NoV: Since so many people reviewed---

Xelloss: (cough)

NoV: --I'm going to continue.

Lina: And, I don't have to be in the variety show. (big smile)

NoV: Oh, don't worry. You'll get it in the end....or maybe the middle.....(insane laughter)

Lina: (face turns blue) ....shimatta.

Gourry: I don't really love Martha Stuart, you know.....

NoV: Yeah, and I wouldn't really write a fic about it......well, maybe I would. But that's what makes me special!!!!

Zelgadis: Well, the whole 'coffee I.V. turned mayonnaise I.V.' really didn't do anything for me.

NoV: :p

Filia: (to Xelloss) I hate you.

Xelloss: (jumps into Filia's arms) I knew you fall for me, Fi-chan!

Filia: (drops Xelloss in disgust) I HAVE TO GO DISENFECT!!! I WILL SEE YOU ALL LATER!!!!

Val: (hides his face in shame)

Amelia: Why are we even having a variety show? (leers at NoV)Are you implying that we are financially low and that we need funds to support our fair city??

NoV: Erm....of course not.

Amelia: Oh. Well, that's different. (sits back down)

NoV: Can we start the fic now? Come on, get with it, Bishounen!

Bishounen: Agg! (sits up from a box of donuts) Am I late?? Sorry!! (presses a button labeled 'start the ficcie'; gives a thumbs-up)

NoV: It's about time.....
**
Lina spoke in an evil tone as she made her way over to Zelgadis. "So, I see that you will be performing first, Zel-kun." He rolled his eyes. "I am going to enjoy seeing you out there. So, what do you plan to do in front of all-those-people?"

Zelgadis scoffed at her. "As if I know."

"Well, you'd better be figuring something out. You're on in five."

The chimera gave her a dirty look. "'You're on in five, heehee,'" he said, mocking her as he walked into a corner of the backstage room. "What am I gonna do??" he asked himself, as soon as he was out of earshot from everyone else.

"Thank-you, minna-san!" Amelia said, greeting everyone in the audience. She stood on the stage, along with Prince Phil, in front of over half of the population of Seyruun. "And welcome to the first annual Seyruun Variety Show!!!!"

"Yes, and there are still plenty of snacks in the snackbar!" Prince Phil added. "You can also buy t-shirts after the show with a picture of my dear, and Justice-ful daughter, Amelia!"

"Enjoy the show!" Amelia exclaimed, as they both exited the stage.

The audience cheered and clapped, ready for the first act to begin.

Slowly, a lone bluish figure sauntered onto the stage. The crowd grew silent, waiting to see what he would do.

"Hello, everyone," Zelgadis said, rolling his eyes. "I will be performing....an act.....along with my lovely assistant!" he finished, as he saw a shadow under the curtain. He reached behind the curtain, and grabbed the shoulder of the person behind it. He was shocked to see that it was, "Gourry. Um....yes, my lovely assistant, Gourry!"

"Aw, gosh, Zel," Gourry blushed, "I didn't know you cared.

"I don't," the chimera hissed. "We will be performing....the uh....."

"Poodle Prance of Doom!!" Gourry shouted.

"The WHAT??" Zelgadis shrieked.

"It's easy!" Gourry assured him.

"I refuse to perform anything with the words 'poodle' and 'prance' in it!"

"You're such a party pooper!" The blond stuck at his tongue.

"You big dummy, I should-" Zelgadis stopped. "Why, yes....I will be performing a ventriloquist act with my dummy, Gourry." He grabbed a nearby chair and sat down in it, pulling Gourry onto his lap.

"Woo-hoo!!" Gaav exclaimed, from somewhere in the audience. "Let's see some action!!"

"What are you doing in this theater??" Amelia demanded from the sidelines. "You are PURE EVIL!!!"

Gaav quickly sat down, not wanting to endure a justice speech.

"Now, I shall be, for the first time ever, ventriloquisting while drinking coffee," Zelgadis announced, to the audience's amazement.

He grabbed a coffee mug out of his cloak and topped it off with rich, black coffee from a thermos that had also been located under his cloak.

"Now," he whispered to Gourry, "when I drink the coffee, you talk. Got it?"

"I think so," Gourry replied, "but what do you do when I drink the coffee?"

"....we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

"What bridge?"

"GAH! Just do it!!!" Zelgadis nearly screamed. He gazed at the crowd, who were slightly were that he was yelling at a dummy. "Heh! That's just me warming up, folks!" (Folks??) he asked himself.

Zelgadis began to gulp down the coffee, praying that Gourry wouldn't mess up.

"Hi!!" Gourry exclaimed. "Zel wanted me to say something, so, something!! Thank-you!"

The audience cheered and clapped.

"I bet he does it with mirrors," a mother whispered to her son.

Zelgadis thanked his lucky stars that his humiliation, for the time being, was over.

He and Gourry went backstage, leaving the people in the theater clapping and cheering and standing up and throwing popcorn everywhere. They were shocked to see Hellmaster Phibrizzo appear right in front of them.

"Hi, everybody!" Phibby exclaimed. "It's me, everyone's favorite mazoku dark lord-"

Xelloss grumbled something.

"Well, except for you.....but, I'm really oh-kay with that."

"What do you want, you evil monster??" Filia cried.

"Yeah, what DO you want??" Amelia demanded.

"I thought I'd help your act!" Phibby told them.

"How?" Lina asked, raising an eyebrow.
**
NoV: How, indeed?

Gourry: I am not a dummy! ;_;

Zelgadis: (sips coffee) Of course not.

Gourry: I like custard. ^_^

NoV: BTW, I wanna apologize to Saki. I thought you meant it in a different way, but once you explained it, I felt bad for being mad. Let's be friends!!

Xelloss: .....I feel like selling Saki a tie!!!

Minna: o.o

Xelloss: What?? What is wrong with trying to make an honest living??

Minna: (slowly inch away from Xelloss)

Xelloss: I made a commercial for just such an occasion. ^.^

**

Anonymous Voice: Do you feel that you just aren't giving enough?

A picture of a person sitting and thinking and staring off into space is shown.

AV: Do you want to help, but feel you don't know how?

A girl stares at a recycle bin that has a can lying beside it on the ground.

AV: (suddenly happy and enthusiastic) DO YOU LIKE TIES??

Ties are shown in rapid, flashing motions.

AV: Then, why not buy a tie from Xelloss, owner of Xelloss' imported ties??? Not affiliated with Imported Ties of Xelloss.

Xelloss gives a wink and a thumbs-up sign.

**

Amelia: That-

Gourry: --was-

Zelgadis: --disturbing.

Xelloss: Do you really think so? ^.^

NoV: Til nexties!!