Chapter 5: Take the Red Potion

Special Note: Apologies to a certain science fiction movie with two sequels and a collection of animated shorts coming out shortly.

She's been asleep for several hours, now. That has been enough time to go through a thorough, complete, and highly painful grilling on the part of the core Scoobys. It has also been enough time to give the confused and scared slayers-in-training the best information and assurance I can, although mostly I just depress them more with the fact that another SIT is really dead. I don't dare tell them that if any of them are still alive at the end of this campaign, we will have been exceptionally lucky.

I also have enough time to prepare the two tools I need. The first is a potion that glows a sickly red. There are other preparations that go along with the red potion, and I made those arrangements as well. The second is an enchanted sword. In the next hour, I will use one of them on Willow. She will choose which one.

One of these tools represents the correct choice, although I can't force her to make it. Instead, I will take one person with me to help persuade Willow to make the right decision. I'd like to take all the core Scoobys with me, but any more than two people and Willow might panic and collapse, at which point the incorrect choice will become the only option. After much discussion of what the choices are with the Scoobys, and an intense psychoanalysis of Willow, I have decided to take Buffy with me.

I'm not 100% sure of my decision. I don't fully trust her, considering what happened last May. But, she's my best option. Giles is right out. I greatly appreciate Mr. Harris's abilities, but I need her to embrace her power this time, not push it away like last May. I gave some thought to Dawn, but one of Willow's most painful memories is trying to kill Dawn while insane with black magic poisoning. That will not lead her to "awakening the giant within."

Only Buffy can make the case I need to have made. That's because she alone realizes something very important about Willow, something that not even Xander has picked up. The rest think Willow's problems are caused by her secretly craving power, and losing herself to the thing that gave her power as a result. Willow thinks this, too, which is why I'm so concerned that she'll choose poorly.

Buffy knows that's wrong - she's the one who secretly craves power, and she recognizes that Willow is not like her. In this case, it's not about the power. It's about affection and approval.

* * *

I walk into the bedroom with Buffy, just in time to hear Willow stir. I place the two tools onto a TV table next to the bed, being especially careful not to spill the potion. Buffy and I sit down on the bed next to Willow. I bend down and kiss her forehead. Willow's eyelids open, and two orbs of coal look at me.

"I'm not breathing," she whispers. "Am I dead?"

"No," I whisper. "You've been transformed into a magical being, so you don't need to breathe anymore."

Technically, she did "die," and was immediately reincarnated as a black- magic powered demon, but there are some details I don't dare say or even think right now.

"Then why does it still hurt so much, like I'm dying?"

"Willow, listen to me. You are dying." I whisper. "Your body is not stable as it is, and will soon collapse. When it does, you may become a threat to the world again." She groans. "But it doesn't have to be that way, Willow, if you're strong enough."

She gives me a look of complete despair. "But I'm not strong, Kennedy, I'm weak, I gave into the dark magics again..."

"Willow, please let her finish," says Buffy. She's more helpful than I thought.

"I know how bizarre and painful this is for you, Willow. You might not believe it, but the truth is I've been there. I got through it, and you can, too."

She sighs. "How, Kennedy?" she whispers.

"Before, you asked me who you really are, Willow. Would you like to know?"

"I... guess so..."

"Good. Unfortunately, I can't explain it to you, Willow - you would not be able to comprehend it in your current state. You have to become it - experience who you are for yourself."

She looks confused for a second, and then I see a flash of understanding.

"You know that you can't stay as you are, Willow." I say. She nods. "You've reached the end of the road. It all has to change in the next few minutes. How it changes is up to you. You have a choice."

Willow looks at me. I gesture towards the TV table, and Willow's eyes follow suit.

"Choice number one is this sword. If you want, I use it to kill you, sending your soul into the Great Beyond. This story ends, and what happens next is not up to any of us."

She gasps. Then she begins to look longingly at the sword. Oh, Goddess. I quickly move onto choice two.

"Choice number two is this red potion. It will turn you into an entity much more permanent - something stronger. Drink it, and I show you who you really are."

She blinks a few times. "What about choice number three? Can't you turn me back into an ordinary human?"

"No. You yourself know that's impossible."

She lets out an awful laugh. "So I either die - or I become a monster. That's a hell of a choice, Kennedy." Before I can say anything, she continues.

"Not that becoming a monster would be that much different - I'm already a monster." She begins to cry. "All I wanted was to be powerful. I desired it. I practically sold my soul for it. It was the one thing I craved - prayed for. And now I've got it." She sobs. "I'm so evil... I wish..."

Oh, Goddess. Come on, Prospexa, if Mr. Harris can think of Yellow Crayon stories that work, so can you...

"Oh, waah. Look at me, I'm feeling so sorry for myself. Stop it," snaps Buffy. Willow is taken aback. She looks positively insulted. But she stops sobbing.

"Willow, I'm only going to say this once, so you'd better listen. If you don't, I'll have Kennedy cast a silence spell on you." Willow stares at Buffy angrily, but doesn't say anything. "I know you think you're evil because you crave power. But you're not. You don't want power, Willow. Deep down you know you don't. What you really want is approval. You just want people to like you - love you. And you secretly think nobody does, most of all yourself."

Willow nods softly, a tear running down her cheek. She begins to say something, and Buffy promptly silences her.

"Don't you dare say that," snaps Buffy. "We love you, Willow. We need you. You're witty, smart, beautiful, wise, and when you aren't wrapped up in pity parties for yourself, one of the most moral and decent people I've ever met. You have the ability to understand us - understand me - more than anyone, even Xander. You're our foundation, Willow - and, yes, our big gun. So again, we love you, Willow. I love you. I need you. So if you dare try to commit suicide, I'll kill you."

Willow is taken aback. It practically rips my heart out that she's actually surprised to hear someone saying something like this.

"But... if I do take the potion, and become something permanently magical... won't I become evil by definition?"

"Do I look evil to you?" I snap.

"Kennedy - no, of course, not, Oh Goddess, I didn't mean that..."

"Then you most certainly don't have to be evil, either." I say. "I'm not turning you into a vampire, Willow. You'll still have your soul - the most important part of you, the only real part, will still be you."

"So I don't have to be evil if I..."

"No. Virtue has no master, Willow."

"Thank you, Plato," says Willow. "Okay. But then if I become fully magical and have all that 'big gun' power, won't I totally lose control again?"

"No. Willow, a big part of your problem is that your human body isn't strong enough for your magical powers. Once your body is better suited for your powers, the continual craving to use your powers will go away. And so will most of the pain."

"Most?"

"You'll still have your own feelings, Will. I can't protect you from that, and Goddess forbid me if I ever want to. But the torment caused by the magic trying to escape your body will vanish."

She nods, but I can see she's still deciding, still weighing the options, still trying to delay. Suddenly, she's wracked by a horrible cough, and a splotch of black ink appears on the covers. More black oil begins to run out of the corner of her mouth.

"Willow, sweetie, your current body won't last for much longer. You have to decide now. And don't even ask me what I want you to choose. I... love you, Willow. I have for a very long time. I know this is sudden, but I do. More than you can imagine. Please."

She looks at Buffy. "Like I said. Choose the sword and I'll kill you."

She looks at me. I try to avoid crying, powerful hell goddess that I am. I almost succeed.

She mentally attempts to take a deep breath, then remembers she doesn't breathe anymore.

[It's going to be okay,] she thinks.

My heart is pounding.

And she makes her choice. She sits up, takes the cup of potion off of the table and begins to drink, then pulls away.

"Yuck. That's the most awful stuff I've ever tasted. Couldn't you have put some Kool-Aid in it or something? I'm trying to be like, all brave and noble and self-esteemy here, Kennedy, and you could have at least helped a little." She gives me a pout.

"I'm sorry, Will, but the potion has to be made precisely, with no additives allowed. And you do have to drink it all. Just hold your nose and chug it."

She wrinkles her nose, but does as she's told. As she swallows the last drop, my heart begins to slow down. Now we just need to get through the next few minutes.

"Buffy," I say, "thank you. You don't know... how much what you just did means to me. We need to be alone, now, so I can complete the spell."

Buffy looks unsure, and looks at Willow. The witch nods, and Buffy turns and leaves. As she does, I cast a heavy-duty barrier around the room. The group will sense nothing and will not be able to come in. They don't want to see what will happen next.

I sit down on the bed next to Willow, and softly make her lie down next to me. I wrap my arms around her and gently kiss her. She's starting to shiver; the potion is taking effect. I grab my cell phone, and make a special, very long distance call, using the special "voice free / thought only" option. [She just swallowed the potion. It will only be a few minutes. Be ready.]

[We're good,] comes the reply, which I recognize is from one of my most faithful attendants. [Stand by.]

"So, now I just sit here, and the potion turns me into a less icky thing?"

"Not exactly," I say, "but that's the final result."

Willow looks at me, and starts to shake harder. "What did I just swallow, tell me..."

"Sssh.." I whisper. "I know it hurts. And it's going to hurt worse. But don't fight it. Please, Willow, the best thing to do right now is just let it happen."

"What the hell..."

"It's not going to transform your body, Willow. Your new body is waiting in another dimension. My home dimension, and yours."

"What the..."

"The potion you swallowed will separate your soul and your power from your current, semi-dead body. Then we'll guide your free soul into its new body."

Willow lets loose a scream, both from shock at what I've just told her as well as the violent pain now racking her body. [Just another few minutes, sweetie, and it will all be over.] She moans, and thinks something obscene about me. At least she's keeping her spirits up.

But then I look above me. I see ceiling. This is not good. I think into my phone.

[Lord Clementine, we need that portal opened very soon. Now would be a good time.]

[Still working on it,] he says. [Should be open soon.] I hear a crunching noise over the phone.

Willow moans again, clearly in agony. Her body is beginning to glow.

[Lord Clementine, if that portal isn't opened in time, your next several thousand years are going to be very unpleasant. So I strongly suggest you put down the potato chips and...]

Thank Goddess he interrupts me. [Got it! Opening now.]

Suddenly, the ceiling is replaced with a large portal, complete with swirling blue clouds and intermittent lightning. Normally I'm not a fan of portals, but this time I'm overwhelmed with joy to see one.

[Activating guide channel.]

An intense white beam shoots from out of the portal, hitting Willow squarely in the chest. Her body jerks up and her eyes open wide. She shakes violently. The potion has almost finished its work.

I kiss her forehead one last time. [Please, Willow. Don't fight it any more. It's time for you to go.]

[Will you be there with me? Can I see my friends, too?] she asks.

[Yes and yes. I promise.]

Her body sinks back on the bed, and for the first time in a long time she smiles. Her eyes softly close. As they do, a brilliant plume of white and purple energy emerges from her chest, following the beam into the portal.

The beam shuts off. Willow's body - just a used shell now - bursts into ashes, its job finally done forever.

I allow myself a quick look at the bed, where the temporary body of Willow Rosenberg had been, and jump into the portal. After all, I have a promise to keep.

* * *

To be continued...