SAILOR SATURN: COAST TO COAST-ANNO'S SUMMER PROJECT

Part 3

By PD Wright

Fade in: Miaka looks up, see the camera on. She smiles cutely, or at least, in an attempt. She laughs, says:
"Hello, loyal viewers. Welcome back to Sailor Saturn Coast to Coast.
"In this installment, Sailor Saturn chats with Hanagumi star, Sumire Kanzaki, who wants to discuss her upcoming retirement, but Sailor Saturn never gets to it. Also, their joined by Zoicite's friend from the Dark Circus, Fish's Eye. Sit back, and enjoy."

Fade to: The Coast to Coast set. On the viewer is Sumire, in her game three outfit, looking fairly upset. Saturn is chatting on.
"So, Ms. Kanzaki, what's next for you?"
"Well, you see..."
"What's next on your plate?"
"Plate?" She blinked, "I guess.. I'll be driving to lunch."
At the bandstand, Zoicite, with Fish's Eye standing behind him, perked up.
"Lunch? Take us, please!"
"No", Sumire said,firmly.
"Aw, c'mon."
"No."
"C'mon, Kanzaki, buy us some dinner."
Sumire straightened her headband, said: "Look, we're here to discuss my retirement.."
Fishs' Eye, bored, said, "God, I'm bored."
Zoicite smirked, smacked him on the head, said:
"Shadup, Fishboy. You just wanna go hit on some pretty boys."
"Who're you been talking to?"
"You, queerboy."
Fishs' Eye bristled, but remained silent.
Saturn, meanwhile, smiled and said:
"Maybe we can get Kanna to take us."
Kanna Kirishima appeared beside the bandstand, waved at her fans.
"You bet!" She said, enthusiastically.
"Great!" Saturn said, "See you then!" As, on the monitor, Sumire looked aghast, and the rest of the Hanagumi cheered.

Suddenly, Miaka appears on the screen, shocking the diabetics in the audience, and getting the author in trouble with the medical community. She smiles again, still trying to be cute and adorable, says:
"We hope you enjoyed the adventures of the Sailor Soldier of Talk Show Hosting, Sailor Saturn. Unfortunately they never managed to make that dinner date with Sumire, as Fishs' Eye was devoured by Zoicete, as an off-camera snack. Our last outing is our most challenging. In this one, Sailor Saturn has grown a yoma in a tank, trying to keep it as a pet. Though I doubt Michiru would approve. But, anyway, as this segment opens, Saturn is chatting with the hyper, and rather disturbingly, cute idol singer Minmay.."
Off camera, someone hissed, "Minmei!"
"..As, at the bandstand, Zoicite tries to disrupt the proceeding with his hypnosis. And now, another adventure..."

On the monitor is Minmei, er Minmay, er, the idol of Macross. She is in one of her over-frilly stage outfit, looking like an over-dressed doll. Saturn leans on her hand, looks at the girl warily.
"So, Minmei, what's new with you?" she asked.
"Aw, c'mon, Saturn, I came on your show 'cause I'm a big fan, not to plug something.."
"WRONG! Next question: Superpowers, what have you got?"
Minmei looked surprised, upset, she fidget, said:
"Well, my power is in my music.. I have the power to bring peace to warring aliens.."
Saturn grunted.
"And... I, um, have the power to influence others to singing careers, and to try my methods.."
Saturn looked unimpressed. More fidgeting from Minmei.
"..And, um, I can create love triangle just by singing."
Saturn looked actually impressed. She did a very cute smile.
"That's enough to get you on this show."
"Yeah.. not much call lately for galaxy-saving idols.."
"So, what'd ya think of Ryu Soma?"
"He's a nut, totally off his rocker, a bish with an obsession.."
Saturn looked at the bandstand, as Zoicite looked up, said:
"Zoicite pretty nutty, ain't he?"
Minmei looked put-off, fidgeted some more, said:
"Um, sure, hi there, Zoicite, you pretty girl.."
Zoicite looked annoyed, said, "Boy!!"
Minmei caught herself quickly, said, "Oh, yeah, sorry.. er, my powers are beyond yours!"
Zoicite smirked, his eyes became a kaleidoscope.
"Do a B-Flat!" He ordered a blandly staring Minmei. She immediately sang out the note. Saturn looked on, bored. To Wiseman, behind the studio controls, she said, "Who do ya pick on the third, Wiseman?"
"I figure, out of the contenders, the Red Terror for starters, the Blue Harbinger on second, followed by the Whiney Coward."
Saturn checked her book, making several marks inside.
"What about the Armless Stooge and the Angel of Free Expression?"
"Rank outsiders. I suggest go with the three."
Meanwhile, Zoicite, bored, now ordered the hypnotized Minmei to put her feet about her shoulders. She had had them over and beyond that, when Saturn noticed.
"Hey, that's cute. How's that feel?"
Minmei's voice was muffled, but she said, "Kinda painful, but good at the same time."
"Coo-ol!"
"Hey, Saturn, can you help me here?"
"Eh?"
Minmei repeated the request. Saturn's eyes went kaleidoscope, she chanted a phrase, and Minmei returned to normal. Or at least whatever was normal for her.
"You know, Minmei, all this reminds me of a story, of a yoma, who with a little grit and a lot of will, grew up to be a oni."
Minmei laughed, said, "She also stole some energy from the Dark Kingdom energy source."
Saturn laughed also, said, "And that oni was called, Tama-chan."
Just then, a fearsome creature erupted from the purple lab, billowing with yellow power, looking like a half-naked Rei Ayanami, or an unreasonable facsimile thereof. This creature bounded for the studio floor, glaring down onto Saturn and her guests. Zoicite said:
"Hey, fanservise. C'mere, fanservise."
"Tama-chan," Saturn said, in delight, "How energetic! Finding your way to the set..."
"Here, Fanservise.." Zoicite called. The creature raised it's arms, sending a large energy blast towards the bandstand. Zoicite looked surprised, went "Eeep", and then the blast hit. Minmei looked like something was crawling up her leg.
Wiseman said, "That's some fanservise this story has.."
The creature raised it's arms again, sending another large energy blast towards the bandstand. Zoicite had only time to scream like a girl before it hit. Saturn looked astonished. Minmei, hiding behind her chair, said:
"Well, um, I gotta go now!" and her image vanished.
"What have I unleashed?!?!" Saturn screamed. The creature sized her up, energy building in it's hands. Saturn grabbed her weapon, pointed it straight at the thing. Kunzite, meanwhile, had appeared, and was cradling Zoicite's prone form.
Saturn, in a low, menacing tone, said, "Alright, you, come and get some."
The creature launched a large energy blast towards the small form of Sailor Saturn, who was already spinning her weapon around, energy building and building, and then..
"Silent Crash!" Saturn yelled, sending a purple wave of energy towards the creature.

And, infuriating enough, at this point, Miaka suddenly appears again.
"And here, explosions rock the set, sending waves of energy around. And when it clears, there is Sailor Saturn, sitting on her super-heroic backside."
A few groans sound beyond camera. Miaka looks alarmed, says:
"And, at this point, we return to the story.."

Saturn, sitting on the ruined set, in front of her desk, her weapon cradled in her lap. Tears stream down her face, an occasional sniff left her. She wiped her eyes on her glove.
"Why," she said, sobbing, "Why. Why do we always destroy the things we love? Why? Why? Tama-chan!"
She yelled to the sky, "TAMA-CHAN!!!!"

And with that, Miaka appear again. She smiles, in what she hopes is cute.
"And that concludes our highlight package of Sailor Saturn Coast to Coast, compiled by you, the fans, from your suggestions, and the like. We hope you enjoyed this program, from the very reaches of space, and time. I'm Miaka, your energetic host. Bye"
The picture fades, the theme music starts, sounding like Sonic Youth as composed by John Cage.
Just below the music, Miaka's voice can be barely heard.
"Do you think I did a good job of impressing the suits?"
Credits roll pass.
"I mean, I tried to be nice to that silly girl and all."
The producer credits roll.
"What?!?"
The director's credit.
"No, what?"
A blank screen.
"Eeeep!! I didn't see you there, Producer-san!!"
A Purple Silence Production, inc.
Hope you all enjoyed this. I'm considering making it a full series of stories, but I don't know. Please let me know if you enjoy it, hate it, or think it's only service is on the bottom of a virtual bird cage.
Oh, well....

PD Wright, March 30, 03