I SUCK AT UPDATES!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sorrrrreeeeeeeeee *sob* If I don't have any readers left, I think that I kinda deserve it! Anyway, this chapter is again so sub-par that I'd like to tear it to shreds and set it on fire, but arkarkark for some reason I'm posting it. GARH this story has become the bane of my existence! WHERE THE HELL ARE MY MUSES???? *sob* ... anyway, now that that insane rant is over and done with, on to shout outs:
* Dreamer - ARK sorry this update took so long! And I feel even WORSE 'cause you've been such a goddess about updating your fantabulous story... grrrrr ... anyway, no you in this chapter, but oh there will be much more Dreamer-dahling :) merci beaucoup for the praise, tho I don't think I deserve it, especially after this poor pathetic excuse for a chapter, but meh. Ego boosts are always appreciated :) thanks for the review!
* Rhapsody - WOAH I have writersblockitis too!!!!! ... do you think it's contagious? 'cause maybe I gave it to you! OH NO!!!!! goodness, I hope not! :s anyway - merci so much for the review! WAHOO and a half! :)
* Ice - thankie, darling! Wahoo for reviews!
* Raven's Wing - Oui, that boy is dense... he's getting less dense and more annoyingly slow now, though :) Yeah, I wasn't really happy with the way that I introduced Dreamer... I'm not very happy with this story at all, actually. Argh :( but oui, in time, you will hate nails. Goodness, I hate that boy, and I haven't even written about him yet! *shakes fist at nails* mais bien - thanks so much for the review!
* GYPSYYYYYYY!!! - wahoo I love hearing from you *pretends that she didn't talk to you on msn like three days ago* lol - anyway, ark. UPDATE YOUR STORIES DAMMIT! And oui, I'll mail your letter, mail me mine!!! *pout* WAHOO FOR GYPSY! Thanks for the review, mon amie
* Raeghann - thanks so much for your help! 'coise, I'm gonna need to enlist your genius services again very soonish, 'cause this story is so uninspired that it almost hurts... but yeah! Update your stories, dammit! Je t'aime! WAHOO :)
* Chronicles Bailey - :) thankie for your review! :)
*****
The raindrops were lazily winding their way down her cheeks as she wandered her way back towards the lodging house. The grey sky above mirrored her mood. Key had somehow managed to sell most of her papers that morning, and yet a feeling of overwhelming melancholy was creeping at her heart. She had seen Lock that morning, his eyes fixed on another girl, a grin tugging at his lips that she hadn't seen for ages.
Not since he had come back, that is.
She dazedly stumbled up the cement steps of the lodging house, entering the familiar building without thought. Lost in her confused reverie, she made it all the way up into the bunkroom without realizing it.
I shouldn't be allowed to feel hurt by that.
Her heart was torn, somehow, half of it leaping and falling at every sight of Spot, every thought of Spot, every memory of him... the other half was now twisted into a sickening combination of guilt and unhappiness.
Key curled herself up on a bunk, her eyes almost completely void of the things she was feeling. The wetness of her hair began to dampen the pillow under her, and she clutched herself tighter, trying to remember to breathe.
Why am I allowed to care?
"Heya, Brooks, I was wonderin' if - " a gravelly voice broke through her cloud of self-hatred. A gravelly, familiar and comfortably heart-breaking voice. Key started up immediately, her hands scrabbling to swipe away the evidence of pain that her tears had left behind. She turned, wide-eyed, to meet his eyes. They changed colour almost imperceptibly as they swept her face in surprise.
Grey is the colour of cement, of rain, of unhappiness, of heartbreak...
"Oh," he murmured, his eyes frozen on hers, "It's you."
"Hiya." Her whispered response sounded foreign.
Don't look at me like that.
His eyes had already caught the tell-tale tear tracks down her face, and his brow furrowed.
Please don't look at me like that.
Key cast her eyes downwards, and her shoulders slumped as he took a step forward.
"Key, are you alright?"
She slipped on a mask of happiness and attempted a smile, "I'm fine, thank you. Just great. In fact, I'm so great that I - " her voice failed her.
The mask slipped.
"Leave me alone, please." Her tone was delicate, fragile, attempting to hold back a world of misery.
Spot stepped forwards once more.
Her voice took on a frantic tone as the first of many tears slipped down her cheek.
"Please just leave me alone!"
He didn't respond. Key clamped a hand to her mouth, trying desperately to gulp back her sobs. Spot reached out a hand to her, his fingers feathering across her cheek as he ventured closer than he had in weeks. Key broke down as she leaned into his touch, her gasping breaths the only disturbance in the room. Gently, as if afraid of breaking the momentary connection between them, Spot knelt down beside her bunk, his fingers rubbing at her tears. He pulled her gingerly into an embrace, and as she buried his face in his chest, he had to hold himself back from burying his in her hair.
Key melted into his warmth, her shuddering sobs quenched by the relief that was flowing into her. She nestled further into his arms, tucking her head contentedly underneath his chin, and let herself be comforted by the soft beat of his heart.
She couldn't hold back her sigh.
He stiffened immediately, seeming to almost draw her closer as he whispered, "Key, we shouldn't be doing this."
Hours passed before he felt her lips move against his shoulder.
"I need this", she murmured, pressing further into him. Almost imperceptibly; "I need you."
His hands moved of their own accord, pulling her closer, sweeping through her tangled hair. His words were choked with responsibility, "You're not allowed to need me."
And still she was there, her scent filling his nostrils, winding it's way through his sensory system and straight into his heart. His eyes refused to obey his desperate commands and slipped shut. He drew in a breath, a painful gasp of longing.
"Can't we just pretend?..." Key trailed off as Spot clung to her, unable to loose the hold his heart had on her.
It's so easy to drown in her...
"Well, if this isn't a compromising position, I don't know what is." A ruefully amused voice broke the spell.
Spot dropped his arms immediately, his head bowed, trying desperately to catch his breath.
Key turned slowly around, her heart aching for the third time that day.
Lock was leaned nonchalantly up against the door frame, his blond hair damp with rainwater and his eyes incomprehensibly serene.
"Lock, I ... " Key's voice was husky with guilt, "Spot and I were just - we were just..."
In three quick strides, Lock was before here, a finger on her lips and a ghost of a smile on his face.
"It's okay, Key." He smiled down at her, pecking her on the forehead before continuing. "I know."
For a moment, her heart leapt.
He knows, he understands, we can - no.
He knows.
He understands.
He forgives me.
He hasn't let me go.
Key let him take her hand and lead her from the bunkroom.
*****
Grey is the colour of cement, of rain, of unhappiness, of heartbreak, of dingy skies and half-hearted words.
Grey is the colour of the weight that hangs around my heart; that chains me to her.
Grey is the colour of keys.
A shaft of sunlight warmed the floorboards beside his feet, and Spot Conlon willed himself to give up.
*****
AN: okay, I'm not liking the direction that this story is going in... I think I'm going to attempt to fix it. March break is coming up, thank god, so hopefully you guys can expect an update and hopefully less of a crappy story in about a week and a half. Dude, this sucks...anyway, r+r as always! :) why oh why wont ff.net let me do italics? whyyyyy??
* Dreamer - ARK sorry this update took so long! And I feel even WORSE 'cause you've been such a goddess about updating your fantabulous story... grrrrr ... anyway, no you in this chapter, but oh there will be much more Dreamer-dahling :) merci beaucoup for the praise, tho I don't think I deserve it, especially after this poor pathetic excuse for a chapter, but meh. Ego boosts are always appreciated :) thanks for the review!
* Rhapsody - WOAH I have writersblockitis too!!!!! ... do you think it's contagious? 'cause maybe I gave it to you! OH NO!!!!! goodness, I hope not! :s anyway - merci so much for the review! WAHOO and a half! :)
* Ice - thankie, darling! Wahoo for reviews!
* Raven's Wing - Oui, that boy is dense... he's getting less dense and more annoyingly slow now, though :) Yeah, I wasn't really happy with the way that I introduced Dreamer... I'm not very happy with this story at all, actually. Argh :( but oui, in time, you will hate nails. Goodness, I hate that boy, and I haven't even written about him yet! *shakes fist at nails* mais bien - thanks so much for the review!
* GYPSYYYYYYY!!! - wahoo I love hearing from you *pretends that she didn't talk to you on msn like three days ago* lol - anyway, ark. UPDATE YOUR STORIES DAMMIT! And oui, I'll mail your letter, mail me mine!!! *pout* WAHOO FOR GYPSY! Thanks for the review, mon amie
* Raeghann - thanks so much for your help! 'coise, I'm gonna need to enlist your genius services again very soonish, 'cause this story is so uninspired that it almost hurts... but yeah! Update your stories, dammit! Je t'aime! WAHOO :)
* Chronicles Bailey - :) thankie for your review! :)
*****
The raindrops were lazily winding their way down her cheeks as she wandered her way back towards the lodging house. The grey sky above mirrored her mood. Key had somehow managed to sell most of her papers that morning, and yet a feeling of overwhelming melancholy was creeping at her heart. She had seen Lock that morning, his eyes fixed on another girl, a grin tugging at his lips that she hadn't seen for ages.
Not since he had come back, that is.
She dazedly stumbled up the cement steps of the lodging house, entering the familiar building without thought. Lost in her confused reverie, she made it all the way up into the bunkroom without realizing it.
I shouldn't be allowed to feel hurt by that.
Her heart was torn, somehow, half of it leaping and falling at every sight of Spot, every thought of Spot, every memory of him... the other half was now twisted into a sickening combination of guilt and unhappiness.
Key curled herself up on a bunk, her eyes almost completely void of the things she was feeling. The wetness of her hair began to dampen the pillow under her, and she clutched herself tighter, trying to remember to breathe.
Why am I allowed to care?
"Heya, Brooks, I was wonderin' if - " a gravelly voice broke through her cloud of self-hatred. A gravelly, familiar and comfortably heart-breaking voice. Key started up immediately, her hands scrabbling to swipe away the evidence of pain that her tears had left behind. She turned, wide-eyed, to meet his eyes. They changed colour almost imperceptibly as they swept her face in surprise.
Grey is the colour of cement, of rain, of unhappiness, of heartbreak...
"Oh," he murmured, his eyes frozen on hers, "It's you."
"Hiya." Her whispered response sounded foreign.
Don't look at me like that.
His eyes had already caught the tell-tale tear tracks down her face, and his brow furrowed.
Please don't look at me like that.
Key cast her eyes downwards, and her shoulders slumped as he took a step forward.
"Key, are you alright?"
She slipped on a mask of happiness and attempted a smile, "I'm fine, thank you. Just great. In fact, I'm so great that I - " her voice failed her.
The mask slipped.
"Leave me alone, please." Her tone was delicate, fragile, attempting to hold back a world of misery.
Spot stepped forwards once more.
Her voice took on a frantic tone as the first of many tears slipped down her cheek.
"Please just leave me alone!"
He didn't respond. Key clamped a hand to her mouth, trying desperately to gulp back her sobs. Spot reached out a hand to her, his fingers feathering across her cheek as he ventured closer than he had in weeks. Key broke down as she leaned into his touch, her gasping breaths the only disturbance in the room. Gently, as if afraid of breaking the momentary connection between them, Spot knelt down beside her bunk, his fingers rubbing at her tears. He pulled her gingerly into an embrace, and as she buried his face in his chest, he had to hold himself back from burying his in her hair.
Key melted into his warmth, her shuddering sobs quenched by the relief that was flowing into her. She nestled further into his arms, tucking her head contentedly underneath his chin, and let herself be comforted by the soft beat of his heart.
She couldn't hold back her sigh.
He stiffened immediately, seeming to almost draw her closer as he whispered, "Key, we shouldn't be doing this."
Hours passed before he felt her lips move against his shoulder.
"I need this", she murmured, pressing further into him. Almost imperceptibly; "I need you."
His hands moved of their own accord, pulling her closer, sweeping through her tangled hair. His words were choked with responsibility, "You're not allowed to need me."
And still she was there, her scent filling his nostrils, winding it's way through his sensory system and straight into his heart. His eyes refused to obey his desperate commands and slipped shut. He drew in a breath, a painful gasp of longing.
"Can't we just pretend?..." Key trailed off as Spot clung to her, unable to loose the hold his heart had on her.
It's so easy to drown in her...
"Well, if this isn't a compromising position, I don't know what is." A ruefully amused voice broke the spell.
Spot dropped his arms immediately, his head bowed, trying desperately to catch his breath.
Key turned slowly around, her heart aching for the third time that day.
Lock was leaned nonchalantly up against the door frame, his blond hair damp with rainwater and his eyes incomprehensibly serene.
"Lock, I ... " Key's voice was husky with guilt, "Spot and I were just - we were just..."
In three quick strides, Lock was before here, a finger on her lips and a ghost of a smile on his face.
"It's okay, Key." He smiled down at her, pecking her on the forehead before continuing. "I know."
For a moment, her heart leapt.
He knows, he understands, we can - no.
He knows.
He understands.
He forgives me.
He hasn't let me go.
Key let him take her hand and lead her from the bunkroom.
*****
Grey is the colour of cement, of rain, of unhappiness, of heartbreak, of dingy skies and half-hearted words.
Grey is the colour of the weight that hangs around my heart; that chains me to her.
Grey is the colour of keys.
A shaft of sunlight warmed the floorboards beside his feet, and Spot Conlon willed himself to give up.
*****
AN: okay, I'm not liking the direction that this story is going in... I think I'm going to attempt to fix it. March break is coming up, thank god, so hopefully you guys can expect an update and hopefully less of a crappy story in about a week and a half. Dude, this sucks...anyway, r+r as always! :) why oh why wont ff.net let me do italics? whyyyyy??
