Damn, I wish I was your lover
By RaVen0us
NOTE: I'm so inspired!!!! :: grovels at the Karl x Irvine fan art site. Sankyuu for the information from fraulein colonel ^^ :: *_*!!!! I think I will make more Karl x Irvine in the future by just looking at it :: grovels some more ::
This is the second or third to the last chapter folks, after this I'll continue my other titles O_o;; I promise. Wah! It's predictable!
----
Part nine: Chose
Karl dragged through the next few days. He barely slept, and when he did, his dreams of Irvine were filled with the pain of separation. He'd see him standing in front of his quarters, begging him not to leave, while Leon escorts him to the whale king and whisk him away. The dreams were so vivid, sometimes he woke up crying. NOW, it's not like him to cry, unless it's a deep personal conflict---he can't recall the last time he DID actually cried because of that reason.
Once, he'd glanced up at his window and saw him standing there, tall and so very handsome, watching him. He sent him a questioning look, but all he could do was tilt his cap and hurry into his office. After that, he began worrying about him. Sometimes he'd close his quarters in the middle of the afternoon and he'd wondered if he was sick or losing interest in customizing his Saix. He owed him an answer, but all he'd done was wrestle with the consequences of either decision.
His brother, the lieutenant Thomas Schubaltz, was strangely subdued. He refused to admit anything is bothering him. The brooch re-appeared on his desk, and Karl chose to let the matter die. Sometimes his brother would disappear from duty for hours, and the colonel had no idea where he went. If he asked, Thomas would become evasive and his face would redden. He came to the imperial headquarters almost grudgingly, with the bored belligerence of the worst officer he'd ever encountered.
On Friday afternoon, Moon bay came to the colonel's headquarters to wish him good luck with a basketful of goodies. "Tomorrow will be a big day," he said, and gave Karl an arch smile. "Have you decided how many cookies you'll need for the journey with Leon?"
Thomas, who was sitting at the desk struggling with the ledger book, heard this and sent Karl a remorseful look before he jumped up and ran to the store room. Alarmed, the colonel hustled Moonbay out of the headquarters, promising he'd come down later to discuss the cookies.
"Lieutenant?" Karl called, stressing some formality. What in the world has gotten to his younger brother? He found Thomas sitting on a stool in the corner, dabbing at his eyes with his handkerchief. He didn't look up, and idly fingered the wires and gadgets that has strung out of an open crate box. Karl sighed. This seems to be something personal to talk about.
"Tommy, won't you tell me what's bothering you?" he said softly, addressing Thomas with his childhood nickname.
When he finally spoke, his quiet voice trembled so with tears that Karl's heart ached for him. "Please, Karl, can I leave? I just don't want to be here today."
The colonel walked over and crouched before him, taking off his cap and putting a comforting hand over Thomas' cold palm. But the lieutenant refused to look at him. "Thomas, what is it? Tell me, what's troubling you?"
His green gaze flicked to Karl's for just an instant, and he saw raw, naked guilt in his brother's eyes. Then he looked down again. "I don't want to talk about it, that's it, Karl. Please don't ask me anymore."
Karl released his hand. "All right, but if you change your mind, will you let me know? We're brothers, family. We should be able to go to each other when we're in trouble."
Thomas remained silent.
The colonel sighed. "Go ahead and take a day-off. I can manage."
Immediately, Thomas brightened and jumped off the stool so fast it teetered. He ran so fast that his uniform whipped the doorframe, and Karl heard his footsteps pound over the flooring and out to the hall to the main entrance. He sank down on the stool.
He was at a loss to what to think. He looked at the closed back door. There was only one person he could talk to and he shouldn't go to him. He missed Irvine keenly.
----
The days had slipped by quickly. His time was almost up. He hadn't seen Leon all week, either, and he had to admit that seemed strange, even if it was true that this was a partnership of convinence. Karl knew he had to talk to Leon, before he makes any decision, if only to re-assure himself that the blue-haired man had chosen him for something other than his military connections. If he went after him now, he will have to leave his office, but surely he had the right to do that if tomorrow will be his leave.
It was a sultry afternoon, one that held promise of a thunderstorm toward evening. As he passed to the other quarters, soldiers and personnel salutes him and offered their best wishes. He was so much part of the imperial army; how could he bear to live it for a tiring journey of remote wilderness? Yet how could he cheat these people and Leon out of the journey they'd so looked forward to?
Karl came to a church, where he heard Leon has stopped into few hours ago. It was a modest little structure with a bell out in front. It was embraced on both sides by ponderosa pines that kept it cool even in the hottest summer. Behind it ran a shallow, sparkling brook. It was a very romantic site, far cry for the dry barren grounds near the base.
As he climbed the two front steps, the door swung open suddenly, and Leon stood there.
"Well---Karl, uh, what a surprise!" He looked harried, as though he were late for an appointment.
"I haven't seen you all week, Leon. Not since you escorted Thomas home. I was wondering how you are." Karl felt embarrassed to be bothering him.
"I didn't think I was supposed to see the colonel sad once before his departure, right Karl?" He laughed in a forced, preoccupied way, and continued down the path. "Don't worry, I'll be here tomorrow. Ten o'clock right?"
"Are you on your way somewhere? Maybe I could walk with you." Karl found himself striding swiftly to keep up with him.
"I'm on my way to offer some advice to a troubled group of youths. I don't think you should be there." He turned and walked backward to face him but didn't stop.
"BUT I could walk part of the way with you, Leon, there's something I'd like to talk to you about." Karl heard the note of anxiety in his voice, despite his effort to sound calm.
Leon paused and put a hand to his smooth chin. "I'll tell you what. If I can, I'll stop to your headquarters later than afternoon. Otherwise, we can talk about it tomorrow. All right?"
The colonel stared at him. He had a kind face. He knew he was a good man. But it bothered him that he never seemed to have spent time with him. Was this how his life with him would be? "All right, Leon," he said softly. "All right."
He patted his shoulder. "That's my man. Whatever it is, we'll get it sorted out after the departure. You'll see. It will be just fine."
Karl watched Leon hurry away, left behind once more. At that moment the realization came to him with amazing clarity, like a summer's night lit by lighting. He couldn't be with Leon. When he thought of him, no emotion stirred any longer. Not even gratitude.
He still liked Leon. But he loved Irvine.
And that made all the difference.
-Continued and really getting there-
By RaVen0us
NOTE: I'm so inspired!!!! :: grovels at the Karl x Irvine fan art site. Sankyuu for the information from fraulein colonel ^^ :: *_*!!!! I think I will make more Karl x Irvine in the future by just looking at it :: grovels some more ::
This is the second or third to the last chapter folks, after this I'll continue my other titles O_o;; I promise. Wah! It's predictable!
----
Part nine: Chose
Karl dragged through the next few days. He barely slept, and when he did, his dreams of Irvine were filled with the pain of separation. He'd see him standing in front of his quarters, begging him not to leave, while Leon escorts him to the whale king and whisk him away. The dreams were so vivid, sometimes he woke up crying. NOW, it's not like him to cry, unless it's a deep personal conflict---he can't recall the last time he DID actually cried because of that reason.
Once, he'd glanced up at his window and saw him standing there, tall and so very handsome, watching him. He sent him a questioning look, but all he could do was tilt his cap and hurry into his office. After that, he began worrying about him. Sometimes he'd close his quarters in the middle of the afternoon and he'd wondered if he was sick or losing interest in customizing his Saix. He owed him an answer, but all he'd done was wrestle with the consequences of either decision.
His brother, the lieutenant Thomas Schubaltz, was strangely subdued. He refused to admit anything is bothering him. The brooch re-appeared on his desk, and Karl chose to let the matter die. Sometimes his brother would disappear from duty for hours, and the colonel had no idea where he went. If he asked, Thomas would become evasive and his face would redden. He came to the imperial headquarters almost grudgingly, with the bored belligerence of the worst officer he'd ever encountered.
On Friday afternoon, Moon bay came to the colonel's headquarters to wish him good luck with a basketful of goodies. "Tomorrow will be a big day," he said, and gave Karl an arch smile. "Have you decided how many cookies you'll need for the journey with Leon?"
Thomas, who was sitting at the desk struggling with the ledger book, heard this and sent Karl a remorseful look before he jumped up and ran to the store room. Alarmed, the colonel hustled Moonbay out of the headquarters, promising he'd come down later to discuss the cookies.
"Lieutenant?" Karl called, stressing some formality. What in the world has gotten to his younger brother? He found Thomas sitting on a stool in the corner, dabbing at his eyes with his handkerchief. He didn't look up, and idly fingered the wires and gadgets that has strung out of an open crate box. Karl sighed. This seems to be something personal to talk about.
"Tommy, won't you tell me what's bothering you?" he said softly, addressing Thomas with his childhood nickname.
When he finally spoke, his quiet voice trembled so with tears that Karl's heart ached for him. "Please, Karl, can I leave? I just don't want to be here today."
The colonel walked over and crouched before him, taking off his cap and putting a comforting hand over Thomas' cold palm. But the lieutenant refused to look at him. "Thomas, what is it? Tell me, what's troubling you?"
His green gaze flicked to Karl's for just an instant, and he saw raw, naked guilt in his brother's eyes. Then he looked down again. "I don't want to talk about it, that's it, Karl. Please don't ask me anymore."
Karl released his hand. "All right, but if you change your mind, will you let me know? We're brothers, family. We should be able to go to each other when we're in trouble."
Thomas remained silent.
The colonel sighed. "Go ahead and take a day-off. I can manage."
Immediately, Thomas brightened and jumped off the stool so fast it teetered. He ran so fast that his uniform whipped the doorframe, and Karl heard his footsteps pound over the flooring and out to the hall to the main entrance. He sank down on the stool.
He was at a loss to what to think. He looked at the closed back door. There was only one person he could talk to and he shouldn't go to him. He missed Irvine keenly.
----
The days had slipped by quickly. His time was almost up. He hadn't seen Leon all week, either, and he had to admit that seemed strange, even if it was true that this was a partnership of convinence. Karl knew he had to talk to Leon, before he makes any decision, if only to re-assure himself that the blue-haired man had chosen him for something other than his military connections. If he went after him now, he will have to leave his office, but surely he had the right to do that if tomorrow will be his leave.
It was a sultry afternoon, one that held promise of a thunderstorm toward evening. As he passed to the other quarters, soldiers and personnel salutes him and offered their best wishes. He was so much part of the imperial army; how could he bear to live it for a tiring journey of remote wilderness? Yet how could he cheat these people and Leon out of the journey they'd so looked forward to?
Karl came to a church, where he heard Leon has stopped into few hours ago. It was a modest little structure with a bell out in front. It was embraced on both sides by ponderosa pines that kept it cool even in the hottest summer. Behind it ran a shallow, sparkling brook. It was a very romantic site, far cry for the dry barren grounds near the base.
As he climbed the two front steps, the door swung open suddenly, and Leon stood there.
"Well---Karl, uh, what a surprise!" He looked harried, as though he were late for an appointment.
"I haven't seen you all week, Leon. Not since you escorted Thomas home. I was wondering how you are." Karl felt embarrassed to be bothering him.
"I didn't think I was supposed to see the colonel sad once before his departure, right Karl?" He laughed in a forced, preoccupied way, and continued down the path. "Don't worry, I'll be here tomorrow. Ten o'clock right?"
"Are you on your way somewhere? Maybe I could walk with you." Karl found himself striding swiftly to keep up with him.
"I'm on my way to offer some advice to a troubled group of youths. I don't think you should be there." He turned and walked backward to face him but didn't stop.
"BUT I could walk part of the way with you, Leon, there's something I'd like to talk to you about." Karl heard the note of anxiety in his voice, despite his effort to sound calm.
Leon paused and put a hand to his smooth chin. "I'll tell you what. If I can, I'll stop to your headquarters later than afternoon. Otherwise, we can talk about it tomorrow. All right?"
The colonel stared at him. He had a kind face. He knew he was a good man. But it bothered him that he never seemed to have spent time with him. Was this how his life with him would be? "All right, Leon," he said softly. "All right."
He patted his shoulder. "That's my man. Whatever it is, we'll get it sorted out after the departure. You'll see. It will be just fine."
Karl watched Leon hurry away, left behind once more. At that moment the realization came to him with amazing clarity, like a summer's night lit by lighting. He couldn't be with Leon. When he thought of him, no emotion stirred any longer. Not even gratitude.
He still liked Leon. But he loved Irvine.
And that made all the difference.
-Continued and really getting there-
