Disclaimer: No, I do not own Invader Zim, nor do I order the Black Adder series. Invader Zim is, of course, by Jhonen Vasquez. The Black Adder series is by Rowan Atkinson. Now, enough of all this !
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The Black Adder dynasty had, for decades unto decades, centuries unto centuries, and for almost a whole millennia now, had, through hook and crook, blood and sweat, cocked-up plans, insanity, and god knows what else downright stupidity, tried their utmost, but pathetic best, to secure the English Crown for themselves. Be it Edmund Plantangent, Edmund, escort to Queen Elizabeth 1, Edmund, Butler to a young Prince George, Capt. Edmund in the British army, an Edmund, the Royal Gardener, it was always some…"Edmund" in the Black adder family who would bring disgrace to the family name by some horrid means in securing the throne, or at least, screwing it up.
The year, is 200X. Which is why we now turn to some other time, a much later point of time. This is, supposedly, modern times. In truth, it's the near future, but, humanity, being the mass lot of depraved individuals it is, has not even advanced far enough to solve even the most basic of human problems, like sharpening a bloody pencil without having to use hands or some pathetic device that could easily malfunction, or enlightening certain university students who are naïve enough to think that excessive kissing can lead to reproduction.
And it is here that we meet the latest addition to the ill-fated dynasty: Edmund Black Adder, a teacher at the local "Skool" in England.
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"Good morning, you pathetic little bastards."
A great murmur occurred throughout the classroom, and the teacher looked on, in total disgust at the lack of civil order.
"Right then, if you do not wake up your funny ideas, right now, I will have to resort to other… methods."
The class , looking rather dull repeated the performance they gave a few seconds earlier.
Edmund gave up on the crowd.
"Fine then. Today, children, we are learning…adding."
Edmund eyed a particularly outstanding student.
Lying, on the table, was a schoolbag, filled with Heaven-knows-what (but, it couldn't be books. It was too soft and comfortable to possibly have books, unless they were all smashed to pulp), and the student had laid his head on his mobile pillow, ready to daze off at appointed intervals.
He looked rather unable that day, rather dim-witted, perhaps over some incident the night before.
"Now let's say I have two beans. I add two beans to these two beans, and what do I get ? Ralph ?"
"Some beans."
A slight murmur was heard, a bit louder than before.
"Right…. And so, if I had four beans, and I took away one, what will I get ?"
"A few beans."
This time, the animal sounds of the children grew.
"(what a bloody idiot). Alright…… now, what comes after 1, 2 and 3..."
"D."
The slow tremors of giggling had now erupted into full-blown laughter"
"(That bloody arse had better stop acting. Or maybe he IS that ******* DUMB !) Right, so, let's go back again… if I had two beans, and I added another two, what will I get ?"
"Some beans."
The laughter roared again, just as a volcano would give a second eruption, after the first.
Edmund looked on, and, as the laughter continued, he started having one of those fantasies, where by some chance, he could make himself the Prime Minister, then, hold the Crown hostage, and have himself crowned King of England.
Like that old ever happen.
Or could it ?
~
Unknown to the grim wasteworld that is the planet we apparently name after the fourth Greek element, an alien invasion had begun. In truth, it may have well be going on for some bloody years now, but, in this case, it was more prominent, and more imperialistic, and more bent on domination than the silly alien business of experimenting on cows. Our eyes now lay on a little boy, possessing an unusual green skin hue (must be the bloody pollution), who has, by some odd means, strapped himself in the interior of some unique vessel, with his pet dog.
"Come, Gir ! We are leaving this pathetic human civilisation, and moving to a new one !"
The boy uttered this with loud, arrogant enunciation, prolonging key words like "new" to emphasize it's importance.
"Awww….. I wanna stay ! I'm still watching TV !"
The dog, or rather, a metallic, over enthusiastic, rabid robot, in a canine guise, gave it's childish reply.
"SILENCE ! We are moving NOW !"
"Where ?"
"To a land of freedom. To a land of Peace. To a land devoid of annoying human worm babies !"
"Where ? "
The dog asked, nonchalantly.
"We are going to… ENGLAND !!!!"
~
BLACK ADDER & INVADER ZIM
AKA
Invader Zim gets a ticking off from Edmund
~
(plays the Black Adder tune, this time, with a techno rhythm and industrial beat, typical of the IZ series)
(verse 1)
Oh dear ! It has begun right now !
Edmund, now a school teacher,
Life was as bad as a sow,
And now, begins the real horror,
(chorus)
Black Adder, Black Adder !
Invader Zim is here !
Black Adder, Black Adder !
Now's the invasion from Irk !
(verse 2)
What, ever shall be done ?!
Here comes the real menace,
Britain has never had such fun,
Edmund had better say his penance
(chorus)
Black Adder, Black Adder !
Both with a cunning plan,
Black Adder, Black Adder !
Both are little men !
(chorus repeat)
Invader Zim, Invader Zim,
Irk has not known such a pest,
Invader Zim, Invader Zim,
Both sides are in a mess !!
~
