Entry Nine
Sanit Une
Well I went to visit Releena, and she told me that Heero has been there for quite awhile. She also told me that he has been acting strangely for the past couple of days. I asked what she meant by 'strangely'...boy do I regret asking that, because right after I asked, I found out why. Heero walked across the front foyer, mumbling inane gibberish to himself. His face was all sweaty, and his eyes were dilated.
I then asked Releena if Heero had been screaming uncontrollably during the night; she nodded and said that she hadn't had a good nights sleep in days. That's when I knew that Heero had been suffering...not only by the pain from war; but he was suffering from the aftermath of war...his mind was tearing Heero to pieces.
Stand and watch?...never! I would never allow myself to stand by and watch Heero fall to pieces...no like this. If I had caused Heero to withdrawal like he had done, then I'm going to pull him out of it.
Anyway, Releena invited me in, apologizing for the way the house looked. I insisted that it wasn't that bad...considering that her entire staff refused to return until Heero left the estate. I followed Heero into the library. Heero walked around the room a couple of times before he sat down in the window seat, as his mind snapped back into reality.
Heero stared at me with a blank expression, and forced a slight smile. I walked over towards him, and asked him how he was doing. He didn't respond. I sat next to him...not too close though, I didn't want to scare Heero away; nor push him back into withdrawal.
'Heero,' I began, as he stared at me. I could see that the suffering in his eyes had grown even more intense...now he was not suffering- that would be an understatement- Heero was now being tortured. 'Heero, do you remember what you started to tell me a couple of months ago?' I asked.
Heero backed up, his eyes dilating.
'Heero!' I called to him. His mind snapped back into reality, as I had suspected that he was withdrawaling again. 'You don't have to answer the quest-'
'No,' Heero whispered. 'I remember.'
I sat back in the seat, staring at Heero. He bowed his head...I could sense that he felt ashamed of something that had happened. I regretted my next question...'Heero, what happened to you?' I asked...I know that I shouldn't have asked; but I couldn't help myself...it was in my nature to heal, and Heero needed to be 'healed'.
Heero raised his head, staring directly at me, he said. 'I've murdered so many people.'
I moved closer to Heero. I could see in his eyes that my expression was empathetic. 'You're not the only one who feels that way.' I whispered to Heero.
Heero looked away from me. 'I am aware of that, Quatre.' He bowed his head, as he cast his stare to the floor. 'But you didn't murder children...' his voice froze.
I suddenly got the feeling that this was what Heero was talking about the last time we spoke together, before Wufei had walked in. 'Wufei knows about this; doesn't he?' I muttered softly.
Heero merely nodded, as the tears welled in his eyes. He opened his mouth to reveal the details, when I stopped him.
'No,' I whispered. 'I don't want you to tell me the details...not yet.' I rose from the window seat. 'The first thing we need to do, is get you home...you'll be comfortable there. You can tell me then...if you're ready.'
Heero gazed up at me; but, didn't seem too alarmed that I wanted to take him back home. He nodded, and rose from the seat. I led him back out to the car, and took him home. As I left, Releena smiled. 'Call me later.' I'm not certain if she was telling Heero that she wanted him to call her, or me...but I nodded just the same, then left with Heero.
Heero and I arrived at the house to find that the others had left. They left a note on the kitchen table stating that they went over to Hilde's restaurant for lunch.
Heero sat on the bar stool and leaned over the island, as he reached for the note. He hummed, and threw it in the garbage. I handed Heero a glass of water. He gulped it and took a deep breath. He then went on with his story- if you want to call it that.
As Heero spooke I moved towards the table and sat down. If I had remained standing I would've fallen over from shock. I remember my eyes bugging as Heero told me of all the things that he was torturing his mind. I could feel my heart shatter...of all the things that I was told, this was far from my wildest dreams. When Heero told me that he had murdered children, I thought he meant their future; and here he told me that he had actually killed a child before. Again my heart shattered because of it.
'Heero you can not go on blaming yourself, for a slight miscalculation.' I told Heero as I walked over to him. I sat beside him; I could tell that he was holding back the threatening tears.
'How could a person like me, be considered a good guy?' Heero muttered. It was one of those unanswerable questions...you know the kind that you ask, but you never get the answer to...even if your heart needs it.
I hugged Heero, and told him that he couldn't have predicted that the building would've been destroyed. 'You just have to go on believing that it wasn't her time to be on this plain. Just believe that she could return one day...you don't want to have a child feel responsible for your suffering; do you?'
Heero looked at me, knowing that I was right. Heero took a beep breath, and nodded. 'I want to visit her grave.' He uttered bluntly. 'It's the only way that I'll ever have closure.'
I nodded. 'I'll arrange everything.' I told him...after all it's the least I could do to help him on the road to a normal, torture free life.
Sanit Une
Well I went to visit Releena, and she told me that Heero has been there for quite awhile. She also told me that he has been acting strangely for the past couple of days. I asked what she meant by 'strangely'...boy do I regret asking that, because right after I asked, I found out why. Heero walked across the front foyer, mumbling inane gibberish to himself. His face was all sweaty, and his eyes were dilated.
I then asked Releena if Heero had been screaming uncontrollably during the night; she nodded and said that she hadn't had a good nights sleep in days. That's when I knew that Heero had been suffering...not only by the pain from war; but he was suffering from the aftermath of war...his mind was tearing Heero to pieces.
Stand and watch?...never! I would never allow myself to stand by and watch Heero fall to pieces...no like this. If I had caused Heero to withdrawal like he had done, then I'm going to pull him out of it.
Anyway, Releena invited me in, apologizing for the way the house looked. I insisted that it wasn't that bad...considering that her entire staff refused to return until Heero left the estate. I followed Heero into the library. Heero walked around the room a couple of times before he sat down in the window seat, as his mind snapped back into reality.
Heero stared at me with a blank expression, and forced a slight smile. I walked over towards him, and asked him how he was doing. He didn't respond. I sat next to him...not too close though, I didn't want to scare Heero away; nor push him back into withdrawal.
'Heero,' I began, as he stared at me. I could see that the suffering in his eyes had grown even more intense...now he was not suffering- that would be an understatement- Heero was now being tortured. 'Heero, do you remember what you started to tell me a couple of months ago?' I asked.
Heero backed up, his eyes dilating.
'Heero!' I called to him. His mind snapped back into reality, as I had suspected that he was withdrawaling again. 'You don't have to answer the quest-'
'No,' Heero whispered. 'I remember.'
I sat back in the seat, staring at Heero. He bowed his head...I could sense that he felt ashamed of something that had happened. I regretted my next question...'Heero, what happened to you?' I asked...I know that I shouldn't have asked; but I couldn't help myself...it was in my nature to heal, and Heero needed to be 'healed'.
Heero raised his head, staring directly at me, he said. 'I've murdered so many people.'
I moved closer to Heero. I could see in his eyes that my expression was empathetic. 'You're not the only one who feels that way.' I whispered to Heero.
Heero looked away from me. 'I am aware of that, Quatre.' He bowed his head, as he cast his stare to the floor. 'But you didn't murder children...' his voice froze.
I suddenly got the feeling that this was what Heero was talking about the last time we spoke together, before Wufei had walked in. 'Wufei knows about this; doesn't he?' I muttered softly.
Heero merely nodded, as the tears welled in his eyes. He opened his mouth to reveal the details, when I stopped him.
'No,' I whispered. 'I don't want you to tell me the details...not yet.' I rose from the window seat. 'The first thing we need to do, is get you home...you'll be comfortable there. You can tell me then...if you're ready.'
Heero gazed up at me; but, didn't seem too alarmed that I wanted to take him back home. He nodded, and rose from the seat. I led him back out to the car, and took him home. As I left, Releena smiled. 'Call me later.' I'm not certain if she was telling Heero that she wanted him to call her, or me...but I nodded just the same, then left with Heero.
Heero and I arrived at the house to find that the others had left. They left a note on the kitchen table stating that they went over to Hilde's restaurant for lunch.
Heero sat on the bar stool and leaned over the island, as he reached for the note. He hummed, and threw it in the garbage. I handed Heero a glass of water. He gulped it and took a deep breath. He then went on with his story- if you want to call it that.
As Heero spooke I moved towards the table and sat down. If I had remained standing I would've fallen over from shock. I remember my eyes bugging as Heero told me of all the things that he was torturing his mind. I could feel my heart shatter...of all the things that I was told, this was far from my wildest dreams. When Heero told me that he had murdered children, I thought he meant their future; and here he told me that he had actually killed a child before. Again my heart shattered because of it.
'Heero you can not go on blaming yourself, for a slight miscalculation.' I told Heero as I walked over to him. I sat beside him; I could tell that he was holding back the threatening tears.
'How could a person like me, be considered a good guy?' Heero muttered. It was one of those unanswerable questions...you know the kind that you ask, but you never get the answer to...even if your heart needs it.
I hugged Heero, and told him that he couldn't have predicted that the building would've been destroyed. 'You just have to go on believing that it wasn't her time to be on this plain. Just believe that she could return one day...you don't want to have a child feel responsible for your suffering; do you?'
Heero looked at me, knowing that I was right. Heero took a beep breath, and nodded. 'I want to visit her grave.' He uttered bluntly. 'It's the only way that I'll ever have closure.'
I nodded. 'I'll arrange everything.' I told him...after all it's the least I could do to help him on the road to a normal, torture free life.
