Fallen From Grace
Chapter Three
"Progress"
By Skitty
Buffy sent two e-mails, one to Dawn's private e-mail and another one to Robin's. Neither were happy.
'Dawnie -
Sweetie, I have something to tell you, and it's not good. Since I don't know exactly how to say it, I'll just be blunt: Daddy was killed. He was up against Wolfram and Hart (you remember them right - - evil law firm? Like to get known criminals off for doing their dirty work?), and he was in a meeting, and this beastie thing... Faith called it 'The Beast' but I thought that was Glory... anyway, it slaughtered Wolfram and Hart and Daddy. The funeral is Saturday at our old church, if you want to go.
As to what you said about a spell, if it risks your life, it's up to you. But talk to Robin, Xander, Andrew and the girls that are still alive. Make an educated decision. Will it definitely work? Will it kill you? Will Willow even be able to stop, or stand herself? What will prevent the same thing from happening again? Will she be able to be around you?
I don't mean to be discouraging. I know you're fully capable of doing this spell. Just... understand the consequences. I'll be at Dad's funeral, meet me there if you decide to do it. Bring an overnight bag and don't look for me. I'll find you. No bag will tell me you decided not to do the spell.
And Dawnie? I love you. All of you. But I can't come back to Sunnydale. The very fact that I love is what keeps you in danger, the thing that keeps the demons after you. And I can't risk that.
Love always,
Buffy.'
The letter to Robin was a little more personal, but also shorter:
'Hey Robin,
Being away from you has made me realize more than ever how truly amazing you are. A million times in the last few days I've wanted to reach for you so you could hold me and comfort me. I was never just a Slayer with you. I was never just a girl either. I was both. Always. I've never had that before.
I guess I wanted to tell you one last time how much I love you. And to thank you. In so many ways I grew just knowing you. But no matter how accepting you are? I can't be both the Slayer and a girl to anyone else. I can't be both.
Goodbye,
Buffy'
The first letter was received with tears. Dawn told the gang what Buffy had said and was met with choked silence. The room seemed hot and stuffy and freezing all at once. Dawn couldn't breath.
Her father, who she'd never actually met, was dead. Still, she felt the loss. No matter how many times she was told or reminded that her memories were fake, the felt real. As she had barely known her mother and loved her still, so too she loved her father.
But L.A.... that could be good for Buffy. Angel and Faith and Pike were in L.A. Buffy would avoid them all like the plague, but maybe one of them would be able to get through to her. Maybe someone in that big city would love her enough to restore her.
Pike... Pike was a guy. He and Buffy hadn't been truly in love, not on her side, but she'd been through this before and he was there. There was a small, okay, tiny, chance that he would be able to help now.
Faith had to at least understand her. She'd been there. She'd done the lone Slayer thing. She'd been friendless, and alone and she knew where that lead. And no matter what her exterior towards Buffy was (or vice versa) they loved each other as sisters. Maybe that would salvage her.
Truth was, Angel had the best chance of saving her. He'd been there through almost everything else. She opened up to him almost by accident. No matter how far they fell, he'd gone to hell for her, and he'd go back if she asked him too. Even Robin acknowledged that while Buffy loved him very much, Angel always controlled 55% of her heart, leaving Robin the remaining 45%.
Buffy told Dawn once that she was thrice blessed. Three miracles had entered her life, had shaped her and made her grow: Dawn, Angel, and Robin. She said that the love most people never even knew existed had visited her twice in two amazing men she would always hold dear.
Her eyes had shown how lucky she believed herself to be. That was before the month from Hell.
The e-mail addressed solely to Robin was kept private, printed adn saved to his hard drive. He kept the print out safely locked behind the photo of her on what was once their dresser (the one they'd gone to at his place when her home was too crowded for them).
His reply was very simple and short:
'I understand. -R.W.'
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Buffy lay in the motel bed, dreamlessly sleeping. Angel watched as he had for 3 nights, from her balcony. Tonight she was calm, for the first time since her arrival in the city. She'd tossed and turned and sobbed so hard she couldn't even sense him standing close to her. Tonight her weariness had over taken her.
He crossed the threshold stealthily, going to her bedside. He ignored the skimpy tank top and briefs she'd considered pajamas, revealed by the lightweight sheets that covered her. He wasn't thinking about how tightly the top outlined her curves. She'd grown thin, but taut and muscular. He'd seen her fighting a few nights ago, just a couple of local vamps. It was obvious that she was trained for far more skilled creatures. Her blocks had thrown the vamps against walls.
Calls to Sunnydale told him she'd been facing armies. Her training sessions had become ritual lessons for younger Slayers. Willow or Giles or Dawn would conjure imaginary Tarquins or Bringers, stronger and more powerful than the reality. Even the First had grown to fear her. And she'd only tapped 1/4 of her power.
Her eyes blinked open and she lunged under the blankets. "What are you doing her?" she yelled.
"Watching you," he admitted.
"How many times have I asked you not to stalk me?" she muttered, angrily yanking the covers up. "Ok, I'll bite. Why were you watching me?"
"It's not safe. The First is still after you," Angel replied.
"I can handle myself. I know you saw me Monday. Pretty much nothing I can't handle," Buffy snapped.
"Do you realize how much like Faith you sound lately?" he snapped. "Can you handle yourself?"
"That's why I left," she said, looking away.
"It won't help," he said gently. He stroked the palm he didn't remember grasping. "You know how easily you could snap their necks, how their bones could break. You know how to hurt them. And if you cut yourself off, you will want to."
"I don't... I don't think I could go back," she whispered. "I lived in that house with Giles, and Willow, and Anya and Tara and Kennedy and my mom and even Spike. I patrolled every street of that town with them, for them, because of them. Sunnydale doesn't have a part of my past in it. It is my past."
"You don't have to go back," he promised. "You can start over. Bring Dawn and Xander here and start a new life." At her doubtful look he diced not to push, yet. He'd made progress. That was good. "Just... think it over," he pulled out a business card. "Call me. When you've thought."
"I can do that," she whispered.
Buffy sent two e-mails, one to Dawn's private e-mail and another one to Robin's. Neither were happy.
'Dawnie -
Sweetie, I have something to tell you, and it's not good. Since I don't know exactly how to say it, I'll just be blunt: Daddy was killed. He was up against Wolfram and Hart (you remember them right - - evil law firm? Like to get known criminals off for doing their dirty work?), and he was in a meeting, and this beastie thing... Faith called it 'The Beast' but I thought that was Glory... anyway, it slaughtered Wolfram and Hart and Daddy. The funeral is Saturday at our old church, if you want to go.
As to what you said about a spell, if it risks your life, it's up to you. But talk to Robin, Xander, Andrew and the girls that are still alive. Make an educated decision. Will it definitely work? Will it kill you? Will Willow even be able to stop, or stand herself? What will prevent the same thing from happening again? Will she be able to be around you?
I don't mean to be discouraging. I know you're fully capable of doing this spell. Just... understand the consequences. I'll be at Dad's funeral, meet me there if you decide to do it. Bring an overnight bag and don't look for me. I'll find you. No bag will tell me you decided not to do the spell.
And Dawnie? I love you. All of you. But I can't come back to Sunnydale. The very fact that I love is what keeps you in danger, the thing that keeps the demons after you. And I can't risk that.
Love always,
Buffy.'
The letter to Robin was a little more personal, but also shorter:
'Hey Robin,
Being away from you has made me realize more than ever how truly amazing you are. A million times in the last few days I've wanted to reach for you so you could hold me and comfort me. I was never just a Slayer with you. I was never just a girl either. I was both. Always. I've never had that before.
I guess I wanted to tell you one last time how much I love you. And to thank you. In so many ways I grew just knowing you. But no matter how accepting you are? I can't be both the Slayer and a girl to anyone else. I can't be both.
Goodbye,
Buffy'
The first letter was received with tears. Dawn told the gang what Buffy had said and was met with choked silence. The room seemed hot and stuffy and freezing all at once. Dawn couldn't breath.
Her father, who she'd never actually met, was dead. Still, she felt the loss. No matter how many times she was told or reminded that her memories were fake, the felt real. As she had barely known her mother and loved her still, so too she loved her father.
But L.A.... that could be good for Buffy. Angel and Faith and Pike were in L.A. Buffy would avoid them all like the plague, but maybe one of them would be able to get through to her. Maybe someone in that big city would love her enough to restore her.
Pike... Pike was a guy. He and Buffy hadn't been truly in love, not on her side, but she'd been through this before and he was there. There was a small, okay, tiny, chance that he would be able to help now.
Faith had to at least understand her. She'd been there. She'd done the lone Slayer thing. She'd been friendless, and alone and she knew where that lead. And no matter what her exterior towards Buffy was (or vice versa) they loved each other as sisters. Maybe that would salvage her.
Truth was, Angel had the best chance of saving her. He'd been there through almost everything else. She opened up to him almost by accident. No matter how far they fell, he'd gone to hell for her, and he'd go back if she asked him too. Even Robin acknowledged that while Buffy loved him very much, Angel always controlled 55% of her heart, leaving Robin the remaining 45%.
Buffy told Dawn once that she was thrice blessed. Three miracles had entered her life, had shaped her and made her grow: Dawn, Angel, and Robin. She said that the love most people never even knew existed had visited her twice in two amazing men she would always hold dear.
Her eyes had shown how lucky she believed herself to be. That was before the month from Hell.
The e-mail addressed solely to Robin was kept private, printed adn saved to his hard drive. He kept the print out safely locked behind the photo of her on what was once their dresser (the one they'd gone to at his place when her home was too crowded for them).
His reply was very simple and short:
'I understand. -R.W.'
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Buffy lay in the motel bed, dreamlessly sleeping. Angel watched as he had for 3 nights, from her balcony. Tonight she was calm, for the first time since her arrival in the city. She'd tossed and turned and sobbed so hard she couldn't even sense him standing close to her. Tonight her weariness had over taken her.
He crossed the threshold stealthily, going to her bedside. He ignored the skimpy tank top and briefs she'd considered pajamas, revealed by the lightweight sheets that covered her. He wasn't thinking about how tightly the top outlined her curves. She'd grown thin, but taut and muscular. He'd seen her fighting a few nights ago, just a couple of local vamps. It was obvious that she was trained for far more skilled creatures. Her blocks had thrown the vamps against walls.
Calls to Sunnydale told him she'd been facing armies. Her training sessions had become ritual lessons for younger Slayers. Willow or Giles or Dawn would conjure imaginary Tarquins or Bringers, stronger and more powerful than the reality. Even the First had grown to fear her. And she'd only tapped 1/4 of her power.
Her eyes blinked open and she lunged under the blankets. "What are you doing her?" she yelled.
"Watching you," he admitted.
"How many times have I asked you not to stalk me?" she muttered, angrily yanking the covers up. "Ok, I'll bite. Why were you watching me?"
"It's not safe. The First is still after you," Angel replied.
"I can handle myself. I know you saw me Monday. Pretty much nothing I can't handle," Buffy snapped.
"Do you realize how much like Faith you sound lately?" he snapped. "Can you handle yourself?"
"That's why I left," she said, looking away.
"It won't help," he said gently. He stroked the palm he didn't remember grasping. "You know how easily you could snap their necks, how their bones could break. You know how to hurt them. And if you cut yourself off, you will want to."
"I don't... I don't think I could go back," she whispered. "I lived in that house with Giles, and Willow, and Anya and Tara and Kennedy and my mom and even Spike. I patrolled every street of that town with them, for them, because of them. Sunnydale doesn't have a part of my past in it. It is my past."
"You don't have to go back," he promised. "You can start over. Bring Dawn and Xander here and start a new life." At her doubtful look he diced not to push, yet. He'd made progress. That was good. "Just... think it over," he pulled out a business card. "Call me. When you've thought."
"I can do that," she whispered.
