I continued to lay there for the rest of the night. My wrists were badly bruised, my legs and arms were heavy with pain, my body was covered in dark red blood and deep purple bruises. I couldnÕt move, it hurt to breathe. I was so overcome with pain, I felt so sure that I would die. But I didnÕt die, I survived, I became stronger. I can remember thinking ÒIf I just make it through this, I can survive anythingÓ But things did not get easier for me, they got harder, and in my attempts to survive I only ended up hurting myself, I ended up allowing myself to harden, I began pushing my emotions away into tidy little boxes in my mind. This didnÕt fix anything, it only made things worse and looking back at it now it was probably my first mistake.
No matter how bad things get they can always get worse. That is a lesson I quickly learned. For as much physical pain as I was in that night it doesnÕt even compare to the psychological pain that now weighs so heavily on my soul. The pain that comes from having to have deceived the two people in this world that I care most about, the pain that comes as a price for my survival. It is a bitter price to pay for what is the point of survival if you must destroy the lives of others to achieve it.
No matter how bad things get they can always get worse. That is a lesson I quickly learned. For as much physical pain as I was in that night it doesnÕt even compare to the psychological pain that now weighs so heavily on my soul. The pain that comes from having to have deceived the two people in this world that I care most about, the pain that comes as a price for my survival. It is a bitter price to pay for what is the point of survival if you must destroy the lives of others to achieve it.
