Damn, I wish I was your lover

By RaVen0us

----

Part five: More than words

Irvine sat at his workbench with the parts laid out in front of him. He carefully wiped each piece with a lightly oiled rag. His quarter was like a bake oven with the doors and windows closed, and he is sweating his brains out. But the nice summer wind blowing outside was loaded with gritty dust that was no friend to the custom parts for his Saix. As soon as he got the parts put together, he planned to go out back and pump water over himself. For now, he only paused to drag his arm across his forehead.

He could do this job in his sleep, he knew it so well, and despite his best efforts, his thoughts began to wander. If he listened carefully, he could hear male voices talking, although he can't tell whose, at the other building in front of his quarters.

It had been a damn fool thing to do, going over there like that this morning. The bolts and screws had just been an excuse. But he couldn't stop himself. He felt drawn to the ware house, just as he'd felt compelled to go in search of one man last Saturday night. That one man had turned out to be Karl.

He adjusted his magnifier, looking at one gadget he had to tighten up. What was it about Karl Schubaltz that fascinated him? Why couldn't he get him out of his mind? The colonel haunted his thoughts and plagued his sleep. Maybe it was the way one corner of his smile pulled up a tiny bit higher than the other. Or it might be his wide eyes that peeked out from his cap, the way they changed from luminescent jade to deep emerald and back to jade again. Plus he had a brain to go along with his looks. But more than anything else, he sensed that beneath his starch and impassive expression beat the yearning heart of a passionate man. A man who would make one hell of a companion once you get to know a lot better.

It really didn't matter what kind of person he was, did it? Karl would be quitting the imperial force for good and he'll moved out the military base with all his things and live a whole new life with Leon, then he'd be gone, that would be the end of it.

When the gadget was finally assembled the way he liked it, Irvine put it away and exhaled a relieved sigh. Sweat ran down the column of his spine in an itchy trickle and crept over his scalp. He threw the oily rag on the worktable and headed to the back door, pulling off his shirt as he went.

----

Karl gripped the basket in one hand and paused in front of the closed door of Irvine's place to brush off his uniform. The hot dry wind blowing in from the high desert in the southeast coated everything with grit. He was not a timid person, neither was he particularly daring. But he was about to do a daring thing.

/A right turn instead of a left---and our fates are changed/

His conscience nagged like a toothache. He shouldn't be there. Nope soldier, he should have turned left and gone directly to Leon's place and give HIM the cookies. But the blue-haired man has also his share of baked treats from Moon bay from time to time, so he wouldn't miss these.

Irvine had lived and worked here for a year, paying his rent every month, as regular as a clock. Karl was just being neighborly, nothing more. And as his brother had sensibly noted, there was no such thing as magic. Although the brooch still hung from his breast pocket near his shoulder, Karl felt that Thomas' observations freed him from Dr. Dee's poppycock. He chose to disregard the fact that he hadn't cared one whit about anything concerning Irvine before now.

He took a deep breath and turned the doorknob. He'd just say hello, drop off the cookies and leave. That's all.

But when Karl pushed open the door, he found the shop empty. It was hot as blazes, and all the windows were closed. He looked around the table and at the cot filled with parts and other devices and tool kits. The glass fronted cabinets housed rifles and shotguns, their barrels gleaming blue- gray, and at one side near his bed lamp, pistols lay on a bed of green felt. They were arranged in order of size, from derringers up to the big navy colt. Behind the counter, boxes of ammunition were stacked neatly on the shelves. The faint smell of metal and gun oil drifted in the air.

With no woman to clean up after him, he'd expected Irvine's place to be disorderly hodgepodge of spare parts and unswept floors with drawers pulled open and cabinet doors gaping.

"Irvine?" he said quietly. He looked up the stairs. He knew Irvine has another room up there. There certainly were no cooking facilities, but he heard that he ate most of his meals at the private cafeteria were other soldiers also ate. "Hello?" All Karl heard was the sound of the walls ticking under the hot sun.

He wasn't here and after he worked up his guts to come over. Disappointed, he shifted the sweat damped handle of the basket to his other hand, trying to decide what to do next.

Suddenly he heard the faint 'bump-bump-bump' of the pump handle coming from behind the building. He walked through the quarters and found the back door open.

Just a few feet away, Irvine's bent to wet his head under the pump spout while water cascaded over his head and straight, bare back. His slacks were wet from waist to knees.

"Hello? Irvine---"

Hearing his voice, he snapped upright. The water streamed down his naked upper torso.

"Oh, hi Karl." He said, raking his hair off his forehead. Sparkling droplets clung to his lashes, spiking them, and making his eyes look grayer than Karl remembered. He was so handsome standing in the sun with water dripping off his body and his spiky hair slicked back.

Karl indicated the basket. He was having trouble finding his voice. "I brought you some molasses cookies."

"Really? Did you make them?" He sounded like he is teasing him good- naturedly.

"No, actually Moonbay did---she sent a basket for me and Thomas in the head quarters but I---" Wickedly fascinated, he let his eyes follow the lazy course of the dripping water over his muscled tanned chest, and they continued down his flat stomach, far below the waist band of his slacks where the top two buttons were open. A sharp line ended his tan. Beneath the border, his skin was as pale as his. Karl sucked in a breath---

Seeing the path of his stare, he glanced down. "Sorry. I wasn't expecting company." He turned around and buttoned his pants, giving him a view of his well-formed shoulders and slender waist. Facing Karl again, Irvine gestured at the pump. "I was working, it got hot."

"Yes," the colonel agreed, swallowing, "it is warm, isn't it." At that moment, all Karl could remember was Irvine's comment that wet slacks weren't so uncomfortable without underwear. He felt himself being pulled to him, like a weak swimmer caught in a strong current, and knew he had to get away.

Staring at the horizon over his shoulder, Karl tried to make his exit. "Anyway, we can't finish them all and I thought you might like them." He held them out to him. "I really have to be getting back to my headquarters."

Irvine took the basket and set it on the bench, his eyes fixed on him.

"Karl."

He looked up into his face again. Everything he'd ever noticed about him--- the bone and muscle of him, his smile, the color of his eyes, his VERY maleness----everything that he'd once considered to be too extreme he suddenly found powerfully, dangerously attractive. He couldn't understand why he hadn't noticed it before, or why he was aware of it now. Now he knows why Thomas is so infatuated with him.

Oh, God, how had this happened to him too? He didn't want to turn to be as feckless and prattling like his brother who sighed after Irvine.

"I don't think it's proper for you to address me so informally." He could hear his own voice shaking, stealing whatever conviction his words may have held.

"I've never worried much about what's proper and what isn't. Only what's right." He took his wrists in a light grip and leaned close.

"They're the same thing," Karl said a bit breathlessly, trying not to give away his nervousness. He could feel heat pouring off Irvine in waves.

"Not always," he murmured next to his ear. Just the sound of his voice made Karl's eyes drift closed. "Thank you for the cookies." Then he pressed a soft, whispery kiss high on his cheek. The colonel felt the wet hair drip on his shoulder; he smelled the water on his skin, and his clean scent. He was warm and cool at the same time. This was wrong, he told himself, all wrong. He'd never behaved like this in his life.

Irvine released one wrist, and reluctantly, Karl opened his eyes. The darker man's expression was serious and expectant, as though he waited for a response from him. Or was it some kind of permission he sought? Behind his handsome face, he thought he detected certain sadness, a burden he carried alone. No, he couldn't see anything, Karl reminded himself. The temptation to linger was strong, but if he didn't go now, he knew he might do something that would shame Leon's and Thomas trust.

He pulled one gloved hand free and backed away. "H-hope you like the cookies," he babbled, and strode hastily through the open back door of the warehouse few feet away, hoping he wouldn't see anyone in the stock room. There he huddled in a dim corner staring at the dozen of boxes of the useless gadgets and gewgaws that Thomas placed as orders from the previous shipment. He stayed there staring at them until his heart stopped thundering and wait for the scarlet color to fade from his cheeks until finally regaining his stoical composure.

----

For the next couple of days, Karl avoided Irvine. He made certain he didn't walk past his quarters, but went around the building instead. He stayed away from the store room door whenever he might be out in the back. And he made a deliberate effort to concentrate on his duties, for the remaining weeks before his resignation as an imperial officer.

But he couldn't stop thinking about him. He never should have gone there; he blamed himself again and again. Sometimes, when things were especially quiet around his head quarters, he might hear him talking over with Thomas by the hangar. He remembered the tender feel of his mouth on his cheek when he kissed him and his gentle grip on his wrists. Of course, that led him to thinking about the way he looked, staring at him with owl gray eyes, his wet hair creating streams that ran down his chest and past the open buttons on his pants.

What Karl couldn't get off his mind was Thomas dire lack of military ethics and his lack of aptitude to deal with the managing the imperial military's budget and cargo merchandising. It kept the colonel awake nights. At least it did when he wasn't thinking about Irvine. All of this went a long way toward making Karl short-tempered and irritable, a decided change in a man who generally kept his feelings for himself.

Desperate to make up from his wanton, disloyal dreams and thoughts, Karl sought to spend more time outside from his headquarters, and visiting the young couple who will be staying around for awhile, Lt. Van Flyheight and Fiona. He tried to be happy for them, and shuddered at the thought of life of marital bliss. He witnessed Fiona's unusual craving habits and her occasional uncontrollable flatulence. He saw how Van fumbled at her over, and deals with her occasional mood swings. Karl kept to himself, silently keeping a mental note how lucky he would be if he lives with Leon. Since none of them will HAVE to go through with all that trouble---that is if Leon is planning they'll adopt a child. The rest of the colonel's week was occupied with seeing the preparations and organizing technical matters before he finally retire, and dropping by to Leon's place if he find time.

The blue haired man stopped by late one quiet afternoon when the imperial colonel was going over the accounts and documents with Thomas, explaining him for the third time the policy of extending credit.

"But if people can't pay, why do we let them buy things from us?" Thomas asked, his smooth forehead creased with effort. He sat in front of Karl's desk, the ledger book open between the two of them.

With the patience acquired from years being an officer, Karl pointed to a name in the book. He believes that Thomas has a strong potential when it comes to technical matters, but he also recently finds out that the lieutenant only knows things well if it only pertains to his own interest. Just as he was to stiffly remind him all over again about the break down, Leon walked in.

"How are the two brothers this afternoon?" he exclaimed, rubbing his hands with glee. His dark colored clothes were as dusty as a cowboy's, but that didn't detract his mysterious aura. He seemed positively delighted, as though he harbored some wonderful secret. Karl never seen him so animated. His good spirits were contagious.

"Leon, it's nice for you to stop by." Maybe Leon will be able to distract him from thoughts of Irvine. "It seems ages since you've dropped by with us for supper, won't you drop by tonight?" Karl asked, hoping that he'd accept.

Thomas perked up immediately, closing the ledger book with a thud. "If Leon is going to have supper with us, I won't be able to spend any more time helping you with this, Karl. The place is pretty shabby and none of us have gone to the groceries as well, what with going over these accounts and all."

Karl's green eyes narrowed, he have been in the duty long enough to recognize a bored, inattentive subordinate.

"Never mind about any of that," Leon said, nearly bursting with excitement. "We'll have a lot of time together, years and years. But right now, I want to show both of you---it's the emperor's give away present. I can't believe it myself---come out and see it."

"The emperor? That's thrilling, bro!" Thomas exclaimed, jumping up from his seat in a swish and quickly straightening out his uniform.

"Well---alright." Karl replied, tired in reminding Thomas about his formalities the umpteenth time, and with his buoyancy deflated, he put aside his pen and rose from his chair.

They followed Leon out to look at the object of his enthusiasm and found, a very brand new whale king. Its deep red steel form shone like crimson pearl and it bears the empire's insignia. Karl gaped as he watched the big carrier zoid being towed to its place. While on the other side of the base, a group of soldiers watched with great interest.

Karl sent a dubious look to Thomas, but his brother was busy examining the whale king with a fascination that illuminated his pretty features.

"You and Leon will really have an adventure," he rhapsodized. "Think of all the wonderful new things you'll see."

Obviously, they both saw some merit in the carrier zoid that Karl did not. When he look at Leon, he noticed that the door in Irvine's place was open. He sat near his work table, assembling a rifle. As if knowing precisely the right moment, he looked up just long enough for their eyes to connect before he went back to his task.

"A whale king, for personal use from his majesty." Leon announced proudly, running a hand over one side of the zoid. "It isn't a new one, but it's sturdy and I'm sure it can be re-modeled. I'm still looking for something that can upgrade it. At that rate, we could only bring important things so I'm afraid we'll have to leave that old desk of yours here. But I know you wouldn't mind, Karl."

It was an assumption, not a question. And Karl looked at the zoid again, "I supposed that's true." He said, trying to keep the dismay out of his voice. He counted on taking his office desk; it would be a way he could carry a part of being once able to serve the imperial force with him to his new home. Of course, Leon knew the best. There are a lot of things they have to bring in the journey that were important. It was just that desk had meant so much to him.

Pausing long enough to detect his distress, Leon made a passing attempt to cheer him. He patted his shoulder and said soothingly, "Now, Karl. It will be alright. Once we're out of here, you'll have so much time enjoying yourself; there won't be a time to miss that desk. And maybe in three or four years, we can visit at the imperial base and get it."

"Leon's right." Thomas put in. "You don't need that old desk. You have a wonderful new life. And I'll take care of it for you in the meantime. It will be sitting right here waiting for you."

Three or four years. He glances back at the headquarters' front and a funny little shiver whipped through him. IF his office was still here in three or four years.

"I see you're still wearing that brooch." Leon said with a smile, but a slightly disapproving tone. Karl automatically reached for it and covered it with his palm. "I didn't think you'd really mind."

Leon shrugged, and then gave Karl a quick, dry peck on the cheek. "Just so you take it off before we leave." He bid them goodbye, and walked off to ride in a zoid of his own, leaving Karl and Thomas in a haze of dust.

As soon as he was gone, Thomas turned and said brightly, "I'm going to run along now, since you don't need me anymore today."

"Lieutenant----" Karl began to protest, then thought better of it. There was no point in trying to make Thomas stay any longer in his headquarters this afternoon. "---that would be fine, I will be probably be late. I need to finish some things."

"All right. We'll keep the supper warm for you." He turned to leave. "Irvine! How nice to see you again!"

Karl glanced over his shoulder and saw Irvine leaning against the doorjamb. He stood with his arms over his chest, and his ankles crossed. His shoulder strap is un-latched, revealing more of his long muscled-forearms.

"Officers," he acknowledged.

"We weren't able to persuade Leon to join us for supper this evening." The blonde lieutenant blushed lightly, making Karl roll up his eyes. "Perhaps you might favor us?"

The last statement made the colonel shot a quick, horrified look at Thomas, who was giving Irvine his most becoming smile.

"That's very kind of you, Thomas, but I have something I need to attend to," he said, and Karl recognized the tone an adult would use with a child.

Obviously disappointed, Thomas bid them goodbye, letting his gaze linger on Irvine.

Feeling suddenly lonely, Karl shaded his eyes with his hand and watched his brother cross the path. Thomas waved at one of the small group of soldiers near by the next hangar and one of them said something to him. Karl couldn't hear what, but Thomas' clear, carefree laughter floated back to him.

With a tired sigh, the colonel turned to go back into his headquarters and pulled up short when he saw Irvine still standing in front of his own doorway. He was watching Thomas, too, with a speculative expression. Then he focused on him.

He nodded in the direction that Leon had taken, where the whale king was left. "That was quite a present the emperor has given for the both of you."

Karl shrugged. "It's not really a present. It's more of a going-away award." Irvine raised his brows at him, making Karl think about what he'd said. "I mean a going-away offering after years of loyal service to His Majesty's crown."

"And you can have everything in it except your desk." He considered him with those clear gray eyes. The breeze lifted one dark streak of his hair and blew it across his face.

The colonel's ears grew warm, realizing Irvine heard the entire conversation. "Leon was right of course, the desk isn't important. After all it is still the mill---"

"I think it's important to you."

Irvine remained where he stood; leaning against the door frame, and once again Karl had the feeling of being drawn to him. How seldom anyone thought of what might be important to him. This man did, and he was little more than a stranger. He studied the few feet of space that separated them, and imagining crossing it to feel his hands on his again.

When Karl glanced up, Irvine wore the same expression he'd seen the last time they talked, the day he brought the cookies for him. Like he was waiting for him to say something, do something. What, he couldn't imagine, but he didn't dare think about it. His thoughts were already scandalous enough.

"Good afternoon, Irvine." He said, edging toward his own door.

"Karl." He said softly,

The colonel inhaled deeply and forced his eyes away from his. "You forgot who you are addressing, Irvine---I--"

With that, Karl hastily hurried inside.