Chapter 5--
Somewhere in the Northern Milwaukee Presbyterian Church the entire town, including the kids and Mr. and Mrs. Cunningham
were singing...
"Kyrie Eleison...Eleison..."
Pastor Binkley came into the pulpit, then motioned to Fonzie with a nod of his head. Fonzie stood up in the front row before everybody...
"Sit!" he snappped. Everybody's butt hit the seat with one *boomp*. Fozie sat with them. The kindly, puppy dog-eyed old fellow began. "Now, I don't need to tell you all all of the abominations that have been going on and lurking about
and running amok here in Milwaukee lately. Looting, pilfering, plunder, murder, children murdered, assualted, attacked, women brutalized,
greasers stampeded and dairy cattle raped. And I don't know about the rest of you nor the Lord, but I've only one thing to say...", he lamented in his honey-toned, smooth-as-cappuccino voice....
The crowd waited in anticipation.
He snatched his Bible. His voice leaped into disappointing, cold-shower frankness. "Bon Voyage. I'm moving to Waikiki.".
Fonzie suddenly leaped up and smothly slipped in front of him, below his podium, shocked and aggravated.
"Now just a ding-dong, choco-dile minute here, you pious, candy-ass Twinkie!"
He turned to the audience and once again swept up the crowd in a whirlwind of exhilarating hope and excitement.
"Now, ain't nobody not nohow gonna leave this here city! Because the *Fonz* says so. I was born in Milwaukee, I was raised in Milwaukee,
and damn it all, I'm gonna die in Milwaukee. And ain't no freaky-deaky, anal, wet n' old dynamite, looney two-shoes, older-than-Jesus fart whirlwind
and the simperin', whimperin' peppermint twists ridin' shotgun gonna whiz me away with one blow!"
Mr. Cunnigham, after Fonzie sat down casually slupming like a black panther resting in a Serengeti treetop, stood up to say some stuff of his own...
"Now who can argue with that? I'm proud that these lovely children were here to hear that speech. We forged this place with our own bare hamds. As did our forefathers before us, and their forefathers before them!"
"Amen!" the crowd cheered, with Fonzie chiming in, "Aaay!"
"We've withstood through centuries, dad gum it, even the fifties themselves,
the worst of darkness incomprhensible to humankind. We've withstood everything from tornadoes
to sleet, to fire and brimstone coming from the skies for goodness sake!"
"Aaay!" Everybody joyously cheedred with Fonzie chiming in right behind.
Richie stood up, with his dad sitting down. "My dad's right! Why should we just pick up and go
just because somebody else is challenging our peaceful town, violating everything precious to us,
violating everything that we hold dear, traumatizing our children, rolling us in the dust, looting
and plundering our treasures, attempting to destroy everything wonderful in our lives....I mean, after
yesterday, even Arnold's still stands!"
The crownd, and Fonzie, chanted once again.
Nobody really knew for certain in the crowd why Arnold's was left untouched, and some people
did believe that a higher power was involved. (Potsie, for certain, eventually did.) But for some
odd reason, during the raid, Arnold's survived without a cut or a scratch.
"I say we stand and withstand all of this callous brutality. I say we defend our town, our city,
our families, you name it! I say we meet this challenge to our happiness!"
The crownd cheered once more.
Potsie (his nickname coming from his talent of making clay things as a child) stood up.
"Richie's right! Why should we back down just because some jealous, cruel old lame-o is bullying us like
there's no tomorrow? We ought to protect our everything we hold dear, not just hop off to let it
be chewed up to death by a pack of wolves! I love Milwaukee too much just to leave it to the jaws of these cold-blooded,
black-hearted, blow-up-at-the-slightest-touch jackals and their spitting-in-your-eye, vain, stuck up little armpieces!"
The crowd cheered once more.
"Well, then let this day be the day we begin learning how, friends. Today, we read from the book of holy..."
Suddenly, from all sides of each window in the main chapel that *hadn't* been smashed, came dozens of pipe boms tied
together.
"...MOLY!"
Everybody ducked.
Somewhere in the Northern Milwaukee Presbyterian Church the entire town, including the kids and Mr. and Mrs. Cunningham
were singing...
"Kyrie Eleison...Eleison..."
Pastor Binkley came into the pulpit, then motioned to Fonzie with a nod of his head. Fonzie stood up in the front row before everybody...
"Sit!" he snappped. Everybody's butt hit the seat with one *boomp*. Fozie sat with them. The kindly, puppy dog-eyed old fellow began. "Now, I don't need to tell you all all of the abominations that have been going on and lurking about
and running amok here in Milwaukee lately. Looting, pilfering, plunder, murder, children murdered, assualted, attacked, women brutalized,
greasers stampeded and dairy cattle raped. And I don't know about the rest of you nor the Lord, but I've only one thing to say...", he lamented in his honey-toned, smooth-as-cappuccino voice....
The crowd waited in anticipation.
He snatched his Bible. His voice leaped into disappointing, cold-shower frankness. "Bon Voyage. I'm moving to Waikiki.".
Fonzie suddenly leaped up and smothly slipped in front of him, below his podium, shocked and aggravated.
"Now just a ding-dong, choco-dile minute here, you pious, candy-ass Twinkie!"
He turned to the audience and once again swept up the crowd in a whirlwind of exhilarating hope and excitement.
"Now, ain't nobody not nohow gonna leave this here city! Because the *Fonz* says so. I was born in Milwaukee, I was raised in Milwaukee,
and damn it all, I'm gonna die in Milwaukee. And ain't no freaky-deaky, anal, wet n' old dynamite, looney two-shoes, older-than-Jesus fart whirlwind
and the simperin', whimperin' peppermint twists ridin' shotgun gonna whiz me away with one blow!"
Mr. Cunnigham, after Fonzie sat down casually slupming like a black panther resting in a Serengeti treetop, stood up to say some stuff of his own...
"Now who can argue with that? I'm proud that these lovely children were here to hear that speech. We forged this place with our own bare hamds. As did our forefathers before us, and their forefathers before them!"
"Amen!" the crowd cheered, with Fonzie chiming in, "Aaay!"
"We've withstood through centuries, dad gum it, even the fifties themselves,
the worst of darkness incomprhensible to humankind. We've withstood everything from tornadoes
to sleet, to fire and brimstone coming from the skies for goodness sake!"
"Aaay!" Everybody joyously cheedred with Fonzie chiming in right behind.
Richie stood up, with his dad sitting down. "My dad's right! Why should we just pick up and go
just because somebody else is challenging our peaceful town, violating everything precious to us,
violating everything that we hold dear, traumatizing our children, rolling us in the dust, looting
and plundering our treasures, attempting to destroy everything wonderful in our lives....I mean, after
yesterday, even Arnold's still stands!"
The crownd, and Fonzie, chanted once again.
Nobody really knew for certain in the crowd why Arnold's was left untouched, and some people
did believe that a higher power was involved. (Potsie, for certain, eventually did.) But for some
odd reason, during the raid, Arnold's survived without a cut or a scratch.
"I say we stand and withstand all of this callous brutality. I say we defend our town, our city,
our families, you name it! I say we meet this challenge to our happiness!"
The crownd cheered once more.
Potsie (his nickname coming from his talent of making clay things as a child) stood up.
"Richie's right! Why should we back down just because some jealous, cruel old lame-o is bullying us like
there's no tomorrow? We ought to protect our everything we hold dear, not just hop off to let it
be chewed up to death by a pack of wolves! I love Milwaukee too much just to leave it to the jaws of these cold-blooded,
black-hearted, blow-up-at-the-slightest-touch jackals and their spitting-in-your-eye, vain, stuck up little armpieces!"
The crowd cheered once more.
"Well, then let this day be the day we begin learning how, friends. Today, we read from the book of holy..."
Suddenly, from all sides of each window in the main chapel that *hadn't* been smashed, came dozens of pipe boms tied
together.
"...MOLY!"
Everybody ducked.
