A/N: Another chapter, already? So it's angling back to angst, like I said. Jamesie gets a nice present and Remus realizes that he's a monster, no matter what form he's in. And it's kind of depressing. Oh well. Read on? (Whoa, that was short.) Oh yeah, and more uncomfortable silence. Now read.
...Be sure...
Chapter 6
I don't know if it's love, but I like it.
It's lunch three days after that night at the lake and the past three days, to say the least, have been miraculously ecstatic days for someone like me, especially. Sirius appears to be straining his self-control to not constantly jest at Lily and I.
Peter seems to be having quite a time getting used to the idea. James has been remarkably quiet. That unnerves me. Every time I look at him recently, I can never tell what he's thinking, and James usually broadcasts his feelings worse than I do.
"What do you think about James?" I ask Lily in a whisper.
"What about him?" She picks at the remains of her food.
"He's being weird. Weirder than usual," I say before she can say the inevitable joke. "Why do you think?"
"Dunno," she says. "Hogsmeade trip tonight, Remus. We've got to go."
"Don't know if I want to spend my night seeing you two holding hands and snogging," Sirius says. "Sweeter than any Honeydukes sweets, that is."
"We've done no snogging, as far as you know," Lily says, grinning slyly at Sirius. "Unless you've been spying?"
"What an accusation!" He gives a puppy dog look to me. "Your girlfriend has wounded me deeply with such an accusation. My reputation, soiled!"
"What reputation?" James says at a stage whisper. Lily and I snicker.
I grin at him. "Have you, then?"
He considers. "Once, but it wasn't really spying. I was in the common, you two stumble in, laughing. I could only assume.. but how long have you guys been going out?"
"Two months," I say, at the same time that she says, "Four months." We look at each other and flush pink. "Three," I say. "Three."
"Since September," she says. There's silence now, and the atmosphere is so charged that all I can do is stare down at my plate. I've never been good with talking, but I'm even worse with silence. Silence is the only thing that'll make me talk.
"Anyway," James says. He finishes off a sandwich and swallows. "Hogsmeade. Who's going to help me get Snape this time? I've got a plan."
"Last time, Dumbledore said he'd suspend any one of us who pulled something on Snape again," Peter says. "My mum'll kill me if I'm suspended. She'll kill me if I don't get the Order of Merlin, First Class as an Auror."
"He wasn't serious," Sirius says. "You know Dumbledore, he's threatened us with stuff like that before. He's amused when we do this stuff. He was a Gryffindor, you know, and he's the head of our house. Come on."
"Depends on what it is," I say. "Better not be as obvious as a baldness potion this time. It was clear we did that one."
"It's good, all right. Trust me." James grins at me. "I think you'll be very amused, Remus. Oh yes, indeed."
"Sirius, what's he up to?" I look over at him.
Sirius shrugs. "I don't know, but with the way he's carrying on, it's sure to be good."
--------
You have to give James and Sirius credit. They know their way around a library to find the perfect books for pranks, although I'm not sure that's a good job skill unless you work in a joke shop. So here I am in the dorm, expecting James to pull out some potion or charm book, when he pulls out a package.
"Just got it today, from my dad," he says. "Well, technically from your family, Sirius. My dad couldn't be bothered with owling it, Auror work and all." There's a moment of silence. James's father is an Auror, and doesn't talk to James very much. The fact that the Blacks had to mail it to him may be the reason for his being so upset lately. I bite my lip; what can I say to that, really? Nothing he'd appreciate.
"What is it?" Sirius leans forward onto the edge of his seat and examines the box. "Is it your mum's famous toffees? Because if that's what it is, I'm in." He reaches for the box but James pulls it away.
"Much better than my mum's cooking," he says, grinning.
"Dress robes?" Peter says.
"What?" James looks disgusted. "No, Peter, what are you thinking?"
"This'll help us pull something on Snape, I assume," I say. "Or else you wouldn't have brought it up."
"Remus, my friend, you're absolutely right," James says. "In fact, this will solve all of our problems."
"All of your problems? Well, that's got to be something amazing to be able to do that, James Potter. If it can solve Sirius's problems, it's miraculous." When we realize that none of us said the previous, we look over at the door, and there's Lily with a hand on her hip.
Sirius raises an eyebrow. "Evans, you know that there are no girls allowed in the boys' dorm. Could soil our reputations. Go before someone sees you--especially Dumbledore. That's the last thing we need."
She laughs. "I know your regard for the rules, Black. Why are you still here?" Sirius pretends to be hurt, and falls back onto his bed. "So what's in the box, Potter?" she says.
"Well, as long as we're in trouble already," James says, glowering at Lily, "I'll show you." He opens the box and flourishes a cloak--a rather strange-looking one, actually...
I freeze up entirely as I recognize what it is. Sirius seems to have stopped breathing, and is actually silent. Peter gasps in some air and says, "That's an Invisibility Cloak.." And indeed it is.
"They cost a fortune," Sirius says. "Bloody hell. This is the best thing to happen ever since... ever. Can you imagine what we can do with an Invisibility Cloak?"
"Your father certainly knows what you want, Potter," Lily says. "And what you do. Who in their right mind would give you four an opportunity like this?"
"I'm assuming that means you don't want to tag along," James says coolly.
Lily flashes a brief smirk. "Of course I do," she says. "Are you out of your head? I'm not going to miss this. Besides, you need someone with brains along, and Remus--you'd enjoy researching the properties of an Invisibility Cloak with me, I'm sure. Right?"
"Wouldn't miss it for the world," I say. She smiles and sits beside me.
"Then it's settled," James says. "Let's do it."
"Do what?" Peter says.
"You'll see."
--------
"I don't like this," Peter is whispering. James and Sirius are under the cloak, behind us.
"Relax. All you have to do is stand there and talk and we'll do the rest," Sirius's voice says. "Now stop talking to us and get to it."
"We're gonna get caught," Peter says.
"If you say that, we will," Lily says. "So I'm hoping that he shows up soon, because if he doesn't I'm going to go insane. Here's hoping that the Idiot Twins haven't snuck off yet and robbed Honeydukes of all their Fizzing Whizzbees."
"We're still here, Evans," James's voice says. "And thank you very much, I'm not an idiot--I'm getting good marks in all of my classes. Can't say much for Sirius though."
"Don't even start, Potter," Sirius's voice says. "There's not enough room under this cloak for the two of us with talk like that."
"Don't make me come back there, Idiot Twins. We distract, you do the work." Lily's voice is businesslike but she's grinning at me. I flash a vague smile at her.
"Oh, how sweet. Two brainiacs and a Squib." And there Snape is, about a hundred feet away. "Where are your two idiot ringleaders, Black and Potter? Thought they led you three around like house-elves."
"Speaking of house-elves," Lily says smoothly. "I heard you had to sack yours. It nearly set your house on fire, didn't it?"
Snape flushes. "Shut up, you Mudblood," he says shortly.
Now, I'm not really a violent person. I suppose the whole werewolf thing takes that part of me away. Nonetheless, I find myself very, very angry, and my wand is out of my pocket in a split second.
"Expelliarmus!" He falls, hits the ground hard, and I'm impressed with my own strength until I notice that Lily and Peter said the spell at the same time.
It's still not enough. Blood doesn't matter. It never has and it never will. And yet he uses that word to describe the most amazing, intelligent, funny person I've ever known--
These thoughts fill my head so thick that I find myself standing over him before I even realize it. "Leave Lily alone," I say. "If you say that word again--" the unfinished threat pulls me out of this violent zone. I realize now that I have my wand against his neck, and I stand, pocketing my wand. "You'll regret it," I finish lamely.
"What'll you do, Lupin? Spit on me?" Snape says behind me.
"I don't think you'd believe me if I told you," I say. I walk back over to Lily and Peter.
Lily grabs my arm and pulls me towards her. "Very gallant and all, Remus, but you shouldn't have done that," she says. "He's going to tell Professor Avery about this, and you're going to get in trouble."
"I don't care if he tells Salazar Slytherin himself." I watch Snape get up, and as he does, a huge handful of mud hits him in the back of the head. There is no one behind him--at least, anyone we can see, I realize. He tries to claw it out of his hair when another hits him right in the side.
He whips around. "Where are they?" Funnily enough, James and Sirius have awful aim when it comes to spells, but one of them manages to hit Snape dead on in the face with a handful of mud.
"Who? I don't see anyone," Peter says. He's grinning like he just got 12 OWLs.
He wipes most of the mud off his face onto his robes. "Black and Potter! Where are they?" He stumbles forward, glaring around. After not seeing them anywhere, he glares back at the three of us. "You're all going to be expelled! I'm telling Avery and you're all going to be expelled!" he yells.
"Whatever you say, Sevvie," Lily teases. "Looks to me like you just tripped and fell into a mud puddle. Who's going to believe that a bunch of ghosts threw mud at you?"
He's got no response to that, so he storms away--and suddenly he trips over what looks like dead air, until the cloak slides over James and Sirius and they sit there, frozen. Snape doesn't look back, just yells, "I know you're behind this, Potter! I know it!" and continues on. As soon as he's far enough away, we all burst out laughing.
"That went remarkably well," James says. "But next time, we buckle the thing."
You'd think after defending my girlfriend from a prat like Snape, I'd feel vindicated. But all I feel is sick.
No matter how good I may feel now, there's less than two weeks 'til the moonlight traps me again. No matter how happy I may be, I'm still lying to my friends.
No matter how much Lily may love me, I'm still a monster, and that'll never change. How can I be sure that the others won't leave me when they find out?
I can't.
