Title:                 RELAX JACK

Author:              Deepdale

Spoilers:           Tiny for Changeling and Season 7

Rating:              G

Summary:         This came to me while I was attending a relaxation class (which if you've never given it a try is great).  There I was trying to empty my mind of all stray thoughts and I got this visual of Jack in the self same situation.  Didn't help with the class but it seemed like a wild idea for a short piece of nonsense.  I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer:        Stargate SG! And its characters do not belong to me; I just like to take them out for a spin from time to time. 

…                     This story is for entertainment purposes only.

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"Jack you really need to learn to relax," said Daniel, calmly removing a priceless artefact his friend was trying to juggle with.

"I don't," Jack replied.

"Yes, you do."

"No I don't."

"Okay, let's take this morning as an example.  When Sergeant Siler dropped that hammer he was carrying."

"What about it?" Jack asked.

"If you'd been armed you'd have shot the poor man.  You need to lighten up."

"Oh please, I'm a finely tuned instrument, honed to perfection from years of training, the ideal specimen of military prowess."

"If you say so," Daniel removed the book Jack was now flicking through.

"Hey," Jack protested.

"Don't you have any pressing engagements?" Daniel asked in despair.

"Nope, not a thing, free as a bird.  Thought you might like some company."

Daniel sighed.

"What?" Jack demanded.  "You want me to go?  Fine, I'll go see what Carter's up to."

"No!" Daniel knew Sam was currently engrossed in an extremely difficult experiment on a tiny amount of Naquadria; Jack's presence in his current mood could blow the entire base to kingdom come.  "She's very busy Jack."

"Daniel Jackson," Teal'c spoke from the doorway.

"What the…" Jack almost levitated.  "For cryin' out loud Teal'c, ever thought of wearing a bell round your neck?"

"For what reason?" asked Teal'c.

"So I'd know when you were creeping up on me."

"I was not creeping.  You seem tense O'Neill."

"I AM NOT TENSE," Jack bellowed, and Daniel moved another small statue from his vicinity.

"I stand corrected," said Teal'c mildly.

Daniel had a bright idea.  "Teal'c, are you still attending those relaxation classes?"

"Indeed I am Daniel Jackson."

"You," Jack laughed.  "Relaxation classes.  Oh please.  Isn't that what Kelnoreem's for?"

"Since I no longer have my symbiote O'Neill, I no can no longer attain the same level of meditation.  I have been taking classes to learn new techniques, which are very useful."

Jack laughed louder.  "I'm sorry," he managed to say.  "It's not you, it's the visual, a room full of hippies all contemplating their navels and you, big fella, got to admit it sounds pretty funny."

"I see no reason for amusement," said Teal'c.

"Of course you don't," Jack was now doubled over.  "Oh this is priceless."

"I think you should try it Jack," Daniel told him.

"No thanks, long hair and beads never suited me."

"They're not a bit like that," Daniel told him patiently.

"You too?" Jack looked at him with surprise.

Daniel blushed slightly, "It's helped, I've not been sleeping particularly well since I came… back.  Teal'c suggested it and I have to say I'm a total convert.  No navel contemplation in sight.  Come with us."

"A world of no."

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Jack glanced round the room, it was decorated in muted shades, sheer curtains at the windows diffusing the sunlight, pictures of peaceful landscapes, calm seas, stunning sunsets covered the walls.  Then he looked at the other people in the room.  Not a hippy in sight.  No long hair, no straggly beards and definitely no long strings of beads.  Instead they looked perfectly ordinary everyday people.  One or two were clearly in work suits, another woman was heavily pregnant and a couple more were probably still at college.

"Remind me again why I'm doing this," he hissed to Daniel.

"Because you are wound tighter than a fiddler's elbow and you need help learning how to relax," Daniel said with patience.  "And you stand to lose fifty dollars to both of us if you don't see it through," he added.

"Yeah, right," Jack sighed.  "So where's our new age tutor?"

An ordinary looking woman walked through the door and smiled at her class.  "Hey guys, good to see you.  And you must be Jack."

"Er, yeah," Jack replied.

"Daniel told me all about you when he phoned."

"Oh he did, did he?" Jack turned to glare at his friend.  "Remind me to beat the crap out of you if I survive this."

"I'm Kathleen, and I promise you'll survive it just fine.  Okay people, let's get comfy."

The class dispersed around the room, some sat on chairs, some on the floor, backs against the walls.

"On behalf of our new member, Jack, I'm going to start with one of the easier relaxation lessons.  I know you've all done it before so it should be a piece of cake."

"Piece of cake my eye," Jack muttered under his breath, mirroring Daniel and taking a seat on the floor, back straight, legs out front, no shoes.  From the corner of his eye Jack could see Teal'c on one of the chairs, hands resting lightly in his lap looking completely relaxed already.

"When you're comfortable," Kathleen began.  "Hands on knees or in laps, that's it.  Now close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing."

Jack watched as the rest of the class obligingly closed their eyes and began to take deep breaths.  Oh well, one hundred dollars stood to be lost if he didn't at least make some kind of attempt.  He closed his eyes.

"Breathe slowly from your diaphragm Jack," Kathleen said.  "In through your nose… hold, two, three, four and then slowly out through your mouth.  That's right.  And again."

This is easy, Jack thought, I can breathe, yeah, piece of cake, in through the nose, out through the mouth.  There's nothing to this relaxation stuff.

"Now I want you to imagine a ball of bright white energy sitting just above your head," Kathleen went on in her soft voice, mood music that sounded like waves washing on a beach playing in the background.  "Have we all got a visual?"

Big ball of energy thought Jack, oh boy.  "Friend of yours?" he asked Daniel out the side of his mouth.

"Jack," Daniel murmured.  "Behave."

"Now this ball of light is going to slowly move down until it's touching your head, you can feel it moving over your hair, down your forehead, over your eyes, smoothing the tension away as it goes."

Jack snorted.

"What?" hissed Daniel trying to concentrate on Kathleen's voice.

"Ever seen the Matrix?  Got a visual of what's his name being sucked in, covered in that silvery stuff."

"Try harder," Daniel growled at him.

"Touchy, touchy.  I am trying."

"Not hard enough.  Shut up."

"Yes Dr Jackson."

"Let the warmth from the light soak into your body, feel it warming your arms, warming your hands and fingers.  Don't worry if your fingers start to tingle Jack, it's just your muscles relaxing.  Now let the warmth move on down into your legs, into your thighs, into your calves, into your feet, your toes…"

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"And when you're ready open your eyes and bring yourself back inside the room," Kathleen finished.

Daniel opened his eyes and stretched, enjoying the feeling of absolute relaxation that always followed a class.  He turned his head slowly to check Jack was still there, he had gone very quiet and Daniel had wondered for a moment if he might have snuck out.  No, Jack was still there, eyes still closed.  Was he?  Could he be?  Daniel caught Teal'c's eye and inclined his head in Jack's direction.  Teal'c followed his movement, a smile breaking through his normal solemn exterior.  Oh yes, Jack was.

"Hey Jack," Daniel said softly.

"Wha…?" Jack mumbled.  "Go away Daniel."

"Class is over Jack, time to come back to the real world."

"Huh?" Jack's eyes opened under protest and he slowly took in his surroundings.  Oh boy.

"Do you get it now?" Daniel asked him.

"It was…interesting.  Hardly life changing."

"Really?" Daniel raised his eyebrows.  "You think?"

"A big ball of light, I mean, what is that.  Hey, is it me or has the heating gone off in here?"

"That's your body reacting to being relaxed," Kathleen told him.  "You might also find you need a drink, there's a water cooler in the corner."

"Oh.  Right.  Thanks."

"My pleasure Jack," Kathleen grinned at him.  "I thought you might be a difficult subject, you certainly tried hard enough to be, but I think you got the idea in the end."

"Once I got passed the sensation of ice-cream melting on my head," said Jack grudgingly.  "It was…different."

"Different is good," Kathleen assured him and moved on to talk to another of her class.

"Looks like you get to keep your money," said Daniel with a cheeky grin.

"Sorry to disappoint you," Jack retorted.  "Can we go now?"

"Sure.  Ready Teal'c?"

"Indeed I am Daniel Jackson."

The three friends put on their shoes and made their way from the classroom.

"Oh damn," Jack said.  "I've left my…phone back there.  You guys go on, I'll catch you up."

Jack put his head round the classroom door, relieved to find Kathleen alone.

"Hey Jack, what can I do for you?"

He felt stupid.  No, go for it.  "I was wondering, do you run any other classes, ones my friends don't attend?"

"Sure I do.  Thursday evening, eight til nine."

"Okay.  Right.  Good."

"Will I see you there?"

"Um…"

"I hope so.  Goodbye Jack."

"Bye Kathleen.  And thanks."

"Any time."

THE END.