Entry five

It has now been a week since I last talked to Heero about his past; even though he didn't get very far. I now find myself wondering what might have happened to Heero, or myself, if Wufei hadn't interrupted us. I believe that Wufei knows what Heero is afraid to even speak of...I can feel it in my bones.

Things here have died down to a dull roar; but, I still know what goes on in their lives...I'm not that ignorant...though I wish that I was. Every morning I see their faces, and the pain that they have suffered is written all over their expressions; however, lifeless they might appear to be. Their eyes look so...dead and empty...as do my own eyes, from time to time. So I can't say that I haven't died as much as they have; I just found a way to cope with my pain, and I want to help them find away to cope with theirs.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to force them into something that they won't do willingly. I want them to approch me when they feel that it's right, and not because I said so. When I say 'jump' they don't say 'how high?' they do what they want of their own free will.

A couple of days ago, Duo confronted me with a problem...actually he was screaming in his sleep. I ran into his rapproach find him in the fetal possision on the floor, by his bed. His blankets where wrapped all around Duo, and he was screaming at the top of his lungs. I walked over to him, and attempted to unwrapped the blankets, thinking that his screaming would subside. How wrong was I! Duo screamed even louder, and knocked me backwards. I was forced to approch the situation differently.

I walked towards Duo, humming softly. It was the song that Duo loved so much...the one that I had written about a month ago. Duo's screaming subsided completely, when he heard the humming song. Duo woke from his sleep, as sat blot up on the floor. I walked over to Duo, and wipped the sweat off his face. Duo's eyes were wide...it looked as if he had seen a ghost.

I asked Duo about his nightmare; however, Duo insisted that it was nothing he couldn't handle on his own. Well, I put Duo in his place. I told him that when he became a soldier and a Gundam pilot- along with his team mates and myself- he would never face anything alone. Duo merely grined at the comment, and asked me to stay in the room until he fell asleep.

Duo looks really cute when he's asleep...almost like a dozing cat, resting in the warm sunlight. I crawled into bed with Duo, and wrapped my arms around him, humming softly, as Duo fell into a deep slumber. He didn't seem to object to my presence, so I staied in his room for the night.

The next morning was a little more difficult. I had approched Duo about his nightmare, asking him if he would tell me about it. Duo snapped; but then again, it was early in the morning, and he was entiled to snap at me...I deserved it. Duo told me that if I was a soldier, I would know what the nightmare was about. I shook my head and told him that I didn't have the slightest idea...I was lying. I know that know, because just after that I had the same nightmare, and it was Duo who was calming me into a peaceful slumber.