Fowl Fanfiction Boarding School:
Disclaimer: I own nothing of anything in this fic, although all the un-funny moments belong to me. Foaly has finally decided to grace us with his presence and his invention, which he will pop up as soon as he patents it, the idiot. Like someone's going to steal it.
For those of you who don't know, tanning frames are NOT the popular way to get that healthy burnt cookie glow in your skin. Tanning frames= tanning racks= little frames used to stretch animal skins on.
And Kitty Rainbow, I'm sorry that I just took advantage and filled out your form for you. You'll be elf-girl, and I'll be controlling you. If you don't like what I'm doing, you can always tell me, and I'll substitute you for someone else.
Review Thanks go out to Kitty Rainbow (of course), slime frog, PsychoDude (twice), chocobblgum, digi-girl13, Dreamy- eyes, nameless, bored2death, Liliane Evyl, Yukina, and Godforsaken. For those who do want to sign up and didn't use the form, it'll be in the reviews section of this fanfic. K? Now on with the fic!
Chapter Three: www.OpalKoboiIsPathetic.com
Groaning, Judy woke up for the second time in the same day, with dust motes trailing and clinging desperately for dear life, down her furry pink shirt. She tried her favorite morning greeting, which was usually something along the lines of, "Hey there, sunshine! Isn't it a fine day?" or if she saw a particularly hot guy, "GROO!!" Instead, what she actually said seemed to be along the lines of..
"Mmmph!"
She spat out the rope that some smart aleck had stuffed into her mouth, and immediately felt things on her hands and feet tighten. Spitting out the rope also meant that the rest of her woke up, causing the nerves in her arms and legs to run to her screaming: "OH THE PAIN!!! OH THE HORROR!!! SAVE US FROM THE STUPID TANNING FRAME!"
Something nudged her in the ribs, and she shrieked in surprise, noting that her yell seemed to be coming across louder than usual, even for her. Finally, she opened her eyes and blearily saw the other elf-girls who were "hanging around" on the tanning frames, also taking note of her companion, the girl who was probably the one who nudged her in the ribs.
"I'm Kitty Rainbow, and I write Holly/Juliet fanfiction! They make suuuuch a good couple, don't you think? Artemis doesn't really deserve either of them, they should sooo be together!" she hissed, eyes sparkling, "Who are you?"
"I'm Judy," Judy replied softly, although she didn't bother to address the earlier comments. They were too scary for belief. And then, added virtuously, for good measure, "I'm Artemis Fowl's girlfriend. Or I will be, as soon as he gets here." Getting into the rhythm of her lying, she continued. "Those stupid barbaric beasts are gonna get a good thrashing as soon as my Arty gets 'em! Or rather," she corrected herself, "as soon as that whathisname-guy who's really strong gets 'em!"
Kitty looked slightly admiring, slightly doubting, and slightly jealous, all mixed up, and Judy felt proud of herself. At least she'd warded another girl off from her Arty! Arty. She drooled to herself, but she never got a chance to continue her little rant, because at that moment, it seemed to her that everything began happening at once.*^ (Check at the bottom of the chapter for what those mean.)
BANG!!!
"Ouch."
Judy swung around to, in a way, face whoever had dealt her the blow on the head, and saw a little Mini Root, wielding a broom. It would have been almost amusing, except now she felt several strands of hair floating past her to land on the floor with a gentle thump. She glared at the little Root.
It seemed to be speaking, too.
"Dunna cumma closer! Mini Rooty hasa broomy!" It called up to her, smirking slightly, waving the weapon in question at her. She attempted to swing closer, perhaps to deal it with a good kick on the head, but then.
BANG!!!
Several more strands fell to the floor. Judy felt extremely annoyed.
With that last final whack, the Mini Root departed, cackling evilly. "Mini Rooty likey stooopid ugly girly!" he called at her, waving his noxious fungus cigar in his enthusiasm.
"Why you-" Judy began, and would have started on her tirade of swearing (that would have immediately been censored, but that was beside the point), but the loud ringing stopped her in her tracks. She would have ignored it, but it was getting in her ears.
"ATTENTION! ATTENTION!" boomed a loud voice from the stage. Immediately, all the tanning racks swerved to point their residents towards the stage. The few teenagers (who were all male, by the way. Apparently only non-fangirls had survived the onslaught of traps.) that had managed to get to the Auditorium sans tanning racks smirked and waved at the tanning-racked. Already Judy could hear several girls planning to get them with paintballs.
Waiiit. Did the Underground have paintballs?
Damn.
The person on stage was a redheaded girl who didn't look much older than the rest of the students. She coughed slightly. "If you hadn't noticed before, this is Fowl Fanfiction Boarding School (and for all those sick minded people, no, we do *not* mean *Foul* in THAT way. Kindly do not spoil our minds) and you are here to be taught the art of FanFiction!" She beamed slightly; adjusting her glasses, and continued.
"There are no electives, all courses must be taken, so we'll get on with listing them! There's, of course, How to Be a Decent Villain, taught by..."
Now she sounded absolutely preppy, and Judy caught herself whispering to Kitty, "What an absolute load of-"
She was cut off when a whack landed on her head. It felt heavy. It felt wooden, with straws in it. It also felt like it was stuck to her head.
"Broom of Order." Kitty read with fascination. "We do not take responsibility for broken brain cells when using this product. Contact us at broom_of_order@foalytotallyrules.com or see our website at www.opalkoboiispathetic.com."
The girl on the stage looked even smugger. "That would be a Foaly Invention." She informed her audience, who were all hastily hushing each other up. "He's working on a new one for the rest of us, so don't bother any of the staff, because these have been designed to stop you. Now.," she droned on and on. Judy felt bored, and yawned.
Immediately, several hundred straw bristles attempted to stuff themselves down her throat. Ugh.
Having finished her speech, Trisani turned to her fellow staff members, some of which were hurriedly climbing up the curtains. "Do you have anything to say?" she asked them hopefully. Her face just screamed: "Say something and GET ME OFF THIS STAGE!!"
Finally, one of them sighed, and came out, wincing as the stage lights struck his pale skin, illuminating him in a brilliant glow. Artemis Fowl.
There was a moment of shock, and immediately, Judy felt herself begin to chew on the ropes on her tanning rack. So did several other girls. As the boy genius opened his mouth to speak, the tanning rack ropes broke, and all the fangirls rushed towards the stage.
~*~*~*~*~
*At the risk of sounding really clichéd, "after lengthy deliberation, philosophers have concluded that the shortest period of time for everything to happen is a thousand million years.
^Kitty continued talking without interruption from Judy after her introduction.
~Both these fixies are put in, in the name of the honorable Blue Yeti, who will make her mark as the Thundera Tiger of FFBS, along with.. well, other people. You'll see. ^_*
Disclaimer: I own nothing of anything in this fic, although all the un-funny moments belong to me. Foaly has finally decided to grace us with his presence and his invention, which he will pop up as soon as he patents it, the idiot. Like someone's going to steal it.
For those of you who don't know, tanning frames are NOT the popular way to get that healthy burnt cookie glow in your skin. Tanning frames= tanning racks= little frames used to stretch animal skins on.
And Kitty Rainbow, I'm sorry that I just took advantage and filled out your form for you. You'll be elf-girl, and I'll be controlling you. If you don't like what I'm doing, you can always tell me, and I'll substitute you for someone else.
Review Thanks go out to Kitty Rainbow (of course), slime frog, PsychoDude (twice), chocobblgum, digi-girl13, Dreamy- eyes, nameless, bored2death, Liliane Evyl, Yukina, and Godforsaken. For those who do want to sign up and didn't use the form, it'll be in the reviews section of this fanfic. K? Now on with the fic!
Chapter Three: www.OpalKoboiIsPathetic.com
Groaning, Judy woke up for the second time in the same day, with dust motes trailing and clinging desperately for dear life, down her furry pink shirt. She tried her favorite morning greeting, which was usually something along the lines of, "Hey there, sunshine! Isn't it a fine day?" or if she saw a particularly hot guy, "GROO!!" Instead, what she actually said seemed to be along the lines of..
"Mmmph!"
She spat out the rope that some smart aleck had stuffed into her mouth, and immediately felt things on her hands and feet tighten. Spitting out the rope also meant that the rest of her woke up, causing the nerves in her arms and legs to run to her screaming: "OH THE PAIN!!! OH THE HORROR!!! SAVE US FROM THE STUPID TANNING FRAME!"
Something nudged her in the ribs, and she shrieked in surprise, noting that her yell seemed to be coming across louder than usual, even for her. Finally, she opened her eyes and blearily saw the other elf-girls who were "hanging around" on the tanning frames, also taking note of her companion, the girl who was probably the one who nudged her in the ribs.
"I'm Kitty Rainbow, and I write Holly/Juliet fanfiction! They make suuuuch a good couple, don't you think? Artemis doesn't really deserve either of them, they should sooo be together!" she hissed, eyes sparkling, "Who are you?"
"I'm Judy," Judy replied softly, although she didn't bother to address the earlier comments. They were too scary for belief. And then, added virtuously, for good measure, "I'm Artemis Fowl's girlfriend. Or I will be, as soon as he gets here." Getting into the rhythm of her lying, she continued. "Those stupid barbaric beasts are gonna get a good thrashing as soon as my Arty gets 'em! Or rather," she corrected herself, "as soon as that whathisname-guy who's really strong gets 'em!"
Kitty looked slightly admiring, slightly doubting, and slightly jealous, all mixed up, and Judy felt proud of herself. At least she'd warded another girl off from her Arty! Arty. She drooled to herself, but she never got a chance to continue her little rant, because at that moment, it seemed to her that everything began happening at once.*^ (Check at the bottom of the chapter for what those mean.)
BANG!!!
"Ouch."
Judy swung around to, in a way, face whoever had dealt her the blow on the head, and saw a little Mini Root, wielding a broom. It would have been almost amusing, except now she felt several strands of hair floating past her to land on the floor with a gentle thump. She glared at the little Root.
It seemed to be speaking, too.
"Dunna cumma closer! Mini Rooty hasa broomy!" It called up to her, smirking slightly, waving the weapon in question at her. She attempted to swing closer, perhaps to deal it with a good kick on the head, but then.
BANG!!!
Several more strands fell to the floor. Judy felt extremely annoyed.
With that last final whack, the Mini Root departed, cackling evilly. "Mini Rooty likey stooopid ugly girly!" he called at her, waving his noxious fungus cigar in his enthusiasm.
"Why you-" Judy began, and would have started on her tirade of swearing (that would have immediately been censored, but that was beside the point), but the loud ringing stopped her in her tracks. She would have ignored it, but it was getting in her ears.
"ATTENTION! ATTENTION!" boomed a loud voice from the stage. Immediately, all the tanning racks swerved to point their residents towards the stage. The few teenagers (who were all male, by the way. Apparently only non-fangirls had survived the onslaught of traps.) that had managed to get to the Auditorium sans tanning racks smirked and waved at the tanning-racked. Already Judy could hear several girls planning to get them with paintballs.
Waiiit. Did the Underground have paintballs?
Damn.
The person on stage was a redheaded girl who didn't look much older than the rest of the students. She coughed slightly. "If you hadn't noticed before, this is Fowl Fanfiction Boarding School (and for all those sick minded people, no, we do *not* mean *Foul* in THAT way. Kindly do not spoil our minds) and you are here to be taught the art of FanFiction!" She beamed slightly; adjusting her glasses, and continued.
"There are no electives, all courses must be taken, so we'll get on with listing them! There's, of course, How to Be a Decent Villain, taught by..."
Now she sounded absolutely preppy, and Judy caught herself whispering to Kitty, "What an absolute load of-"
She was cut off when a whack landed on her head. It felt heavy. It felt wooden, with straws in it. It also felt like it was stuck to her head.
"Broom of Order." Kitty read with fascination. "We do not take responsibility for broken brain cells when using this product. Contact us at broom_of_order@foalytotallyrules.com or see our website at www.opalkoboiispathetic.com."
The girl on the stage looked even smugger. "That would be a Foaly Invention." She informed her audience, who were all hastily hushing each other up. "He's working on a new one for the rest of us, so don't bother any of the staff, because these have been designed to stop you. Now.," she droned on and on. Judy felt bored, and yawned.
Immediately, several hundred straw bristles attempted to stuff themselves down her throat. Ugh.
Having finished her speech, Trisani turned to her fellow staff members, some of which were hurriedly climbing up the curtains. "Do you have anything to say?" she asked them hopefully. Her face just screamed: "Say something and GET ME OFF THIS STAGE!!"
Finally, one of them sighed, and came out, wincing as the stage lights struck his pale skin, illuminating him in a brilliant glow. Artemis Fowl.
There was a moment of shock, and immediately, Judy felt herself begin to chew on the ropes on her tanning rack. So did several other girls. As the boy genius opened his mouth to speak, the tanning rack ropes broke, and all the fangirls rushed towards the stage.
~*~*~*~*~
*At the risk of sounding really clichéd, "after lengthy deliberation, philosophers have concluded that the shortest period of time for everything to happen is a thousand million years.
^Kitty continued talking without interruption from Judy after her introduction.
~Both these fixies are put in, in the name of the honorable Blue Yeti, who will make her mark as the Thundera Tiger of FFBS, along with.. well, other people. You'll see. ^_*
