... ~*~ ... Wanting to Forget, Wishing to Remember ... ~*~ ...

~By: Lauren~

-Chapter 2-





"The Voices of Fate"

"Where am I?" Hitomi thought to herself as she pulled her knees up against her chest. All around her was darkness. Blackness. Nothingness. She was floating in a dark void and she was alone. What had happened? Everything felt...fuzzy to her. She was wearing her school uniform but it seemed dirty yet there were no rips in it. Hitomi closed her eyes, curling up as much as she could into a tiny ball. She tried to remember all that had happened. Her life seemed to flash before her from the moment she returned from Gaea. It had been just about two years since everything had happened. Everything that changed her life forever.

Nobody had believed her when she told others of her story, of the other world. She even lost a few friends that way. Amano and Yukari were together, always. Hitomi was only in their way. She was like a pet, something to amuse them and they cared for her yet she was nothing more than a companion to them. Something to be with when they were bored with each other or when they had nothing else to do. She knew she sometimes annoyed them when she trailed along yet Hitomi refused to get into a serious relationship with someone. So Yukari gave up on the idea of her and her friend double dating.

Her other friends seemed boring also. After what Hitomi had experienced in Gaea, she had matured quiet a bit. Instead of laughing and giggling at things normal teenagers would find entertaining, Hitomi only stared blandly at them. She didn't understand what was so fun about watching shirtless guys exercise or flirting shamelessly with them. She didn't see what was so great about the next new styles or even running between the mall and the movies. She didn't understand what they saw in their petty high school relationships that were nothing serious. It was as if they only wanted someone to kiss and hold hands with. They had no idea of what true love was and she found that disgusting. Why date someone if they meant nothing to you?

The school drove her crazy. What was the point of education besides learning? The teachers taught nothing of life or what was out in the real world. How would math equations save her in a life and death situation? Sure, she liked to learn and she got A's but it sometimes seemed so pointless to her.

After Hitomi had returned, her parent's arguments had increased. She barely saw her father and when he was home, all her parent's would do was to fight. To yell and scream at any fault they could find within each other. If it hadn't been for Hitomi, she was sure they would have divorced much sooner but finally, they went through with it without a thought of her. Hitomi wasn't sure which was better, the end of the fighting or the loss of her father from the household. Sure, he wasn't the greatest father and her mother wasn't the greatest either but they were still her parents. She still cared for them even if they bugged her a lot and had screwed up a lot of her life.

But most importantly, Hitomi couldn't stand to live in a world as corrupt as earth. The Mystic Moon. She knew it was foolish, she knew that no place was perfect but it was nice to imagine. A place where people didn't take things for granted or hurt others for their own gain. A place where everybody looked out for each other, where everyone loved the people they were with. She knew there was no such thing and that was what she hated. Why couldn't there be a place like that? Why did people have to hurt? Why did they have to be torn from the ones they loved? Hitomi didn't understand it all.

Finally, her most recent memories came flooding back to her. She had been at the park. She was crying. She vowed never to love again. She vowed to forget everything about Gaea and the people there. Her heartbeat quickened. Then somebody had grabbed her and was hurting her. They had....they had....Hitomi couldn't whisper or think of the last word for her own heartbeat was in her ears, blocking out all sound and thought. Suddenly, she wanted out of her clothing. She wanted to bathe; she wanted to scrub at herself until her skin peeled away. Her chances of being with Van were so miniscule and this just diminished the last hope she had. But what did it matter? She had vowed off love. She tried to curl up tighter, to disappear but it was impossible. She couldn't crunch up her body any more than it already was. She wanted to wake up so badly, to pretend it was all a bad dream but...it was real. No matter how much she wanted to deny it, it was still there. Hitomi was given over to the pain that would never leave, the one that would remain embedded in the heart forever and could not recede, it could never recede...

Hitomi tried to reassure herself. Maybe it didn't happen. Maybe she had somehow saved herself. Why hadn't anybody come though? Why didn't anyone hear her cries? Her pleads for help?

"Stop this negative thinking!" Hitomi cursed at herself. "I've got plenty of good things ahead of me in my life!"

"Like what?" A voice seemed to mock her. The thing that saddened Hitomi was the voice was right. At this moment the teenager didn't have much of a future planned.

What had happened to that optimistic, cheerful girl she used to be? Hitomi sighed. That girl had been left behind that fated day she left Gaea. Tears clouded her eyes as memories flashed in her mind. Hands seemed to be everywhere. She stuffed her fist in her mouth, muffling her sobs that echoed through the darkness. It hurt so much. She didn't know what else to hang onto, she didn't know that there was anything out there. So try as she might to hold on, Hitomi's grasp slipped away. There was no family. There was no girl. There was only black.

"I can free you." The same voice as before whispered to Hitomi. It sounded as if it came from all directions, calling to her and soothing her fears as she shook with pain.

"W-who are you?!" Fear gripped Hitomi's heart. She never wanted to face another human being again. They only meant betrayal, loss, pain, and suffering. Hitomi had lost her faith in the human race.

"I am only what you want me to be." The voice said again. Somehow...it was calming. It quieted her pounding heart and stopped Hitomi's bombarding thoughts. "I can grant you release."

"Release...?" Hitomi murmured, her muscles relaxing slightly.

"Yes. Release." The voice sounded like it was next to her. "Release from this pain, from those horrible memories. I can make them disappear. All of it. You can go back to being a normal seventeen year old, never a thought about another world, war, attacks...or...worse..." The voice trailed off but Hitomi understood what it meant. "Never a thought of what happened to you in the park..."

It was so tempting. Hitomi felt transfixed as the voice spoke. "What's the catch?" She knew an offer like this had to have some kind of deal, it always worked that way.

"There is no catch. All you have to do is let me erase the pain and that is it. Don't you wish to be free of the hurt? Don't you want to forget about...him? And about what has happened to you? It will never work out. You are in two different worlds. I only offer you this once." The voice seemed to be in front of her, resting a hand on her shoulder. Hitomi flinched at the touch. It was strange; there was nobody there but she could feel the pressure of a hand on her shoulder. It kept speaking. "You won't have to flinch again. You won't have to be afraid of a simple touch."

"How do you know all this?!" Hitomi tried to push back the person but her hand collided with nothing except air.

"I know everything." The voice smiled. She didn't know how she knew that, Hitomi knew it was smiling. "I ask you one more time. Do you want to forget?"

Hitomi stared at the direction of the voice. She bit her lip while tears streamed down her cheeks. She wanted release so badly. She wanted to forget all of it. And why as it so hot in the darkness? Why did Hitomi feel as if she was on fire? It hurt. Mutely, she nodded her head yes.

Then, it all shattered. The darkness rushed around her, pulling along gray colors as Hitomi was lift out of the darkness and spirited away. Nothing was left for her there and she was dying inside. She had seen the fragments of what was, what could have been falling away from her. Everything was broken and there was no one to repair it except that one voice.

It was over. Everything was over.

~*~

"VAN!! LORD VAN!!" Merle sprinted towards the lone horse that rode into the castle courtyard, a limp finger held against the rider. As the cat girl drew closer, she glanced at what he was holding. In his arms was a girl and he was missing his shirt. The king's shirt had been wrapped around the girl's torn and bloody clothing but...there was something slightly familiar about this girl. Merle strained her eyes then her heart caught in her throat. The girl had the same golden colored hair of a certain person from the past... "Hitomi...HITOMI!!" Merle gasped in shock as she sprinted towards Van. "What happened to Hitomi?! How is she here?! WHAT HAPPENED LORD VAN?!"

Van fought his anger as he tried to respond to the cat girl's questions. "Merle, run and get the castle doctor. Call Millerna if you have to, just get somebody!!! I heard her calling me...and so I fought to bring her to me and then, Hitomi fell from sky and I blacked out. When I woke up she was still laying on me unconscious." With that said, Van rushed into the castle, gripping Hitomi's trembling body close against him. What had happened to affect the girl he loved so badly? Who had done this to HIS Hitomi? Without another thought, he crashed into his room, placing Hitomi tenderly on his bed before bellowing out for the doctor, somebody, anybody who could help Hitomi.

~*~

Merle and Van both paced outside of his bedchamber, waiting for Millerna to finish bandaging and checking Hitomi for any serious injuries. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, the doors opened. Millerna emerged, sweat dripping from her forehead.

"How is she?! W-what happened to her?" Merle glanced up at Millerna with fear. Van stood beside his childhood friend, worry showing all over his face as he too awaited the blonde's answer.

Millerna sighed. Van was not going to like what she was about to say. "She had a large amount of scrapes and bruises on her body. It appears as if she took quite a few blows to her head. Right now, she's alive and stable but she's got a horrible fever. The best we can do is try to wait it out." She hoped that was all she had to say as the queen tried to escape from the stares she was receiving.

"What caused this? What happened to her?" Van persisted, his heart still thudding wildly in his chest. How could he have not heard Hitomi's cries for help sooner?

"Van..." Millerna fidgeted nervously. "S- She...was....Hitomi...was...raped." The last word came out as barely a whisper.

Merle could only stare ahead as the glass of water Van held shattered into a thousand sparkling pieces. At that very moment, Merle feared Van the most.

"WHO THE HELL DID THIS TO HER?!?!" His voice roared down the hallway as his hands smashed angrily into the wall while his eyes were painted with fury. "I'LL TEAR THEM LIMB FROM LIMB!! GODDAMMIT!!" Anger poured through every vein in the young king, making his entire body tense up as he looked for something to destroy. He wanted to kill whoever had hurt his Hitomi and he would kill them. He would make them pay for every ounce of pain she went through because of them.

Millerna's hand forcefully slapped Van's cheek, bringing his shocked face forward to stare into her eyes. "I don't CARE how angry you are Van! I don't CARE how upset you get! Right now Hitomi NEEDS you!! If we can't fight her fever, then it doesn't matter how to gain revenge on her attacker because she won't even be ALIVE! The best choice we have at this moment is try to get her to sweat it out. Her body has been put through a terrible shock and I'm sure her mind and heart is having it much worse right now. It does her no good to have you going on a violent rampage!!! Get in there and HELP HER!! I don't like this anymore than you do; I didn't want to see Hitomi again on these kinds of terms but I can't change that. Now go and help her!!!" Her hand pointed to the door that was cracked open a bit.

Van sighed, nursing his anger into a tight knot in his chest. It was still there and most likely always would be but right now he couldn't attend to that. He peered into the room, suddenly much more nervous than he had been before. The fear was ripped away as he looked down at her. This only made his fury build up more. Her pale figure was shaking under the thin sheets while a purple-blue welt was forming on her cheek. She had a few other crimson cuts on her forehead and cheek while her lips were cracked open. Her body was layered with sweat as it dripped down her brow, causing her golden hair to stick to her face. Her hair had been grown out since Van had last seen her and now it reached to just about an inch above her shoulders. Her face contorted in pain as Van was sure she was being haunted with memories. She looked so fragile, so innocent sleeping there. He was afraid to touch her for fear she might break. He couldn't stand to see her in so much pain. Reaching towards her he ever so gently brushed back a strand of her hair.

"Sweat out the fever..." He murmured out loud as he brought himself out of his trance. Running over to his closet, he rummaged through his drawers until he produced as many thick layers of blankets and sheets as possible. Tenderly, he placed each one over Hitomi's tiny figure until he was sure she had enough. He arranged them to be sure they wouldn't smother her but it didn't matter, he would be sitting there watching her until she woke up. Sometime during his mission of gathering things, somebody had brought in a pail of water with a washcloth and so Van proceeded to drip the cloth and then run it gently over Hitomi's forehead, wiping away the sweat. He kept this up throughout the day and into the night.

"How did this happen Hitomi?" He wondered out loud. He sighed. "I should have been able to save you. You called for me, I heard you but...I was too late. I couldn't protect you. I couldn't save you." The stress of the day was finally beginning to catch up to Van as he clambered next to her on the bed. He brought her quivering form towards her, hoping his own body warmth would help to sweat out the fever. "I'm so sorry Hitomi. I'm so sorry..." And slowly, he drifted off to sleep.

~*~

Van groaned in his sleep. He could feel the sun's warmth basking his face as he dreaded getting up and attending another meeting. Then the recent events returned to his memory suddenly. His eyes flew open, bringing the blurry morning light into focus.

He was staring into a pair of sparkling jade eyes.

Van leapt back, tumbling off the bed and pulling a fair amount of blankets with him. Fumbling to untangle himself, Van tried to stand up but only succeeded in tumbling back down. Much to his surprise, he heard quiet chuckling from the bed. Peering up from his place on the floor, Van hesitantly looked at Hitomi. She was in the nightgown Millerna had dressed her in and was weakly leaning up on her arm, staring wide-eyed over at Van. But...she seemed to be smiling. The king found this to be unusual, especially considering what had happened to the teenager.

"H-Hitomi..." Van muttered her name, standing up finally before sitting on the edge of the bed. "A-are you ok?" He suddenly found a loose thread on the blanket very interesting. He didn't know how to act around her. It wasn't that what had happened had changed his view on her, but he was scared of upsetting her. He was afraid of what she'd say or do. He hadn't seen her in nearly two years!!!

"How do you know my name...?" Her quiet, familiar voice questioned softly. She raised an eyebrow, giving Van a strange look. "And where am I...? Why am I...so sore? My head hurts..."

How could she be so clueless? Van gave her a confused look. She must have been dazed from the events. "It's me...Van. You're in Gaea, remember? You've been here before." He backed up slightly. Why was Hitomi acting so clueless? Wouldn't a normal person be sobbing right now after what had happened to her? "And I think...you know why you're hurt." He winced at his words, realizing they must have sounded cruel and blunt. Silence stretched on. Panic seized him as Van feared she was crying because of his comment but when he looked up, she was only staring ahead with the same blank expression she had from before.

"I...don't remember why I'm hurt...." Hitomi hesitantly replied. Why was she in this strange room, in this strange bed with a strange man?! She quickly wrapped the blankets around her protectively while she tried not to scream. She knew it was better to get some answers first before she jumped to conclusions.

"You honestly don't remember a thing? About me? Gaea? And...what happened to you?" Van began to step towards the door, ready to call Millerna back. Maybe the trauma to Hitomi's head had caused this.

"I honestly don't remember a thing. Listen, whoever you are, I just want to get back home to my mother. I'm sure she's very worried about me." Hitomi frowned. "And please bring me some Advil...!"

~*~*~*~*~

Author's Note: Ehhh, so what do you all think of the new chapter? I'm not entirely sure where this fic is going to go but I plan to continue it if everyone wants me to. Tell me what you think and thank you for the lovely reviews!! Enjoy!