Fowl Fanfiction Boarding School:
Disclaimer: This fic does not belong to me, only the criticism from everybody, which definitely helped a lot. Foaly's Canon Cannons belong to Foaly, not Opal Koboi. Any characters in here are real, and belong to themselves (or at least, someone else). And I corrected all of my mistakes in the past chapters. Thanks to Blue Yeti and Stardust Firebolt for pointing them out!
Also, yes I do realize that this chapter is unusually obscene, for someone like me, but I felt we needed to face all those little REALLY obscene A+H stories. If you want an example, I could name you four, but three have been taken down. (Blue Yeti, that'd be a reference to you.)
Why Glomping is Not Common for AF:
Trisani glared balefully at the students, her foot tapping impatiently. There was now total silence, in contrast to the fangirl screams there had been a moment ago. And the screams weren't all due to Artemis, either. Trisani smiled to herself smugly in satisfaction. "And I hope you're smart enough never to attempt that again." She snapped at the students, "Or do you think I've never consulted Miss Cam about OFUM and standard fan girl procedure? When will you people learn that we are not all stupid and glompable?" She turned to help Artemis up, but Butler and Juliet were already doing so, shooting the fangirls extremely dirty looks.
"Shall I go take care of them, Master Artemis?" Butler queried tensely, his eyes gleaming with the prospect of 'punishment', but was shoved out of the way by an extremely concerned Juliet, who tossed her shining hair before speaking, her glittery eyelashes fluttering up and down like a pair of mating butterflies.
"Get out of the limelight and quit hogging the center stage, big bro! I can take care of Arty myself you know!" Juliet was extremely firm on that subject. "Besides, Principal Colfer says that you're gonna be sent out of business just next book, so, like, let me take care of things for once! You never let me do an-y-thin-ga!" Her voice stretched into a wail of annoyance. Butler attempted to make her be quiet and listen to him at the same time, which only resulted in her screaming louder. Several windows broke under the impact of her voice.
Meanwhile, as his bodyguards argued with each other, and finally, began to wrestle for it, Artemis was still drowning in an extremely large pool of drool. He was finally rescued by Holly, who was apparently the only one paying attention to the situation. (The mini-Root was having his hands full keeping the female students from magically reviving themselves and shouting "I will rescue you, Arty-poo!!!!!")
"Mud Boy, er, Artemis, are you all right?" the fairy captain asked, and Trisani watched in fascination. They were having a polite conversation! This was truly a notable event, especially since she could recall exactly when yesterday they'd been having an argument. And the day before that. And the day before that. And the day before that. Her eyes glazed over as she counted how many days she could recall. Meanwhile.
"I'm fine." Artemis attempted a casual pose by dusting his clothes off. Instead, drool came off of his suit, and he wrinkled his elegant nose in disgust. "Thank you for your timely rescue, Captain. You may be sure that I appreciate it."
"I expect to be Commander any time soon now." Holly corrected him in a laconically inclined tone, and Artemis would've rolled an eye, had he been an ordinary person with no pride and lineage to speak of. Instead, he settled for a cool, "Indeed."
They would have, without a doubt, continued their polite conversation (although Trisani couldn't see how Artemis could stand being around in drool-filled clothes) had one of the girls not at that moment stood up and just blurted, "Make out already! You still have to find her br-" She was cut off by a Broom of Order coming down on her head. Artemis shook his head regretfully, although in his eyes was the gleam of insanity you get after being chased by multiple fan girls.
"Let us make this clear, my, ah, dear students," He called to the auditorium, where students were lying around in various poses of disgust, and, in some cases, unconsciousness, at being glomped by a Mini-Root, and being bashed by a Broom of Order at the same time. Judy was one of these people, although she immediately woke up at the sound of her darling sweety-pie's voice. "I have never found any of Captain Short's lingerie in my room, nor do I intend to, at any point in time."
"Surrreee." one of the other girls called knowingly. Artemis turned, and his ice-cold gaze zeroed in on the speaker. "You're just saying that so you can comfort her after her ordeal this afternoon, so that tonight you can-" She was cut off by a steaming vat of Grunk poured over her head. (The vat, of course, bore the insignia of Koboi Laboratories) Judy, who was hanging rather unnecessarily close to the speaker, held her breath so that she didn't have to smell any more than she already had. Needless to say, it didn't smell like violets (which would have been bad enough, at the strength of the scent).
"Doesn't that smell bother you?" she tried to hiss in annoyance to her other neighboring tanning rack, which was Kitty Rainbow. Judy groaned and tried to swing farther away. She had no intention of putting up with another speech about how good Holly and Juliet were for each other, but the other girl was far too busy gazing adoringly at the Perfect Picture on the stage, where Holly, inching farther and farther away from Artemis, had come into a faultless standing pose... Right next to Juliet.
An obscenely happy shriek rented the air, and the iron doors opened. In danced a gleeful Foaly, followed by a harassed looking Opal Koboi. "I have completed it!" he shouted over and over again, almost a mantra to give Opal even more of a bothered look than she had already.
"With my help!" she interjected, but Foaly quickly jabbed her out of the way, and cleared his throat. "Limelight please!" he called, and, rising on his hind legs (but shortly fell back onto all four legs. Even centaurs can't defeat their horsey parts), cleared his throat, and snapped his fingers.
Immediately, a large piece of green Jello landed on him, followed suit by a flashlight. After struggling his way out of the lime-flavored substance, he glared up at the sky in protest. "All I ask for is one dramatic moment, and I can't even get that without some stupid Mud Man invention interrupting..." he grumbled furiously, but began to speak loudly again.
"I, Foaly, have completed the Canon Cannons! All hail me (and not that stupid Koboi)!"
A/N: Thanks go out to *takes deep breath* Mage Kitty, Vana Burke, weirdo (twice), (myself), surrealallstar (twice), Skye Firebane, Lord of the Hyren, bored2death, no name (twice), Dreamy-eyes, Tie Kerl (twice), Yukina, Stardust Firebolt (thrice), Blue Yeti (twice), Kaelin, angel-in-disguise, Alara, PurpleMonkey (thrice), janey-the-homocidal-mania, Elfreims Pie, Kyoko-san, Ophelia who is insane, digi-girl13, Mon Key, LeAnne Winter, Sorceress, Spectra16, and Nicole (twice). I love you all.. *hugs everyone* But email me at my email address to sign yourselves up and I eat you.
With much regret do I want to inform the now scattered Escapes fans that Escapes is down. Permanently, or until I can find a way that won't make it sound so scatter-brained. I can't believe I wrote that! Don't worry, I'm working on it, but it'll definitely take a while.
Also, I am well aware that Urple won the most-hated-color race by a long mile, but Urple belongs to Miss Cam, and I would never dare take away her fame. So, you people will have to settle for grunk, mixing green, drool and pink in the best possible way. In the worst sense, of course.
Disclaimer: This fic does not belong to me, only the criticism from everybody, which definitely helped a lot. Foaly's Canon Cannons belong to Foaly, not Opal Koboi. Any characters in here are real, and belong to themselves (or at least, someone else). And I corrected all of my mistakes in the past chapters. Thanks to Blue Yeti and Stardust Firebolt for pointing them out!
Also, yes I do realize that this chapter is unusually obscene, for someone like me, but I felt we needed to face all those little REALLY obscene A+H stories. If you want an example, I could name you four, but three have been taken down. (Blue Yeti, that'd be a reference to you.)
Why Glomping is Not Common for AF:
Trisani glared balefully at the students, her foot tapping impatiently. There was now total silence, in contrast to the fangirl screams there had been a moment ago. And the screams weren't all due to Artemis, either. Trisani smiled to herself smugly in satisfaction. "And I hope you're smart enough never to attempt that again." She snapped at the students, "Or do you think I've never consulted Miss Cam about OFUM and standard fan girl procedure? When will you people learn that we are not all stupid and glompable?" She turned to help Artemis up, but Butler and Juliet were already doing so, shooting the fangirls extremely dirty looks.
"Shall I go take care of them, Master Artemis?" Butler queried tensely, his eyes gleaming with the prospect of 'punishment', but was shoved out of the way by an extremely concerned Juliet, who tossed her shining hair before speaking, her glittery eyelashes fluttering up and down like a pair of mating butterflies.
"Get out of the limelight and quit hogging the center stage, big bro! I can take care of Arty myself you know!" Juliet was extremely firm on that subject. "Besides, Principal Colfer says that you're gonna be sent out of business just next book, so, like, let me take care of things for once! You never let me do an-y-thin-ga!" Her voice stretched into a wail of annoyance. Butler attempted to make her be quiet and listen to him at the same time, which only resulted in her screaming louder. Several windows broke under the impact of her voice.
Meanwhile, as his bodyguards argued with each other, and finally, began to wrestle for it, Artemis was still drowning in an extremely large pool of drool. He was finally rescued by Holly, who was apparently the only one paying attention to the situation. (The mini-Root was having his hands full keeping the female students from magically reviving themselves and shouting "I will rescue you, Arty-poo!!!!!")
"Mud Boy, er, Artemis, are you all right?" the fairy captain asked, and Trisani watched in fascination. They were having a polite conversation! This was truly a notable event, especially since she could recall exactly when yesterday they'd been having an argument. And the day before that. And the day before that. And the day before that. Her eyes glazed over as she counted how many days she could recall. Meanwhile.
"I'm fine." Artemis attempted a casual pose by dusting his clothes off. Instead, drool came off of his suit, and he wrinkled his elegant nose in disgust. "Thank you for your timely rescue, Captain. You may be sure that I appreciate it."
"I expect to be Commander any time soon now." Holly corrected him in a laconically inclined tone, and Artemis would've rolled an eye, had he been an ordinary person with no pride and lineage to speak of. Instead, he settled for a cool, "Indeed."
They would have, without a doubt, continued their polite conversation (although Trisani couldn't see how Artemis could stand being around in drool-filled clothes) had one of the girls not at that moment stood up and just blurted, "Make out already! You still have to find her br-" She was cut off by a Broom of Order coming down on her head. Artemis shook his head regretfully, although in his eyes was the gleam of insanity you get after being chased by multiple fan girls.
"Let us make this clear, my, ah, dear students," He called to the auditorium, where students were lying around in various poses of disgust, and, in some cases, unconsciousness, at being glomped by a Mini-Root, and being bashed by a Broom of Order at the same time. Judy was one of these people, although she immediately woke up at the sound of her darling sweety-pie's voice. "I have never found any of Captain Short's lingerie in my room, nor do I intend to, at any point in time."
"Surrreee." one of the other girls called knowingly. Artemis turned, and his ice-cold gaze zeroed in on the speaker. "You're just saying that so you can comfort her after her ordeal this afternoon, so that tonight you can-" She was cut off by a steaming vat of Grunk poured over her head. (The vat, of course, bore the insignia of Koboi Laboratories) Judy, who was hanging rather unnecessarily close to the speaker, held her breath so that she didn't have to smell any more than she already had. Needless to say, it didn't smell like violets (which would have been bad enough, at the strength of the scent).
"Doesn't that smell bother you?" she tried to hiss in annoyance to her other neighboring tanning rack, which was Kitty Rainbow. Judy groaned and tried to swing farther away. She had no intention of putting up with another speech about how good Holly and Juliet were for each other, but the other girl was far too busy gazing adoringly at the Perfect Picture on the stage, where Holly, inching farther and farther away from Artemis, had come into a faultless standing pose... Right next to Juliet.
An obscenely happy shriek rented the air, and the iron doors opened. In danced a gleeful Foaly, followed by a harassed looking Opal Koboi. "I have completed it!" he shouted over and over again, almost a mantra to give Opal even more of a bothered look than she had already.
"With my help!" she interjected, but Foaly quickly jabbed her out of the way, and cleared his throat. "Limelight please!" he called, and, rising on his hind legs (but shortly fell back onto all four legs. Even centaurs can't defeat their horsey parts), cleared his throat, and snapped his fingers.
Immediately, a large piece of green Jello landed on him, followed suit by a flashlight. After struggling his way out of the lime-flavored substance, he glared up at the sky in protest. "All I ask for is one dramatic moment, and I can't even get that without some stupid Mud Man invention interrupting..." he grumbled furiously, but began to speak loudly again.
"I, Foaly, have completed the Canon Cannons! All hail me (and not that stupid Koboi)!"
A/N: Thanks go out to *takes deep breath* Mage Kitty, Vana Burke, weirdo (twice), (myself), surrealallstar (twice), Skye Firebane, Lord of the Hyren, bored2death, no name (twice), Dreamy-eyes, Tie Kerl (twice), Yukina, Stardust Firebolt (thrice), Blue Yeti (twice), Kaelin, angel-in-disguise, Alara, PurpleMonkey (thrice), janey-the-homocidal-mania, Elfreims Pie, Kyoko-san, Ophelia who is insane, digi-girl13, Mon Key, LeAnne Winter, Sorceress, Spectra16, and Nicole (twice). I love you all.. *hugs everyone* But email me at my email address to sign yourselves up and I eat you.
With much regret do I want to inform the now scattered Escapes fans that Escapes is down. Permanently, or until I can find a way that won't make it sound so scatter-brained. I can't believe I wrote that! Don't worry, I'm working on it, but it'll definitely take a while.
Also, I am well aware that Urple won the most-hated-color race by a long mile, but Urple belongs to Miss Cam, and I would never dare take away her fame. So, you people will have to settle for grunk, mixing green, drool and pink in the best possible way. In the worst sense, of course.
