TITLE: Alone
AUTHOR: Amberina
E-MAIL: amberina426@aol.com
WEBSITE: Amberina
MAILING LIST: Amberina
AIM: Amberina426
RATING: R - character death and language
PAIRING: Wesley/Dawn
SPOILERS: S3/S6
SUMMARY: It's never enough and it's cold and he never wanted to die alone.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine, never was, never will be (probably.)
FEEDBACK: Please.
ARCHIVING: You Get Me, Shippers United Archive, Aurora, Summers Sun, Wesleyan Aria - really anyone that wants it as long as they ask. And all list archives of course.
NOTE: This is the only story I've ever written that literally had me bawling as I wrote. This is dark and it's sad and it's painful. And I'm still crying. Be warned.


ALONE
By Amberina

He can't breathe now. He tries to but it's just not working anymore. He feels weak, and he wants to crawl away but he can't move. It's too much. He can smell blood, thick and pouring from him. He's lightheaded and he's finding it hard to think. Words float around aimlessly in his brain but he can't form them into a complete thought . . . grass, wet, dark, move, breathe, live, hard, life, baby, touch, people, bleed, sex, hand, lose, father, rain, putrid, death, no, help, what, fuck, ginger, cards, never, now . . .

It's so cold . . . the ground is so cold under him. He may have whimpered but he's beyond registering anything right now. He doesn't want to die alone. But he is alone, and it's dark and it's over now, he knows. He's alone like he . . . he can't take it anymore. Dying . . . he never wanted to . . . this wasn't how things were supposed to be . . .

He never imagined he would die like this. He never imagined he would . . . he can't do this . . . he won't allow it . . . but he has no say and he knows this. His throat aches and he wants to . . . why? God, no . . .

He can feel the blood pool under him and he wants . . . he doesn't want this. He could turn back time . . . that would be . . . good.

Never good enough, though.

It's never going to happen now. He's never going to . . . and he wants somebody, anybody to hold his hand . . . his father was right . . . why? What did he . . . It's too much, too much by far, and not enough, it's taking so long, he still can't breathe and why doesn't he have . . .

He's lost a lot of blood, and he wants to die but not like this, not alone. He wants someone to be there, why isn't anyone there? He needs someone there . . . in the end alone . . . he never thought . . . his father said, but he never . . . oh, God . . .

Why?

Oh, God, it's so dark and he wants light and he can't feel anything anymore and his eyes stare up at the sky and it shines brightly but it's not enough. It's never enough . . .

And there's a face and she's an angel . . . she screams and she begins to babble and ask him if he's alright and she . . . he can't make out her words but they are so sweet . . . and she . . . her hand grasps his and . . . he closes his eyes and he fades away because he's not alone . . .

****

Dawn cries and she tries to wake him up. Oh God. Wesley . . . he . . . oh, no . . .

Please no.

A cell phone rings nearby and she picks it up. "He's . . . Oh God, I think he's, he's dead, please help . . . Oh, God . . ."

And she drops the phone and she doesn't know what to do. She . . . oh God, no . . .

And she . . . what should she . . . the phone . . . she can't see where she dropped it . . . oh, no . . . she feels so . . .

So . . .

Oh, God . . .

Alone.

THE END