Fowl Fanfiction Boarding School:

Disclaimer: I own nothing of anything in this fic, although all the un-funny moments belong to me. Miss Cam and Meir Brin can take the credit for everything, except Foaly's Canon Cannons (which he is **STILL** working on, despite the six months I've given him. *aims a well-placed glare towards Foaly*), which is still coming up. Blame the centaur, and don't forget the rotten apples. Enjoy!

Chapter 2: The First Day is Not Always a Good One

Judy woke up to the sweet sound of birds outside her window, and several ice cubes in her shirt.

Waiiiit.. Back that up.. Rewind the stupid videotape, and play it again, Sam. ICE CUBES?!

She jumped out of bed, and almost crashed into several smirking girls, who were about two feet, eleven and a half inches. Exactly the same as her.

"WHAT THE FREAK?!" she screamed at them, and added several expletives that should not be said in a PG fic. She frowned. Her voice sounded rather echoey, and there was a strange metal-like weight on her head.

"This was the only way you'd wake up." One of them said, removing the pail from her head, looking far too innocent for it to be plausible. "And we have to be down at the assembly.." she checked the clock in their dorm with a casual glance. "Right about now." She added in satisfaction.

The fairy girls each went out, sneering to themselves in satisfaction. Judy cursed her luck. Why today, of all days? She reached for a drawer to put her clothes on..

And suddenly her brain kicked back in.

She sat on the floor in surprise, wincing at the impact when she missed, and sat on the bed instead. According to her brain, Judy had just been transported into Artemis Fowl World..

Complete with Artemis Fowl, total Irish hottie.

"Oh. My. God." With these short but descriptive words, Judy began screaming, immediately stopping when she realized that she sounded like a fangirl.

'You ARE a fangirl, Dumbo!' sneered her brain, but she wasn't paying any attention to it at the moment. Instead, Judy was searching through all her drawers for clothes to wear, anything that would be fancy enough to impress Artemis..

Of course, she reasoned, that was the way it was supposed to work. She had to save him from something.. Something really important and vital, and, if possible, really, really dangerous, or at least kinda scary looking. Possibly the Brazil Government...

Dismissing that thought, Judy finally came out, knee deep in nylon stockings, and with one fuzzy pink sweater. It was, in addition to the most eye-catching piece of clothing she owned (not including her favorite pair of lacy underwear), also the most expensive. Why, she had spent $150 getting it!

She put it on. It covered all of her, and still had room for her feet, even when she put it over her head.

The clock chimed, even though it was electronic, but Judy ignored it, until she heard the intercom crackling on.

"ATTENTION ALL MUD KIDS, ER, I MEAN, STUDENTS," it boomed in a loud tone of voice. There was some scuffling in the background, that sounded somewhat like 'Mud Man!' and 'Midgety twit!', spoken in a distinctly elfish female's voice. But the one with the microphone coughed, made a smoke- sucking noise, and continued. "ATTENTION ALL STUDENTS, PLEASE REPORT TO THE AUDITORIUM. IF YOU HAVE NOT FOUND YOUR WAY THERE BY THIS TIME, YOU WILL BE CAUGHT AND SACRIFICED IN THE SUN RITUAL BY THE MINI-ROOTS. IF YOU ARE STILL DRESSING BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE BEING PRETTY TODAY, YOU WILL ALSO BE CAUGHT AND SACRIFICED IN THE SUN RITUAL BY THE MINI-ROOTS. ATTENTION ALL STRAY STUDENTS, PLEASE ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR LIFE." Here the speaker chuckled. "YOU WON'T HAVE MUCH LEFT."

Judy ignored the voice. It was probably just bluffing about the sacrifice and stuff. After all, not a lot of stuff happened in Artemis Fowl's books. All he did in the first book was sit around and look at computer screens. She ignored the little voice in her head reminding her that she had skipped over everything BUT the computer screen scenes, for whatever reason, it didn't know.

(It should be getting rather obvious at this point that Judy uses her hormones more often than her brain.)

But suddenly, she heard a rumble behind the doors of the dorm. It got louder and louder. Judy squeaked, and jumped onto the bed, frozen in a springboard diving position. And then the doors burst open.

In swarmed millions (or what seemed like millions) of stout little men, all red faced, all yelling, all smoking noxious cigars, and all with a gleaming triple-acorn badge pinned to their uniform. Only they certainly weren't sounding like anyone she'd ever known. They just kept repeating one word, over and over, as she was dragged by her (itchy) furry pink collar to the way she now knew was to the Auditorium.

"SA-CREE-FY-CEES! SA-CREE-FY-CEES!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Trisani winced in fellow sympathy as yet another Mini-Root Tribe stormed by. Holly noticed the direction she was looking, and shuddered again, although not for the pink- shirted victim.

"Stupid Mud Girls.." She muttered. "Think they can just sneak off to meet Artemis themselves, and rescue him from danger.. Ha! Like danger will materialize out of nowhere, so they can rescue him from it. If they do their heroine act ONE more time, and I will throttle someone. By hand, if Root's taken my Neutrino again."

Noting that fangirls were a touchy subject with Holly, Trisani deftly changed the subject. "So, where did you get all those Mini-Roots?"

Holly snorted, this time with amusement evident in her hazel eyes. "There's only the one. The rest are just illusions."

"WHAT?!" demanded Trisani loudly, almost falling over. "I was nearly MAULED by one tribe this morning while getting out of bed! Are you telling me that that's just the ONE?!"

Now Holly looked as if she were about to laugh. "You should use the invisibility shield, like the rest of us." She commented lightly, as they strolled towards the auditorium.

Trisani looked stunned. "What, all of you?"

"Well, whenever we see or hear students coming.. Artemis can do it by instinct now." Holly grinned, a roguish streak showing very definitely in her. "Amazing what a healthy fear of fangirls can do to you."

"OK, OK, enough on that subject. Who's making the speech, by the way?"

Holly smirked. And for anyone who doesn't know, a smirking Holly is a fearsome sight. It is second in "terrifying-ness" to none, save the "I'm demoting you to the guy who cleans bathrooms with a TOOTHPICK" act by Commander Root.

"You are."

*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N: Much thanks to Ardil the Traveler, no name, Meshdo, Eleida, Kitty Rainbow and Blue Yeti, who were really nice about the whole thing being based off of OFUM.