A/N: Hey! I promised I'd try to update more, didn't I?
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Chapter 8 Wondering

The evening passed in silence. Frodo barely touched any of his dinner, his mind occupied with
some way of getting his uncle to forget about the past events of the day. Bilbo was much the same, his
mind too occupied with other things besides food.

"Uncle Bilbo," he began slowly, his placid blue eyes slowly gazing upward at his uncle, "I'm
sorry, about earlier tonight I mean. I'm sorry that I acted so. I supposed I was just a bit reluctant to be
touched..."

Bilbo cut in, not sure what he wanted to hear, but acknowledging Frodo's attempt at apology,
"It's all right, Frodo my boy," said he, a smile taking his features. He couldn't think of anything else to
say. But as he vowed to himself earlier, a closer eye he would definitely take upon his nephew.

Frodo began to ponder again if his uncle was upset with him. After the events of that evening,
he was almost sure he had done everything possible to offend dear Bilbo. Well...not everything, he
supposed. Bilbo had dropped the case (for the moment it seemed), and that was what Frodo had been
trying to get him to do. He sat up and looked kindly at his elderly uncle.

"If you'll pardon me, Bilbo, I'd like to be excused. I suppose I'm not really all that hungry after
tonight and all. I think I'll just head on to bed now."

Bilbo sighed and smiled a little. He stood up as well and, walking to Frodo, patted him on the
shoulder. "I think that would be very wise of you, Frodo my lad! I daresay you've had quite a time with
yourself today."

Frodo smiled wryly, and wandered down the corridor till he reached his room. He walked in and
closed the door, going to his bed, he sat down. The soft patter of rain returned to his ears, and he
leaned back, propping himself against the back board of his bed. It wasn't long before his own nature
took hold of him, and he began to wonder about his life. His life since the death of his parents and his
coming to Bag End. His mind soon wondered to one topic of thought, however. His parents' death. It
was at this point in his musings the other part of him spoke, the part that had come to life as soon as he
had first let blood from his skin those fateful nine years ago.

"You know, Frodo, it could've have all been prevented."

"It was an accident," Frodo replied, not willing to have this argument with himself yet again, "It
couldn't of been helped! There was nothing I could have done. It was an accident, only an accident."

"I suppose you haven't heard the old saying about accidents being preventable, have you
Frodo?"

Frodo's eyes pricked with tears again, a lone one trickling down his face leaving a shining trail of
sorrow. How he missed his mother's smile! His father's gentle laugh. Wasn't he a bit old to be weeping?
After all, he was twenty-one. But this was not an easy thing to get over. The two most important people
in the world to him (with the exception of Bilbo) had been taken away from him. He was twelve years
old, no less! He began to think again about how it might have been prevented. What if he had played ill,
as he thought earlier? They surely wouldn't have left him then. Or what if he had persisted in his desire
to go along with them? He'd be dead too, of course, be at least he wouldn't be alone. At least he'd still
be with them.

He let his tears flow steadily, yet no sound did he make. No quivering did he do. Slowly he
reached into his pocket, which he supposedly kept the blade in, and felt around for it. His face froze in
horror. It wasn't there. He must've left it in the woods from his escapade with it earlier. Frodo now
trembled, his pressured emotions raging under his skin. What was he supposed to do now? He looked
around the room, frantic. Something sharp, there must be something here. Somewhere...anywhere...

"What's the matter, Frodo? Can't handle yourself again?" came the voice from within.

Frodo stopped, his face twisted. This wasn't the time to be fighting. With himself, no less. He got
so hot that he thought he was going to shout. With surprising will, however, he fought off his urge to
yell.

Sharp. Something sharp. His face was now wet with tears, yet he made no noise of sobbing, or
of yielding to his desire to break down and cry. "There's got to be something here..." he thought. "This
isn't happening...I mean there just has to be something. I'm such a fool! Of all things, how could I have
forgotten it?"

It was of no use to him to think about it right then. He was hurting NOW and he needed relief
NOW. He couldn't handle this. He just couldn't. Shame overwhelmed him. Why couldn't he just be
normal? Have a normal life..? His eyes flitted around the room, finally spotting the one thing in his room
that might help him. Over on the stand by his bed, was a candle. He sighed, and smiled to himself. His
eyes followed the jagged dancing of the light, and his heart leapt with morbid joy.

Frodo slowly walked to the table, his hand shakily reached out and grabbed the candle, breaking
it from the wax that had sealed it to it's plate. Blue eyes stared into the flame, becoming tranced; his
features seemingly numb. He rolled up his sleeve and held out his cut-covered forearm. He took the
candle and, on the top of his arm, let the tips of the fire lick his skin until he began to feel, and could
bare it no longer. With a stifled cry he shook the candle's flame out and let it hit the floor with a
iclack!/i He grabbed his left arm (the one he had burned) with his right hand and sank to his
knees, deeply relieved that Bilbo had not heard him over the clattering of dishes being washed. A lone
tear traveled down his face, silently, as he thought of the horrid creature he had become. His eyes set in
a trance, watching over and over the moment in his life when he had pushed through the circle of
hobbits to see none other than the dead bodies of his beloved parents, and how he ran away; far away,
only to find himself as he didn't want to be. There was nothing else to do, except to continue his silent
sufferage for the rest of his life as he saw it.

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A/N: ^.^ Next chappy coming soon!