Title: To be so far away from you
Author: Shayla
Started: some time in July 2002
Warning: Slash
Pairing: When I started writing it, I wanted it to be HP/TR, but then my friends said it sounded more like SS/HP so I leave it to you to decide…
Summary: Sort of poem like fic… SS/HP I guess…
Disclaimer: I wish it were mine, but sadly I must say it all belongs to JKR. Just the plot came out of my head…
Note: Not beta-ed…
To be so far away from youWithin your reflection I see the light
Can one so dark by my life?
How can this be? (How can you be?)
How can I live without you here?
Dreamless nights I wander trough
Wake-less mornings as I lay by you
Sorrows carving their scars to my heart
Soul-breaking memories of your eyes; Alive
I'm not alone (Not anymore)
I don't need you (Why do I lie?)
I cannot laugh (That is so true)
To be so far away from you
Endless coldness at my side
Lovely light, night yet so black
Screaming pain (my quiet cry)
Who are you to say Good-bye?
Words not alone to show you love
Arms not strong enough to hold you
Sinking loneliness as I despair
Watching you go away from here
I'm not alone (Not anymore)
I don't need you (Why do I lie?)
I cannot laugh (That is so true)
To be so far away from you
I'm not alone (Not with you here)
I don't need you (You know I lie)
I cannot laugh (When I'm alone)
To be so close to you
~*~*~*~
How often have I wandered aimlessly trough the empty corridors, dark hallways, and the silent rooms of this building? Almost every night as long as I remember that I've seen his face inside my dreams.
Those haunting featured, those dark eyes, yet so bright…
No, I should stop these thoughts, they all lead to the same: A desperate wish… maybe desire.
I know who he is, so dark and evil, my worst enemy, but, oh, that fateful day that brought us close! I saw how he really is, the depth of his soul, the crying child within as darkness tried to swallow his last hope. I cannot imagine anyone who could be so miserable.
People call him disgusting, but I've seen his beauty; people say he's arrogant, but I've seen his warmth; they call him names, I've seen his fears…
We are so much a like and yet so different. Why does he haunt my sleep and dreams? Is it just me or does he know and see me too?
How can I tell what is true and what's a lie?
I should stop this endless walks, they have no goal, they have no end, just a sad hope that he may come tonight as well.
I watch him open the door of the tower; stepping outside into the cold, bare feet to the hard stone, is what I see first, as he takes his cape off.
He looks for something, maybe me? I shake my head. This is not helping. I only dream of such a form, why is he just my enemy?
The world it screams, I hear it loud, the cry of all the souls I have destroyed. I cannot touch this untainted child, no sin has he committed, he is just too pure to watch.
Why am I here? This should not be, my haunting memory of dreams.
He looks up to the shadows of the clouds above over the moon, the saddest smile upon his lips as I retain myself of embracing him.
He moves towards the tower's edge, I feel my heart clench in fear. What am I afraid of? This should not be the case, I cannot understand.
I turn around to walk away. An error, it was, to come here. I have to run, but cannot move as I hear the first tone of his tune. A sad melody accompanied by love and loneliness. Why does he suffer? This should not be!
And as I listen, I notice that I know this song. My soul's echo, my other half. And as his voice so childish, yet almost a man's breaks trough the night, I hear my own in duo to his.
This song, so full of all his fears, hopes, and cries of hatred, despair and love, it's reflecting our own being.
For a moment, the thought crosses my mind that I did not notice at start, that when I joined my voice with his, that he continued, not surprised.
His soft voice combined with mine echoes trough the night breaking the silence, yet not disturbing but adding to our heart's harmony. And as our voices break off slowly and in understanding of one another, I see him smile with eyes shut close, wondering and hoping that I might have been the cause of his satisfaction,
I step closer to him, as he sits at the border and I lean over him smiling unconsciously.
"When did you notice I was here?" I whisper, as I look searchingly into his eyes, so beautiful at light, so terrible dark at night.
"When I stepped outside." He answers, his voice husky and warm. "You cannot hide from me." He smiles, a respond to my own features; as he passes his hand trough his hair to move his bangs back.
Ah, the unconscious movement marking his nervousness. I know it, for he and I are bond, maybe more than he knows and likes, yet he has never truly rejected me, feared, yes, but never rejected.
I can hear the humming of his soul with mine. I want to hold him in my arms against my chest. This can't be wrong? What do I fear? Not him, I know, but others would and could never understand.
He looks so young, almost like me, not old at all, as I feared he'd be. He is so close, his breath against my cheek as I look into the fire of consumption. The cause of my destruction…
"Why is it that you don't fear?" he always asks.
I smile, not understanding, why he feels that I should hate him.
The people say, "he is so evil", yet when I look at him I only see a man who lost his path and I only wish to be the light to guide him back, to be the only reason for his living, to be the only reason of his breathing, to be his only reason.
Ah, those selfish desires. People probably think me mad, but I've seen beyond his mask, for as I told him, he cannot hide, for he and I are bond, if he cares or not, if he knows or not, if he likes it or not.
He is still waiting for my answer. I see it in the fire of his eyes, dark orbs so lovely to watch.
What can I say? It's always the same. His sorrows marked a scar on me, the screaming pain it causes when he sins, my quite cry as I reach out to calm his soul.
And when I do not answer, he always leaves. Who is he to leave me behind?
How can I answer, if words alone cannot express my desire, if my body cannot show you my wishes?
And as I watch you leaving, the loneliness returns. Why do I not answer? Why do I run? Why do I never want to say good-bye?
~*~*~*~
A longing touch, I feel in sleep, as wakefulness regains my mind. And slow, as I have hoped, the day returns into my home. A face, it hovers over me, as I try to focus my sights; a boy, he's of my age, he smiles as I awake.
"Finally." He says and smiles, throwing off the sheets. "I thought you never want to wake again."
I shrug. He is my friend, but he could never understand, that what I long at night in sleep is just too far away to reach. That when I lay awake in bed I only wish to see one face, a pair of hands to hold me tight, an embrace from which I never want to run nor hide.
He throws the covers back at me. "Com'on, it's late, we do have class you know."
And once again the day begins, the never ending hours to the night in which I only hope to see those eyes, which are, for sure, the path to my destruction…
TBC?? Or END??
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A/N: I did start a sequel to this, but since I couldn't decide whether I should go for HP/TR or SS/HP I dropped it…