... ~*~ ... Wanting to Forget, Wishing to Remember ... ~*~ ...
~By: Lauren~
-Chapter 12-
"As I Lay Me Down
"Tomorrow...I'll break off the engagement with Azumi. Stupid advisors were the ones who set us up any ways. I know the one I want to be with forever." Van said quietly. The room filled with silence for a few seconds before he spoke again, "Do you remember it all? Do you remember Gaea?" Van hesitantly questioned Hitomi. Both of them were sitting up in the bed, both leaning against the backboard except Van had his arm gently around Hitomi's shoulders. The Mystic Moon girl was leaning in towards the king snuggling despite her racing heart.
Hitomi frowned. "Only...only what h-happened at the p-p-park..." She trailed off as she involuntarily shuddered. "I just remember going to the park instead of school. Then I was thinking about Gaea and you all when I was sitting in the grass. Then h-he..c-came..."
Van silenced her by putting his finger gently against her lips. "Shh...it's all over now."
Her golden honey hair blocked Van's view of her eyes as her voice murmured, "No...no...it's not over. It may never be." Hitomi bit into her lip, drawing a pinpoint of blood. Her head began to pound and she felt dizzy.
She could smell the alcohol in his breath.
She could feel the hits.
She could feel the cold morning dew on her skin.
She could feel her own blood ooze out of her skin.
She could hear her own cries for Van. Why hadn't he answer her? Why didn't he save her?
She could see it all happening over and over and over again.
Hitomi screamed, pushing Van away from her. He crashed onto the floor with a thud in total shock. He slammed his back against the wooden bed stand where a glass of water crashed onto the ground next to him. Van quickly jumped back to his feet to see Hitomi on her knees on the bed. She was holding her head in her hands and rocking back and forth as she let out muffled screams. Van didn't know what in the world was going on but he knew it was bad. Gently, he leaned forward, trying to get close to her.
"What's wrong Hitomi?!" He questioned her, trying to sound soothing but worry filled his voice. He reached forward tentatively, shaking her already trembling body. He saw huge tears running down her cheeks. Her eyes were closed tightly and she was biting on her own fist. He shook her harder and this time, her eyes flickered open. A pair of horrified, jade eyes stared at him. Her eyes shone with so much pain that Van felt his heart stop at the sight of it.
"Hitomi. Speak to me. Come on." He ran his hand along her back to attempt to calm her down.
Hitomi couldn't answer him. She had never heard him in the first place. She was lost to what she had seen, what she had felt, and Van could now see that.
Suddenly, Hitomi felt warm hands cup her cheek. She looked up as Van got down on his knees next to her and brushed her tears away tenderly with his thumb. He brought his other hand up to her as she collapsed into his arms, sobbing while taking in ragged breaths.
The king pulled her tightly against him, wrapping his strong arms around her. She clung onto him as tears poured out, soaking into his shirt. They wouldn't stop coming- it was like an endless flow. It was as if all of Hitomi's sorrow and pain were put into those tears and they were now being taken away by Van. Van slid closer to her, pulling her trembling body onto his lap while he leaned against the backboard for support. Hitomi wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face into his shirt. No one had held Hitomi like that since she was a child, long before her parent's divorce. She remembered waking up from terrible nightmares and having her mother or father rush to her side, holding her like this until she went back to sleep. She always felt so safe there, sheltered in the strength of her parent's arms. She was protected from the world and all of its cruel pain. It had seemed like maybe...somehow...everything WOULD be all right- as if she didn't have to hold everything on her own shoulders. Like maybe there was someone else there along with her, looking out for her and making sure she would be all right. She couldn't pretend to me strong anymore. The tears swept down her cheeks in streams of grief, agony and release. They stained Van's red shirt crimson while shaking the strong, warm arms that held her. Van calmly ran his hand up and down her back, whispering in her ear. He kept whispering, "It's okay Hitomi. It's okay," over and over again to her.
Hitomi didn't know how long she lay there, crying into Van's chest, feeling the protective arms around her but...eventually the tears began to subside. The sobs began to slow and gradually the pain began to lift from her heart. It didn't leave but then Hitomi didn't expect it to disappear and she didn't expect it to for a very, very long time. But for now, with the tender arms around her and the tears still warm against her cheeks, the hurt had sunk to the lowest areas of her consciousness. It would hide there for a bit, waiting and recovering, gaining strength and then, the next time Hitomi showed the slightest bit of weakness or break in defenses, the pain would return, shuddering through her with the wrath of sorrow and anguish on its side. But for now...at least...it was gone.
A long silence passed as Hitomi snuggled against Van, letting her breathing slow down to its normal pace. Van stopped whispering to her but he kept rubbing her back as his head lay on top of hers. Finally breathing softly, Hitomi lay still and quiet in Van's arms, listening to the comforting thud of the man's heartbeat in her ears. Despite the fact that the tears had currently passed, Van didn't lift his arms and neither did he open his mouth to question her. Instead, he only sat there, strong and solid and real, and let Hitomi be held.
Time passed.
Finally, Hitomi lifted her head, brushing the streaks of tear-stained hair from her face as she sank back a bit from him but still held on tightly. She gave out a little chuckle at his soaked shirt but Van didn't care. He merely sat there, holding her in his lap giving her a lopsided smile. A surge of cold air swept over Hitomi while it froze her tears on her cheeks and a scent of wild fields rushed into her lungs- his smell- it was cleansing her sorrow even more fully from within her.
"I..." Hitomi closed her eyes, letting herself feel for a moment once again the soothing thudding of his heartbeat and the slow rise and fall of his breath. "I love you..."
Van closed his eyes, fighting back the now sudden mist of tears that had sprung into his own eyes. They were just words. Just three simple, stupid words and yet...they drove into his heart like claws, casting all breath from his lungs and all thoughts from his brain.
They were just words but they felt like so much more to the both of them.
"She loves me. She really loves me..." Van thought to himself. He glanced at her, noticing the blush that was spreading across both of their cheeks.
"I love you too..." He whispered, his voice shaking just slightly and it wasn't until he heard the quiver that he thought about what it meant to say those words and to mean them.
It was a pledge.
A promise.
A bond.
To say those words and mean them...it was to promise that he would always be there for her, always protect her and to be strong for her and keep her safe. It was to pledge that she would always come first in his life, that from now on, his needs came second to hers. It was living to be there for someone else, living for someone else while they lived for you.
Van closed his eyes, letting his body relax while a blissful happiness spread all throughout his body. He noticed Hitomi lean closer to him again, so he wrapped his arms around her, letting her rest in the nook of his arm against him. She closed her eyes, letting sweet sleep envelop her and after a while, Van also joined her.
~*~
Azumi sighed softly as she entered her room. This was the one place that she could relax, the one place she could let her guard down; the one place she could be herself- no masks or smart remarks. Yes...she knew many people hated her but she had to make them hate her. She couldn't get close to anyone. If she got too close, they would only hurt her, just like her family had done. She couldn't let her mask down for if she did, they would only find an insecure, sad little girl. The girl her family had left behind.
They had hated her. They had disowned.
It had always been her older sister that they loved. Always her and Azumi was only pushed into the background. She was her sister's shadow.
But that had all changed when her sister died during the war a few years ago. Her family grew into debt. The promising young, RICH man that was going to marry her sister was now gone since her sister was dead. Azumi's family was poor now, with absolutely no money. And of course nobody was going to marry their little, ugly daughter. She would only bring more dishonor to the family name.
They had sold her to an illegal slave trader were she was placed in a rich home to serve the people that lived there. She served them many years until the parents died, leaving their home to their son. Afterwards, he gave Azumi her freedom and a large sum of money to get her started.
Azumi went out on her own with no clue where to go. She wandered town to town, looking for work and going from job to job. She worked anything from bartending to selling groceries.
Except...one day, she was so sick of it all. She had lost her meaning. Nobody cared for her in the world. Azumi was completely and utterly alone.
Azumi stared down at the raging cold river when she felt a hand on her shoulder, pulling her back from the edge.
A man stared down at her with a warm smile. It was so dark though Azumi couldn't see his face.
She heard him whisper, "Don't do it little one. You've got so much more to look forward to in your life. Somebody always cares, like me. Never give up hope."
And with that said, the man was gone but she distinctly hearing someone call out the name "Lord Van". So she placed that name with the mysterious face and vowed one day she would find this man. He had saved her life. He cared. He had given her hope.
She loved him.
And that was how Azumi had ended up where she was now. She saved up money and worked hard every day. She rose her status, even if she cheated in doing so. Azumi was determined to marry Van. It would bring her honor. She would show her family what this 'shadow' could do. She would find the man who had given her hope and who cared.
It was strange though. When she actually met Van, he didn't seem like the man from that night. But she knew she had heard his name, so she stuck to her plan even though that annoying Allen and Hitomi kept getting in her way.
Azumi stared out at the moonless night sky. "Tomorrow...tomorrow I'll get rid of that bitch Hitomi...and then...Van will be all mine..." With that said, she turned, strutting back to her bed. She felt the urge to cry but she fought it. Azumi vowed that she would never cry. She did not show such weaknesses as tears. No one would ever see her cry.
~*~
Lauren: And there is Azumi's past!! ^_^;; I feel bad for making her have a tragic past but she's got to have a good reason for being so evil and wanting to marry Van so badly. She ain't in it JUST for the money. Hmm...I wonder whom this mysterious guy is that saved her. I wonder if Gaddess will confess his love to Celena and what she'll say. I wonder if Hitomi will return home. I wonder what's up with that necklace of hers. Nobody knows the answers (well...except me...hehe...) so keep reading to find out! Thanks for all the great reviews and I hope you enjoyed the new chapter!
~By: Lauren~
-Chapter 12-
"As I Lay Me Down
"Tomorrow...I'll break off the engagement with Azumi. Stupid advisors were the ones who set us up any ways. I know the one I want to be with forever." Van said quietly. The room filled with silence for a few seconds before he spoke again, "Do you remember it all? Do you remember Gaea?" Van hesitantly questioned Hitomi. Both of them were sitting up in the bed, both leaning against the backboard except Van had his arm gently around Hitomi's shoulders. The Mystic Moon girl was leaning in towards the king snuggling despite her racing heart.
Hitomi frowned. "Only...only what h-happened at the p-p-park..." She trailed off as she involuntarily shuddered. "I just remember going to the park instead of school. Then I was thinking about Gaea and you all when I was sitting in the grass. Then h-he..c-came..."
Van silenced her by putting his finger gently against her lips. "Shh...it's all over now."
Her golden honey hair blocked Van's view of her eyes as her voice murmured, "No...no...it's not over. It may never be." Hitomi bit into her lip, drawing a pinpoint of blood. Her head began to pound and she felt dizzy.
She could smell the alcohol in his breath.
She could feel the hits.
She could feel the cold morning dew on her skin.
She could feel her own blood ooze out of her skin.
She could hear her own cries for Van. Why hadn't he answer her? Why didn't he save her?
She could see it all happening over and over and over again.
Hitomi screamed, pushing Van away from her. He crashed onto the floor with a thud in total shock. He slammed his back against the wooden bed stand where a glass of water crashed onto the ground next to him. Van quickly jumped back to his feet to see Hitomi on her knees on the bed. She was holding her head in her hands and rocking back and forth as she let out muffled screams. Van didn't know what in the world was going on but he knew it was bad. Gently, he leaned forward, trying to get close to her.
"What's wrong Hitomi?!" He questioned her, trying to sound soothing but worry filled his voice. He reached forward tentatively, shaking her already trembling body. He saw huge tears running down her cheeks. Her eyes were closed tightly and she was biting on her own fist. He shook her harder and this time, her eyes flickered open. A pair of horrified, jade eyes stared at him. Her eyes shone with so much pain that Van felt his heart stop at the sight of it.
"Hitomi. Speak to me. Come on." He ran his hand along her back to attempt to calm her down.
Hitomi couldn't answer him. She had never heard him in the first place. She was lost to what she had seen, what she had felt, and Van could now see that.
Suddenly, Hitomi felt warm hands cup her cheek. She looked up as Van got down on his knees next to her and brushed her tears away tenderly with his thumb. He brought his other hand up to her as she collapsed into his arms, sobbing while taking in ragged breaths.
The king pulled her tightly against him, wrapping his strong arms around her. She clung onto him as tears poured out, soaking into his shirt. They wouldn't stop coming- it was like an endless flow. It was as if all of Hitomi's sorrow and pain were put into those tears and they were now being taken away by Van. Van slid closer to her, pulling her trembling body onto his lap while he leaned against the backboard for support. Hitomi wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face into his shirt. No one had held Hitomi like that since she was a child, long before her parent's divorce. She remembered waking up from terrible nightmares and having her mother or father rush to her side, holding her like this until she went back to sleep. She always felt so safe there, sheltered in the strength of her parent's arms. She was protected from the world and all of its cruel pain. It had seemed like maybe...somehow...everything WOULD be all right- as if she didn't have to hold everything on her own shoulders. Like maybe there was someone else there along with her, looking out for her and making sure she would be all right. She couldn't pretend to me strong anymore. The tears swept down her cheeks in streams of grief, agony and release. They stained Van's red shirt crimson while shaking the strong, warm arms that held her. Van calmly ran his hand up and down her back, whispering in her ear. He kept whispering, "It's okay Hitomi. It's okay," over and over again to her.
Hitomi didn't know how long she lay there, crying into Van's chest, feeling the protective arms around her but...eventually the tears began to subside. The sobs began to slow and gradually the pain began to lift from her heart. It didn't leave but then Hitomi didn't expect it to disappear and she didn't expect it to for a very, very long time. But for now, with the tender arms around her and the tears still warm against her cheeks, the hurt had sunk to the lowest areas of her consciousness. It would hide there for a bit, waiting and recovering, gaining strength and then, the next time Hitomi showed the slightest bit of weakness or break in defenses, the pain would return, shuddering through her with the wrath of sorrow and anguish on its side. But for now...at least...it was gone.
A long silence passed as Hitomi snuggled against Van, letting her breathing slow down to its normal pace. Van stopped whispering to her but he kept rubbing her back as his head lay on top of hers. Finally breathing softly, Hitomi lay still and quiet in Van's arms, listening to the comforting thud of the man's heartbeat in her ears. Despite the fact that the tears had currently passed, Van didn't lift his arms and neither did he open his mouth to question her. Instead, he only sat there, strong and solid and real, and let Hitomi be held.
Time passed.
Finally, Hitomi lifted her head, brushing the streaks of tear-stained hair from her face as she sank back a bit from him but still held on tightly. She gave out a little chuckle at his soaked shirt but Van didn't care. He merely sat there, holding her in his lap giving her a lopsided smile. A surge of cold air swept over Hitomi while it froze her tears on her cheeks and a scent of wild fields rushed into her lungs- his smell- it was cleansing her sorrow even more fully from within her.
"I..." Hitomi closed her eyes, letting herself feel for a moment once again the soothing thudding of his heartbeat and the slow rise and fall of his breath. "I love you..."
Van closed his eyes, fighting back the now sudden mist of tears that had sprung into his own eyes. They were just words. Just three simple, stupid words and yet...they drove into his heart like claws, casting all breath from his lungs and all thoughts from his brain.
They were just words but they felt like so much more to the both of them.
"She loves me. She really loves me..." Van thought to himself. He glanced at her, noticing the blush that was spreading across both of their cheeks.
"I love you too..." He whispered, his voice shaking just slightly and it wasn't until he heard the quiver that he thought about what it meant to say those words and to mean them.
It was a pledge.
A promise.
A bond.
To say those words and mean them...it was to promise that he would always be there for her, always protect her and to be strong for her and keep her safe. It was to pledge that she would always come first in his life, that from now on, his needs came second to hers. It was living to be there for someone else, living for someone else while they lived for you.
Van closed his eyes, letting his body relax while a blissful happiness spread all throughout his body. He noticed Hitomi lean closer to him again, so he wrapped his arms around her, letting her rest in the nook of his arm against him. She closed her eyes, letting sweet sleep envelop her and after a while, Van also joined her.
~*~
Azumi sighed softly as she entered her room. This was the one place that she could relax, the one place she could let her guard down; the one place she could be herself- no masks or smart remarks. Yes...she knew many people hated her but she had to make them hate her. She couldn't get close to anyone. If she got too close, they would only hurt her, just like her family had done. She couldn't let her mask down for if she did, they would only find an insecure, sad little girl. The girl her family had left behind.
They had hated her. They had disowned.
It had always been her older sister that they loved. Always her and Azumi was only pushed into the background. She was her sister's shadow.
But that had all changed when her sister died during the war a few years ago. Her family grew into debt. The promising young, RICH man that was going to marry her sister was now gone since her sister was dead. Azumi's family was poor now, with absolutely no money. And of course nobody was going to marry their little, ugly daughter. She would only bring more dishonor to the family name.
They had sold her to an illegal slave trader were she was placed in a rich home to serve the people that lived there. She served them many years until the parents died, leaving their home to their son. Afterwards, he gave Azumi her freedom and a large sum of money to get her started.
Azumi went out on her own with no clue where to go. She wandered town to town, looking for work and going from job to job. She worked anything from bartending to selling groceries.
Except...one day, she was so sick of it all. She had lost her meaning. Nobody cared for her in the world. Azumi was completely and utterly alone.
Azumi stared down at the raging cold river when she felt a hand on her shoulder, pulling her back from the edge.
A man stared down at her with a warm smile. It was so dark though Azumi couldn't see his face.
She heard him whisper, "Don't do it little one. You've got so much more to look forward to in your life. Somebody always cares, like me. Never give up hope."
And with that said, the man was gone but she distinctly hearing someone call out the name "Lord Van". So she placed that name with the mysterious face and vowed one day she would find this man. He had saved her life. He cared. He had given her hope.
She loved him.
And that was how Azumi had ended up where she was now. She saved up money and worked hard every day. She rose her status, even if she cheated in doing so. Azumi was determined to marry Van. It would bring her honor. She would show her family what this 'shadow' could do. She would find the man who had given her hope and who cared.
It was strange though. When she actually met Van, he didn't seem like the man from that night. But she knew she had heard his name, so she stuck to her plan even though that annoying Allen and Hitomi kept getting in her way.
Azumi stared out at the moonless night sky. "Tomorrow...tomorrow I'll get rid of that bitch Hitomi...and then...Van will be all mine..." With that said, she turned, strutting back to her bed. She felt the urge to cry but she fought it. Azumi vowed that she would never cry. She did not show such weaknesses as tears. No one would ever see her cry.
~*~
Lauren: And there is Azumi's past!! ^_^;; I feel bad for making her have a tragic past but she's got to have a good reason for being so evil and wanting to marry Van so badly. She ain't in it JUST for the money. Hmm...I wonder whom this mysterious guy is that saved her. I wonder if Gaddess will confess his love to Celena and what she'll say. I wonder if Hitomi will return home. I wonder what's up with that necklace of hers. Nobody knows the answers (well...except me...hehe...) so keep reading to find out! Thanks for all the great reviews and I hope you enjoyed the new chapter!
