Entry eight
It's been a week since I've spoke to Trowa about his past. In his eyes I can now see that the burden that I had once saw, had been lifted. He still suffers from his mental anguish; but at least he doesn't suffer as much as he used to. Like I had told him...'you'll still suffer the pain of a mental death; but, at least now you have your feelings out in the open, and not shut out from the world.'
But I still can't help but feel that I was partly responsible for his return to his mental anguish. I think that Trowa senses this guilt...I know because he has told be on several occations that I had nothing to do with the void in his heart. Of coruse he only says this when we're alone.
As for Heero...he hasn't returned from wherever he went to, and to be honest, I'm worried. I hope he comes home soon...I wouldn't want to feel that I've caused him to withdrawal more than I think I have; and if I'm right, then I'll scream. I know how pathetic that sounds, but if you knew the things that I knew, then you'd scream to.
This afternoon, Wufei and I were left in the house...alone. I was hiding out in the Music room, hoping that no one else would find me there; nor, even realize that I was still in the house. To be honest, I didn't know that Wufei was in the house, until he was standing at the door.
Shocked?...yes I was. In fact I practically jumpped out of my skin. Wufei had his arms folded, and the 'look' on his face. You the kind of look that tells you that 'you'll soon regret wanting to know something that was none of your business in the first place' look...well it was on his face. I found myself regreting ever wanting to know about their pasts.
At first, I only wanted to know how they felt...you know get a little insight as to why they kept avoiding the subject of 'war' all the time. But, not only do I get that, they confide in me, and tell me everything...am I just a magnet for this, or what?
Anyway, Wufei walked over to the chair and sat down, staring directly at me. I could see a definate pain in his raven eyes...my heart tore apart because of it. For the longest time, he said nothing...only staring at me...talking with his eyes and his cold expression. His eyes kept telling me that I was in for a HUGE surprise...or heartache.
Finally, after about twenty or so minutes, Wufei got up from the couch, and walked over to where I was sitting...which was at the piano, by the way. Wufei touched my shoulder, and sat down beside me. 'Do you still want to know why I avoid the subject of 'war'?' he whispered in my ear...his tone unusually shakey.
I nodded, and mouthed my response...'yes'...boy do I regret that.
Wufei sighed heavily, still staring directly into my eyes. 'Well then open your ears, and I'll tell you why.' He whispered, his tone still shakey.
I turned towards Wufei, as he took a deep cleansing breath. He stared at me with a now intent sorrowful gaze...again my heart tore because of it. He then began to speak, telling about his wife. I could feel my eyes bugging; after all, none of us knew that Wufei was married. He then told me why he never told us about her.
'The war killed her, Quatre.' Wufei told me. 'I don't speak of her to anyone, because it is too painful.' I could see his eyes widening, and a slight reflection in his raven gaze...I saw what he saw on the day that his wife died...'She died in my arms...' Wufei's tone was shakey and terrified; his eyes dilated, and watery.
I knew what was about to happen. 'I have to stop this,' I thought to myself. It was bad enough that I brought Heero to tears, I didn't want to do the same to Wufei. 'Stop,' I told him. 'You don't have to tell me anything else.'
Wufei regarded me with a blank expression on his Asian face. 'I don't want to have you break down into tears and withdrawal, like Heero did. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.' I explained to him, then kissed his forehead.
Wufei stared at me blankly, then nodded in agreement. 'If that is what you want...' he whispered then left the music room.
I hung my head, staring emptily at the black and white piano keys. I think that I'll go visit Releena tomorrow, to see how Heero's doing.
It's been a week since I've spoke to Trowa about his past. In his eyes I can now see that the burden that I had once saw, had been lifted. He still suffers from his mental anguish; but at least he doesn't suffer as much as he used to. Like I had told him...'you'll still suffer the pain of a mental death; but, at least now you have your feelings out in the open, and not shut out from the world.'
But I still can't help but feel that I was partly responsible for his return to his mental anguish. I think that Trowa senses this guilt...I know because he has told be on several occations that I had nothing to do with the void in his heart. Of coruse he only says this when we're alone.
As for Heero...he hasn't returned from wherever he went to, and to be honest, I'm worried. I hope he comes home soon...I wouldn't want to feel that I've caused him to withdrawal more than I think I have; and if I'm right, then I'll scream. I know how pathetic that sounds, but if you knew the things that I knew, then you'd scream to.
This afternoon, Wufei and I were left in the house...alone. I was hiding out in the Music room, hoping that no one else would find me there; nor, even realize that I was still in the house. To be honest, I didn't know that Wufei was in the house, until he was standing at the door.
Shocked?...yes I was. In fact I practically jumpped out of my skin. Wufei had his arms folded, and the 'look' on his face. You the kind of look that tells you that 'you'll soon regret wanting to know something that was none of your business in the first place' look...well it was on his face. I found myself regreting ever wanting to know about their pasts.
At first, I only wanted to know how they felt...you know get a little insight as to why they kept avoiding the subject of 'war' all the time. But, not only do I get that, they confide in me, and tell me everything...am I just a magnet for this, or what?
Anyway, Wufei walked over to the chair and sat down, staring directly at me. I could see a definate pain in his raven eyes...my heart tore apart because of it. For the longest time, he said nothing...only staring at me...talking with his eyes and his cold expression. His eyes kept telling me that I was in for a HUGE surprise...or heartache.
Finally, after about twenty or so minutes, Wufei got up from the couch, and walked over to where I was sitting...which was at the piano, by the way. Wufei touched my shoulder, and sat down beside me. 'Do you still want to know why I avoid the subject of 'war'?' he whispered in my ear...his tone unusually shakey.
I nodded, and mouthed my response...'yes'...boy do I regret that.
Wufei sighed heavily, still staring directly into my eyes. 'Well then open your ears, and I'll tell you why.' He whispered, his tone still shakey.
I turned towards Wufei, as he took a deep cleansing breath. He stared at me with a now intent sorrowful gaze...again my heart tore because of it. He then began to speak, telling about his wife. I could feel my eyes bugging; after all, none of us knew that Wufei was married. He then told me why he never told us about her.
'The war killed her, Quatre.' Wufei told me. 'I don't speak of her to anyone, because it is too painful.' I could see his eyes widening, and a slight reflection in his raven gaze...I saw what he saw on the day that his wife died...'She died in my arms...' Wufei's tone was shakey and terrified; his eyes dilated, and watery.
I knew what was about to happen. 'I have to stop this,' I thought to myself. It was bad enough that I brought Heero to tears, I didn't want to do the same to Wufei. 'Stop,' I told him. 'You don't have to tell me anything else.'
Wufei regarded me with a blank expression on his Asian face. 'I don't want to have you break down into tears and withdrawal, like Heero did. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.' I explained to him, then kissed his forehead.
Wufei stared at me blankly, then nodded in agreement. 'If that is what you want...' he whispered then left the music room.
I hung my head, staring emptily at the black and white piano keys. I think that I'll go visit Releena tomorrow, to see how Heero's doing.
