Damn, I wish I was your lover
By RaVen0us
Author's note: I'm getting comments lately about mistakes, typos and grammar tenses, and I appreciate and grateful for the suggestions. But it so happens I'm too busy to proof read it, and I'm usually impatient if I let other's proof read my work. And there is no such thing as a perfect work-or even if I have it proofed, one way or another someone is going to find a mistake. I just have a lot of important paper works to deal with my upcoming school year, so I'll try my best on what I can come up with for now, but time is not on my side to fix them. Sorry.
This chapter contains some revelations :: Grooves at Marvin Gaye's 'Lets get it on.' ::
----
Part six: Untold past
For the rest of the afternoon, the ashen blonde colonel moved around in a distracted fog, going through the motions of his work, but with his mind on Irvine. When a set of red horns were contracted to be transferred via a hover cargo, Karl sent a couple of Gustavs instead. When the contractor asked for the breakdown for the stocked supplies, he accidentally switched it with his secretary's grocery list. He thought the day would never end.
When six o'clock finally came, it was with a sense of relief that Karl starts cleaned his private desk and drew the shades of his office windows. The shade pull was still in his hand when he heard a voice behind him.
"Hello."
He whirled to find Irvine standing in the doorway between his office and his secretary's reception area. He carried a big napkin-covered tray. The tanned pilot smiled and nodded at the tray. "I had the private cafeteria put supper together for us. I thought you might be hungry."
"Us?" Karl said, "Surely you didn't mention my name."
Irvine gave him a steady look. "No. I told the cook I was having supper with a friend. Is that true?"
The colonel glanced around his office---for what? Someone to rescue him from the temptation to share a meal with this man? Or for some reason to say yes? Karl was finding it more and more difficult to maintain a sensible perspective about him, and Irvine wasn't making the job any easier.
"I appreciate the thought, Irvine. But I have a lot of work---"
"Come on, Karl, I brought dishes and everything," he coaxed. He put the tray on the desk and pulled off the blue-checked cloth. "Hmmm---let's see, the cook gave me a pot of stew, and fresh bread and butter." He looked up at Karl again. "It smells good."
Karl dropped the shade pull and came closer, wary but curious. Yes it did smell good, and he hadn't eaten much since breakfast.
"If you say so." He relented, pulling off the cap from his head, exposing the crown of his blonde hair. "There's a chair behind you next to the desk. We can eat it here."
They spread the dishes between them on his desk. Irvine ladled the stew while he sliced the bread. The scents of the stew and warm bread brought back the colonel's appetite.
"I have something that will go with this," he said, reaching for a jar of blueberry jam under his desk and receiving an amusing glance from Irvine. "I carry this if I'm too busy to eat outside." The colonel explained with a distinct frown. With that he spread the jam on the buttered bread and took a large bite. It was the most delicious thing he'd ever tasted; suddenly his taste buds were awakened. In fact, all of his senses seemed particularly keen. He could hear the wall clock ticking softly near his office door. The color of the jam was beautifully vivid. The glass jar in his hand felt cool and smooth.
Irvine looked up from his stew and chuckled. "See? You ARE hungry." Reaching for his napkin, he wiped Karl's upper lip. "You've got blueberry on your face."
The colonel laughed softly and picked up his own napkin. It was nice to have someone fuss over him. Irvine had a light, caring side that he hadn't expected.
"It's good to hear you laugh," he remarked, using his knife to spread butter and blueberries on his own bread. "I've gotten the feeling that it's not something you do very often."
The observation did not surprise Karl. "I'm not a giggler, if that's what you mean. Now, Thomas----he's a giggler. His laugh is really contagious and it sounds like music. At least that's what our parents used to say. I guess I've always tended to be more serious."
Irvine hooked one boot heel on the rung of the chair and munched his bread. "Even when you were growing up?"
Karl nodded. "I'm five years older than Thomas, so I was expected to behave correctly and set a good example for him. He was so sensitive and unusually precocious for his age, so everyone naturally felt protective of him."
"I guess that must have been hard for you sometimes." He speared a cube of beef with his fork. "He's not smarter than you."
No one ever told him that before! Karl knew that Irvine has taken a liking for his younger brother, but now he is comparing both of them. Wondering why he said such a thing, his gaze fell to those piercing gray eyes. "No, Thomas is much talented than I am. And I'm his brother---I only did what was proper."
Irvine groaned impatiently. "Damn, there's that word again. You mean it was proper to sacrifice your happiness for him?"
"I haven't done that!" He bit defensively, "Why look at my situation, for example. I'd expect Thomas to be settled with children of his own long ago. I didn't think that anyone would ever ask----well, I didn't know if I'd decide to get married. But when I learned how I felt for Leon is more than friendship, and we are going to leave this city, even though----" He caught himself, but not in time.
Irvine watched him, apparently waiting for him to finish the sentence. When the colonel didn't, he gently prompted him. "Even though?"
"Even though I'll miss this old place." Karl admitted. "I practically grew to like working in here. And Thomas, he's not suited to this life. I suppose I'm worried."
"Things could change. You never know what's around the next corner. Maybe Leon will decide that he doesn't want to go and leave this city." He popped a piece of bread crust into his mouth and looked him straight in the eyes. "Or maybe you'll change your mind."
"No, certainly I won't. What about you---"
"Me? I wouldn't want to go out there either. I like it here."
"No, I mean haven't you ever had to do something you didn't really want to because it was the proper thing?"
Irvine let his eyes drop from Karl's to the brooch on the uniform. He could have sworn the damned thing was glowing slightly, as though a flame burned within it. He stared at it, transfixed, and without warning his memory carried him back several years ago to a rainy night when his life changed. When he glanced up again at the colonel's open waiting expression, he felt a compelling urge to tell him about that night. He couldn't imagine why; he'd never talked about it with anyone. Not even Fiona or Van Flyheight. He knew he had to tell Karl, that he'd understand.
He laid his napkin down next to his plate and leaned closer to him. "I know all about doing the proper thing. It was a lesson I learned when I was a ranger near the wind colony."
"You were a RANGER?"
He almost laughed at the surprise in his wide green eyes, "For three years. The pay wasn't great, but it was enough for a man to get married on. I was going to settle down with Sarah, make a nice little life with her. She didn't like my job for a while, the war was still ongoing, with shootings and rebel groups here and there to make it all worse." He shrugged. "Although I think what happened to me could have happened anywhere. But for all the fights I jumped into, and rebels that I arrested, I killed only one man." He expected a reaction from the colonel, but he sat, just listening, hardly breathing. Irvine went on.
"Sarah had a brother, and Matthew was a mean, rotten kid on any day. Full of whiskey, he was no better than the devil himself. One night, a bar boy came running to my place to say his boss wanted me to come and get Matt. He was drunk and waving his gun around, threatening costumers. Bad for business, he said." He put his fork and knife across his plate. "Well, I got to the bar, and yeah, there was Matt, acting like a jackass, spoiling for a fight. Drunk as he was, he was still fast. Matt is either going to kill me, or I was going to kill him and save myself. I saved myself. I tried explaining it to Sarah, but she didn't see it that way. She said I didn't do the 'proper' thing, and called me a murderer."
"But surely she didn't expect you to let her brother kill you."
Irvine leaned his back against the wall and considered Karl's eyes. They were emerald tonight. When he spoke, his words were quiet. "I've had more than five years to think about it and to this day, I'm not certain she didn't. So that's why I think that what's proper and what's proper and what's right don't often cross paths."
The colonel nodded, "And then you became a bandit."
"Eventually. I sure couldn't be a lawman anymore. A lawman ends up drawing his revolver now and then. It's part of the job. After I shot Matt, I'd freeze every time I had to pull that gun. I was lucky I didn't get killed, too. So I quit. Money comes fast if you live in the fast lane, but I tried my hand at a lot of different lines of work afterwards."
Karl studied him, his head tilted as though measuring him as a man. "I don't think you're a killer," he pronounced finally. The colonel's words were unaccountable comforting. Irvine didn't know why; they hardly knew each other. But he guessed him as much as he needed to.
Smiling at him, he replied, "Well, I'll tell you one thing. I could have shot at that damned organoid of the doctor's without a twinge."
----
"Irvine." The colonel whispered. His voice was so fluttery next to Irvine's ear that it gave the pilot the goose bumps.
In this green meadow they were alone, the only two people in the world. His luminous green jade eyes, fringed with dark lashes, pierced his soul with their innocent passion. He tightened his arm around his waist and kissed him again. The inside of Karl's mouth was slick and warm where his tongue grazed it. The feel of his hard on pressing against his leg started a fire in his blood that burned hotter each passing second, fanned by the scent of lavender and softness of his hair.
He pulled away from the tempting mouth and pressed kisses to the colonel's throat, while his hand moved to his crotch area. As he stroked him, Karl gasped, and Irvine knew he was surprised and aroused. The buttons on the front of his deep violet uniform opened almost magically, under Irvine's fingers. Beneath the thin fabric of the colonel's white undershirt, he slowly reached his hands underneath its smooth planes. Karl's eyes drifted closed, and he leaned to those arms.
"Karl." He groaned.
"Yes, Irvine-----yes."
The ripe promise in his low-throated words as all he needed to hear. He laid him on the soft bed of new grass, the oak branches overhead rustled in the light breeze. Lying beside him and propped on his elbow, Irvine lifted Karl's hand and removed the white glove covering it and pressed his mouth to kiss his fingers. Then he opened his hand and pressed another kiss into his smooth palm. Karl drew Irvine's head to his unzipped pants.
A full-grown man used to formalities and yet he lay there, sweetly naïve. What an irresistible combination. He knew that no other person had touched him. He was his alone. And he needed him now.
"Ich liebe dich---I love you."
Irvine rolled over his hot, tangled bedding, but he didn't find sleep again till an hour before dawn.
"I love you, Karl. Ich liebe dich--"
Karl stood near his window, looking at the dark yard below. The words keep playing in his mind, again and again. Behind him, his bed was uncomfortable jumble of twisted sheets. A soft wind lifted his white curtains, and a half- moon slipped down the western side of the night sky.
This was torture. At night he couldn't put his head on his pillow without seeing Irvine walk across the landscape of his sleep. And every dream was more brazen than the last. Tonight, he allowed him to unbutton his uniform and unzip his pants; and to put his bare hand on his bare skin---and allowed the hot wet mouth on his quivering----- ALLOWED him? No, he encouraged him. And it had felt wonderful.
In that meadow he'd never seen anywhere but in these dreams, he'd call his name. He spoke it next to his ear, so softly that his breath had ruffled his ashen blonde locks and given him goose bumps. The desire in his eyes was unmistakable. Karl gripped the pane of his window. And worse, oh god, worst of all, when he'd lifted his left hand to remove his white glove to kiss his palm, he'd seen a flash of gold on his ring finger. He'd actually dreamt being engaged to Leon, and making love with Irvine.
Damn that Doctor Dee, Karl thought harshly. And damn that purple organoid Esmeralda, too. He'd been content and happy before they walked into the stock room. He knew what his future would be. Now everything had changed.
|continued---almost getting there|
By RaVen0us
Author's note: I'm getting comments lately about mistakes, typos and grammar tenses, and I appreciate and grateful for the suggestions. But it so happens I'm too busy to proof read it, and I'm usually impatient if I let other's proof read my work. And there is no such thing as a perfect work-or even if I have it proofed, one way or another someone is going to find a mistake. I just have a lot of important paper works to deal with my upcoming school year, so I'll try my best on what I can come up with for now, but time is not on my side to fix them. Sorry.
This chapter contains some revelations :: Grooves at Marvin Gaye's 'Lets get it on.' ::
----
Part six: Untold past
For the rest of the afternoon, the ashen blonde colonel moved around in a distracted fog, going through the motions of his work, but with his mind on Irvine. When a set of red horns were contracted to be transferred via a hover cargo, Karl sent a couple of Gustavs instead. When the contractor asked for the breakdown for the stocked supplies, he accidentally switched it with his secretary's grocery list. He thought the day would never end.
When six o'clock finally came, it was with a sense of relief that Karl starts cleaned his private desk and drew the shades of his office windows. The shade pull was still in his hand when he heard a voice behind him.
"Hello."
He whirled to find Irvine standing in the doorway between his office and his secretary's reception area. He carried a big napkin-covered tray. The tanned pilot smiled and nodded at the tray. "I had the private cafeteria put supper together for us. I thought you might be hungry."
"Us?" Karl said, "Surely you didn't mention my name."
Irvine gave him a steady look. "No. I told the cook I was having supper with a friend. Is that true?"
The colonel glanced around his office---for what? Someone to rescue him from the temptation to share a meal with this man? Or for some reason to say yes? Karl was finding it more and more difficult to maintain a sensible perspective about him, and Irvine wasn't making the job any easier.
"I appreciate the thought, Irvine. But I have a lot of work---"
"Come on, Karl, I brought dishes and everything," he coaxed. He put the tray on the desk and pulled off the blue-checked cloth. "Hmmm---let's see, the cook gave me a pot of stew, and fresh bread and butter." He looked up at Karl again. "It smells good."
Karl dropped the shade pull and came closer, wary but curious. Yes it did smell good, and he hadn't eaten much since breakfast.
"If you say so." He relented, pulling off the cap from his head, exposing the crown of his blonde hair. "There's a chair behind you next to the desk. We can eat it here."
They spread the dishes between them on his desk. Irvine ladled the stew while he sliced the bread. The scents of the stew and warm bread brought back the colonel's appetite.
"I have something that will go with this," he said, reaching for a jar of blueberry jam under his desk and receiving an amusing glance from Irvine. "I carry this if I'm too busy to eat outside." The colonel explained with a distinct frown. With that he spread the jam on the buttered bread and took a large bite. It was the most delicious thing he'd ever tasted; suddenly his taste buds were awakened. In fact, all of his senses seemed particularly keen. He could hear the wall clock ticking softly near his office door. The color of the jam was beautifully vivid. The glass jar in his hand felt cool and smooth.
Irvine looked up from his stew and chuckled. "See? You ARE hungry." Reaching for his napkin, he wiped Karl's upper lip. "You've got blueberry on your face."
The colonel laughed softly and picked up his own napkin. It was nice to have someone fuss over him. Irvine had a light, caring side that he hadn't expected.
"It's good to hear you laugh," he remarked, using his knife to spread butter and blueberries on his own bread. "I've gotten the feeling that it's not something you do very often."
The observation did not surprise Karl. "I'm not a giggler, if that's what you mean. Now, Thomas----he's a giggler. His laugh is really contagious and it sounds like music. At least that's what our parents used to say. I guess I've always tended to be more serious."
Irvine hooked one boot heel on the rung of the chair and munched his bread. "Even when you were growing up?"
Karl nodded. "I'm five years older than Thomas, so I was expected to behave correctly and set a good example for him. He was so sensitive and unusually precocious for his age, so everyone naturally felt protective of him."
"I guess that must have been hard for you sometimes." He speared a cube of beef with his fork. "He's not smarter than you."
No one ever told him that before! Karl knew that Irvine has taken a liking for his younger brother, but now he is comparing both of them. Wondering why he said such a thing, his gaze fell to those piercing gray eyes. "No, Thomas is much talented than I am. And I'm his brother---I only did what was proper."
Irvine groaned impatiently. "Damn, there's that word again. You mean it was proper to sacrifice your happiness for him?"
"I haven't done that!" He bit defensively, "Why look at my situation, for example. I'd expect Thomas to be settled with children of his own long ago. I didn't think that anyone would ever ask----well, I didn't know if I'd decide to get married. But when I learned how I felt for Leon is more than friendship, and we are going to leave this city, even though----" He caught himself, but not in time.
Irvine watched him, apparently waiting for him to finish the sentence. When the colonel didn't, he gently prompted him. "Even though?"
"Even though I'll miss this old place." Karl admitted. "I practically grew to like working in here. And Thomas, he's not suited to this life. I suppose I'm worried."
"Things could change. You never know what's around the next corner. Maybe Leon will decide that he doesn't want to go and leave this city." He popped a piece of bread crust into his mouth and looked him straight in the eyes. "Or maybe you'll change your mind."
"No, certainly I won't. What about you---"
"Me? I wouldn't want to go out there either. I like it here."
"No, I mean haven't you ever had to do something you didn't really want to because it was the proper thing?"
Irvine let his eyes drop from Karl's to the brooch on the uniform. He could have sworn the damned thing was glowing slightly, as though a flame burned within it. He stared at it, transfixed, and without warning his memory carried him back several years ago to a rainy night when his life changed. When he glanced up again at the colonel's open waiting expression, he felt a compelling urge to tell him about that night. He couldn't imagine why; he'd never talked about it with anyone. Not even Fiona or Van Flyheight. He knew he had to tell Karl, that he'd understand.
He laid his napkin down next to his plate and leaned closer to him. "I know all about doing the proper thing. It was a lesson I learned when I was a ranger near the wind colony."
"You were a RANGER?"
He almost laughed at the surprise in his wide green eyes, "For three years. The pay wasn't great, but it was enough for a man to get married on. I was going to settle down with Sarah, make a nice little life with her. She didn't like my job for a while, the war was still ongoing, with shootings and rebel groups here and there to make it all worse." He shrugged. "Although I think what happened to me could have happened anywhere. But for all the fights I jumped into, and rebels that I arrested, I killed only one man." He expected a reaction from the colonel, but he sat, just listening, hardly breathing. Irvine went on.
"Sarah had a brother, and Matthew was a mean, rotten kid on any day. Full of whiskey, he was no better than the devil himself. One night, a bar boy came running to my place to say his boss wanted me to come and get Matt. He was drunk and waving his gun around, threatening costumers. Bad for business, he said." He put his fork and knife across his plate. "Well, I got to the bar, and yeah, there was Matt, acting like a jackass, spoiling for a fight. Drunk as he was, he was still fast. Matt is either going to kill me, or I was going to kill him and save myself. I saved myself. I tried explaining it to Sarah, but she didn't see it that way. She said I didn't do the 'proper' thing, and called me a murderer."
"But surely she didn't expect you to let her brother kill you."
Irvine leaned his back against the wall and considered Karl's eyes. They were emerald tonight. When he spoke, his words were quiet. "I've had more than five years to think about it and to this day, I'm not certain she didn't. So that's why I think that what's proper and what's proper and what's right don't often cross paths."
The colonel nodded, "And then you became a bandit."
"Eventually. I sure couldn't be a lawman anymore. A lawman ends up drawing his revolver now and then. It's part of the job. After I shot Matt, I'd freeze every time I had to pull that gun. I was lucky I didn't get killed, too. So I quit. Money comes fast if you live in the fast lane, but I tried my hand at a lot of different lines of work afterwards."
Karl studied him, his head tilted as though measuring him as a man. "I don't think you're a killer," he pronounced finally. The colonel's words were unaccountable comforting. Irvine didn't know why; they hardly knew each other. But he guessed him as much as he needed to.
Smiling at him, he replied, "Well, I'll tell you one thing. I could have shot at that damned organoid of the doctor's without a twinge."
----
"Irvine." The colonel whispered. His voice was so fluttery next to Irvine's ear that it gave the pilot the goose bumps.
In this green meadow they were alone, the only two people in the world. His luminous green jade eyes, fringed with dark lashes, pierced his soul with their innocent passion. He tightened his arm around his waist and kissed him again. The inside of Karl's mouth was slick and warm where his tongue grazed it. The feel of his hard on pressing against his leg started a fire in his blood that burned hotter each passing second, fanned by the scent of lavender and softness of his hair.
He pulled away from the tempting mouth and pressed kisses to the colonel's throat, while his hand moved to his crotch area. As he stroked him, Karl gasped, and Irvine knew he was surprised and aroused. The buttons on the front of his deep violet uniform opened almost magically, under Irvine's fingers. Beneath the thin fabric of the colonel's white undershirt, he slowly reached his hands underneath its smooth planes. Karl's eyes drifted closed, and he leaned to those arms.
"Karl." He groaned.
"Yes, Irvine-----yes."
The ripe promise in his low-throated words as all he needed to hear. He laid him on the soft bed of new grass, the oak branches overhead rustled in the light breeze. Lying beside him and propped on his elbow, Irvine lifted Karl's hand and removed the white glove covering it and pressed his mouth to kiss his fingers. Then he opened his hand and pressed another kiss into his smooth palm. Karl drew Irvine's head to his unzipped pants.
A full-grown man used to formalities and yet he lay there, sweetly naïve. What an irresistible combination. He knew that no other person had touched him. He was his alone. And he needed him now.
"Ich liebe dich---I love you."
Irvine rolled over his hot, tangled bedding, but he didn't find sleep again till an hour before dawn.
"I love you, Karl. Ich liebe dich--"
Karl stood near his window, looking at the dark yard below. The words keep playing in his mind, again and again. Behind him, his bed was uncomfortable jumble of twisted sheets. A soft wind lifted his white curtains, and a half- moon slipped down the western side of the night sky.
This was torture. At night he couldn't put his head on his pillow without seeing Irvine walk across the landscape of his sleep. And every dream was more brazen than the last. Tonight, he allowed him to unbutton his uniform and unzip his pants; and to put his bare hand on his bare skin---and allowed the hot wet mouth on his quivering----- ALLOWED him? No, he encouraged him. And it had felt wonderful.
In that meadow he'd never seen anywhere but in these dreams, he'd call his name. He spoke it next to his ear, so softly that his breath had ruffled his ashen blonde locks and given him goose bumps. The desire in his eyes was unmistakable. Karl gripped the pane of his window. And worse, oh god, worst of all, when he'd lifted his left hand to remove his white glove to kiss his palm, he'd seen a flash of gold on his ring finger. He'd actually dreamt being engaged to Leon, and making love with Irvine.
Damn that Doctor Dee, Karl thought harshly. And damn that purple organoid Esmeralda, too. He'd been content and happy before they walked into the stock room. He knew what his future would be. Now everything had changed.
|continued---almost getting there|
