To quote the guy at the end of the Clerks episodes: Thanks for watching! ;) And thanks for your great reviews.
*Karasuma*Firestorm*

R for language.

Disclaimer: no one mentioned belongs to me, I guarantee it.

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"So you're not a lesbian," Banky Edwards said.

Bethany shook her head. "For the millionth fucking time, no."

"So you don't have any amusing anecdotes about eating out some chick at your prom?" Banky pressed.

"Dude, Banky, she's not a lesbian. Give it up," Holden said. He was trying desperately to keep his temper, but Banky's insistence was driving him up the wall.

"Okay, okay, sorry."

"If you must know, I went to my prom with my boyfriend of five years," Bethany said good-naturedly, sipping her juice.

"Boyfriend, eh?" Banky said, at last targeting on something. "Did you two get a hotel room afterwards?"

"No, we didn't. We went back to *his* place and fucked. Why pay money?"

Banky grinned. "Makes sense to me. So when'd you get knocked up?"

"Who said I got knocked up?" Bethany demanded.

Banky jerked his thumb towards Holden. "He did."

"Thanks a lot," Bethany said, but she didn't seem terribly angry.

"Sorry," Holden said sheepishly.

"So, when?" Banky said.

"Last year, not that it's any of your business," Bethany said evenly, with a pleasant smile. She waved her glass in the air. "Can I get a refill?"

"My pleasure," Holden said. He raised his hand to signal the waitress and Banky waved his empty glass under Holden's nose. "Buddy? Top me off?"

"Do you have nothing better to do than pump me for cash?"

"What kind of person would I be if I didn't take full advantage of this free breakfast?" Banky countered.

"Kind, considerate, *normal*, perhaps?" Holden said, but he signaled for the waitress anyway.

"I'm going to run to the bathroom," Bethany said. "Hold tight."

The second Bethany was out of earshot, Banky commented, "I like her."

"Really?" Holden said, staring absently at the bathroom door she'd just gone through.

"Yeah, sure I do. She seems nice enough, not totally crazy, and not a man-hating dyke, to boot."

At last Holden faced his friend, on edge. "Alyssa was *not* a man-hating dyke, you son of a bitch. I told you to not fucking call her that ever."

Banky blinked, stunned. "I'm sensing some unresolved feelings towards your ex here," he drawled.

Holden's head dropped onto his arms. "Yeah, I think you're on target with that one."

He moaned into his shirt. "God, Bank, what am I supposed to do?"

Banky shrugged. "I'm seeing an obvious solution here. Talk to Alyssa."

"Obvious, perhaps, but not easy. The last time I saw her was roughly around the time Chasing Amy came out. That ended...vaguely. God," he said softly. "God, I'm fucked up."

"Look, just give Alyssa a call, and tell her exactly what's on your mind. You're happy for her now that she's moved on, right?"

"Yes...no..." Holden sighed deeply, glancing towards the bathroom door. "I'm happy she's happy...I just wish she was happy with me, I guess."

"You're unhappy without her?"

"I don't fucking know, okay!"

There was a moment of silence in which both men sat and stared at their hands. "So, how's Hooper?" Holden asked quietly. "I haven't heard from either of you in awhile."

"He's great," Banky answered, not quite meeting Holden's eyes. "Really, really great. He's probably the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Holden smiled. "I'm glad to hear it."

Banky stared at his hands again, and spoke so quietly Holden could barely hear it. "He's not you."

"Bank..."

Banky's face was quite red. "Your girlfriend's back," he said, and hurriedly jumped up so Bethany could get in the booth.

"I'm not his girlfriend, asshole," Bethany said, at the same time as Holden said, "she's not my girlfriend, you dumb fuck."

"Jesus, Holden, keep this one around. She's fucking perfect for you," Banky said with mild contempt. Whether it spawned from Bethany calling him an asshole or from she and Holden apparently being on the same wavelength, he couldn't be sure.

Then again, Banky Edwards was the object of a lot of hostility from a lot of people. A lot. So it was Holden's best guess that the latter option was what was pissing Banky off. He felt for the guy, he really did. He knew that his best friend had a lot of unresolved feelings towards the whole Alyssa situation.

Holden was uncertain about everything that happened, himself. He loved Banky, but not in the sense that Banky loved him, or he loved Alyssa. But Banky had always been his best friend, even with their split of late. After all, when he was scared about his latest 'relationship', who had he called? Banky. He only hoped Banky valued their friendship for what it was, not what he wanted it to be.

"So what did I miss?" Bethany asked.

"Oh, nothing of importance," Holden said with an easy smile. "Just guy talk."

~~~~~

Guy talk.

Banky sighed inadvertently. He hated the way Holden was smiling at Bethany. That lazy grin that Banky knew so well as Holden's 'move'. That easy smile that Holden reserved for someone special. Like Bethany. Like Alyssa. Like the last chick who had come before Alyssa. A someone special that would never be Banky Edwards.

He still remembered, in vivid, Technicolor detail, the night that Holden had proposed a 'solution' to all problems. He had lived for two years now with the bittersweet memory of their first and only kiss. Of coming to grips with his own homosexuality. Of getting rid of all his inhibitions and fears and agreeing to the three-way. And then the memory of finally, fatefully, walking away.

He'd walked away to come to comprehend the situation. It was that simple. But Holden clearly misinterpreted it for something else, because they hadn't spoken in awhile. Banky reflected that he could have rectified that, but frankly, he'd been piss-scared. Holden had been right for once in his life. Banky was in love with him. But Banky knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Holden would never feel the same way. They were everything to each other, and had been for years, but they'd never be lovers. They'd never be together. Certainly not in the way Banky wanted, maybe not in any way. He knew that, and he didn't want to jeopardize what shaky remains of their friendship that were left.

Banky was with Hooper now. It was no big secret. Well, it was to everyone *outside* of their tiny little inner circle. But everyone else knew Banky Edwards and Hooper LaMont were a tentative but willing item. Hooper helped bring out something in Banky that he himself had never seen. He understood that Banky was afraid of this new revelation of homosexuality, and didn't try to speed up the process to suit his own advantages. For this, Banky loved him. For a variety of other things, Banky loved him. But he would never be in love with him, and it was a fact, the one singular thing that kept his and Hooper's relationship from ever fully developing, that Banky still and quite possibly always would hold a torch for Holden McNeil.

And then...and then, when things were close to being really good for Banky, Holden had had a crisis of sorts. Feelings for a new girl. And when he needed sage advice, he'd called the one person he had always trusted. And while the current state of affairs was heart-wrenching for Banky, he couldn't deny the fact that he was happy (delighted, thrilled, overjoyed, ecstatic, was willing to buy huge stock in Roget's to express the endless bounds of his bliss...) Holden had bit the bullet and called.

However, that was before he'd discovered that Bethany was a great woman, not the skank bitch he'd been hoping --praying-- for. And before he'd discovered that Holden, whether the guy realized it yet or not, whether it would pan out or not (Banky suspected it wouldn't), Holden McNeil was totally, life-altering-ly into Bethany Sloane.

And there was shit Banky could do about it.