Chapter 4
I stand in an attempt to compose myself but I am still too weak. My feet will not hold my weight. The world around me spins, my head throbs as my legs give in and I fall crashing to the floor. Everything goes black and I fall into a dreamlike state, I am thrown back into my memories.
I am walking down a dark street in my home town. It is the same place where I first confronted my stalkers, I had managed to lure one into a trap then I pulled the gun, my fathers gun, on him demanding he told me why he was following me. I had struggled to maintain my composure, to look like I was serious, I was in truth afraid he might call my bluff. He tried to assure me that he wasnÕt a threat. When I demanded once again that he tell me why he was following me and threatened to shoot, he told me that the KGB was interested in giving me a job. He pulled out a business card with nothing on it but a phone number. ÒCall this numberÓ he said Òand we can discuss things in more detailÓ. With that he disappeared but his words lingered and now they echo in my head. I had continued to stand there for a while in a state of shock before I left. I stand there now, only everything seems so different, so much darker and i see the reflection of myself standing there covered in blood. I try to call out to myself, to my shadow of a memory, try to warn myself. I want to change my past. I want a new life ,a different life and so I plead with my younger self. But there is no one there. I can not bridge the gap between the two worlds no matter how hard I try. I can not change my past. It is useless, I am still bound to the same future. The dark street begins to fade away, It is being burned away by the light as I try to open my eyes in a desperate attempt to wake from this dream, if you can even call it a dream.
ÒWhat is that sheÕs been sayingÓ I hear KendallÕs familiar voice ask, apparently I had been talking in my sleep. ÒI presume itÕs RussianÓ says another voice, one which is unfamiliar and appears to have come from someone right next to me. ÒWell I know that!Ó Kendall replies, he is obviously frustrated. Ò Mr. Kendall, IÕm a doctor not a translator, now if you would please let me do my jobÓ says the other voice. I want to laugh, I can tell that Kendall is probably furious at having to have sent for a doctor to check on me. I open my eyes only slightly but I quickly close them again, I am suddenly becoming more and more aware of the pain pounding in my head. ÒMs. Derevko, if you could please, try and stay awakeÓ said the doctor. I know he is right, I should try and not fall back asleep, but itÕs becoming hard not to. I have to force myself to open my eyes again, I can only open them a little, the light is so blinding. I hate that I must look so weak to the CIA right now. I despise not being in control of a situation. Unfortunately I donÕt really have a choice in the matter right now.
I stand in an attempt to compose myself but I am still too weak. My feet will not hold my weight. The world around me spins, my head throbs as my legs give in and I fall crashing to the floor. Everything goes black and I fall into a dreamlike state, I am thrown back into my memories.
I am walking down a dark street in my home town. It is the same place where I first confronted my stalkers, I had managed to lure one into a trap then I pulled the gun, my fathers gun, on him demanding he told me why he was following me. I had struggled to maintain my composure, to look like I was serious, I was in truth afraid he might call my bluff. He tried to assure me that he wasnÕt a threat. When I demanded once again that he tell me why he was following me and threatened to shoot, he told me that the KGB was interested in giving me a job. He pulled out a business card with nothing on it but a phone number. ÒCall this numberÓ he said Òand we can discuss things in more detailÓ. With that he disappeared but his words lingered and now they echo in my head. I had continued to stand there for a while in a state of shock before I left. I stand there now, only everything seems so different, so much darker and i see the reflection of myself standing there covered in blood. I try to call out to myself, to my shadow of a memory, try to warn myself. I want to change my past. I want a new life ,a different life and so I plead with my younger self. But there is no one there. I can not bridge the gap between the two worlds no matter how hard I try. I can not change my past. It is useless, I am still bound to the same future. The dark street begins to fade away, It is being burned away by the light as I try to open my eyes in a desperate attempt to wake from this dream, if you can even call it a dream.
ÒWhat is that sheÕs been sayingÓ I hear KendallÕs familiar voice ask, apparently I had been talking in my sleep. ÒI presume itÕs RussianÓ says another voice, one which is unfamiliar and appears to have come from someone right next to me. ÒWell I know that!Ó Kendall replies, he is obviously frustrated. Ò Mr. Kendall, IÕm a doctor not a translator, now if you would please let me do my jobÓ says the other voice. I want to laugh, I can tell that Kendall is probably furious at having to have sent for a doctor to check on me. I open my eyes only slightly but I quickly close them again, I am suddenly becoming more and more aware of the pain pounding in my head. ÒMs. Derevko, if you could please, try and stay awakeÓ said the doctor. I know he is right, I should try and not fall back asleep, but itÕs becoming hard not to. I have to force myself to open my eyes again, I can only open them a little, the light is so blinding. I hate that I must look so weak to the CIA right now. I despise not being in control of a situation. Unfortunately I donÕt really have a choice in the matter right now.
