"Sure, Bakura-kun," Yugi said, smiling. "Whatever makes you feel better."
"I..." Bakura stared at the floor, blushing. "Do you think... you could come in with me? Not into the actual shower, of course, just the bathroom," he added quickly, with a nervous smile. "I just... I'd feel better if you were there with me. I don't...don't want to be alone..."
Yugi nodded, genuinely concerned for the other boy. "I'd be glad to, if that would make you feel better." He picked up the baggy sweats from the bed and led Bakura down the hallway, gesturing to a door on the left. "Here we go."
Yugi's bathroom was bright and cheerful. The floor and shower were covered in white tiles, with splashes of red, yellow and blue here and there. Bakura remembered staring into his own mirror the night before, his eyes bloodshot, his face worn and haggard. He tried to push the thoughts from his mind, immersing himself in the present.
The spiky-haired boy coughed softly. "Er... do you want me to be in here while you undress, too?" he asked, feeling more than a bit awkward.
Bakura giggled softly, blushing. "N-not unless you want to be."
Yugi just stared, taken aback. "I..I think I'd better go," he mumbled. "There's an extra washcloth on the towel rack above the sink," he added, and hurriedly left, closing the door behind him. He sank to the floor, staring blankly at the door, his eyes not focusing on anything. His head spun strangely.
I almost wanted to stay.... Why? It's not like I... No. No way. That would just ruin everything...What am I thinking?!
"Yugi, you can come in now!" He heard Bakura's muffled voice from the other side of the door, and, forcing himself to collect his thoughts, opened the door. He expected to find the bathroom already partly heated by the shower's warm steam, but was surprised to find it just as cold as when he had left.
"Bakura-kun?" Yugi asked. "You aren't taking a cold shower, are you?"
"I don't want to use up your hot water... I don't want to be a burden..." the other boy responded submissively, almost inaudibly above the splashing.
Yugi sighed. "Bakura-kun, you're not a burden. You're my guest. You can use hot water."
Bakura shook his head, although Yugi couldn't see him doing so. "Cold water makes me feel awake... alive..." he whispered. "No, it's fine," he added, louder, so that Yugi could hear him.
"Well...if you insist..."
In reality, Bakura was cringing horribly against the sting of the freezing water. But the cold against his arm washed away the pain and blood. It was cleansing. He struggled to not let his thoughts sink back into the familiar patterns of self-hatred. No angsting while Yugi's around. He rubbed the tender spot with his washcloth, clenching his teeth against the pain as the cloth brushed the sensitive wound. Then, for reasons even he couldn't fathom, he began to talk, fast, almost incoherently. Confiding in the other boy...
"I just...I felt..." He struggled to arrange his rapidly flowing thoughts into a sentence. "I won't do it again...I promise...but after you made me promise, I felt... embarrassed, dirty even, for having done it the first time. But it was because... he did... and I wanted a reminder of him...to prove to myself that I...I don't even know what I was trying to prove..."
"It's okay, Bakura-kun," Yugi responded, attempting to reassure the other boy. "It's okay..." His words seemed so empty. He cursed mentally, wishing there was no social restraint against him stepping into the shower and taking the other boy in his arms, physically comforting him.. But where are these thoughts COMING from?
Bakura shivered violently as he rubbed soap into his hands and washcloth and scrubbed his body. He ached to ease the pain brought by the cold, but he was afraid that he might fall asleep if he took a hot shower. He was still extremely tired from his recent insomnia. The cold water did help wake him.
Bakura sighed. It wasn't okay, and it would probably not be anytime soon. Because, there was another facet to his recent anxiety and depression that he had not told anyone. And although being with Yugi helped ease that other emptiness, it amplified this one. He leaned against the slippery tile, trying to clear his spinning mind.
He liked Yugi. It was something that had been true for months, yet he had been afraid to admit it to anyone. Almost as soon as he had transferred to Domino High, even, he had been attracted to the other boy. Here I am, naked, with Yugi right on the other side of that curtain. Why did I want him in here, anyway? He couldn't really answer that question. Did he hope that Yugi would make advances on him? There was no way that would happen, anyway – Yugi would be too worried about interfering with their friendship. Friendship was central to the other boy's beliefs, yet as far as Bakura knew, he had never been involved in a romantic relationship. And Bakura doubted he was willing to start his romantic life with another boy, especially so soon after being rejected by Anzu. No, the whole thing was wrong. It would never work. But still... he still hoped...
"Hey, Bakura-kun," called Yugi, breaking the boy's silent contemplation. "D'you ever sing in the shower?"
"Sometimes," Bakura admitted, embarrassed.
"Sing something. I want to hear you."
"Yugi-kuuun!" cried Bakura, embarrassed. "I'm not very good..."
"Please? Just a bit?"
"Well... Okay...What do you want me to sing?"
"Whatever you want. Pick something special."
Bakura hummed quietly, trying to find a note to start on. Then, quietly, he began to sing, gathering strength as he continued. His voice was very high for a male, and could have been mistaken for a girl's, if Yugi hadn't known it belonged to Bakura. Yugi recognized the song – he had heard it coming from a Dance Dance Revolution machine during his frequent trips to the arcade.
"The last that ever she saw him, carried away by a moonlight shadow, shadow...He passed on worried and warning, carried away by a moonlit shadow, shadow... Lost in a riddle that Saturday night, far away on the other side, he was caught in the middle of a desperate fight, and she couldn't find how to push through...The trees that whisper in the evening, carried away by a moonlight shadow, shadow..." At this point, Bakura's voice shrank slightly, as if he was unable to remember part of the song. It gained strength again after a few moments, however.
"All she saw was the silhouette of a gun, far away on the other side... he was shot six times by a man on the run, and she couldn't find how to push through..." Bakura suddenly stopped singing, and his voice quavered, but then he began again. "I stay, I stay, I pray, see you in heaven, one day... Four AM in the morning, carried away in a moonlight shadow... Watch your vision blurring, carried away by a moonlight shadow, shadow.."
"Bakura-kun? You okay? That sounded great!" Yugi enthused. "Much better than I could sing," he added bashfully.
"I'm fine, Yugi-kun... I hear that song a lot. I don't actually play DDR myself, but my favorite game is right near the DDR machine. The end...has some special meaning to me."
"I gathered that... do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really." His statement was quickly followed by the sound of the water shutting off. "Er..Yugi-kun..."
"I'll leave again--"
"No, it's not that," Bakura interrupted. "I... just realized. I don't have any...underwear...here." By the way his voice trembled, Yugi was sure he was blushing furiously. "I can't believe I didn't think of it before!"
"Um..." Yugi glanced to the side, his own face flushing. For some reason, his mind seemed to enjoy straying to the thought of Bakura without underwear. "I'd let you borrow some of mine, but I think it's too small...Umm...the sweats are loose, I guess you can just go without it."
"Well...okay," Bakura responded, still sounding a bit uneasy. "You don't have to leave if you don't want to... you can just turn away or something..."
"N-No, I don't think that's a good idea. I'd better go." Yugi turned and hurried out of the room, closing the door and leaning against it. He breathed hard, trying to stabilize his thoughts. Why was he feeling like this? Spending time with Bakura that afternoon had been a revelation of sorts. He finally realized that he didn't have to mope over Anzu – that Bakura could possibly fill the void that had possessed him since his dark half's departure.
Still... Bakura was male, and while there were rumors concerning his sexuality, Yugi wasn't sure what to believe. He certainly didn't seem to be interested in the hordes of fangirls that trailed him around at school. Still, that didn't necessarily mean that he was homosexual, or, even if he was, that he would want to pursue a relationship with Yugi. Sighing, the spiky-haired boy attempted to avoid sinking into another barrage of self-doubt. He still believed nobody would be interested in him now that the Pharaoh was gone, but dwelling on that fact would only harm him. And he realized this. Still, even though spending time with Bakura had improved his mood, he wasn't feeling completely better. Even though he was genuinely concerned about Bakura's well-being, pretending to be cheerful around the other boy was stressing him out.
He nearly fell to the ground as the door abruptly swung open. Bakura stood there, fidgeting awkwardly in Yugi's sweats, which fit him much better than they did Yugi.
"Thank you, Yugi-kun," he said quietly. "I feel somewhat better now."
"That's good," Yugi responded with a smile. "How about we go to my room and find a game to play? I've got plenty."
"Okay," Bakura responded, trailing Yugi as the two boys made their way down the hall. When they entered Yugi's room, the smaller boy instantly ran to his desk and threw open a drawer. He pulled out several game boards, then a plastic puzzle with sliding tiles. "This thing has been driving me crazy," he muttered. "I've been working on it for ages." He tossed it to Bakura, who reflexively caught it. "Let's see..." he murmured, examining another game. "I could teach you this...though it's better with three players..."
Bakura fiddled with the plastic puzzle, secretly smiling. Yugi was so cute – when he was talking about games, his mood seemed to instantly improve. "Whatever you want," he said, but then added, "Do you have any plain playing cards?"
"Sure. Just because Grandpa's shop has all the newest games doesn't mean I don't like old ones just as much," Yugi said, smiling. He rummaged through the drawer, finally pulling out a deck of normal playing cards. "Here we go. There are a ton of games we can play with these."
Bakura agreed cheerfully. He settled to the floor, looking much more comfortable than usual in the gray sweats.
"So, what games do you like?" Yugi asked as he joined Bakura, shuffling the cards with expert skill. "I know a lot..."
"Well, there's one game I like, but I'm not sure what it's called," Bakura offered, sounding a bit embarrassed.
"That's okay! How do you play?"
"Well, the rules are simple. I'm not so good at it, though..."
"It's okay. I'm sure you'll do fine," Yugi smiled.
"Like I said, it's easy. You divide the cards into two piles, one for each of us." Yugi began to deal the cards, again with the speed of an experienced player.
"The goal is to get all the cards... you each turn a card over one at a time, and put them in the middle. If two of the same number appear, you slap the pile, and whoever slaps it first gets to keep all the cards in the pile."
"Sounds easy enough," Yugi nodded, smiling.
"Okay, so.. I'll start," Bakura began, timidly. He turned over a three, slowly. Yugi flipped his top card over much faster – a queen. Bakura turned over a five, and Yugi followed with a nine. Bakura hesitantly turned over another card – another nine. Yugi slapped the stack before Bakura even moved.
"Argh! Yugi-kuuun!"
"Come on, Bakura-kun, you can't play like that! You're being way too timid. Why do you like this game if you're too shy to even be fast?"
Bakura blushed and looked down. "I don't know..."
"Don't feel bad," replied Yugi. "Here, since I picked up the pile last, you start next."
Four. Jack. Six. Seven. King. King.
This time Bakura moved faster than Yugi, and slapped the stack. He giggled, in his effeminate way, and collected the cards together.
"See, that's how you have to do it," Yugi laughed. He went next.
Two. Eight. Queen. Three. Ace. Ace.
Yugi was faster, this time, but Bakura was right behind him. Yugi's hand landed on top of the cards, but Bakura's hand landed on Yugi's – and stayed there. He looked at Yugi strangely, almost pleadingly, but the other boy was prevented from responding by a sudden knock on the door. Bakura jerked his hand away as if he had been burned.
"Hey, boys, are you hungry? I have dinner downstairs," Yugi's grandfather's voice came through the door.
"Do you want to eat?" Yugi asked, trying to break the awkward moment.
"Y-yeah, I guess so, though I'm still kind of full from the burger."
"It's okay, we don't have to eat a lot. I'd rather not have to talk to Grandpa a lot, anyway – I'd rather spend time with you." Yugi smiled broadly at the white-haired boy, whose ears turned red in response. "Coming, Grandpa!" he shouted, then stood up and ran a hand through his spiked hair.
Bakura pulled himself to his feet and glanced down at his sweats. "Is it okay to come to dinner in this?"
"Of course," Yugi responded absently. "Grandpa's pretty casual."
"I've given up trying to control my hair," Bakura laughed, as Yugi continued to smooth his. "It sticks out no matter how much I brush it. This is its natural color, and I like it long, though people often make fun of me for it. And that one teacher tried to make me cut it."
"My hair spikes like this naturally. I mean, just look at Grandpa's, it's similar... just gray."
This prompted a slight giggle from Bakura. "Well, I bet he wasn't gray when he was your age. Unlike me."
"Aw, I like your hair," Yugi responded. "It's cute. It makes you look unique."
"....Cute?" Bakura squeaked, his ears turning even redder.
"Well, unless you'd rather not be called cute," Yugi chuckled, which caused Bakura to blush deeper in hopeless confusion. He hurried after Yugi, who had already opened the door and was heading for the dining room.
"I bought some cream puffs for you, Bakura, since I know you like them," Yugi's grandfather commented as the boys joined him.
The white-haired boy smiled slightly. "Thank you..." he murmured. He noticed that Yugi's grandfather still seemed uneasy around him, remembering the earlier encounter with his darker half. Unless it was just his imagination...
~
After dinner, the boys again retreated to Yugi's room. Yugi produced a game board, and although he began explaining the rules enthusiastically – and the game did sound interesting – Bakura was unable to stifle a large yawn.
"You're tired, aren't you?" Yugi asked, a bit rhetorically. "I bet you didn't sleep well last night...It's early for a Friday night, but maybe we should just get to bed."
Bakura nodded. "I didn't know I'd be staying, so I didn't bring anything, but these sweats are comfortable enough to sleep in."
Yugi responded by reaching under his pillow and retrieving his blue pajamas dotted with yellow stars. "Just.. turn around for a moment while I change into these."
Bakura reddened yet again, and turned. However, realizing he could still see Yugi's reflection in the mirror mounted on his wall, he closed his eyes tightly, not wanting to embarrass the other boy.
"Okay," Yugi said, and Bakura turned around. "You're so cute in those!" squealed Bakura, unable to stop himself. Then, he clapped a hand over his mouth, as if he'd slipped up and said something he shouldn't have.
"I just realized... I only have one bed," Yugi muttered. "And there isn't really anywhere else we could sleep..."
"I'll sleep on the floor," Bakura immediately offered. "I don't want to be any trouble..."
"No way!" Yugi responded forcefully. "What kind of host would I be if I made my guest sleep on the floor? You take the bed. I don't mind sleeping on the floor – I've camped plenty of times, and that's much worse."
"No! I don't want you to..." Bakura insisted. Yugi sighed.
"Fine," he conceded. "There's room for both of us, I guess."
"O-Okay!" Bakura nodded, his blush deepening.
"I'll just go tell Grandpa we're going to bed and not to disturb us..." Yugi responded. "You can get into bed, I'll be right there," he added, motioning to the bed.
A bit hesitantly Bakura climbed onto the bed and burrowed under the covers. He took his normal position, curling up with his back against the wall.
Yugi returned in a few moments, switched the light off, and joined the silver-haired boy. Despite Bakura's efforts to make himself take up the least amount of space possible, the bed, designed for one person, was too small to accommodate both of them with ample room. Bakura and Yugi faced each other, each intensely aware of the closeness of their bodies and the warmth emanating from both of them.
They stared at each other's forms through the darkness, barely able to discern the outline of each other's faces. Both had planned to sleep, but that starting to appear more difficult than they had previously thought. The silence and darkness of the room caused every sound, including their breathing, to be greatly amplified. Bakura found himself victim to a myriad of impulses he had never felt before: desire to move his hands over Yugi's body, feel every crevice...perhaps taste, as well, and trace his curves with his tongue...
Bakura attributed these urges to his sudden happiness at finding another warm presence in bed beside him, instead of his own cold solitude. There was no point in denying it to himself: he had been attracted to Yugi ever since they had first met. The boy was full of admirable qualities, though he tended to deny them in himself; he was gentle, selfless, and just the kind of person that seemed increasingly rare in today's society. Plus, he was just cute.
"Yugi-kun..." Bakura murmured quietly, shifting in the bed.
"What?" Yugi responded, softly, gently.
"You like games... your life is about games..." Bakura started, quietly.
Yugi nodded, smiling in the darkness.
"But..." Bakura's tone was sad. "You get a game, you play it, and then you're done with it... with video games, once you finish, it gets shoved into a corner and never looked at again. Sometimes, you'll play them again if they're really good, but...not always...and, with games like Duel Monsters... you play them for awhile but after you get tired of them you stop playing them..." He sniffled quietly. "You wouldn't... get tired of me, would you? Like a game, just to be played when you're bored..."
It was dark, and Yugi didn't know any other way to comfort Bakura in the darkness than by reaching out a hand to his chest. The other boy inhaled sharply at this, and Yugi felt his heartbeat increase greatly.
"Of course not, Bakura-kun," Yugi responded soothingly. "Anzu and the others... they drifted away from me. I would never leave a friend."
Bakura made a choking sound. "But I don't... that's not...not what I...Oh, never mind." He rolled over to face the wall, leaving Yugi's hand to fall limply against the sheets.
"Bakura-kun? Did I say something wrong?" Yugi's concerned voice caused Bakura to curl up further, clutching his knees to his chest.
"No!" he cried. "You... nothing you say is wrong..." Bakura sighed. "I'm the one who's wrong...what I say is wrong...what I feel is wrong..."
"No, Bakura-kun, don't start that," Yugi responded softly. "Your feelings aren't wrong. What do you feel? You can tell me."
"I can't!" Bakura insisted, quietly but firmly. "You'll hate me..."
"I won't hate you," Yugi answered, still speaking gently.
Bakura rolled back over, staring at Yugi through the darkness.
"I'm..." He trailed off, closing his eyes. "Never mind."
"You're...?" Yugi queried, trying to get Bakura to finish his statement.
"I'm going crazy lying here next to you and hearing you talk about me as your friend, that's all! I want...Nothing, I want nothing."
Yugi just blinked. "Crazy...how?" he managed to stammer out.
"I...I can't take this!" Bakura cried, his voice escalating to nearly a shriek.
"Shh," Yugi hissed, clapping a hand over Bakura's mouth. "I don't mean to cut you off, but you're getting a bit loud. I don't want Grandpa to hear and come in...he'd probably freak out if he saw us in bed together. I told him I was going to sleep on the floor."
Despite the darkness, Yugi could tell that Bakura was blushing – the temperature of his face skyrocketed. When Yugi lifted his hand again, Bakura immediately began stammering. "But...but we're not..."
"I bet you wish we were, eh?" Yugi laughed.
"W-What? I...N-no, of course I don't..."
"Oh," Yugi responded, sounding almost disappointed. "Then maybe I interpreted what you said before wrong. Anyway, what were you saying?"
"I just..." Bakura stopped, sighing, then forced himself to continue. "I miss...him, and now...well, it started before now, but...I'm getting my hopes up about something that's never going to work out!"
At this point, Yugi had a pretty good idea he knew what Bakura was talking about, but he wanted the other boy to reveal his intentions himself. "What?" he asked, feigning ignorance.
"I...I...Why is this so hard? I...I like you, Yugi. There. I said it." He pounded the bed in frustration. "I said it. But I don't feel better. Now I just feel stupid."
"No, Bakura." Yugi's voice was firm. "Don't feel stupid. Maybe we should discuss this tomorrow...I know you didn't sleep much last night, and a good night's rest would make you feel a lot better. We can discuss this when we're both rested."
"It won't seem the same tomorrow," Bakura murmured. "The things we say at night can't always be said during the day..."
"Do we always need words?" Yugi replied softly. He proceeded to slide an arm under Bakura's, rubbing the boy's back. "It's okay, you can sleep... you don't need to be alone like you usually are. I'm here."
"Yugi-kun!" Bakura gasped, shocked. "What are you...?"
"Don't worry," Yugi responded gently. "You just relax...We'll talk tomorrow. Don't worry about it."
"Yugi-kun..." Bakura murmured softly. He nuzzled against the smaller boy's chest, happily reveling in his warmth and closeness.
"Sleep well, Bakura-kun," Yugi whispered softly. He stroked the other boy's back until he felt Bakura's breathing become regular and relaxed. Then, knowing Bakura was safe on his way to a warm, peaceful slumber, Yugi also allowed himself to drift off.
