."
" You know you bring great pain." I answered.
" There is more to that other reality." Syaoran answered. " The others will know. Yue will know. Sakura will not come back and Yue will find out I was his son too late. I will die right after I go back. And all will mourn. Why? Because they wronged me. Right now," He took my hand in his, " None of you wronged me. All the past wrongs, they've all been undone."

" Do you know how wonderful it is to die without regret?"


" Shut up." Yukito muttered to Syaoran. Syaoran just kept on laughing. I went back to chopping tomatoes, and went to get some shrimp to add to the noodles. The water was beginning to steam. I put in the shrimp and the tomatoes, then closed the lid. Opening the package of fried noodles I prepared everything.

" Ooh, fried noodles. Seafood taste?" Yukito looked over. " I see."
" What was Syaoran laughing at?" I asked.
" My headache."

I blinked. That wasn't so funny.

" Water's boiling." Yukito answered. I hurriedly dumped in three bags of noodles as well as some scallion.



That was breakfast. A rather big breakfast at that. Syaoran was very happy with it.

Then again. He was very happy that day in general.



Not that Syaoran could actually hear anything if he were at the ballet, but Yukito certainly could, ( with the help of his glasses) and so when they watched the terrible excuse for Swan Lake, ( Japanese people make the worst dancers, especially witht heir fat legs and...um. Not that the Chinese make any better dancers either. The best dancers are the Russians.) Syaoran was very pleased with himself.

That day he had a way of finding humor in everything. Or finding something worth cherishing. The streets were strangely empty that day and the birds were singing cheerfully.

Quite odd, I found, because that day was a weekday. Even the schools were rather empty. Today was no holiday. There should be a lot of cars honking on the streets. There should be.

Yukito shrugged. " Who cares?"

" Why did you give her the jade?"
" I love her."
" You could have given her something else."
" There was nothing else to give. You see, when you love someone, there is never enough things you can do for them. And when you can't do anything for them, the best thing you can give is yourself."

Syaoran was happy with his ice cream. I wasn't.
" Ow, I got brainfreeze." I muttered.
" That's because you're stupid." Yukito answered good humoredly. " Why did you swallow that thing!"
" I don't know! It went glump!"

" I guess it was foolish to hope, you know Xuyan? I guess I always knew that it will end like this. This isn't a punishment really, and I guess I can bear it. Remember the cave, Xuyan? It said that those who offended the dead suffered horribly. They became part of the world. The very air, and whatever they do it will have no effect on the living. I did no such thing."
" Then...how do you still fight?"
" I guess for Sakura. But now I'm doubting. I don't think her love for me is strong enough, and really, Sakura isn't that strong. She's not someone I can depend on when I'm totally helpless. Nor any of you, not even Otou-san. There will be a time when one of you break down and I'll lose my support. So I'm leaning on all of you at once. You can bear that, right?"

" That would be quite cold."
" The ice cream is too sweet. I can't believe this is vanilla."
" Syaoran thinks it's good."
" Boy, Syaoran, your senses are really dulling." I said.

Syaoran rolled his eyes. He stuck his tongue at my direction and went back to his ice cream.

" Sakura wouldn't be too happy." I said. " She lives on hope."
" Hope makes things bearable." Syaoran answered. " It doesn't do anything."
" When do you think you will leave?" I asked, despairingly. " You know you will hurt us all."

Syaoran smiled with his amber eyes and took my hands in his.
" Yes, I will hurt you all. Perhaps even to the point where it kills some of you. It is beyond my control. But remember this, sometimes even memories are more valuable then they seem, painful though they were. Go back home, Xuyan. When the time comes I'll call you."
" When what time comes?" I asked.

Syaoran smiled.

" You'll see."

Yukito stared at the video.
" You want to rent this?" He blinked. " But it's an English movie."
" You think I don't know English?" I laughed. " How'd you suppose I survived elementary school without English? And no doubt Syaoran understands English."
" Do you learn American English or British English?"
" My place learns British." I answered. " Perfect for the Holy Grail. Monty Python is British, iie?"

Yukito blinked. " But...it's...stupid."
" I heard it's funny."
" Well," Yukito shrugged.



The beginning of the movie, as some should know about Monty Python, left me the deepest impression. Sounds of horse hooves, thumping on the ground far away in the mist, and lo and behold! King Arthur gallops on his two human feet with a servant carrying his luggage and pounding two coconuts together. Arthur stops, shouts, " Halt!" The man behind stops, then the pounding begins yet again and Arthur tries his best to mimick a horse.

Not the best impression anyone may get from the most famous of European legends. Syaoran thought the same. At first we thought it was something like Don Quixote where there is a man trying to be King Arthur. That is, until we saw the guards at the castle.

" Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?"

" A five ounce bird cannot carry a one pound coconut!"

The British accent itself made the situation even more hilarious. The thing with the accent is that it makes some people sound more...educated, I would say. When an educated person says something as ridiculous as that, well, to be sure, one could laugh his head off.

" It could be carried by an African swallow."

" You see, in order to maintain velocity, a swallow has to beat its wings forty-three times a second. Am I right?"
" Please!"
" Am I right."
" I'm not interested!"

It's really hard to decide who was more stupid, the guards or King Arthur.



" Why do witches burn?"
" Uhh, 'cause they're made of wood!"

" What was the point of this?" I asked Yukito.
" Salem Witch Trial. They tried something of a Trojan Horse later on."
" What's a Trojan Horse?" I asked.
" You don't know?"
" No."

Yukito went into a brief summary about Helen and Menelaus and Paris, and about Ulysses coming up with his clever plan about building a huge wooden horse and hiding people inside it.

The only problem with the movie, was that it was a Trojan Rabbit, and the people forgot to hide in it.

" Well! That's smart!"

" Brave brave Sir Robin, set forth from Camelot.
He was not at all afraid, brave brave Sir Robin!
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,
Brave brave brave brave Sir Robin."

Indeed. Even I was braver than that.



Syaoran seemed to find it very funny for some reason. He said it was like Ji Xiaolan and all that. I thought it was simply dumb.

" Oh Knights of Ni, we will find you your Strawberry."

That British accent didn't help much.



" Why do I have to be a lord? What the heck do lords wear? I can't wear a crown! The King wears a crown! And what does the Pope wear?"
" Ano, don't mind me asking; what the heck are you talking about?" I asked.
" Our Global Studies teacher gave us this group project." Sakura was in a bad mood that day. Curiously enough, she was in a bad mood most of the time. " He said we have to get this ready by Thursday. That weird thing about the Magna Carta and King John. I have to be a lord! I had to read the Magna Carta! And it wasn't as if I understood it easily!"

Not that I could understand Sakura. She was becoming quite bitter these days, not the cheerful little girl she use to be. Indeed, we all changed somehow. Yue was a little more affectionate but I had a feeling he was going back to his old ways. Eriol was a lot less confident of himself. Nakuru was more serious and Spinel more responsible. Even Kero seemed to be down in the dumps most of the time. None of us told that to Syaoran-he takes the point really quickly and he will only make things worse by feeling guilty. Tomoyo wasn't as enthusiastic about Sakura anymore. Indeed, she had enough boys to worry about. They come like flies. It was very interesting to watch her deal with them. With all her experience, Tomoyo never seemed to get the hang of how to fight them off.

" But what was it about the lords and the crowns and the popes?" I asked.
" Iie! We had to dress up! How am I supposed to dress up in three days?" She sighed. " I don't even know what to wear. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do with this stupid assignment."

Syaoran was sitting right next to her. He didn't respond at all. It was quite odd, watching him do nothing while his very love is sitting there all upset. I studied Syaoran's expression. No. Other than the fact that Syaoran knew we were there, he had absolutely no idea what was going on.

I sighed. It's not surprising to see how people had changed. Syaoran did absolutely nothing, but his condition affected us all.