Disclaimer: Blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda. I own nothing but myself. I
don't own the WWE, the Lord of the Rings, or Tony Hawk and his games. I
only own a copy of THPS4, but that's only one...
Eeee! I'm grinning right now. Reviews make me happy! :)
Oh, my friend Rei-chan's account is Reichan410. I think she changed it. Anywho, go check if she's posted anything or not!! Why? She'll kill me if I didn't plug her work.
On with the story!
[Christopher Nowinski is driving a BMW SUV. Dawn Marie's in the passenger seat next to him, fixing her lipstick. Kylrane's sulking in the back, and Jeff's bugging Nowinski.]
Jeff: Are we there yet?
Nowinski: No.
Jeff: Are we there yet?
Nowinski: No.
Jeff: Are we there yet?
Nowinski: No, dipshit!!! Shut up!
Jeff: I didn't think such an educated guy could say such words.
Nowinski: Shutup before I pull over and kick you out of the car.
Kylrane: NOO!! Then I'll have no one to protect me from Dawn Marie...assuming that Harvard Boy is all for pleasing her. And assuming rainbow brite doesn't like Harvard Boy.
Jeff: What makes you think I'll protect you?? [Makes a face at her. Kylrane reaches into her jacket pocket.]
Kylrane: [searches for a moment, and then a smile spreads on her face.] A- ha! As I thought! [Pulls out a bag of sour skittles] Bless the snack bar!
Jeff: [a crazed look comes over him] Oooh!!! Gimme!!! [snatches the bag from Kylrane and pours the candy into his mouth. Dawn Marie turns around.]
Dawn Marie: Ew. It's like he's getting high.
Kylrane: [all sad] I wanted some!! I was going to share!!! Isn't it enough that I have to go shopping with the psycho whore?? I WANT MY SKITTLES!!! [Curls up in a ball. Is having withdrawal symptoms.]
Dawn Marie: Oh my. Now how's she going to cooperate?
Nowinski: Ooh! Ooh! I'll make her listen to you, Dawn Marie!!
Dawn Marie: [runs hand through Nowinski's hair] That's a good boy, Chris!
Jeff: [utterly revolted] I think I'm going to puke up my skittles.
Kylrane: [rocking back and forth] Don't...say...that. That's...what...I...live...for...
Rei-chan: [suddenly pops out of nowhere] But I thought chocolate was your vice...
Kylrane: [stares at Rei] What the hell?? Go away! After that Christmas party where I downed everything chocolate, the smell of it makes me sick!! I want SKITTLES!!!!
Rei: Make the guy with the face paint buy you more. You can do it. You threaten good.
Kylrane: Go away! This is my fanfic!!! Go write about Lord of the Rings or something!
Rei: OK! [disappears]
Dawn Marie: Now Kylrane, do you have a charge card?
Kylrane: [back into a ball] Skittles....
Dawn Marie: How about an allowance?
Kylrane: Skittles....
Dawn Marie: Bank account?
Kylrane: Skittles....
Nowinski: [a little freaked out] Hey Hardy, what the hell's wrong with her?!
Jeff: [Waves his hand in front of Kylrane's face before a look of realization spreads across his face] I know what's wrong. She's becoming a skittles zombie until she gets her hands on a bag of 'em. That happens. [Pats Kylrane on the head] It'll be ok, we'll get more.
Kylrane: Skittles...
[They turn into a parking lot. In front is the biggest mall Kylrane's ever seen. Then again, she hasn't seen a lot of malls. Dawn Marie hops energetically out of the call and shakes her hair. A bunch of guys hoot and whistle at her. She winks and blows kisses. Nowinski and Jeff get out of the car, but realize Kylrane hasn't moved. Nowinski pulls her out of the seat and hoists her on his back.]
Kylrane: [drools] Must...eat...skittles....
Nowinski: [disgusted] Augh, crap, she's drooling on my shirt. Hardy, run and get that damn candy!!!
Jeff: [sticks his tongue out at Nowinski] Why should I??
Dawn Marie: [makes puppy dog eyes at Jeff] Would you, please? The sooner she's out of that...state, the sooner we can go shop!!!
Jeff: [mesmerized] OK!! [Jeff speeds off in the direction of the nearest news shop. He comes back with three bags of skittles in six seconds flat.] Here we go!!!
Dawn Marie: [pets his hair] SUCH A GOOD BOY!!!
Kylrane: [She snatches the skittles out of Jeff's hand, rips the bag open, and takes the whole pack in one mouthful. She takes about a minute to get back to normal.] MMH. Shkittlesh. Shanks, Sheff. [Still chewing]
Nowinski: Now, why don't you and Dawn Marie head over to Macy's or something?
Kylrane: [hides behind Jeff] Mwo!! MWO!!! Shaffe mwe, Sheff!! [Translation: "No! NO!!! Save me, Jeff!" She's still chewing the skittles.]
Jeff: Don't make her do stuff...let her X-press herself! Don't change who she is. They tried to do that to me. Now I'm FRUSTRATED!!!
Dawn Marie: [purring voice] If you want, you can work out all your frustrations later with ME in a cheap sleazy motel...[Jeff starts to drool. Kylrane hits him.]
Kylrane: JOO JUMBASHES ARE SHUPPOSHED JOO PWOTEK MWE, MOT FWWEED MWE JOO DA WOLVESH!!! [Translation: You dumbasses are supposed to protect me, not feed me to the wolves! She takes a big gulp.] AH! Now I can talk. Why are you letting her try to brainwash me, Jeff! She's trying to make me into a slut!! I can't ask for the Harvard boy to help me, he's incompetent!! You're my ONLY HOPE!!! [does dramatic pleading thing]
Nowinski: [near tears] Oh, poor kid! I feel so guilty! I feel so ashamed for not trying to defend her!! Oh, what a fool I am!!
Jeff: [pats Kylrane on the head] Acting classes, or drama department?
Kylrane: [grins] My own talent, actually. Never got any training. [Sees a Cinnabon] Ooh, can you spot me like 10 bucks? I smell some cinnamon buns that have my name on 'em...
Dawn Marie: Sticky buns are fattening.
Kylrane: Screw you, bitch. I can snap you in two. [Jeff hands her a ten. Kylrane runs onto the line to buy the food.]
Nowinski: Well, now what are we going to do??
Dawn Marie: I'm not leaving until we buy that girl an outfit.
[Jeff and Nowinski glance at each other. They run to Macy's and quickly put together an outfit.]
Jeff: How's this?? [Holds up the ugliest pair of pants known to man. Nowinski does worse, carrying a boy's basketball jersey, size XXXL.]
Dawn Marie: [makes a face] Think, boys. What would look cute on...say, your little sister.
Jeff: No sister.
Dawn Marie: [angry] PRETEND THAT BRAT'S YOUR SISTER!!!
Nowinski and Jeff: [in fear] Ok!! [They run off again to search for clothes. They each come back. Jeff's got black cargo pants and a black shirt that says 'punk'. Nowinski displays a pleated skirt, a shirt that says "Cheerleading Angel", and a varsity sweater. They both glare at each other.]
Jeff: You're trying to make her a prep!!
Nowinski: You'll turn the child into a bottom feeding mosh pit member of America!!
Dawn Marie: Ooh, I like Chris' so much better. It's cute, it features a short skirt, and has a tight shirt! Perfect!
Jeff: [pouts] We'll let Kylrane decide.
Nowinski: You remember her name??
Jeff: [shrugs] It's hard to find someone who shares your passion for skittles. Searching for friendship and understanding is FRUSTRATING!!!!
Kylrane: [comes over to them, carrying a little carton thing of cinnamon buns.] Hey guys! Dawn Marie. [holds out the food] You want some, it's good.
Dawn Marie: No thanks, I'm trying to lose half a pound.
Nowinski: [stares] What does half a pound matter??
Dawn Marie: [bats her eyelashes] My eyelids are a tad heavy.
Kylrane: [under her breath] Maybe it's the makeup that's heavy...
Dawn Marie: [Transforms into a scary dragon lady, like Galadriel in Lord of the Rings (Fellowship of the Ring). Kylrane is thouroughly scared.] WHAT DID YOU SAY???
Nowinski: Dawn Marie! Dawn Marie! Calm down! The outfit, remember?? [Dawn Marie transforms back into her tramp self.]
Dawn Marie: Right. Now, which one do you prefer? And your opinion doesn't really matter, because I'm getting you the skirt anyway.
Jeff: Hey! Let her choose!
Kylrane: Yeah! Let me say no to both!! [The guys glare at her.] Uh...ok...well, Nowinski's outfit makes me look like a cheerleader. [Makes barfing noise. I just cannot wear a cheerleader's uniform.] Jeff's outfit makes me look like an Avril Lavigne wannabe.
Jeff: It does not! There's no tie! [They all stare at him.] What, I watch MTV sometimes! Besides, you look nothing like Avril Lavigne. I mean, you dyed your hair black.
Kylrane: [amazed at Jeff's stupidity] ...My hair is naturally black. I didn't dye it.
Jeff: REALLY? I thought you were a goth girl!
Kylrane: I've seen goths!! They don't all have black hair!! AUGHH!! Why do you think I'm a goth girl?!
Nowinski: Well, you act all gloomy all the time.
Dawn Marie: You say you don't like shopping and the prom.
Jeff: Like me, you seem FRUSTRATED!!
Kylrane: What the hell is with the 'frustrated' in caps??
Jeff: I dunno.
Kylrane: Yeah, well...I guess I choose...eh...the black. I hate skirts.
Jeff: YEAHH!!! I WON!!!
Kylrane: Won what?
Jeff: Well, I beat Nowinski. That means I won something.
Kylrane: OK.....
[They buy the clothes and go home. The evening is spent with Dawn Marie getting made over by Kylrane, while Nowinski is challenged by Jeff at Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 4.]
Jeff: I will so kick your ass.
Nowinski: Video games don't take real brains.
Kylrane: Shutup. I like video games.
Dawn Marie: [has her face painted like Goldust] Can I look in the mirror yet??
Kylrane: No, I'm not finished!! [cackles evilly, and continues to use her Halloween face paints on Dawn Marie]
[At the end of four days, Dawn Marie and Nowinski are begging to leave. Jeff is still playing video games. Now he's playing The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.]
Dawn Marie: C'mon, Jeffy, let's go! I can't stand it here!!
Jeff: I wanna keep PLAYING!!
Kylrane: You can stay if you want. You've got credit cards. I like credit cards.
Nowinski: Dawn Marie, let's just leave the loser!!
Dawn Marie: OK! [flicks her hair and bounces off]
Kylrane: You do realize they just left you here.
Jeff: That's ok. You're a fan of the Xtreme, right?
Kylrane: Well...not exactly...
Jeff: [gives the psycho crazed face] AUGHH! NO FANS! I'M SO-
Kylrane: OK! OK! I'm a fan!
Jeff: Good.
Kylrane: [looks up] Help me God...
Eh...sorry if that was a little bland. I was running out of Nowinski jokes. Jeff's staying, YAY! There's a reason why he's staying, too. No, not because I'm one of those fangirls who's completely in love with the younger Hardy. It's because...well, you'll have to wait!!! Woo hoo!
Eeee! I'm grinning right now. Reviews make me happy! :)
Oh, my friend Rei-chan's account is Reichan410. I think she changed it. Anywho, go check if she's posted anything or not!! Why? She'll kill me if I didn't plug her work.
On with the story!
[Christopher Nowinski is driving a BMW SUV. Dawn Marie's in the passenger seat next to him, fixing her lipstick. Kylrane's sulking in the back, and Jeff's bugging Nowinski.]
Jeff: Are we there yet?
Nowinski: No.
Jeff: Are we there yet?
Nowinski: No.
Jeff: Are we there yet?
Nowinski: No, dipshit!!! Shut up!
Jeff: I didn't think such an educated guy could say such words.
Nowinski: Shutup before I pull over and kick you out of the car.
Kylrane: NOO!! Then I'll have no one to protect me from Dawn Marie...assuming that Harvard Boy is all for pleasing her. And assuming rainbow brite doesn't like Harvard Boy.
Jeff: What makes you think I'll protect you?? [Makes a face at her. Kylrane reaches into her jacket pocket.]
Kylrane: [searches for a moment, and then a smile spreads on her face.] A- ha! As I thought! [Pulls out a bag of sour skittles] Bless the snack bar!
Jeff: [a crazed look comes over him] Oooh!!! Gimme!!! [snatches the bag from Kylrane and pours the candy into his mouth. Dawn Marie turns around.]
Dawn Marie: Ew. It's like he's getting high.
Kylrane: [all sad] I wanted some!! I was going to share!!! Isn't it enough that I have to go shopping with the psycho whore?? I WANT MY SKITTLES!!! [Curls up in a ball. Is having withdrawal symptoms.]
Dawn Marie: Oh my. Now how's she going to cooperate?
Nowinski: Ooh! Ooh! I'll make her listen to you, Dawn Marie!!
Dawn Marie: [runs hand through Nowinski's hair] That's a good boy, Chris!
Jeff: [utterly revolted] I think I'm going to puke up my skittles.
Kylrane: [rocking back and forth] Don't...say...that. That's...what...I...live...for...
Rei-chan: [suddenly pops out of nowhere] But I thought chocolate was your vice...
Kylrane: [stares at Rei] What the hell?? Go away! After that Christmas party where I downed everything chocolate, the smell of it makes me sick!! I want SKITTLES!!!!
Rei: Make the guy with the face paint buy you more. You can do it. You threaten good.
Kylrane: Go away! This is my fanfic!!! Go write about Lord of the Rings or something!
Rei: OK! [disappears]
Dawn Marie: Now Kylrane, do you have a charge card?
Kylrane: [back into a ball] Skittles....
Dawn Marie: How about an allowance?
Kylrane: Skittles....
Dawn Marie: Bank account?
Kylrane: Skittles....
Nowinski: [a little freaked out] Hey Hardy, what the hell's wrong with her?!
Jeff: [Waves his hand in front of Kylrane's face before a look of realization spreads across his face] I know what's wrong. She's becoming a skittles zombie until she gets her hands on a bag of 'em. That happens. [Pats Kylrane on the head] It'll be ok, we'll get more.
Kylrane: Skittles...
[They turn into a parking lot. In front is the biggest mall Kylrane's ever seen. Then again, she hasn't seen a lot of malls. Dawn Marie hops energetically out of the call and shakes her hair. A bunch of guys hoot and whistle at her. She winks and blows kisses. Nowinski and Jeff get out of the car, but realize Kylrane hasn't moved. Nowinski pulls her out of the seat and hoists her on his back.]
Kylrane: [drools] Must...eat...skittles....
Nowinski: [disgusted] Augh, crap, she's drooling on my shirt. Hardy, run and get that damn candy!!!
Jeff: [sticks his tongue out at Nowinski] Why should I??
Dawn Marie: [makes puppy dog eyes at Jeff] Would you, please? The sooner she's out of that...state, the sooner we can go shop!!!
Jeff: [mesmerized] OK!! [Jeff speeds off in the direction of the nearest news shop. He comes back with three bags of skittles in six seconds flat.] Here we go!!!
Dawn Marie: [pets his hair] SUCH A GOOD BOY!!!
Kylrane: [She snatches the skittles out of Jeff's hand, rips the bag open, and takes the whole pack in one mouthful. She takes about a minute to get back to normal.] MMH. Shkittlesh. Shanks, Sheff. [Still chewing]
Nowinski: Now, why don't you and Dawn Marie head over to Macy's or something?
Kylrane: [hides behind Jeff] Mwo!! MWO!!! Shaffe mwe, Sheff!! [Translation: "No! NO!!! Save me, Jeff!" She's still chewing the skittles.]
Jeff: Don't make her do stuff...let her X-press herself! Don't change who she is. They tried to do that to me. Now I'm FRUSTRATED!!!
Dawn Marie: [purring voice] If you want, you can work out all your frustrations later with ME in a cheap sleazy motel...[Jeff starts to drool. Kylrane hits him.]
Kylrane: JOO JUMBASHES ARE SHUPPOSHED JOO PWOTEK MWE, MOT FWWEED MWE JOO DA WOLVESH!!! [Translation: You dumbasses are supposed to protect me, not feed me to the wolves! She takes a big gulp.] AH! Now I can talk. Why are you letting her try to brainwash me, Jeff! She's trying to make me into a slut!! I can't ask for the Harvard boy to help me, he's incompetent!! You're my ONLY HOPE!!! [does dramatic pleading thing]
Nowinski: [near tears] Oh, poor kid! I feel so guilty! I feel so ashamed for not trying to defend her!! Oh, what a fool I am!!
Jeff: [pats Kylrane on the head] Acting classes, or drama department?
Kylrane: [grins] My own talent, actually. Never got any training. [Sees a Cinnabon] Ooh, can you spot me like 10 bucks? I smell some cinnamon buns that have my name on 'em...
Dawn Marie: Sticky buns are fattening.
Kylrane: Screw you, bitch. I can snap you in two. [Jeff hands her a ten. Kylrane runs onto the line to buy the food.]
Nowinski: Well, now what are we going to do??
Dawn Marie: I'm not leaving until we buy that girl an outfit.
[Jeff and Nowinski glance at each other. They run to Macy's and quickly put together an outfit.]
Jeff: How's this?? [Holds up the ugliest pair of pants known to man. Nowinski does worse, carrying a boy's basketball jersey, size XXXL.]
Dawn Marie: [makes a face] Think, boys. What would look cute on...say, your little sister.
Jeff: No sister.
Dawn Marie: [angry] PRETEND THAT BRAT'S YOUR SISTER!!!
Nowinski and Jeff: [in fear] Ok!! [They run off again to search for clothes. They each come back. Jeff's got black cargo pants and a black shirt that says 'punk'. Nowinski displays a pleated skirt, a shirt that says "Cheerleading Angel", and a varsity sweater. They both glare at each other.]
Jeff: You're trying to make her a prep!!
Nowinski: You'll turn the child into a bottom feeding mosh pit member of America!!
Dawn Marie: Ooh, I like Chris' so much better. It's cute, it features a short skirt, and has a tight shirt! Perfect!
Jeff: [pouts] We'll let Kylrane decide.
Nowinski: You remember her name??
Jeff: [shrugs] It's hard to find someone who shares your passion for skittles. Searching for friendship and understanding is FRUSTRATING!!!!
Kylrane: [comes over to them, carrying a little carton thing of cinnamon buns.] Hey guys! Dawn Marie. [holds out the food] You want some, it's good.
Dawn Marie: No thanks, I'm trying to lose half a pound.
Nowinski: [stares] What does half a pound matter??
Dawn Marie: [bats her eyelashes] My eyelids are a tad heavy.
Kylrane: [under her breath] Maybe it's the makeup that's heavy...
Dawn Marie: [Transforms into a scary dragon lady, like Galadriel in Lord of the Rings (Fellowship of the Ring). Kylrane is thouroughly scared.] WHAT DID YOU SAY???
Nowinski: Dawn Marie! Dawn Marie! Calm down! The outfit, remember?? [Dawn Marie transforms back into her tramp self.]
Dawn Marie: Right. Now, which one do you prefer? And your opinion doesn't really matter, because I'm getting you the skirt anyway.
Jeff: Hey! Let her choose!
Kylrane: Yeah! Let me say no to both!! [The guys glare at her.] Uh...ok...well, Nowinski's outfit makes me look like a cheerleader. [Makes barfing noise. I just cannot wear a cheerleader's uniform.] Jeff's outfit makes me look like an Avril Lavigne wannabe.
Jeff: It does not! There's no tie! [They all stare at him.] What, I watch MTV sometimes! Besides, you look nothing like Avril Lavigne. I mean, you dyed your hair black.
Kylrane: [amazed at Jeff's stupidity] ...My hair is naturally black. I didn't dye it.
Jeff: REALLY? I thought you were a goth girl!
Kylrane: I've seen goths!! They don't all have black hair!! AUGHH!! Why do you think I'm a goth girl?!
Nowinski: Well, you act all gloomy all the time.
Dawn Marie: You say you don't like shopping and the prom.
Jeff: Like me, you seem FRUSTRATED!!
Kylrane: What the hell is with the 'frustrated' in caps??
Jeff: I dunno.
Kylrane: Yeah, well...I guess I choose...eh...the black. I hate skirts.
Jeff: YEAHH!!! I WON!!!
Kylrane: Won what?
Jeff: Well, I beat Nowinski. That means I won something.
Kylrane: OK.....
[They buy the clothes and go home. The evening is spent with Dawn Marie getting made over by Kylrane, while Nowinski is challenged by Jeff at Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 4.]
Jeff: I will so kick your ass.
Nowinski: Video games don't take real brains.
Kylrane: Shutup. I like video games.
Dawn Marie: [has her face painted like Goldust] Can I look in the mirror yet??
Kylrane: No, I'm not finished!! [cackles evilly, and continues to use her Halloween face paints on Dawn Marie]
[At the end of four days, Dawn Marie and Nowinski are begging to leave. Jeff is still playing video games. Now he's playing The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.]
Dawn Marie: C'mon, Jeffy, let's go! I can't stand it here!!
Jeff: I wanna keep PLAYING!!
Kylrane: You can stay if you want. You've got credit cards. I like credit cards.
Nowinski: Dawn Marie, let's just leave the loser!!
Dawn Marie: OK! [flicks her hair and bounces off]
Kylrane: You do realize they just left you here.
Jeff: That's ok. You're a fan of the Xtreme, right?
Kylrane: Well...not exactly...
Jeff: [gives the psycho crazed face] AUGHH! NO FANS! I'M SO-
Kylrane: OK! OK! I'm a fan!
Jeff: Good.
Kylrane: [looks up] Help me God...
Eh...sorry if that was a little bland. I was running out of Nowinski jokes. Jeff's staying, YAY! There's a reason why he's staying, too. No, not because I'm one of those fangirls who's completely in love with the younger Hardy. It's because...well, you'll have to wait!!! Woo hoo!