Ex Shinra for hire. Part 03.

(I'm too sexy for my pants… Get naked!)

This chapter was inspired by Limp Bizkit's song, My Way. I just like that song. It has a lot of bass in it! Shut up! I'll like whatever I damn well please!

Anyway, I have been torturing Kikinak, my muse, and he says I don't own FFVII, or anything of value at all. I listen to Kikinak, because I love him. So, I'll just sit here in my padded room and wish for more than just my insane little brain. Or at least for a less insane version, so I can write more, drool less. *Stares blankly, drooling.*

***Ch 3***

Reno awoke to his familiar splotchy ceiling, and groaned. He'd been having such a nice dream… He was president, and Vincent was serving him exotic drinks, clad only in a pair of red silk boxers, and his ever-present headband… Such dreams made Reno want to do one of three things. 1) Ravish Vincent, 2) Ravish Vincent repeatedly, or 3) Go back to sleep and just dream about things one and two. He decided the Ex-hero wouldn't appreciate being ravished this early in the morning, so decided on thing three.

Reality decided to confirm that Reno was indeed staying awake, by telling his alarm clock it was time to go off. Which the clock did, and earned a free flight across Reno's room for it's trouble. It was never too early to smash the thing. Unfortunately, the clock wasn't smashed into hundreds of silent bits, as it met with soft resistance mid-flight. It wasn't too keen on being trashed, anyway.

A golden claw crushed the beeping nuisance.

Oh well. It wasn't complaining, either way…

"Reno, are you getting up today, or not? I'm making breakfast." And his curtains were thrown open, allowing yellowish, dirty Midgar light to burst forth and blind Reno, it's personal enemy, for all the cursing he did at it every morning before he bought curtains.

Reno just pulled his sheets higher. "Are you naked?"

"No."

The sheets went higher. "Are you going to GET naked?"

"No, Reno."

"Then no, I'm not getting up."

Vincent sighed. He'd gotten used to Reno's constantly perverted mind, and paid it no attention, but it was nearing six am, and he wasn't going to wait to cook breakfast forever. So, being a very logical person, he removed what he saw to be between himself and fried eggs and coffee.

Reno was suddenly very aware of a draft and the fact that he was face down on a very cold floor. He glared up at his bed, and was met with a smiling Vincent. A smiling Vincent who was smiling over the fact that Reno couldn't sleep on a vertical bed, let alone a vertical bed being held several feet in the air by one gloved hand, and one clawed hand, both belonging to a smiling and overly logical former Turk/hero/Avalanch/vigilantie/depressed-vampire-wannabe/whateverthehellyouwannacallhim. He was too damn happy sometimes.

"Now are you getting up?"

"Shut up. Where the hell are my pants…"

Vincent put the bed back down, and sat on it. He was a morning person, and the mornings were only times he could pick on Reno and not get an embarrassing retort. "You left them in the main room last night. You were really drunk." He smiled at the nervous glance Reno gave him. "REALLY drunk. You did a lot of talking… though I doubt you remember…"

Reno blanched. "Wha… what… I-uh… I didn't… Ah…" He stammered.

Vincent just smiled at Reno's lack of vocabulary, before shaking his head. "Iie, you didn't say anything, Reno. Just shared some of your better pick up lines. Several times…"

Reno sighed, and nearly collapsed. "Don't DO that to me. Yeesh, Vinny..."

Vincent sighed and smiled, flopping back onto Reno's bed. It was still warm… "You get too worked up sometimes. All of us have things we're ashamed of, and don't want other's to know about them, but it's not like it would change my perception of you if I DID know. Things like that only matter if you make too big a deal of them."

Reno just chucked his stuffed moogle at him.

Vincent dodged the plushie, and stood up. "Well, either get dressed, or eat breakfast naked. It's your ass you gotta sit on, not mine." And with that, he left to start breakfast.

~Mmm… Vincent's ass… heh.~ Reno smirked, and got up.

After pulling on a pair of smiley face boxers, he joined Vincent in the living/dining room, and sat next to him. In spite of Vincent's disapproving "tsk", Reno languidly lounged across Vincent's lap, and smiled up at him. Really, Languid was the only word to describe Reno today. He stretched and grinned like a cat sunning himself. He smiled and twirled a strand of Vincent's overly-long hair around his finger. One look and you could tell. Reno was in "Seduction Mode".

Vincent was reading the paper while eating fried eggs and toast this morning, but had to move his plate from his lap when Reno nearly dipped his pony-tail in the eggy/peanut-buttery goo. He'd had to convince Reno to go out and buy the eggs, as well as the bread and peanut butter. The apartment had been stupendously lacking in food. And having gone hungry for several weeks, Vincent simply couldn't see how a person could have money, but no food. So they'd shopped, and Vincent had become the designated cook.

Vincent looked down at Reno and blinked. The redhead was smiling like a cat with a mouse. In fact, everything about Reno was catlike. Vincent sighed, and dropped his paper in Reno's face. "No, Reno."

Reno pushed the paper away and pouted. "But I haven't said anything yet…"

"I know. And you aren't going to. I already told you…" Vincent got up, dropping Reno on his head in a very un cat-like manner, and leaned against the side of the TV. "I'm not going to have sex with you. No matter how hard you try, I'm not interested in you."

Reno sighed, and pushed himself back onto the couch. "I know… But you don't have to act like it's SUCH a bad idea. You know I'm a killer in bed!" He gave Vincent a lopsided grin.

Vincent laughed, and shook his head. "Yeah, a mood killer.You're such a… a sex fiend! You have the libido of a Chocobo!" He smiled helplessly. "Honestly, you're more of a pervert than ten old men combined…"

Reno licked his lips and grinned seductively. "You know you love me, Vinny! I'm dead sexy!"

*** TBC ***

Koril: Sorry for the short chapter… I felt the need to update, but this is all I had…

Vinny: We understand… It's hard to get Reno up in the morning…

Reno: Take it off!! Woo! *chained to Koril's "Evil anime bishounen plushie" box.*

Vinny: Keep it in you pants, Reno, the smut is on its way!

Koril: Indeed! Soon… Very soon… But not until I get some angst out of the way!

Vinny: I don't wanna be angsty… *sniffles*

Reno: Hell yeah! Angst is a great way to get Uke's in bed!

Koril: So, expect angst and sex in the next chapter! But, be prepared for senseless fluff as well! The next chapter is gonna be a long one! Er, it'll take a while to write…

Nagi: K, you're just being lazy again…

Koril: SILENCE!!

Press da purplie button, and tell this psycho what's on your brain! Saves her from cutting you head open and finding out for herself!