The sounds of birds chirping loudly, green leaves brushing together in the solemn wind, a distant waterfall crashing into rocks below all rang in Paddamill's ears as she slowly opened her eyes. Immediately she squinted in hopes of stopping from the bright sun from shining into her eyes. Paddamill leaned her head up from off the soft comfortable pillow and she leaned back on her elbows. Slowly she closed her eyes back and allowed them to adjust. She frowned feeling tired and slight stinging in her left side. Cautiously Paddamill opened her eyes and allowed her head to move so she could scan the room. There was a cream colored plastered wall with green healthy vine growing up them. Paddamill trailed them up to the matching ceiling where they all met in the middle reaching down towards the bed with a candled chandelier covered up from its original color of white gold. Paddamill allowed her mouth to slightly fall open as she moved her eyes around the room over to the right of the large king sized bed. An open balcony gave access out onto a large stone widow watch that looked over the unfamiliar land. Paddamill frowned as she pulled off the satin sheets and turned herself around so her feet could touch the ground. The floor was soft and furry. Paddamill looked down to see a neutral colored rug that was underneath her bed, covering about half of the large room. The large archway leading out onto the balcony had a white sheer curtain tracing its high archway and down the sides spreading out onto the floor with ease. This was obviously the only thing to protect yourself from night time bugs and rain since there was no door stopping her from walking out or from anything coming in.
Once Paddamill was outside, she had to rub her eyes as if not to believe what she was seeing. Trees spread out through the vast natural land, all she could see were colors of brilliant pinks, oranges, blues, greens, reds, and yellow; Pastel painted throughout the gardens a couple of hundred feet in the distance. Waterfalls were on every high rigid mountain, falling down quickly into a pools of crystal clear waters ranging from small hills to snowy covered mountains. The paths she could see were made from stone or had been worn down by travel. Statues were placed all over, some unrecognizable due to moss and vines. The smells of exotic flowers lingered in the air along with a cool breeze that was a perfected temperature.
Birds of all nature flew around over the tree tops and around the large indescribable place. Horses were spread evenly throughout the land, ranging from different colors. Paddamill frowned with amazement as she looked over the land twice. She took in a deep breath feeling the cool clean air enter her lungs. It all reminded her of Rivendell. She frowned looking around the areas and even back into her room. But something was different about this place. It wasn't Rivendell since she had remembered it perfectly. The way their roads were never ending, the markets, the sounds, smells, and feeling. This place was much different. Larger, more calm. "It cannot be." Paddamill said lowly to herself as she turned and walked towards her rooms archway. She raised her right hand and pushed the curtain open with her knuckle while pushing her left palm against the warm building, bracing herself as she leaned her head back to look up at the ceiling and all around the room once more. She spun in a full circle. Her heart was beginning to beat more quickly and her breath became more rapid like she were having a panic attack. But yet she wasn't. This place was familiar yet she didn't know it. Everything was so...perfect. Paddamill dropped her jaw. She ran towards her balcony, throwing the curtain aside. She felt the rough stone underneath her hands as she gripped the balconies railing.
"No," Paddamill turned halfway looking into her room while keeping her left hand firmly grasped around the rail as if she were about to fall. "You are not in heaven." The large arched mahogany door slid to a close as Arwen walked towards her with ease and gentle movement. The silk texture of Arwen's blue dress shimmered from the morning sun giving off different colors of blue, turquoise, and green. If Paddamill could've only seen her feet then she wouldn't think she was flying across the floor. Paddamill swallowed the fright in her heart and looked back over to the large vast land.
"Then...where am I?" Arwen stood next to Paddamill, her long hair decorated with a diamond circlet and flowing in natural wave.
"You are in Valinor. Or, The uttermost West, the undying Lands, and Arda..." She grinned looking to her left to see Paddamill with a concerned frown. "Among many other names that Men have called it." Arwen completed.
"Why? How did I get here?" Arwen slit her eyes and looked back over to the beautiful scene of nature and beauty.
"You were saved by Gimli and Aragorn. You had faded away for a short moment due to the extensive pain in your wound, not to mention the amount of blood and sleep you had lost. They stopped the bleeding soon after and Legolas rode hard back to what remains of Helm's Deep. There, a man by the name of Glorfindel, rode you from there to Rivendell where my father cured you even more. As you might know, Glorfindel had aided a close friend of yours." Paddamill frowned and looked over at Arwen and listened to her speak of what all had happened, although she was fairly interested the one tearing her attention away was Legolas. Where was he? And where was everyone else? "But you couldn't have arrived at a more desperate time. Everyone who established in Imladris was told to go on a boat to Valinor. You just happened to be there." Paddamill tilted her head.
"And the others? What about them? Where are they and are they alright?" Arwen turned and looked at Paddamill. She looked into her eyes and at her hair. She raised her left hand and brushed a strand of brown hair that had fallen, behind her ear.
"You mustn't worry. They were fine. Legolas had spoken to Glorfindel briefly and had told him to heal you. Because losing something as precious as you would break his heart. Do not worry yourself, Paddamill. They will be fine." Her words were so reassuring yet Paddamill couldn't find that security she had hoped for. Arwen took in a deep breath and walked behind Paddamill as she walked into her room trying to figure out what to do.
"You have been sleeping for more than two weeks. We were afraid you might not have arose, but I kept telling myself you would. That you were stubborn and would laugh at death." Paddamill let out a soft laugh. She had gotten to know Arwen for those brief days in Rivendell after she had set out. In a way Paddamill had felt something between the two, as if they knew each other or had something in common. Turned out they did. They were cousins, a happy discovery for them both. But Paddamill couldn't rejoice or be happy at the find. She had been too upset with the death of her family and the loss of her friends. But that had been many months and she had plenty of time to know her for the short period of time she spent in Rivendell before setting out for her final home in Lothlórien. Arwen's sudden happiness quickly drew dark. Her soft smile faded and her face showed signs of sadness. Paddamill noticed the change in her attitude when she turned to look at her.
"What is the matter?" Arwen lifted her chin and looked up at her.
"I fear the days are getting shorter, Paddamill. All that remains with the fellowship are beginning to frail. They are beginning to weaken. I can feel it," Arwen lifted her hand and cupped it over her chest "in my heart." She stated keeping her gaze upon Paddamill. Paddamill felt her chin quiver from the sadness yet no tears came. It were as if her body knew not to waste any of the fluids she had left, if any at all. The trip had worn her down and it were as if it never fully recovered.
Arwen took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She needed to gain composer over her emotions just as Paddamill had done. She needed to get her head on straight and most of all she needed Aragorn home safe. Arwen looked up at Paddamill, her eyes showing that all hope had been lost, all contact with them had been lost. For what seemed to be a good idea months ago now seemed like a vain attempt over something they couldn't control. Arwen knew it, her father knew it, everyone in Middle Earth knew that at some point or the other all would be lost. Dwarves, Elves, and hobbits. The only thing left to stand from a mythological place would be that of man. Everyone was certain. Paddamill took the time to feel the emotions Arwen was casting.
"They are not forlorn hope, Arwen. You, along with everyone else, have made that quite pellucid." Arwen lifted her chin and raised an eyebrow.
"What do you mean by that?"
"I mean they were not sent out to fight and never return!"
"Is that what you feel we have done?"
"No, it is what I know you feel! You feel that the fellowship was arranged to destroy a great evil and fight against those who feel otherwise about Sauron and Saruman's actions. They would fight and end this perilous journey yet they would do so while fighting to their deaths!" Paddamill looked away from Arwen. She knew that was what everyone was thinking. Anyone who said different was lying. All the support they had started out with had slowly been fading and pretty soon it would no longer be. Paddamill frowned walking over towards the terrace closing her eyes. She could only find the irony of it all, how a group of ten were to save a world in great threat only to have it forgotten in the years to come. In the end all of the hard struggles would be forgotten. "And I don't want that to be true." Paddamill whispered as low as she possibly could.
"If anyone is thinking such things it is you, above all else." Arwen frowned walking beside her, touching her shoulder with a soft hand. "I can tell you I have been thinking of such thoughts, but I never agree to them. That is why you come off so strong about what you think we are feeling, because in turn it is only you. You think they aren't going to come back, that they are going to fail." Paddamill frowned and shrugged her hand off.
"I do not."
"I think you do, why else would you push us all to believe that they will return home safely."
"Because!" Paddamill looked at Arwen directly in the eyes making sure she saw her belief in what was to come. "Unlike your people, unlike Lord Elrond, I have hope in my fellowship."
"Your fellowship?"
"I have the faith it takes to bring them home safely! I have the hope that everyone else has seemed to have lost!"
"You're lying." Paddamill frowned angrily at her. She turned and began to pace around the room.
"Since when did this become about me?"
"Since when did you have the sudden urge to argue about what people are thinking! Why should it even matter! I'll tell you why, Paddamill, because you think that if everyone had hope in the Fellowship then maybe they would come home safe and sound! As if that would change the minds of the evil!" The two had a moment of silence. The only sound the two heard were that of the birds and sounds of nature outside of the room. Arwen put her hands behind her back and walked over to Paddamill, stopping a few inches from her. "Paddamill-"
"Do you honestly think that I don't have faith in the company?" Arwen let her hands fall to her sides. She tilted her head to the right quizzically looking over Paddamill's face.
"I don't think, Paddamill, I know."
"Do you?" Paddamill asked with anger. "Did Lord Elrond *see* what I was thinking or *see* what I was saying when I prayed by my bed at night?' Arwen gave her a slanted grin, she knew Paddamill was blowing her inquisitions out of proportion. It had obviously been from the fright and the pain she had endured. Being out of harms way Paddamill had time to remember how the fellowship fought, how they barely got a wink of sleep, and how they barely got an even amount of food. She could only find their points of weakness rather than points of strength. Paddamill let out a weary sigh, her brain finally caught up with her emotions that she thought she had detained. "I'm sorry." Paddamill said out of breath. She smiled and rubbed her head and gave her a kiss on her forehead.
"I understand your concern for them, Paddamill. But we mustn't allow our imaginations to take over what we know is true. Keep your faith in Frodo and Sam, Merry and Pippin, and even in our remaining company. All is not lost Paddamill, not if we have hope." Hope. Hmph, it was easy to say and think but it was hard to turn it into action. Without another word Paddamill knew one way she could dwell on her hope and push her imaginative brain aside. She just didn't know how to go about doing it, after all she was in a completely different place, probably miles, hundreds of miles, away from Minas Tirith.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The reflection of the full moon reflected off the surface of the black, night waters. The sounds of the water sloshing up against the shore of the woods added to the eerie silence of the night, Paddamill had known too well. The breeze from earlier had finally left and all that remained was the humid air and mosquito's. Paddamill looked around at the dark port where everyone had arrived on the boats to Valinor. They had all been pulled away, but Paddamill had managed to find a small row boat near the northern shore where it was most dark. The area surrounding was nothing but trees and swampy waters, in a way it reminded her of what the Dead marshes would have been like. Paddamill gasped at the thought. She looked down at the water only to be jarred by her own reflection.
After a moment of taking over the fright that coursed through her body, Paddamill grabbed her heavy cloak and pulled it up from her feet while she bent over slightly to push a long stick into the water, just for safety measures. Paddamill watched the reflection of her dark figure blur in the ripples. Paddamill let out a sigh of disgust tossing the stick to the right and letting her cloak fall. She remembered back when her father told her and her siblings scary stories and how they all ended up sleeping with their parents rather than in their own room, but never Paddamill, she had always laughed at them. Yet here she was a year later becoming frightened of her own dark shadow.
Paddamill took her mind off of the stories and bent down to the ground and picked up a leather bag that held her clothes and some food. She had remembered what Legolas had said to Merry and Pippin on their departure from Lothlórien. She had snuck into the dining area and "borrowed" a few pieces of Lembas the Elvish way bread that, as Legolas put it, one small bite was enough to fill the stomach of a grown man. Ah, Legolas. Paddamill thought, allowing a smile to cross her face. She missed him already. He had looked so scared and so sad before. Paddamill's smile quickly faded as she thought of him thinking she was dead. It was silly of her to allow love to get in the way of this task. Paddamill angrily pushed him out of her mind trying to keep her mind on what she was going to do.
'Sail in the same direction as the moon and towards the sun.' Paddamill told herself as she put the small lantern into the boat. With all her might she pushed the end of the boat into the unsteady waters. Paddamill gasped when she heard a branch snap. Quickly she turned around looking out into the darkness.
"Hello?" She called out in a whisper. "Arwen?" When there was no response, Paddamill turned and walked into the water, feeling the cool liquid push against the leather of her boot. Luckily her boot came to about mid calf and the water wasn't that deep until a few yards out. Paddamill bit her lower lip in anxiousness and out of fear as she continued to push the boat out into the water until it was fully afloat.
'Kitch'
The sound of another twig snapping caused Paddamill to stop pushing and look back out into the morbid woods where the moon had failed to light up. Paddamill frantically searched the woods feeling the blood beat in her ears and the quickening of her breath. She prayed in her mind that it was just an animal but she knew it wasn't. She had felt as if someone had followed her from the castle of Arda, down to the ports. Paddamill looked back to the boat and then back to the woods contemplating whether she should just get into the boat or check out the sounds. Automatically, Paddamill went straight to the stories her father had told. The victim, who would always go to check out the odd noise, usually ended up dead or found someone else dead. But who would be trying to harm someone in Valinor?
"Arwen?" Paddamill managed to ask yet again. She didn't want to chance finding someone dead or find herself in the position to be dead. In reply all she heard was the sounds of frogs, crickets, and the water hitting the boat. Paddamill licked her lips and drew in a breath. "Arwen, is that you?"
"No...it is not." Paddamill's eyes grew wide and her heart nearly stopped. Paddamill jerked her left foot back stabling her from falling over from terror. The mans voice was heavy and dark. Paddamill could only fear the worst. But when she saw Lord Elrond step out from the wooded area and into the moons light, her heart slowed down and her fright quickly subsided.
"Lord Elrond." Paddamill said with a sigh of relief. With her right hand she pushed back the hood from her brown cloak and looked around at their surroundings. She felt relieved when she felt the night air hit against the back of her sweaty neck. "What are you doing out here?" Paddamill asked turning her attention back to him.
"Better yet, what are you doing out here?" Paddamill saw him raise his eyebrows in inquisition. Paddamill let out a sigh and rubbed her neck feeling the beads of sweat from having her hood over her head on such a warm night.
"I think you know why."
"As a matter of fact, I do not. Why don't you explain to me why you are out here in the middle of the night, stealing a boat, and running away as if you were a frightened child." Paddamill felt the anger in his tone.
"Why is it that you must keep tabs on me? I am not your daughter."
"Yes, but you are kin and that gives me just as much right as if I were, considering." Paddamill frowned at his temper and at his words.
"Considering what? That my father is dead because of all of this?"
"Considering I am the eldest in this situation and you are in my care for the time being."
"Yes well, I will be out of your care as soon as I get on my boat." Lord Elrond gave her a crooked grin as he stepped closer to the edge of the water. Paddamill let out a sigh. "Fine, as soon as I get on the boat you planted here for me to take!"
"I simply left it here because I knew you would try to get away, but let me advise you it is not as easy as it seems. The boat ride from Valinor to Middle Earth is longer than you expect. Three days and that is by sailing, not by rowing."
"What do you want me to do, Lord Elrond? First you ask me to go then you take me to my Great Uncle, then they send me off to aid Éowyn, now you want me to stay with you. You assigned me to a task and I intend to keep it. I have enough food, I'm surrounded by water, if I start rowing now I should be there within a week."
"Then what? Tread towards the Paths of the Dead only to find your company slain by the souls of the dead where you too will join them? No, Paddamill I cannot and will not let you go!" Lord Elrond gestured with his hand telling her to come back to the shore and wait for their return. Paddamill simply turned and got into the boat. "Paddamill, you get out of that boat this instant." She smiled at his tone as if he were going to scold her for doing something wrong. "I am not going to allow my kin to murder oneself due to stubborn ways!"
"I am not going to kill myself." Paddamill argued looking at Lord Elrond advance into the water. By the time he reached the side of the boat the water had reached his thighs. He grabbed a hold of the side of the boat and looked at Paddamill with his dark eyes.
"Paddamill, I appreciate your bravery and your venturesomeness but allowing you to travel days on end only to die in a vain attempt to rekindle with your fellowship...that's absurd." Paddamill frowned and looked into his dark eyes that showed no emotion.
"I am not going to die, Lord Elrond. I will make it to the Paths of the Dead and I will go through, because I know that Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli would have succeeded in freeing their souls of the oath." Lord Elrond's brow furrowed slightly as he watched her raise her eyebrows and tilt her chin in pride of the successors who marched bravely towards the eye of evil.
"Paddamill-"
"What? why can't I go about my merry way to finish what you asked me to do? Is it that hard to just give me a slight push, wish me luck, and watch me leave?"
"Say Aragorn did free the souls, what then? Will you make your way towards the Tower of Guard, Minas Tirith? What will you do when you walk into a raging war between good and evil? Or perhaps stumble upon a group of wild animals or Orcs? They will capture you and they will kill you." Paddamill had not thought of that. She had been so sure they would make it to the Paths and free their souls and she would eventually catch up to them, but how? They were on horses and she had been delayed by two weeks soon to be three if she were to row. Their tracks would've been well covered by now. Rain, winds, and other natural doings would allow her to go blindly towards Minas Tirith. No protection, no lead, and no way of knowing where she was going. She frowned looking down at the rippling water.
"You're very smart Paddamill," his voice was soft and barely above a whisper "you wouldn't do something knowing you had many chances of being endangered. I am not going to stand in your way if you want to go on towards Minas Tirith, but I am asking you to stay here in Arda. Going to them now would most certainly mean death." Lord Elrond watched her move her eyes up to meet his, a speck of fear was visible even in the dark of night. "You don't want that do you, Paddamill?" As a reply she frowned looking back to the water. "I know that I don't want you to, nor Celeborn and most of all, Legolas." Paddamill's heart jumped along with her stomach. How did Lord Elrond know-
"Don't you want to live to see him once more? To see everyone?" Paddamill tried to speak but couldn't find the words. "If you stay I can assure you that you will live to see them again, that is if they succeed."
"But I want to go." Paddamill said weakly finally feeling her body give in to the weakness she had managed to ignore. The two gashes in her left side, one from the arrow which had yet to heal and the cut from an Orc dagger stung at the thought of fighting. Lord Elrond could easily see the weariness in her eyes, the fright, the shudder of her body whenever thinking of death.
"I know you do, Paddamill..." He drew in a small breath looking down at her gloved hand that held the left side of the boat. Paddamill moved her eyes from the water to glance at his hand cupped over her own and then up to his face that was painted in concern. "Don't think with your noble heart, think with your mind. You are a good fighter and a willing helper but you are not as strong as the men. I know that and so do you." Paddamill sniffed seeing a tear drop fall on top of his hand. "Now I ask you, with all the honor in my heart to please...come out of the boat and stay here with Arwen and I, you will deeply appreciate it in the latter days. I promise you I am not doing this to harm your character but to save you from harm itself." Honor, how could you honor someone who forsakes a group of people you love, your friends, your soldiers, your task? How can someone be honorable when they think of themselves over a loved one? Paddamill didn't want to abandon them, not now, not after all they had endured.
"What happens if I stay?"
"You will live here, go about your day as if it were any other. Sew, go to the market, make friends. Anything and everything your please."
"If I go?"
"That I cannot say. You might make it to The Paths, yet never come back. Or, you could make it through the Paths and even defeat Sauron." Paddamill frowned and leaned to the left, cupping her right hand over his own.
"Tell me...if I am to go, what will I face?" Paddamill's eyes filled with tears yet they never fell once. Her question was more of a plea rather than an argument.
"Paddamill I can't-"
"Don't tell me you can't! You have the ability of foresight so tell me! If I were to disregard your offer and leave, tonight! What will I have waiting for me once I reach the main lands?" Lord Elrond let out a sigh looking away from her momentarily. "Elrond...what?"
"I cannot tell you for you have not accepted the offer! Even if I could tell you which different course will end, I would not let you know if it only led to death! I will not give you the answers as an alternative! What you choose is your fault I will not allow you to take the easier course. Life is hard Paddamill, nobody should ever have the option to live or die!"
"But you told me before!" Paddamill sat up willing to argue. "When you and Keir came to me, to take me home. You told me of what lay ahead if I were to stay and that was death! Why is it different now than before?"
"I knew Aragorn would be leading you on a smoother course. I chose to intervene due to his choices, I did not want you to die! And Celeborn had asked for us to bring you home. You were his last living relative. Now Please!" Paddamill watched Lord Elrond frown trying to state his point and get her out of the boat. What did Paddamill want? Did she want to die without ever seeing Legolas again? Or would she rather live and take the chance of seeing him after the war? But what was the difference if he were to die rather than her? She would've waited for him and she would've lived with the thought of leaving him to die without fighting for his life. Which had a better outcome? Paddamill sat up straight and blinked her tears away. She looked around the dark sea gathering her thoughts and her emotions.
"Would it make you feel any better if I were to ask you to stay..." Paddamill looked to the left back over to Elrond. "...and ship you out to Gondor in three days?" Paddamill's frown lifted. A compromise was very unlikely in Lord Elrond, but this must've been from his heart. "You can help Denethor."
"Boromir's father? But why?"
"He needs to understand the dangers of the ring, Faramir has already learned of the great powers it possesses and has allowed Frodo to continue with his task. You can maybe make him understand before he finds out about Faramir's choice." Paddamill sighed feeling bewildered by all of this. One minute she was fine the next angered, sad, and now confused.
"Three days is all I ask, you will have time to rest and eat and you will at least be fighting for what is right rather than watch it all happen. It's the best I can do." Paddamill bit her lower lip and looked over to Lord Elrond. He was still upset but he at least was giving her another alternative to death, which one was too many.
Once Paddamill was outside, she had to rub her eyes as if not to believe what she was seeing. Trees spread out through the vast natural land, all she could see were colors of brilliant pinks, oranges, blues, greens, reds, and yellow; Pastel painted throughout the gardens a couple of hundred feet in the distance. Waterfalls were on every high rigid mountain, falling down quickly into a pools of crystal clear waters ranging from small hills to snowy covered mountains. The paths she could see were made from stone or had been worn down by travel. Statues were placed all over, some unrecognizable due to moss and vines. The smells of exotic flowers lingered in the air along with a cool breeze that was a perfected temperature.
Birds of all nature flew around over the tree tops and around the large indescribable place. Horses were spread evenly throughout the land, ranging from different colors. Paddamill frowned with amazement as she looked over the land twice. She took in a deep breath feeling the cool clean air enter her lungs. It all reminded her of Rivendell. She frowned looking around the areas and even back into her room. But something was different about this place. It wasn't Rivendell since she had remembered it perfectly. The way their roads were never ending, the markets, the sounds, smells, and feeling. This place was much different. Larger, more calm. "It cannot be." Paddamill said lowly to herself as she turned and walked towards her rooms archway. She raised her right hand and pushed the curtain open with her knuckle while pushing her left palm against the warm building, bracing herself as she leaned her head back to look up at the ceiling and all around the room once more. She spun in a full circle. Her heart was beginning to beat more quickly and her breath became more rapid like she were having a panic attack. But yet she wasn't. This place was familiar yet she didn't know it. Everything was so...perfect. Paddamill dropped her jaw. She ran towards her balcony, throwing the curtain aside. She felt the rough stone underneath her hands as she gripped the balconies railing.
"No," Paddamill turned halfway looking into her room while keeping her left hand firmly grasped around the rail as if she were about to fall. "You are not in heaven." The large arched mahogany door slid to a close as Arwen walked towards her with ease and gentle movement. The silk texture of Arwen's blue dress shimmered from the morning sun giving off different colors of blue, turquoise, and green. If Paddamill could've only seen her feet then she wouldn't think she was flying across the floor. Paddamill swallowed the fright in her heart and looked back over to the large vast land.
"Then...where am I?" Arwen stood next to Paddamill, her long hair decorated with a diamond circlet and flowing in natural wave.
"You are in Valinor. Or, The uttermost West, the undying Lands, and Arda..." She grinned looking to her left to see Paddamill with a concerned frown. "Among many other names that Men have called it." Arwen completed.
"Why? How did I get here?" Arwen slit her eyes and looked back over to the beautiful scene of nature and beauty.
"You were saved by Gimli and Aragorn. You had faded away for a short moment due to the extensive pain in your wound, not to mention the amount of blood and sleep you had lost. They stopped the bleeding soon after and Legolas rode hard back to what remains of Helm's Deep. There, a man by the name of Glorfindel, rode you from there to Rivendell where my father cured you even more. As you might know, Glorfindel had aided a close friend of yours." Paddamill frowned and looked over at Arwen and listened to her speak of what all had happened, although she was fairly interested the one tearing her attention away was Legolas. Where was he? And where was everyone else? "But you couldn't have arrived at a more desperate time. Everyone who established in Imladris was told to go on a boat to Valinor. You just happened to be there." Paddamill tilted her head.
"And the others? What about them? Where are they and are they alright?" Arwen turned and looked at Paddamill. She looked into her eyes and at her hair. She raised her left hand and brushed a strand of brown hair that had fallen, behind her ear.
"You mustn't worry. They were fine. Legolas had spoken to Glorfindel briefly and had told him to heal you. Because losing something as precious as you would break his heart. Do not worry yourself, Paddamill. They will be fine." Her words were so reassuring yet Paddamill couldn't find that security she had hoped for. Arwen took in a deep breath and walked behind Paddamill as she walked into her room trying to figure out what to do.
"You have been sleeping for more than two weeks. We were afraid you might not have arose, but I kept telling myself you would. That you were stubborn and would laugh at death." Paddamill let out a soft laugh. She had gotten to know Arwen for those brief days in Rivendell after she had set out. In a way Paddamill had felt something between the two, as if they knew each other or had something in common. Turned out they did. They were cousins, a happy discovery for them both. But Paddamill couldn't rejoice or be happy at the find. She had been too upset with the death of her family and the loss of her friends. But that had been many months and she had plenty of time to know her for the short period of time she spent in Rivendell before setting out for her final home in Lothlórien. Arwen's sudden happiness quickly drew dark. Her soft smile faded and her face showed signs of sadness. Paddamill noticed the change in her attitude when she turned to look at her.
"What is the matter?" Arwen lifted her chin and looked up at her.
"I fear the days are getting shorter, Paddamill. All that remains with the fellowship are beginning to frail. They are beginning to weaken. I can feel it," Arwen lifted her hand and cupped it over her chest "in my heart." She stated keeping her gaze upon Paddamill. Paddamill felt her chin quiver from the sadness yet no tears came. It were as if her body knew not to waste any of the fluids she had left, if any at all. The trip had worn her down and it were as if it never fully recovered.
Arwen took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She needed to gain composer over her emotions just as Paddamill had done. She needed to get her head on straight and most of all she needed Aragorn home safe. Arwen looked up at Paddamill, her eyes showing that all hope had been lost, all contact with them had been lost. For what seemed to be a good idea months ago now seemed like a vain attempt over something they couldn't control. Arwen knew it, her father knew it, everyone in Middle Earth knew that at some point or the other all would be lost. Dwarves, Elves, and hobbits. The only thing left to stand from a mythological place would be that of man. Everyone was certain. Paddamill took the time to feel the emotions Arwen was casting.
"They are not forlorn hope, Arwen. You, along with everyone else, have made that quite pellucid." Arwen lifted her chin and raised an eyebrow.
"What do you mean by that?"
"I mean they were not sent out to fight and never return!"
"Is that what you feel we have done?"
"No, it is what I know you feel! You feel that the fellowship was arranged to destroy a great evil and fight against those who feel otherwise about Sauron and Saruman's actions. They would fight and end this perilous journey yet they would do so while fighting to their deaths!" Paddamill looked away from Arwen. She knew that was what everyone was thinking. Anyone who said different was lying. All the support they had started out with had slowly been fading and pretty soon it would no longer be. Paddamill frowned walking over towards the terrace closing her eyes. She could only find the irony of it all, how a group of ten were to save a world in great threat only to have it forgotten in the years to come. In the end all of the hard struggles would be forgotten. "And I don't want that to be true." Paddamill whispered as low as she possibly could.
"If anyone is thinking such things it is you, above all else." Arwen frowned walking beside her, touching her shoulder with a soft hand. "I can tell you I have been thinking of such thoughts, but I never agree to them. That is why you come off so strong about what you think we are feeling, because in turn it is only you. You think they aren't going to come back, that they are going to fail." Paddamill frowned and shrugged her hand off.
"I do not."
"I think you do, why else would you push us all to believe that they will return home safely."
"Because!" Paddamill looked at Arwen directly in the eyes making sure she saw her belief in what was to come. "Unlike your people, unlike Lord Elrond, I have hope in my fellowship."
"Your fellowship?"
"I have the faith it takes to bring them home safely! I have the hope that everyone else has seemed to have lost!"
"You're lying." Paddamill frowned angrily at her. She turned and began to pace around the room.
"Since when did this become about me?"
"Since when did you have the sudden urge to argue about what people are thinking! Why should it even matter! I'll tell you why, Paddamill, because you think that if everyone had hope in the Fellowship then maybe they would come home safe and sound! As if that would change the minds of the evil!" The two had a moment of silence. The only sound the two heard were that of the birds and sounds of nature outside of the room. Arwen put her hands behind her back and walked over to Paddamill, stopping a few inches from her. "Paddamill-"
"Do you honestly think that I don't have faith in the company?" Arwen let her hands fall to her sides. She tilted her head to the right quizzically looking over Paddamill's face.
"I don't think, Paddamill, I know."
"Do you?" Paddamill asked with anger. "Did Lord Elrond *see* what I was thinking or *see* what I was saying when I prayed by my bed at night?' Arwen gave her a slanted grin, she knew Paddamill was blowing her inquisitions out of proportion. It had obviously been from the fright and the pain she had endured. Being out of harms way Paddamill had time to remember how the fellowship fought, how they barely got a wink of sleep, and how they barely got an even amount of food. She could only find their points of weakness rather than points of strength. Paddamill let out a weary sigh, her brain finally caught up with her emotions that she thought she had detained. "I'm sorry." Paddamill said out of breath. She smiled and rubbed her head and gave her a kiss on her forehead.
"I understand your concern for them, Paddamill. But we mustn't allow our imaginations to take over what we know is true. Keep your faith in Frodo and Sam, Merry and Pippin, and even in our remaining company. All is not lost Paddamill, not if we have hope." Hope. Hmph, it was easy to say and think but it was hard to turn it into action. Without another word Paddamill knew one way she could dwell on her hope and push her imaginative brain aside. She just didn't know how to go about doing it, after all she was in a completely different place, probably miles, hundreds of miles, away from Minas Tirith.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The reflection of the full moon reflected off the surface of the black, night waters. The sounds of the water sloshing up against the shore of the woods added to the eerie silence of the night, Paddamill had known too well. The breeze from earlier had finally left and all that remained was the humid air and mosquito's. Paddamill looked around at the dark port where everyone had arrived on the boats to Valinor. They had all been pulled away, but Paddamill had managed to find a small row boat near the northern shore where it was most dark. The area surrounding was nothing but trees and swampy waters, in a way it reminded her of what the Dead marshes would have been like. Paddamill gasped at the thought. She looked down at the water only to be jarred by her own reflection.
After a moment of taking over the fright that coursed through her body, Paddamill grabbed her heavy cloak and pulled it up from her feet while she bent over slightly to push a long stick into the water, just for safety measures. Paddamill watched the reflection of her dark figure blur in the ripples. Paddamill let out a sigh of disgust tossing the stick to the right and letting her cloak fall. She remembered back when her father told her and her siblings scary stories and how they all ended up sleeping with their parents rather than in their own room, but never Paddamill, she had always laughed at them. Yet here she was a year later becoming frightened of her own dark shadow.
Paddamill took her mind off of the stories and bent down to the ground and picked up a leather bag that held her clothes and some food. She had remembered what Legolas had said to Merry and Pippin on their departure from Lothlórien. She had snuck into the dining area and "borrowed" a few pieces of Lembas the Elvish way bread that, as Legolas put it, one small bite was enough to fill the stomach of a grown man. Ah, Legolas. Paddamill thought, allowing a smile to cross her face. She missed him already. He had looked so scared and so sad before. Paddamill's smile quickly faded as she thought of him thinking she was dead. It was silly of her to allow love to get in the way of this task. Paddamill angrily pushed him out of her mind trying to keep her mind on what she was going to do.
'Sail in the same direction as the moon and towards the sun.' Paddamill told herself as she put the small lantern into the boat. With all her might she pushed the end of the boat into the unsteady waters. Paddamill gasped when she heard a branch snap. Quickly she turned around looking out into the darkness.
"Hello?" She called out in a whisper. "Arwen?" When there was no response, Paddamill turned and walked into the water, feeling the cool liquid push against the leather of her boot. Luckily her boot came to about mid calf and the water wasn't that deep until a few yards out. Paddamill bit her lower lip in anxiousness and out of fear as she continued to push the boat out into the water until it was fully afloat.
'Kitch'
The sound of another twig snapping caused Paddamill to stop pushing and look back out into the morbid woods where the moon had failed to light up. Paddamill frantically searched the woods feeling the blood beat in her ears and the quickening of her breath. She prayed in her mind that it was just an animal but she knew it wasn't. She had felt as if someone had followed her from the castle of Arda, down to the ports. Paddamill looked back to the boat and then back to the woods contemplating whether she should just get into the boat or check out the sounds. Automatically, Paddamill went straight to the stories her father had told. The victim, who would always go to check out the odd noise, usually ended up dead or found someone else dead. But who would be trying to harm someone in Valinor?
"Arwen?" Paddamill managed to ask yet again. She didn't want to chance finding someone dead or find herself in the position to be dead. In reply all she heard was the sounds of frogs, crickets, and the water hitting the boat. Paddamill licked her lips and drew in a breath. "Arwen, is that you?"
"No...it is not." Paddamill's eyes grew wide and her heart nearly stopped. Paddamill jerked her left foot back stabling her from falling over from terror. The mans voice was heavy and dark. Paddamill could only fear the worst. But when she saw Lord Elrond step out from the wooded area and into the moons light, her heart slowed down and her fright quickly subsided.
"Lord Elrond." Paddamill said with a sigh of relief. With her right hand she pushed back the hood from her brown cloak and looked around at their surroundings. She felt relieved when she felt the night air hit against the back of her sweaty neck. "What are you doing out here?" Paddamill asked turning her attention back to him.
"Better yet, what are you doing out here?" Paddamill saw him raise his eyebrows in inquisition. Paddamill let out a sigh and rubbed her neck feeling the beads of sweat from having her hood over her head on such a warm night.
"I think you know why."
"As a matter of fact, I do not. Why don't you explain to me why you are out here in the middle of the night, stealing a boat, and running away as if you were a frightened child." Paddamill felt the anger in his tone.
"Why is it that you must keep tabs on me? I am not your daughter."
"Yes, but you are kin and that gives me just as much right as if I were, considering." Paddamill frowned at his temper and at his words.
"Considering what? That my father is dead because of all of this?"
"Considering I am the eldest in this situation and you are in my care for the time being."
"Yes well, I will be out of your care as soon as I get on my boat." Lord Elrond gave her a crooked grin as he stepped closer to the edge of the water. Paddamill let out a sigh. "Fine, as soon as I get on the boat you planted here for me to take!"
"I simply left it here because I knew you would try to get away, but let me advise you it is not as easy as it seems. The boat ride from Valinor to Middle Earth is longer than you expect. Three days and that is by sailing, not by rowing."
"What do you want me to do, Lord Elrond? First you ask me to go then you take me to my Great Uncle, then they send me off to aid Éowyn, now you want me to stay with you. You assigned me to a task and I intend to keep it. I have enough food, I'm surrounded by water, if I start rowing now I should be there within a week."
"Then what? Tread towards the Paths of the Dead only to find your company slain by the souls of the dead where you too will join them? No, Paddamill I cannot and will not let you go!" Lord Elrond gestured with his hand telling her to come back to the shore and wait for their return. Paddamill simply turned and got into the boat. "Paddamill, you get out of that boat this instant." She smiled at his tone as if he were going to scold her for doing something wrong. "I am not going to allow my kin to murder oneself due to stubborn ways!"
"I am not going to kill myself." Paddamill argued looking at Lord Elrond advance into the water. By the time he reached the side of the boat the water had reached his thighs. He grabbed a hold of the side of the boat and looked at Paddamill with his dark eyes.
"Paddamill, I appreciate your bravery and your venturesomeness but allowing you to travel days on end only to die in a vain attempt to rekindle with your fellowship...that's absurd." Paddamill frowned and looked into his dark eyes that showed no emotion.
"I am not going to die, Lord Elrond. I will make it to the Paths of the Dead and I will go through, because I know that Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli would have succeeded in freeing their souls of the oath." Lord Elrond's brow furrowed slightly as he watched her raise her eyebrows and tilt her chin in pride of the successors who marched bravely towards the eye of evil.
"Paddamill-"
"What? why can't I go about my merry way to finish what you asked me to do? Is it that hard to just give me a slight push, wish me luck, and watch me leave?"
"Say Aragorn did free the souls, what then? Will you make your way towards the Tower of Guard, Minas Tirith? What will you do when you walk into a raging war between good and evil? Or perhaps stumble upon a group of wild animals or Orcs? They will capture you and they will kill you." Paddamill had not thought of that. She had been so sure they would make it to the Paths and free their souls and she would eventually catch up to them, but how? They were on horses and she had been delayed by two weeks soon to be three if she were to row. Their tracks would've been well covered by now. Rain, winds, and other natural doings would allow her to go blindly towards Minas Tirith. No protection, no lead, and no way of knowing where she was going. She frowned looking down at the rippling water.
"You're very smart Paddamill," his voice was soft and barely above a whisper "you wouldn't do something knowing you had many chances of being endangered. I am not going to stand in your way if you want to go on towards Minas Tirith, but I am asking you to stay here in Arda. Going to them now would most certainly mean death." Lord Elrond watched her move her eyes up to meet his, a speck of fear was visible even in the dark of night. "You don't want that do you, Paddamill?" As a reply she frowned looking back to the water. "I know that I don't want you to, nor Celeborn and most of all, Legolas." Paddamill's heart jumped along with her stomach. How did Lord Elrond know-
"Don't you want to live to see him once more? To see everyone?" Paddamill tried to speak but couldn't find the words. "If you stay I can assure you that you will live to see them again, that is if they succeed."
"But I want to go." Paddamill said weakly finally feeling her body give in to the weakness she had managed to ignore. The two gashes in her left side, one from the arrow which had yet to heal and the cut from an Orc dagger stung at the thought of fighting. Lord Elrond could easily see the weariness in her eyes, the fright, the shudder of her body whenever thinking of death.
"I know you do, Paddamill..." He drew in a small breath looking down at her gloved hand that held the left side of the boat. Paddamill moved her eyes from the water to glance at his hand cupped over her own and then up to his face that was painted in concern. "Don't think with your noble heart, think with your mind. You are a good fighter and a willing helper but you are not as strong as the men. I know that and so do you." Paddamill sniffed seeing a tear drop fall on top of his hand. "Now I ask you, with all the honor in my heart to please...come out of the boat and stay here with Arwen and I, you will deeply appreciate it in the latter days. I promise you I am not doing this to harm your character but to save you from harm itself." Honor, how could you honor someone who forsakes a group of people you love, your friends, your soldiers, your task? How can someone be honorable when they think of themselves over a loved one? Paddamill didn't want to abandon them, not now, not after all they had endured.
"What happens if I stay?"
"You will live here, go about your day as if it were any other. Sew, go to the market, make friends. Anything and everything your please."
"If I go?"
"That I cannot say. You might make it to The Paths, yet never come back. Or, you could make it through the Paths and even defeat Sauron." Paddamill frowned and leaned to the left, cupping her right hand over his own.
"Tell me...if I am to go, what will I face?" Paddamill's eyes filled with tears yet they never fell once. Her question was more of a plea rather than an argument.
"Paddamill I can't-"
"Don't tell me you can't! You have the ability of foresight so tell me! If I were to disregard your offer and leave, tonight! What will I have waiting for me once I reach the main lands?" Lord Elrond let out a sigh looking away from her momentarily. "Elrond...what?"
"I cannot tell you for you have not accepted the offer! Even if I could tell you which different course will end, I would not let you know if it only led to death! I will not give you the answers as an alternative! What you choose is your fault I will not allow you to take the easier course. Life is hard Paddamill, nobody should ever have the option to live or die!"
"But you told me before!" Paddamill sat up willing to argue. "When you and Keir came to me, to take me home. You told me of what lay ahead if I were to stay and that was death! Why is it different now than before?"
"I knew Aragorn would be leading you on a smoother course. I chose to intervene due to his choices, I did not want you to die! And Celeborn had asked for us to bring you home. You were his last living relative. Now Please!" Paddamill watched Lord Elrond frown trying to state his point and get her out of the boat. What did Paddamill want? Did she want to die without ever seeing Legolas again? Or would she rather live and take the chance of seeing him after the war? But what was the difference if he were to die rather than her? She would've waited for him and she would've lived with the thought of leaving him to die without fighting for his life. Which had a better outcome? Paddamill sat up straight and blinked her tears away. She looked around the dark sea gathering her thoughts and her emotions.
"Would it make you feel any better if I were to ask you to stay..." Paddamill looked to the left back over to Elrond. "...and ship you out to Gondor in three days?" Paddamill's frown lifted. A compromise was very unlikely in Lord Elrond, but this must've been from his heart. "You can help Denethor."
"Boromir's father? But why?"
"He needs to understand the dangers of the ring, Faramir has already learned of the great powers it possesses and has allowed Frodo to continue with his task. You can maybe make him understand before he finds out about Faramir's choice." Paddamill sighed feeling bewildered by all of this. One minute she was fine the next angered, sad, and now confused.
"Three days is all I ask, you will have time to rest and eat and you will at least be fighting for what is right rather than watch it all happen. It's the best I can do." Paddamill bit her lower lip and looked over to Lord Elrond. He was still upset but he at least was giving her another alternative to death, which one was too many.
