Chapter 20:
"Sylvia, what are you doing here?" Aunt Dorothy asked.
"I came to see my favorite nephew." She said and gave Gordie a kiss on the cheek.
"Hi Aunt Sylvia." Gordie said solemnly.
"Mom. Why are you here?" I asked.
"Well, you'd think your eldest daughter would be happy to see you!"
"This cannot be happening." I whispered to Jared.
"Oh, but it is." It was just then that I realized Vern, Teddy, and Chris's faces. Their jaws couldn't be any closer to the floor if I had three boobs. There she was my mother, parading around in a small, green and yellow, button up blouse, with the top three buttons undone. Could she have more cleavage? She had on tight black pants that looked like they could be mine. She had a pair of sunglasses on her head, with her blonde hair flailing around them. And of course, to top off Sylvia Lachance's style, she had on black shoes, with long, slender heels. Ali saw the guys' faces and instantly hit them on the back of their heads.
"And who do we have here?" My mom said to Chris.
"Mom. This is Gordie's best friend, Chris. Be nice."
"Why Christopher, if you were sixty years older, I'd be all over you like gravy on mashed potatoes." She said.
"Why me?" Were the only words that came to mind. Not only did she look like a hooker, but she was hitting on my friends, just shoot me, please, I beg you! The phone rang, and I ran to escape the conversation with my mom, so I leapt to get it. I missed, and low and behold, who should pick up but my mom. Well, I wasn't expecting anyone important to call anyway so it didn't matter. Or did it?
"Hello?" She paused. "May I ask who's calling?" She looked at me seriously, then switched her gaze to Aunt Dorothy. "And how old are you?" She smiled widely and looked at me. Oh no. I feared the worst, and that it was Ace or my gym teacher or one of Uncle Will's friends. "Are you rich?" She looked to be listening intently. "Oh, that's okay. So what do you look like." Mom seemed to be arguing her thoughts. "Mmm hmm, and have you had any intimate moments with my daughter?"
"MOM!" I screamed grabbing the phone from her.
"Hello?"
"Jess?"
"EYEBALL?!?"
"Was that you're mom?"
"No, no, my mother is dead and has been for many years."
"Lem." Mom said, and pried the phone from my hands. "So. Eyeball, you didn't answer my last question." I threw myself back, and Jared caught me. "Many times?" I wanted to die. Her eyes widened. I desperately wanted to know what they were saying. "Jessika Ann Lachance! THIRTY-SEVEN TIMES?!?" I felt hot tears behind my eyes. Could there ever be a more embarrassing moment in my life?!? I think not.
"I, uh, need a drink, anyone else want?" Jared said, and everyone agreed and ran out of the room.
"NOT INCLUDING THE FIRST FEW MONTHS?!?" She said, just as everyone left. I moaned with humiliation. Why me? What the fuck did I ever do to deserve this!
"Mom, please. Pretend to be a mother and not a whore and get off the damn phone." I said.
"Alright Eyeball, here's Lemon." Mom said, and handed me the phone. "Dorothy! Why not show me around, huh?" Aunt Dorothy took my mom away from me.
"Hello." I said solemnly.
"Jess. Who's Lemon?"
"It's a Lachance thing."
"Oh. Was that you're mother?"
"Unfortunately. What did you say to her?"
"I answered her damn questions, that's all."
"Thirty-seven times?!?"
"Oh, well, I didn't know the answer to that, so I said, 'I don't know, like thirty-seven times or something.' Like I didn't think she'd believe me."
"Well I'm just glad you guys aren't here to see her."
"Uh."
"What?" "Well, I called to tell you that Ace and Vince should be there soon to pick you up. You said we'd hang out."
"Oh no. Tell them not to come." Just then, what should happen, the doorbell rang. "I want to die. I want to be dead and buried and have worms consuming my flesh."
"Yummy." The doorbell rang again.
"Gotta go!" I hung up the phone, as mom answered the door.
"NO!" I screeched as the door fully opened and I saw Ace and Vince standing there.
"Well, well, well. Who are you." Ace said with a disturbing grin on his face.
"I'm Lemon's mother."
"Who the fuck is Lemon?"
"I'm Lemon." I said.
"Jess, this is you're mom?"
"Sure am. And are you Eyeball?" Mom said.
"No. I'm Ace, the hot one."
"Yeah you are." Gross! Ace and my mom were flirting! That is crossing a disgusting line!
"So Ace, who's this with you, Eyeball?"
"No, I'm Vince."
"You're not too bad yourself." She paused and turned to me. "It seems to me like you've been pretty busy Lem." I can't take it. I ran up to my room, where I saw Gordie.
"Whoa, whoa, where are you off to in such a rush?"
"I can't stand it! I can't stand her!" I shouted, my hands shaking, as tears formed.
"Shh, Shh. Come on." He led me into my room and shut the door. I hugged him tightly as I started to cry.
"Gordie, I just can't take it with her! She's horrible!"
"It's okay Jess."
"No it's not! I'm going home with her tomorrow. And once again I'll have to live with her."
"Think of other things."
"Like what?"
"Like how you can visit here any time you want. And you'll see Michael."
"Yeah. I guess. But you don't understand. You think her visits are hell, just think how it is to live with her. I'm not sure I could deal with that."
"You're a strong girl Jess, you'll be fine."
"I really won't." He took me by the shoulders, and dried my tears.
"Look into my eyes and tell me you'll be fine."
"I can't." He shook me.
"Say it."
"I-I'll be fine."
"Again."
"I'll be fine."
"Again!"
"I'll be fine!"
"Good. You'll be alright." He laughed and kissed me on the cheek.
"Thanks Gordie. I owe you one."
"No, you're tears are payment enough." He smiled.
"I hate blackmail! Name your price!"
"A letter everyday. Every week, but that's as long as you can go without writing."
"Deal." I kissed him on the cheek and gave him a hug.
"We should get back downstairs."
"You go. I'm just going to sit outside in the tree for a little."
"Okay. say it."
"I'll be fine." I smiled, and he left. I stood three for a moment then, climbed out my window, down my tree, and ran to Eyeball's house.
"Sylvia, what are you doing here?" Aunt Dorothy asked.
"I came to see my favorite nephew." She said and gave Gordie a kiss on the cheek.
"Hi Aunt Sylvia." Gordie said solemnly.
"Mom. Why are you here?" I asked.
"Well, you'd think your eldest daughter would be happy to see you!"
"This cannot be happening." I whispered to Jared.
"Oh, but it is." It was just then that I realized Vern, Teddy, and Chris's faces. Their jaws couldn't be any closer to the floor if I had three boobs. There she was my mother, parading around in a small, green and yellow, button up blouse, with the top three buttons undone. Could she have more cleavage? She had on tight black pants that looked like they could be mine. She had a pair of sunglasses on her head, with her blonde hair flailing around them. And of course, to top off Sylvia Lachance's style, she had on black shoes, with long, slender heels. Ali saw the guys' faces and instantly hit them on the back of their heads.
"And who do we have here?" My mom said to Chris.
"Mom. This is Gordie's best friend, Chris. Be nice."
"Why Christopher, if you were sixty years older, I'd be all over you like gravy on mashed potatoes." She said.
"Why me?" Were the only words that came to mind. Not only did she look like a hooker, but she was hitting on my friends, just shoot me, please, I beg you! The phone rang, and I ran to escape the conversation with my mom, so I leapt to get it. I missed, and low and behold, who should pick up but my mom. Well, I wasn't expecting anyone important to call anyway so it didn't matter. Or did it?
"Hello?" She paused. "May I ask who's calling?" She looked at me seriously, then switched her gaze to Aunt Dorothy. "And how old are you?" She smiled widely and looked at me. Oh no. I feared the worst, and that it was Ace or my gym teacher or one of Uncle Will's friends. "Are you rich?" She looked to be listening intently. "Oh, that's okay. So what do you look like." Mom seemed to be arguing her thoughts. "Mmm hmm, and have you had any intimate moments with my daughter?"
"MOM!" I screamed grabbing the phone from her.
"Hello?"
"Jess?"
"EYEBALL?!?"
"Was that you're mom?"
"No, no, my mother is dead and has been for many years."
"Lem." Mom said, and pried the phone from my hands. "So. Eyeball, you didn't answer my last question." I threw myself back, and Jared caught me. "Many times?" I wanted to die. Her eyes widened. I desperately wanted to know what they were saying. "Jessika Ann Lachance! THIRTY-SEVEN TIMES?!?" I felt hot tears behind my eyes. Could there ever be a more embarrassing moment in my life?!? I think not.
"I, uh, need a drink, anyone else want?" Jared said, and everyone agreed and ran out of the room.
"NOT INCLUDING THE FIRST FEW MONTHS?!?" She said, just as everyone left. I moaned with humiliation. Why me? What the fuck did I ever do to deserve this!
"Mom, please. Pretend to be a mother and not a whore and get off the damn phone." I said.
"Alright Eyeball, here's Lemon." Mom said, and handed me the phone. "Dorothy! Why not show me around, huh?" Aunt Dorothy took my mom away from me.
"Hello." I said solemnly.
"Jess. Who's Lemon?"
"It's a Lachance thing."
"Oh. Was that you're mother?"
"Unfortunately. What did you say to her?"
"I answered her damn questions, that's all."
"Thirty-seven times?!?"
"Oh, well, I didn't know the answer to that, so I said, 'I don't know, like thirty-seven times or something.' Like I didn't think she'd believe me."
"Well I'm just glad you guys aren't here to see her."
"Uh."
"What?" "Well, I called to tell you that Ace and Vince should be there soon to pick you up. You said we'd hang out."
"Oh no. Tell them not to come." Just then, what should happen, the doorbell rang. "I want to die. I want to be dead and buried and have worms consuming my flesh."
"Yummy." The doorbell rang again.
"Gotta go!" I hung up the phone, as mom answered the door.
"NO!" I screeched as the door fully opened and I saw Ace and Vince standing there.
"Well, well, well. Who are you." Ace said with a disturbing grin on his face.
"I'm Lemon's mother."
"Who the fuck is Lemon?"
"I'm Lemon." I said.
"Jess, this is you're mom?"
"Sure am. And are you Eyeball?" Mom said.
"No. I'm Ace, the hot one."
"Yeah you are." Gross! Ace and my mom were flirting! That is crossing a disgusting line!
"So Ace, who's this with you, Eyeball?"
"No, I'm Vince."
"You're not too bad yourself." She paused and turned to me. "It seems to me like you've been pretty busy Lem." I can't take it. I ran up to my room, where I saw Gordie.
"Whoa, whoa, where are you off to in such a rush?"
"I can't stand it! I can't stand her!" I shouted, my hands shaking, as tears formed.
"Shh, Shh. Come on." He led me into my room and shut the door. I hugged him tightly as I started to cry.
"Gordie, I just can't take it with her! She's horrible!"
"It's okay Jess."
"No it's not! I'm going home with her tomorrow. And once again I'll have to live with her."
"Think of other things."
"Like what?"
"Like how you can visit here any time you want. And you'll see Michael."
"Yeah. I guess. But you don't understand. You think her visits are hell, just think how it is to live with her. I'm not sure I could deal with that."
"You're a strong girl Jess, you'll be fine."
"I really won't." He took me by the shoulders, and dried my tears.
"Look into my eyes and tell me you'll be fine."
"I can't." He shook me.
"Say it."
"I-I'll be fine."
"Again."
"I'll be fine."
"Again!"
"I'll be fine!"
"Good. You'll be alright." He laughed and kissed me on the cheek.
"Thanks Gordie. I owe you one."
"No, you're tears are payment enough." He smiled.
"I hate blackmail! Name your price!"
"A letter everyday. Every week, but that's as long as you can go without writing."
"Deal." I kissed him on the cheek and gave him a hug.
"We should get back downstairs."
"You go. I'm just going to sit outside in the tree for a little."
"Okay. say it."
"I'll be fine." I smiled, and he left. I stood three for a moment then, climbed out my window, down my tree, and ran to Eyeball's house.
