Author's note: Hey, new chappy. I've been intimidated. I was scared - not joking here. By nothing other than all the fabulous writing I've been reading lately!! (all these fanfics I reread, and other stuff) I just really like my little story- in the beginning it was only an experiment; something fun to try (and I didn't know almost all the readers then!!) and I was just stumbling around lostinDimitri's eyes. Back then it was mine (I think maybe I understand Dimitri not writing poetry anymore). I never expected it to go into this many chapters, and now I really can't figure out how to continue it. That is a switch, no? I've never had a problem thinking up endings, resolutions - it's a beefy inbetween I struggle with. I think maybe I've just channeled the Once and Again writing team! So I decided to end this story - I would write a long chapter that would end it all...then of course I would begin a new story. A fresh start. I've really had so many other ideas lately that there are at least a good half dozen stories I want to write around this pair. I even heard the lines in my head, thought up whole paragraphs in my head for the ending of this one--it was going to be really out there (or not). It was going to be all a dream. Whose I won't say or at which point the story became a dream (in case I end up doing it after all). But I reread this story from the beginning today and I changed my mind. I had thought it was really bad, but maybe it isn't as bad as I thought. So ...new chappy :) Maybe I was wrong.
But this will be my last MonsterAuthorIntro, these things just started growing out of control and now must be stopped!!
"Why wait any longer for the world to begin,
you can have your cake and eat it too.
Why wait any longer for the one you love,
when he is standing in front of you."
Bob Dylan, Lay Lady Lay.
EASIER THAN GRENDAL
Mr. Dimitri sat at the desk of the faceless Mrs. Dinnis and read aloud from a beaten paperback. The Norton Introduction to Literature; third edition. One hand held the book as the other rested on the busy desk. "And voices in me said, If you were a man You would take a stick and break him now, and finish him off. But I must confess how I liked him, How glad I was he had come like a guest in quiet, to drink at my water-trough. And depart peaceful, pacified, and thankless, Into the burning bowels of this earth?
Was it cowardice, that I dared not kill him?
Was it perversity, that I longed to talk to him?
Was it humility, to feel so honored?
I felt honored."
Dimitri looked up at the class before him, then at the clock. Some were listening eyes averted, some watched other students at their desks, others watched the teacher -but no one seemed not to be thinking something. Something of their own. He began again, "Anyway this is one of D.H Lawrence's more well known works. It is a really good poem in its entirety. He really shows exactly what he is feeling throughout, and the conclusion when he (Dimitri is thinking of something else) - he turns his back on the snake, chooses harming it and later realizes what he lost. It's a brilliant study, so... [pause] I'm assigning the rest for homework." Amidst the groans, "I know your teacher would approve. So for tomorrow finish up ,'The Snake' and--"
Dimitri paused again as the bell rang, and toyed with the Norton's book cover as the students commenced shoving papers into binders, closing notepads and craming things in their backpacks.
"And really, it's worth what I know will no doubt be the huge effort to read it!"
Immediately he regretted it-- parts of what he had said. In a way that had always been something he could critize himself for. He gave too much in the classroom. It wasn't a bad thing necessarily but it wasn't the norm of the "professional" either. He became the lesson, when all that was asked was that he be the teacher. So to the students who were only watching often they would not even see him, or register a distinct personality aside from what he wanted a particular class to see. That happened sometimes. To be so good at a part of your life that you disappear, you disappear into it maybe sometimes forgetting to resurface, that there is room of anything else and therefore the talent of the vanishing act is completely missed. Sometimes. Or at times not. There can be something more. Sometimes the right ear will be there listening and understand the tune of the music. Dimitri started to gather the papers the students were leaving on his desk in a hapzard pile as they left and he placed them in his briefcase. A distinct personality? Hmmf. Certainly his students over the years had always pointed out to him his quirks. At times this was enduring and at times exasperating depending on the frame of mind when he heard them. At lot depends. Being a successful teacher can depend on what it is your teaching, and to whom. It wasn't hard to flirt through life if that was what was wanted. He had one more day as a replacement then was looking forward to going into hiding again. It was such a freeing thing to have that space. A space to be nothing but what you want at any given moment. And there were plenty of things he could be. Would be. Was.
Grace flew out of the school with a speed that surprised even herself. She moved through the students, buses and cars with their engines running, through to the teacher's parking. August was just opening his car door and getting in. Grace gave a small wave to him through his window, and moved around to the passenger side getting in.
"So when do I get to drive."
August adjusting the rearview said, "Looks like you've already had your way with my car-"
"I so did not."
"Hmmm. Maybe, but I've never known my mirror to lie to me," Dimitri went on light heartily. He put his arm around the back of Grace's seat, turning his head to see better and clear the parking space without incident.
"It was a really quick spin. Only a spin. That is my story." Grace looked out the passenger window, as the Hybrid moved out of the parking and into the roadway. Dimitri's eyes shifted over to her and back on the road. His eyes held mirth. "So have the other teachers been abusing you-"
"What-"
Grace blurted out, "Because of me, or anything. Or what happened -"
"No, everybody's been-- [searching for a word] good."
"I just worried, you know. When you said it was only temporary right now until that teacher returns, and that even if probably all the teachers, administration or whatever realize you and I -- that it was not a big deal because it's not really a contracted position yet, it was an emergency and it's not like you're teaching me--"
August broke in, "And I won't be."
Grace pushed her gloves into her lap, "It's so ... unjust."
He started laughing and as Grace shot him a futile look, he laughed on. "I really had no idea you were that moved by my teaching."
Grace's expression softened, "I was moved."
"Really?"
"Sometimes."
"This is really devastating me- I -"
"August, you were--and are-- incredibly educating and interesting. I wouldn't stalk just any teacher."
Dimitri smiled and time elasped when he pulled the car alongside the curb in front of Grace's home. It was just so easy to be with Grace. He turned to her, as she pulled her bag from the backseat into the front compartment and opened the door. Grace almost wished he would get a new car. A car she was less familiar with, so new that she wouldn't be sure how to open the latch once she was in it. There was limitless fun in that concept, but reality reared it's head. Technically unemployed for another few months it was highly unlikely that would be happening.
"So I have to watch Robert for an hour until Rick gets home. And then I'm taking Jessie to therapy and- "
"Jessie doesn't drive yet?"
"Uh not yet," she looked at him pointedly, "But seriously she better. [Grace smiled at him] Anyway I can stop by later."
"Okay", they just stayed there for a fraction of a moment suspended before Grace...
"So until later."
He nodded-- almost shyly.
He was at one point discussing a simpler transportation because his Hybrid would be sold in a snap, and there is any abundance of older mid-80's cars out there crying out to be owned by a fallen from grace high school teacher. His best buddy at the school had one. One of his few really close friends at Upton, most of his spare time had been spent in Chicago or travelling before he found a reason to stay. An older car, it was a highly recommended mode of transport. Not quite mature, but better than the skateboard in his back porch. August during the quick intervel of thoughts, smiled at Grace as she got out of his car and looked back a few times before darting into the side door. It always sort of brought him back to the strange reality of the present situation when he saw her retreating from anyplace. Head-on you could almost forget her age, her position, anything but her. But as she turned and left was another story. You saw the bookbag, the shiny hair, the youth and it was easy to forget who she really, really was. Grace should never have had to retreat from anyplace. She didn't even know about his skateboard in the porch he thought. It almost pleased him that she was right, there were a lot of things she didn't know about him. The table tennis matchs at Glen's house when they were both teaching in the city. He used to be really good at that. A past was a neat thing, it could give you something to share and for others to look forward to. He thought of showing Grace to properly drive his car (a stick shift) and thought about the skateboard. Maybe a new car would be too much change, and maybe it wouldn't even be needed.
He pulled away eager to get home, and work on something he had started. And then there was the thick stack of pages he had found earlier in the day on his desk - the classroom desk that is - when he returned there after lunch. An anonymous contribution. Between it and what was lying on the bookshelf in his home, which he had been thinking about it off and on all day- this hopefully was going to be a fun night. Then there would be later. August's jaw tighened and moved slightly as he thought about getting home, and more thoughts drifted to his just dropping off Grace. He hadn't expected kissing in the car outside her house or anything.
"I think I did not hit him,
But suddenly that part of him that was left behind convulsed in undignified haste
Writhed like lightening, and was gone
Into the black hole, the earth-lipped fissure in the wall-front,
At which, in the intense still noon, I stared with fascination.
And immediately I regretted it.
I thought how paltry, how vulgar, what a mean act!
I despised myself and the voices of my accursed human education.
And I thought of the albatross
And I wished he would come back, my snake."
But this will be my last MonsterAuthorIntro, these things just started growing out of control and now must be stopped!!
"Why wait any longer for the world to begin,
you can have your cake and eat it too.
Why wait any longer for the one you love,
when he is standing in front of you."
Bob Dylan, Lay Lady Lay.
EASIER THAN GRENDAL
Mr. Dimitri sat at the desk of the faceless Mrs. Dinnis and read aloud from a beaten paperback. The Norton Introduction to Literature; third edition. One hand held the book as the other rested on the busy desk. "And voices in me said, If you were a man You would take a stick and break him now, and finish him off. But I must confess how I liked him, How glad I was he had come like a guest in quiet, to drink at my water-trough. And depart peaceful, pacified, and thankless, Into the burning bowels of this earth?
Was it cowardice, that I dared not kill him?
Was it perversity, that I longed to talk to him?
Was it humility, to feel so honored?
I felt honored."
Dimitri looked up at the class before him, then at the clock. Some were listening eyes averted, some watched other students at their desks, others watched the teacher -but no one seemed not to be thinking something. Something of their own. He began again, "Anyway this is one of D.H Lawrence's more well known works. It is a really good poem in its entirety. He really shows exactly what he is feeling throughout, and the conclusion when he (Dimitri is thinking of something else) - he turns his back on the snake, chooses harming it and later realizes what he lost. It's a brilliant study, so... [pause] I'm assigning the rest for homework." Amidst the groans, "I know your teacher would approve. So for tomorrow finish up ,'The Snake' and--"
Dimitri paused again as the bell rang, and toyed with the Norton's book cover as the students commenced shoving papers into binders, closing notepads and craming things in their backpacks.
"And really, it's worth what I know will no doubt be the huge effort to read it!"
Immediately he regretted it-- parts of what he had said. In a way that had always been something he could critize himself for. He gave too much in the classroom. It wasn't a bad thing necessarily but it wasn't the norm of the "professional" either. He became the lesson, when all that was asked was that he be the teacher. So to the students who were only watching often they would not even see him, or register a distinct personality aside from what he wanted a particular class to see. That happened sometimes. To be so good at a part of your life that you disappear, you disappear into it maybe sometimes forgetting to resurface, that there is room of anything else and therefore the talent of the vanishing act is completely missed. Sometimes. Or at times not. There can be something more. Sometimes the right ear will be there listening and understand the tune of the music. Dimitri started to gather the papers the students were leaving on his desk in a hapzard pile as they left and he placed them in his briefcase. A distinct personality? Hmmf. Certainly his students over the years had always pointed out to him his quirks. At times this was enduring and at times exasperating depending on the frame of mind when he heard them. At lot depends. Being a successful teacher can depend on what it is your teaching, and to whom. It wasn't hard to flirt through life if that was what was wanted. He had one more day as a replacement then was looking forward to going into hiding again. It was such a freeing thing to have that space. A space to be nothing but what you want at any given moment. And there were plenty of things he could be. Would be. Was.
Grace flew out of the school with a speed that surprised even herself. She moved through the students, buses and cars with their engines running, through to the teacher's parking. August was just opening his car door and getting in. Grace gave a small wave to him through his window, and moved around to the passenger side getting in.
"So when do I get to drive."
August adjusting the rearview said, "Looks like you've already had your way with my car-"
"I so did not."
"Hmmm. Maybe, but I've never known my mirror to lie to me," Dimitri went on light heartily. He put his arm around the back of Grace's seat, turning his head to see better and clear the parking space without incident.
"It was a really quick spin. Only a spin. That is my story." Grace looked out the passenger window, as the Hybrid moved out of the parking and into the roadway. Dimitri's eyes shifted over to her and back on the road. His eyes held mirth. "So have the other teachers been abusing you-"
"What-"
Grace blurted out, "Because of me, or anything. Or what happened -"
"No, everybody's been-- [searching for a word] good."
"I just worried, you know. When you said it was only temporary right now until that teacher returns, and that even if probably all the teachers, administration or whatever realize you and I -- that it was not a big deal because it's not really a contracted position yet, it was an emergency and it's not like you're teaching me--"
August broke in, "And I won't be."
Grace pushed her gloves into her lap, "It's so ... unjust."
He started laughing and as Grace shot him a futile look, he laughed on. "I really had no idea you were that moved by my teaching."
Grace's expression softened, "I was moved."
"Really?"
"Sometimes."
"This is really devastating me- I -"
"August, you were--and are-- incredibly educating and interesting. I wouldn't stalk just any teacher."
Dimitri smiled and time elasped when he pulled the car alongside the curb in front of Grace's home. It was just so easy to be with Grace. He turned to her, as she pulled her bag from the backseat into the front compartment and opened the door. Grace almost wished he would get a new car. A car she was less familiar with, so new that she wouldn't be sure how to open the latch once she was in it. There was limitless fun in that concept, but reality reared it's head. Technically unemployed for another few months it was highly unlikely that would be happening.
"So I have to watch Robert for an hour until Rick gets home. And then I'm taking Jessie to therapy and- "
"Jessie doesn't drive yet?"
"Uh not yet," she looked at him pointedly, "But seriously she better. [Grace smiled at him] Anyway I can stop by later."
"Okay", they just stayed there for a fraction of a moment suspended before Grace...
"So until later."
He nodded-- almost shyly.
He was at one point discussing a simpler transportation because his Hybrid would be sold in a snap, and there is any abundance of older mid-80's cars out there crying out to be owned by a fallen from grace high school teacher. His best buddy at the school had one. One of his few really close friends at Upton, most of his spare time had been spent in Chicago or travelling before he found a reason to stay. An older car, it was a highly recommended mode of transport. Not quite mature, but better than the skateboard in his back porch. August during the quick intervel of thoughts, smiled at Grace as she got out of his car and looked back a few times before darting into the side door. It always sort of brought him back to the strange reality of the present situation when he saw her retreating from anyplace. Head-on you could almost forget her age, her position, anything but her. But as she turned and left was another story. You saw the bookbag, the shiny hair, the youth and it was easy to forget who she really, really was. Grace should never have had to retreat from anyplace. She didn't even know about his skateboard in the porch he thought. It almost pleased him that she was right, there were a lot of things she didn't know about him. The table tennis matchs at Glen's house when they were both teaching in the city. He used to be really good at that. A past was a neat thing, it could give you something to share and for others to look forward to. He thought of showing Grace to properly drive his car (a stick shift) and thought about the skateboard. Maybe a new car would be too much change, and maybe it wouldn't even be needed.
He pulled away eager to get home, and work on something he had started. And then there was the thick stack of pages he had found earlier in the day on his desk - the classroom desk that is - when he returned there after lunch. An anonymous contribution. Between it and what was lying on the bookshelf in his home, which he had been thinking about it off and on all day- this hopefully was going to be a fun night. Then there would be later. August's jaw tighened and moved slightly as he thought about getting home, and more thoughts drifted to his just dropping off Grace. He hadn't expected kissing in the car outside her house or anything.
"I think I did not hit him,
But suddenly that part of him that was left behind convulsed in undignified haste
Writhed like lightening, and was gone
Into the black hole, the earth-lipped fissure in the wall-front,
At which, in the intense still noon, I stared with fascination.
And immediately I regretted it.
I thought how paltry, how vulgar, what a mean act!
I despised myself and the voices of my accursed human education.
And I thought of the albatross
And I wished he would come back, my snake."