Disclaimer: Love Hina? Who owns it? Can you eat them? Mmmm… Bananas! Suu get out of my spot!
Intro:
Haitani: Hey there, I Haitani Masayuki have returned. This is the second fic that I have written that really isn't that serious. I'll go around Hinata-sou interviewing characters for you! Since no one has given me any ideas yet I'll start out with the easiest target, Keitaro.
Shirai: Wait how are you going to interview yourself when the time comes?
Haitani: Then I'll be Haitani A meaning Author and he'll be Haitani B.
Haitani B: What does my B mean? Bastard? Brainless? Breastseeker?
Shirai: Breastseeker?
Haitani A: I understand your language buddy!
Haitani B: Me too my friend!
Kentaro: What about me? You told me you only know 3 people that like (or tolerate) me.
Haitani A: Then I'll only get reviews from only 3 people, duh
Kentaro: Just leave me alone!
Haitani A: Then I'll just go in Hinata-sou and start Mmmkay.
Kentaro: One more thing.
Haitani A: What?
Kentaro: Get rid of the A on your name.
Haitani: Will do! Now on with the fic!!!
Haitani B: I'm coo, coo for the A! B! C! D! E! F! Cups!!! Sing it with me!
Haitani A and B: I'm coo, coo for the A! B! C! D! E! F! Cups!!!
Chapter 1: Keitaro, Former 3rd year Ronin
A dark shadow lurks in the shadows of Hinata-sou searching for the illusive ex-3rd year ronin. He spots his prey near a human watering hole (tea pot) and begins to look for the best angle to attack. Suddenly he pounces and the ronin falls to the floor hard, clutching his chest and the shadow reveals himself to actually be the author of the fanfic, Haitani Masayuki himself. The ronin is petrified by fear only momentarily and regains his footing. Suddenly the ronin counterattacks and spills the contents of the tea onto his lap and this causes him to begin a frantic war dance…
"Haitani!!! Stop it with the weird documentary thing! Now!!!" Keitaro screamed through gritted teeth.
"Sure, will do! Hehehe! Gotcha there a while ago."
"You! I scalded my balls because of you!"
Suddenly a heavy plank of wood falls on Keitaro's head which was followed by a loud voice upstairs that screamed "Keep it down will you!!! My favorite part is coming up!!!"
"Yes dear" Keitaro replied
"Soap opera?"
"Unfortunately yes, she's been especially fond of those things since she accidentally saw one."
"I guess I'll just go with the interview now"
"I think you should"
"So firstly…" Haitani started
But before he could continue there was mad laughter upstairs that caused the hairs on Haitani and Keitaro's arms to rise. Which was followed by Naru cheerfully screaming "Hahaha!!! You wish, you'll never get breasts!!!" which was followed by even more mad laughter
"So anyway…"
"Ha! Take that, I told you he would notice the napkins!" Naru's voice echoed through the halls.
"Damn soaps! Now that, that's over let's start. So anyway Keitaro, a lot of people have been wondering…"
"Well…"
"…"
"Haitani…"
"…"
"Haitani!"
"…"
"Haitani!!!"
"What! Stop screaming in my ear!"
"What were you going to ask me!"
"Oh, yeah… that… doustlllpeek…"
"What?"
"DO YOU STILL PEEK, there I said it!"
"Well personally, I still do. But now that Naru's with me you know officially, it'll be double the pain. So me and the girls make these deals you see, and I see if I can bribe them into not telling and in turn I give them a favor, it works really"
"Interesting, you don't peek on Kanako, do you?"
"No! She's my own sister for God's sake!!!"
"You're not blood related"
"But it would still be wrong"
"I've got pictures you want some"
"No!!!"
"But you're not blood related!!!"
"Jeez, your logic is just like hers"
"Uhhh… no"
"You're hopeless, so what's next"
"Let's see, oh look a letter from Mutsumi"
"Kei-kun;
I went to see the three holes like you told me, but I thought only one of them looked nice, and I wanted them all so used all the money in your savings account to pay for it
Thanks a lot;
Mutsumi
P.S.
Can you tell me what your favorite anime is?"
Keitaro was staring at the letter blankly, mumbling something about his savings account. When Haitani took a picture of Kanako from his wallet and put it in front of Keitaro's face. This woke him up faster than one of Motoko's ki blasts and he faced Haitani once again, a vein throbbing on his temple.
"Haitani!!! How did you get this!"
"Hundreds of copies of that picture is on the internet want another?"
"No, I don't want another!!! I'm even going to tear this one into pieces now!!!"
"Okay, here's an even better one"
"Haitani!!! I told you…" But before Keitaro could finish, a waterfall of blood came flowing out of his nose.
"See you like it" Haitani proudly exclaimed
"Stop it with the pictures!" Keitaro told Haitani as he tried to plug up his nose with a bit of rolled up tissue paper
"Okay but aren't you going to answer Mutsumi's question?"
"Okay, Mutsumi-san as you know I've always been a fan of Liddo-kun, so I guess that's it"
"Next one is from me, Keitaro why are you cursed with being a pedophile? When did this start? And Why?"
"O_O; I have no idea, my ancestors must have something terrible to one before I was born, stupid ancestors!!!"
"Family curse huh?"
"If you think I'm bad think about my dad. He was lucky mom ever stayed with him long enough to actually get to know him."
"What did he do, drop an entire pitcher of water on her so he could see her you know, things"
"Not exactly, but he tried that on my mom's best friend."
"This is getting all too weird, but are there any other curses, genes or diseases that you want to mention."
"There are a lot but all I'm telling you is that the females in my family seem to be attracted to older siblings, lucky my mom didn't have any brothers, I'm sorry for what she did to her other sisters though"
"Must get Urashima Family Videos!!!" Haitani screamed as he wrote something down on a notebook.
"Uhhh… Haitani…"
"Yes."
"Don't get within 50m from my mom's house, okay"
"Why?"
"I'm not taking any chances, you might find my baby pics."
"o_o; I have to stop thinking out loud"
"Yes, I think you should"
"What are you guys doing down here anyway?" Naru asked as she came down from the hole in the ceiling
"Oh, he's been interviewing me."
"You didn't tell him about the incident did you?"
"No…"
"Good, I thought everyone was going to find out about that one"
"What, incident" Haitani interrupted
"It's nothing for you to worry about"
"What? Does Keitaro have herpes? Are you pregnant? Are the two of you getting a divorce? What?"
"No! It's none of those, that's disgusting!"
"You're avoiding the question, all of those must be true! Hah! I knew it, wait till everyone hears about this, oh joy!"
Naru lifts Haitani up by the collar while a veins throb on her temples and tells him through gritted teeth "I WET MY PANTS LAST WEEK! NOW BECAUSE OF THAT I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, SLOWLY!!!"
"Hehe… Keitaro say something for me here! Help me!!!"
"I'm not getting involved here" Keitaro replied as he left the room "I don't want blood on my shirt, it was just washed, Ja ne"
"WAAAH!!!" Haitani's screams of pain echoed through the entire village of Hinata as Naru pounded him to a pulp. The pounding lasted for a few hours and after Naru left, Haitani lay still and lifeless on the floor.
"Must go on with the interview, Motoko help me…"
Author's Notes, where the law is in my hands:
Kentaro: Is he dead?
Haitani B: Most likely
Shirai: What do we do?
Keitaro: Let's take his stuff
Kanako: I want his disguise kit
Keitaro: His first aid kit is mine, the kit is mine!
Kentaro: I'll be taking my PS2 and a half back now.
Kitsune: Sake, sake ^_~
Shirai: I'll take the liver, costs a lot on the black market
Haitani B: Then the kneecaps are mine then
Suu: Bananas in the kitchen!!!
Motoko: His swords are mine stares at the pride of the collection, Beautiful…
Shinobu: Sempai… faints
Sara: Any artifacts around here?
Haitani A: wakes up What are all of you doing with my stuff? Put those back.
Everyone: Awww…
Haitani A: Wait, Suu you can keep the bananas
Suu: Yaay! Puts them back in her mouth
Haitani: Now you! Yes you! Points at the reader vote for the next one to interview, now! The people I hang out with, I wanted the kneecaps!
The Real Notes:
Ehehehe…he… the notes are back in script since no one even told me which was better. Anyway if anybody thinks I took the idea for an interview thing from someone else, you got nothing on me. So send in your votes for the next one to interview and any questions you want to ask, I'll see if it's okay and I might just ask him/her your question. I wonder if there's a Haitani C?