Title: Back at the Beginning – Part 6

Author: Nan

Rating: R

Classification: vignette, Harm/Mac, AJ

Spoilers: All episodes up to but not including Fortunate Son from Season 8

Summary: AJ and Mac worry about Harm and his latest TAD

Thankyou –Aerogirl. A truly great author with a warm and encouraging heart. I sent her my fiction 'out of the blue' and she not only edits but provides a running commentary. It was as much fun to read the corrections as it was to write the story. Thanks!

It was Tuesday night and Mac had left JAG at a reasonable hour. She had been dragging herself around the office for the last two days. No word had come from Harm over the weekend. She had tried privately to contact him through email. She left phone messages on the carrier. Like the admiral, it seemed that he was avoiding their efforts to speak with him. For Mac, this spoke volumes.

It was with a heavy heart that she and Admiral Chegwidden met this afternoon to review possible candidates for transfer to JAG headquarters. He was avoiding all mention of Harm but he did say to her that he was waiting for official notification from the CNO's office before announcing the move to the rest of the staff.

She had thought about Harm a lot over the last four days. They had gone through so much over the last year and half. When Harm had crashed his Tomcat into the Atlantic nearly two years ago, he'd started the two of them on a tidal wave of emotion. For a while, she had almost hated Harm for the strong feelings that he invoked in her. Funny, it was her rash confession to Sturgis, which finally helped her gain some perspective.

Since their TDY to Afghanistan, Mac believed that there might be a future together for them. They had spent many evenings together talking, working, and eating. There was almost an unspoken agreement. Neither dated outside this arrangement. She felt that Harm had made a few tentative steps towards her.

But what would happen to them and this bond, if Harm really were changing his designator? In a true love relationship, a separation like deployment on a carrier wouldn't matter. Bud and Harriet suffered much more then a mere separation without harming their marriage.

But this wasn't any normal relationship. This felt like a betrayal. He hadn't even taken the time to talk about it with her. She wondered if the closeness she felt to Harm over the last few months was just her imagination.

Even though it was still relatively early, she changed into a comfortable pair of pj's and put a frozen dinner into the microwave. She was just about to turn on the TV and watch a mindless sitcom when she heard a soft knocking at her door. It was 2030 and she wasn't expecting anyone. Who was it?

She walked slowly towards the entrance and looked through the peephole.

Harm! What was Harm doing standing outside her door? She grabbed the doorknob and yanked it open.

In a purely emotional reaction and totally out of character for Mac, she threw herself into his arms. She felt the surprise ripple through his body, but he hesitated only for a second before wrapping his arms around her.

"Mac, is everything okay?" he said.

"I think so," she said. She broke contact but she reached for his hand and led him into her apartment. They sat down on the couch.

"Harm, what are you doing here?" she asked, still holding his hand.

"Someone left me note while I was sleeping. It said something about a dinner on the first Tuesday after I got back. It's Tuesday and I'm back," he said.

"You're back?"

"Yeah, remember? My TAD is over and I'm due to report at JAG tomorrow. I would have been here earlier but my flight from LA was delayed." He gave her a puzzled look.

"What about the carrier?"

"What about it?"

"Harm, aren't you switching your designator and going to join the air wing on the Carl Vinson?" said Mac.

"Who told you that?"

"Ted Lindsey told the admiral on Friday at the Pentagon."

"Lindsey! He doesn't know anything. I hope the admiral didn't believe him." he said.

"We tried to get in touch with you. You didn't answer your emails, or return your calls. I left messages and so did the admiral."

"I broke my laptop earlier. And I wasn't on the Carl Vinson on Friday. CAG released me a couple of days early so I could meet my mom and Frank in Hawaii for an extended weekend." Harm started to realize what had happened. "Was the admiral angry?"

"Angry! He was so mad he could barely see straight. He took your silence as acknowledgement that you were gone. He was irritated already at Captain Brooks because of the way he arranged your TAD. Plus Brooks never called him about the engagement with the MIGs last week. We went almost 6 hours wondering if you were dead or alive," said Mac.

"That MIG incident occurred on my last watch on ship. I had packed earlier and left shortly after debriefing," he said. "Why didn't you try my cell?"

"You were supposed to be in the middle of the Sea of Japan on a carrier, remember?"

Harm sat in silence on the couch. Mac said, "Give me your cell phone."

He handed it over, puzzled. She opened the electronic phone book and scanned for Chegwidden's cell number. Pushing the send button, the phone started to dial. She handed it back to Harm.

"You need to speak with him. Talk," she commanded.

He looked startled but grabbed the phone as he heard the cell's tinny voice say "Chegwidden."

"It is Commander Rabb, sir. I'm at Colonel Mackenzie's apartment and she suggested that I call you."

Mac tried to get a sense of the one-sided conversation.

"I was vacationing in Hawaii with my parents and my laptop is busted. Lindsey must have got the idea from the CNO's office. Brooks made some inquiries about changing my designator. Never told me about it. I had given him my answer earlier in the week. Guess he thought he might be able to change my mind right up to the last minute…."

The rest of the conversation was lost to Mac as Harm stood up and walked towards her living room window with the cell to his ear. She went to the kitchen, turned on the oven and unwrapped a frozen vegetarian lasagna and thrust it in.

She glanced over and saw that Harm's back was turned to her. She continued to work around the apartment, lighting a fire and some candles, setting the table and changing back into her casual clothes. Ducking into the bathroom she refreshed her makeup. It was a full 27 minutes later before the conversation between Harm and the admiral ended. He turned around and viewed the transformed apartment.

"Wow, you work fast," said Harm. His eyes looked bright and she wondered what he and the admiral discussed.

"Did the admiral say anything important?" she asked as she sliced some tomatoes and poured two wine glasses of mineral water.

"You were right, he thought I was quitting," he said. "We haven't talked for over two months. I guess a lot needed to be said."

Harm wandered over to the sofa in front of the fire and sat down. He stared at the gas flames dancing over the logs. She sat down too.

"You okay?" she asked.

Harm was silent. Then, "Yeah, it just took me by surprise."

"It was good, right?"

"Yeah."

"I think he is relieved that you are sticking around."

"What is for dinner?" said Harm.

"Vegetarian lasagna. I picked it up a couple of weeks ago at the Whole Foods Market. It is from a frozen gourmet brand. It will be done in about 20 minutes."

"You were shopping at the Whole Foods Market?" he said, smiling.

"Stop it. I'm not as bad as you think. I drink my OJ every morning and have a salad every so often."

"I knew there was a reason that you looked so good."

"Harm?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you consider leaving JAG? I mean, sounds like Brooks wanted you." Mac watched his face as he stood staring into the fire.

"Yup. The CAG definitely gave it the college try."

"So why did you turn him down?"

"I'm still not sure. Something about it didn't feel right, I guess. There were lots of reasons. I'm tired of sleeping in a bed that is too short?" he said.

"Flying isn't what it used to be?"

"No, flying still is what it always was to me. Don't get the idea I'm giving up my flight status. In fact, I talked today to a buddy of mine at PAX. I'm going to limit my schedule and only fly for the Naval Air Warfare Center twice a month. I'm dropping everything else."

"So why did you stay?" she said quietly.

"It is important, but I don't want flying to be the only thing in my life. Besides, I like being a lawyer.  And I'm still interested in some sort of personal life, however elusive that may be. And finally, I guess it comes down to the fact that I like it here. Simple, right?"

Mac suddenly realized how good he looked. It was like she was seeing him through new eyes. He was rested, tanned and fit. The two months on the carrier had been good to him. And he seemed to be content. For some inexplicable reason, tears sprang to Mac's eyes.

She repeated his last words. "Yeah, simple."

He peered closely at her face. In a low voice, he said, "Why are you crying?" He reached up and stroked with his thumb, a stray tear as it made its way down her cheek.

She said, "Would you mind?"

"Would I mind what?" he whispered.

"…if I did this," said Mac. She leaned forward and gently pressed her lips against his.

They lingered for a moment, enjoying the contact. When they broke, Mac closed her eyes and leaned against his chest. She slowly exhaled.

"You okay?" Mac heard Harm's voice in her right ear.

"Yeah," said Mac.

Mac finally raised her head. She found Harm watching her with an expression that was oddly familiar. It was intense. It was guarded. And there was a little bit of fear. She had seen the look exactly two times before. One time was on a ferry in Sydney Harbour.  The second time was on the admiral's porch during her engagement party. Her heart started to pound.

"Mac?" said Harm. "I feel like I'm trying to catch up to you. What are you thinking?"

"I'm not sure. Less than an hour ago, I was convinced you were out of my life forever. Now you are here. I'm happy to see you."

"If this is just 'I'm happy you are home, Harm,' then I want to stop now."

"Maybe I see a man of value and this time, I'm not going to push him away," said Mac.

Harm continued to look at her with that same serious, intense and guarded expression. "I need you to be sure."

"I love you," said Mac.

"I'm serious," said Harm.

"Be quiet, commander," said Mac. She trailed her fingers around the top of his jeans, then flattened her palms and slid down to cup his firm six. He moaned and brought his lips back to hers.

Mac realized she had the upper hand from the get-go. His control seemed to dissolve with every touch of her hand. It was incredibly arousing for Mac to realize that she had such an effect on him. She tugged at his T-shirt and pushed his jeans to his ankles. She stood up from the couch and pulled her top over her head and slowly removed her pants. His eyes were clouded with desire as he watched her kneel over him. He was mesmerized with her breasts as he alternately cupped them and rubbed the hard nipples. He bent to suckle them. The erotic sight made her tremble with desire.

They had too much desire pent up to make this a slow coupling. With barely any preliminaries, she spread her legs. As he thrust in he could feel she was wet and swollen. He rolled her muscled body with it's silky, soft exterior underneath him. She rocked against him and he lost himself. He thrust harder and harder. How incredible this was. He climaxed violently hoping that he had given her enough time to do the same.

As Harm lay back, he could feel the blood pounding throughout his body. He slowly regulated his breathing. Mac lay curled against him, eyes closed with her head on his chest.

"Mac, I'm sorry…" he began.

She raised her head quickly with a sort of rumpled but startled look. "For what?"

"For this being so quick. God, I never thought it would be like this. I feel like I'm fifteen."

"Oh, that." She closed her eyes again and snuggled against him. "Did you like it?"

Harm was silent. Did he like it? Ever since he knocked on Mac's door earlier this evening, he had felt like he was thinking in slow motion.

There was only one way to answer. He said truthfully, "I'm lying here on Sarah Mackenzie's couch in Sarah Mackenzie's living room, holding her soft naked body against mine. Never mind that I've conjured up this scene at least thousand times. All this after having the most amazing sex with her, even if it was a little short. Wait, wait there's more. Not less than ten minutes ago, she told me she loved me. Did I like it? Yeah, I guess I did."

Mac smiled, "I liked it too." She wrapped her arms tighter around him.

The timer pinged on the stove and Mac reluctantly detangled herself. She quickly wrapped a robe from the bathroom around her and went to set out the lasagna on the table. Harm had put back on his jeans but he was still lying on the couch looking up at the ceiling.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked.

"Two things," he said, sitting up and moving toward the table.

"Number one?"

"I was imagining how I was going to tell you that I loved you. I want just the right restaurant with just the right setting. Dressed up only because I have fantasies about you in long dresses with low-cut backs. Trying to decide if I should bring a dozen roses or just one rose. Definitely roses though. Red, I think," he said, watching her.

She smiled at him. "What was the second thing you were thinking about?"

"If this is the response I got for staying at JAG, what would have happened if I had quit flying altogether?"

Her smile was even broader. "I'm not sure but I have a feeling it will still be a few more years before we find out."

It was Harm's turn to smile. "Honey, with that kind of incentive, it might be sooner than you think." Ignoring the dinner steaming on the table, he walked over to her. He closed his eyes as she leaned into him. This was the beginning he wanted.

.