Not long ago the CIA wanted me dead, they couldnÕt have cared less if I injured myself, and yet here they are now, sending in a doctor. Well, I guess it isnÕt really me they are interested in, itÕs the information I can provide them with. ThatÕs all. I canÕt really say I blame them. ItÕs not as if IÕve done anything to deserve their concern. To tell the truth, I had half-expected them to have executed me by now, they almost did. I must never forget that. It would be foolish to believe I was anything but disposable the second they have extracted every bit of information from me.

The doctor continues to talk to me, quietly and calmly. IÕm secretly glad to have human contact after being left alone for so long, and itÕs nice to hear someone who sounds genuinely concerned about me. He asks if I remember what had happened and I answer as well as I can without revealing any weakness. I tell him that I simply had a headache and that I felt dizzy and fell. ItÕs not a very good excuse and anyone who had been watching me would have known there was more to it then that, but he doesnÕt question me further. He helps to move me up off the floor and back up to my bed. It is then that I notice that there has been a third person in the room the entire time, Jack. He is standing off in the corner, entirely silent. Knowing that he is there I suddenly feel much more exposed, much more vulnerable.

ÒWell, is she going to live?Ó I hear Kendell say sarcastically. ÒShe should be fine, She might have a minor concussion so it would be best if someone stayed and kept an eye on her.Ó Kendell turns to face Jack ÒI trust you can handle baby-sitting your ex-wifeÓ he says before leaving. Part of me is glad to hear this, it would be nice to not be left alone again quite yet. It would be nice to have something to distract me. Of course at the same time I donÕt really feel that IÕm in any way capable of handling myself right now. I must seem like a child to them in my current state. A weak, defenseless little girl upset by and bad dream. I hate feeling weak and defenseless. ItÕs been decades since I was last in this sort of state. Of course Laura had nightmares, Laura had nightmares all the time. Durring the day I could forget about the lies, forget about the truth of the situation. I was Laura Bistow and Irina Derevko didnÕt exist. But always durring the still quiet of the night, thatÕs when the two personalities struggled and clashed against each other. It is not easy to maintain an alias, to live a lie for such a long period of time. I felt sure I would go mad, perhaps I did. It was Jack that kept Laura alive and as long as he lives I feel certain I will never be able to truly be rid of her. She is why I came back. It was Laura, not Irina that turned herself into the CIA.