Stand down. Day four. The day boredom normally set in and this was no exception. SG1 were all acknowledged adrenaline junkies and sitting around the base waiting for their next mission was hard on one and all, base staff included. Carter heaved a sigh and closed down the computer terminal she'd been working on in her lab, trying to iron out a wrinkle in one of the X-303's command routines. All necessary stuff but hardly riveting. Time for a distraction. And no-one did distraction quite as well as the Colonel.
First stop the commissary. Not there. Which was strange. She filled a mug with fresh coffee and spent a while watching the ebb and flow of base life, speaking to a couple of the guys, having a laugh with Janet. After half an hour the Colonel still hadn't shown. He wasn't usually able to go that long without stopping by for something to eat. Curious. Time to try somewhere else.
The gym. Teal'c was busy lifting weights that it would take two normal men to lift and not even breaking a sweat.
"Hey Teal'c."
"Major Carter."
"Everything okay?"
"Everything is very well with me."
"Good, good. Um, have you seen Daniel and the Colonel?"
"I have not."
"Oh well, okay, thanks anyway. Don't strain anything," Sam added.
"There is little chance of that," he assured her in his usual deadpan way.
So, not the gym. How about Daniel's lab? It was close enough to her own to normally know when the Colonel was bothering Daniel, the sound of breaking objects, falling books was pretty much a given that he was driving Daniel quietly to distraction. Not that Daniel would dream of throwing him out, he was too nice and too patient for such behaviour. Sam glanced round the open door. Empty. No sign of either of them. No pieces of the Colonel's latest 'accident' littering the bench, no indication he'd been there at all. Now this was getting weird.
Most senior members of staff kept quarters on base, rather than sharing the communal dormitories with other personnel and that was Sam's next port of call. A quick ride in the elevator delivered her to the relevant floor and she rapped briskly on the Colonel's door.
"Colonel, sir, are you in there?" Nothing. "Okay, I'm coming in," she warned, just in case, you know, he was engaged in anything that could embarrass them both, like getting dressed. You get the picture. Sam opened the door and quickly scanned the room. Bed unmade, hardly unusual, the Colonel still believed in fairies that came in and did the cleaning by magic. Fishing magazine on the nightstand. No recent signs of occupation, no noise from the bathroom. Not there. Okay, so had he been whisked away by the Asgard and no-one had noticed yet? Because it was usually easy to find Colonel O'Neill, you just followed the noise and bingo, one Colonel.
Daniel's quarters were just a little further down the corridor, her next stop. To lose the Colonel was one thing, to lose both of them was…odd.
"Daniel," Sam called softly as she tapped. Again nothing. Sam opened the door slowly and took in the scene.
Daniel was sitting quietly, legs crossed, his attention focussed on a burning candle situated directly in front of him. And the Colonel… Sam closed her eyes and opened them again. No. He couldn't. Could he? Colonel O'Neill was sitting on the floor a little away from Daniel, legs outstretched and the focus of his attention was… a piece of pie.
Neither of them heard her, neither of them noticed her intrusion. Sam backed out carefully and closed the door. Teal'c. He would know what it was all about.
"Colonel O'Neill was hoping that you would not find out," Teal'c told her.
"Find out what? What are they doing for goodness sake Teal'c?"
"Meditating."
"Meditating?" Sam's eyebrows shot up. "The Colonel? Okay Daniel I get, but the Colonel?"
"Daniel suggested he might like to accompany us to a relaxation class. The Colonel does not relax easily."
"You can say that again," Sam replied. "And he agreed?"
"He did. He stood to lose a great deal of money to both Daniel Jackson and myself if he did not at least try it."
"Now see, that makes much more sense," said Sam with a grin. "So the Colonel has been going to relaxation classes. That is a strange concept."
"Indeed."
"When I saw him…," Sam struggled to explain. "Daniel was concentrating on a candle and that I get, but why was the Colonel focussing his attention on a piece of pie?"
"I believe his reasoning was that a candle was all too 'hippy' for him. He also struggled with the concept of a ball of bright white light, claimed it had to be a friend of Daniel's passing through."
Sam snorted with mirth at the mental picture Teal'c was conjuring. That was so like the Colonel.
"The class teacher suggested he try focussing on something he likes," Teal'c continued. "I believe he finds pie the easiest."
Sam laughed. She tried really hard not to, but face it; the idea of your CO attending relaxation classes and then meditating on a piece of pie was simply one step too far. Sam didn't just laugh, she laughed so hard there were tears streaming down her face and she developed a nasty stitch in her side.
"This I believe is why Colonel O'Neill was hoping to keep his attendance of relaxation classes quiet on the base," said Teal'c with resignation.
"I'm sorry Teal'c," Sam gasped. "Don't worry, his secret is safe with me. I won't tell anyone that Colonel O'Neill meditates on a piece of pie. Cross my heart." Well, except for Janet of course, the news should have her splitting her sides as well. After all they had all been the butt of the Colonel's childish sense of humour on more occasions than Sam cared to recall, it would be great to have some ammunition to finally use back at him. Oh yes, Janet had to know…
