At last! Jay and Bob make a reappearance. To quote the guy at the end of the Clerks episodes: Thanks for watching! ;) And thanks for your great reviews.
*Karasuma*Firestorm*
R for language.
Disclaimer: no one mentioned belongs to me, I guarantee it.
~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~
Bethany, Banky, and Holden split ways after breakfast. The latter had some catching up to do, and the former, against her better judgment, wanted to see Jay and Silent Bob again. She estimated that they wouldn't show up at the high school until it let out that afternoon, so she headed straight to the Quick Stop.
Bethany wasn't even halfway through the parking lot when Jay screamed out, "Hey baby, you ever had your asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat?"
"Not in recent memory," she drawled, and stopped to lean up against the wall with them. "Hey."
"Yo, it's Bethany," Jay said, in case it wasn't obvious. "You wanna fuck?"
"I think I'll pass," she said. "Hey, Bob."
Silent Bob waved.
"So what is there to do in New Jersey?" she inquired. "I've been here almost an entire day and I haven't done that much."
"Except fuck Holden McNeil," Jay said distastefully. "Why would you fuck him and not me?"
"I didn't fuck him."
"You stayed at his place and the two of you didn't fuck?"
"We're not you, Jay," she retorted, and muttered under her breath, "Thank God."
Silent Bob smirked. Jay, who hadn't heard the latter part of the statement, prattled on with, "I *wish* Holden McNeil was me, at least then I'd get to fuck you."
"I didn't fuck him!" Bethany repeated.
"And why not? You want to."
"I do not."
"Fuck, Bethany, we all know you do." Behind him, Bob nodded for emphasis. "But can you at least fuck me first? Or fuck Justice while I watch? Or fuck me *and* Justice?"
"Who's Justice, again?"
"My girlfriend," Jay said, and looked very proud.
"How'd you manage to get a girlfriend?" Bethany marveled.
"Same way I got you," Jay said with a smirk and a shrug. "My charms."
"Yeah, I'm thinking that's not quite right," Bethany said, shaking her head. "You're one sick puppy, friend."
"That was what the fucking hooker said in Hollywood right before she walked off!" Jay said, looking quite irritated. Bethany gaped. Silent Bob rolled his eyes and put out his cigarette butt. "Does this mean you're breakin' up with me *again*?" Jay demanded. "Once wasn't enough? You gotta go breakin' a guy's heart two times around?" He paused. "Will you still pay rent?"
"Jay, for Christ's sake, I was never your girlfriend, and I'm not paying rent! Fuck, I don't even live with you!" Bethany said, sighed deeply, and leaned against the wall again. There was a long pause while Jay took a final drag. "Rufus is here," Bethany announced.
"Angel-be-good?" Jay enthused. "I miss that motherfucker! Where is he?" He pocketed his bag of weed and began to scan the parking lot.
"Not *here* here, you idiot. Here in Leonardo here. He's back at Holden's place, watching Golden Girls reruns."
"Fuck, man, does *everyone* want to fuck Holden McNeil? You, the brother in the borrowed threads, Banky motherfucking Edwards, Finger Cuffs..." Jay ticked them off on his fingers, getting increasingly annoyed with each name. "Fuck me if I ever go fag and settle for his funny-book-drawin' ass."
"The gay community appreciates your devotion to heterosexuality," Bethany responded dryly. "And for the record, Rufus isn't gay and most certainly isn't fucking Holden, and I can guarantee you, he doesn't want to. And for another thing, I-- Wait a minute. Banky's gay?"
"Fuck, you didn't know?" Jay said. "Lunchbox here gave Holden that stupid-ass Amy story, and Holden decided to have a three-way with Banky and Alyssa Jones, and Banky fucking said *yes*! I mean, fuck, he's *gotta* be gay, right? Especially since Finger Cuffs backed out--what the fuck is up with that? I mean, if you were a chick--"
"Last I checked, I was," Bethany said.
"--wouldn't you want to fuck two guys at once? I mean, she fuckin' did it before, that's how she came to be called Finger Cuffs. Get it? *Came*. Fuck, that's the shit," he said, and started laughing. Silent Bob smirked, but caught sight of Bethany's disgusted face, and punched Jay's arm as a cue to shut up.
"Yeah, Holden told me all about that," Bethany said. "He still really loves her, you can tell." She looked vaguely disappointed at this statement.
"Oh, don't shit yourself about it," Jay said, lighting another joint. "He may be a pansy-ass bitch, but he's still *mostly* into chicks." Jay stopped, and frowned. "Last I checked." He shrugged. "Anyway, he'll still fuck you."
"Do you ever let things die?" Bethany groaned. Silent Bob, over Jay's shoulder, indicated the negative. "Holden isn't interested in fucking me, and vice versa. So let it go already."
There was another long pause, as Jay smoked his weed and Bob smoked his cigarette and all three just stared aimlessly into space. Several customers went in and out of the Quick Stop. "I wonder whatever happened to Bartleby and Loki," Bethany mused.
"Those motherfuckers died, remember?" Jay said.
"Yeah, I know that. But did they get to Heaven after all? Or did they go to Hell? What *did* happen? Nothing?"
"Why don't you ask the brother?" Jay said, emitting a huge cloud of smoke as he spoke.
"Of course, why didn't I think of that?" Bethany said, slapping her forehead. "Making the score prophets, two. Go figure, you guys aren't totally brain-dead."
"Fuck yeahhh," Jay drawled.
Bethany pushed herself off the wall. "C'mon, let's go rescue Rufus from late-80's-early-90's situational comedies before his head explodes."
*Karasuma*Firestorm*
R for language.
Disclaimer: no one mentioned belongs to me, I guarantee it.
~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~
Bethany, Banky, and Holden split ways after breakfast. The latter had some catching up to do, and the former, against her better judgment, wanted to see Jay and Silent Bob again. She estimated that they wouldn't show up at the high school until it let out that afternoon, so she headed straight to the Quick Stop.
Bethany wasn't even halfway through the parking lot when Jay screamed out, "Hey baby, you ever had your asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat?"
"Not in recent memory," she drawled, and stopped to lean up against the wall with them. "Hey."
"Yo, it's Bethany," Jay said, in case it wasn't obvious. "You wanna fuck?"
"I think I'll pass," she said. "Hey, Bob."
Silent Bob waved.
"So what is there to do in New Jersey?" she inquired. "I've been here almost an entire day and I haven't done that much."
"Except fuck Holden McNeil," Jay said distastefully. "Why would you fuck him and not me?"
"I didn't fuck him."
"You stayed at his place and the two of you didn't fuck?"
"We're not you, Jay," she retorted, and muttered under her breath, "Thank God."
Silent Bob smirked. Jay, who hadn't heard the latter part of the statement, prattled on with, "I *wish* Holden McNeil was me, at least then I'd get to fuck you."
"I didn't fuck him!" Bethany repeated.
"And why not? You want to."
"I do not."
"Fuck, Bethany, we all know you do." Behind him, Bob nodded for emphasis. "But can you at least fuck me first? Or fuck Justice while I watch? Or fuck me *and* Justice?"
"Who's Justice, again?"
"My girlfriend," Jay said, and looked very proud.
"How'd you manage to get a girlfriend?" Bethany marveled.
"Same way I got you," Jay said with a smirk and a shrug. "My charms."
"Yeah, I'm thinking that's not quite right," Bethany said, shaking her head. "You're one sick puppy, friend."
"That was what the fucking hooker said in Hollywood right before she walked off!" Jay said, looking quite irritated. Bethany gaped. Silent Bob rolled his eyes and put out his cigarette butt. "Does this mean you're breakin' up with me *again*?" Jay demanded. "Once wasn't enough? You gotta go breakin' a guy's heart two times around?" He paused. "Will you still pay rent?"
"Jay, for Christ's sake, I was never your girlfriend, and I'm not paying rent! Fuck, I don't even live with you!" Bethany said, sighed deeply, and leaned against the wall again. There was a long pause while Jay took a final drag. "Rufus is here," Bethany announced.
"Angel-be-good?" Jay enthused. "I miss that motherfucker! Where is he?" He pocketed his bag of weed and began to scan the parking lot.
"Not *here* here, you idiot. Here in Leonardo here. He's back at Holden's place, watching Golden Girls reruns."
"Fuck, man, does *everyone* want to fuck Holden McNeil? You, the brother in the borrowed threads, Banky motherfucking Edwards, Finger Cuffs..." Jay ticked them off on his fingers, getting increasingly annoyed with each name. "Fuck me if I ever go fag and settle for his funny-book-drawin' ass."
"The gay community appreciates your devotion to heterosexuality," Bethany responded dryly. "And for the record, Rufus isn't gay and most certainly isn't fucking Holden, and I can guarantee you, he doesn't want to. And for another thing, I-- Wait a minute. Banky's gay?"
"Fuck, you didn't know?" Jay said. "Lunchbox here gave Holden that stupid-ass Amy story, and Holden decided to have a three-way with Banky and Alyssa Jones, and Banky fucking said *yes*! I mean, fuck, he's *gotta* be gay, right? Especially since Finger Cuffs backed out--what the fuck is up with that? I mean, if you were a chick--"
"Last I checked, I was," Bethany said.
"--wouldn't you want to fuck two guys at once? I mean, she fuckin' did it before, that's how she came to be called Finger Cuffs. Get it? *Came*. Fuck, that's the shit," he said, and started laughing. Silent Bob smirked, but caught sight of Bethany's disgusted face, and punched Jay's arm as a cue to shut up.
"Yeah, Holden told me all about that," Bethany said. "He still really loves her, you can tell." She looked vaguely disappointed at this statement.
"Oh, don't shit yourself about it," Jay said, lighting another joint. "He may be a pansy-ass bitch, but he's still *mostly* into chicks." Jay stopped, and frowned. "Last I checked." He shrugged. "Anyway, he'll still fuck you."
"Do you ever let things die?" Bethany groaned. Silent Bob, over Jay's shoulder, indicated the negative. "Holden isn't interested in fucking me, and vice versa. So let it go already."
There was another long pause, as Jay smoked his weed and Bob smoked his cigarette and all three just stared aimlessly into space. Several customers went in and out of the Quick Stop. "I wonder whatever happened to Bartleby and Loki," Bethany mused.
"Those motherfuckers died, remember?" Jay said.
"Yeah, I know that. But did they get to Heaven after all? Or did they go to Hell? What *did* happen? Nothing?"
"Why don't you ask the brother?" Jay said, emitting a huge cloud of smoke as he spoke.
"Of course, why didn't I think of that?" Bethany said, slapping her forehead. "Making the score prophets, two. Go figure, you guys aren't totally brain-dead."
"Fuck yeahhh," Jay drawled.
Bethany pushed herself off the wall. "C'mon, let's go rescue Rufus from late-80's-early-90's situational comedies before his head explodes."
