Disclaimer: I hate turtles…I hate turtles…I hate turtles!!! Kyaaa!!! Hiken Zan Kuu Sen!!! Myu?
Intro:
Haitani: In a Hitler costume Lieutenant Reiko I'll be temporarily unable to perform my duties so I am placing you in command of all three of my stories. If you want to be consistent go right ahead and use the style, if not just use your own. Any questions?
Reiko: Why do I have to wear this?
Haitani: A string bikini is ideal for free movement of all parts of the body.
Reiko: But why aren't you wearing one?
Haitani: I'm the commanding officer, I must sacrifice my own free movement for the good of the rest of my team (who would want to see me in one anyway). Plus, it is summer and the pile of complaints about the heat is going through the roof. And because of this experiment only the men are complaining about the heat.
Reiko: But they're wearing swim trunks.
Haitani: Then it proves they are just healthy young men.
Reiko: sweatdropping Uhhh… right.
Haitani: The convoy is here and I must go. I have one last request before I go.
Reiko: What.
Haitani: Do Haruka… steps inside the hum-vee and remember. Conflict is the key. I saw it on TV.
Reiko: So anyway, as Haitani's last request he told me to interview the old housemother of Hinata-sou, Haruka Urashima. And as Haitani says, on with the fic!
Chapter 2: Haruka…
All the residents of Hinata-sou were gathered in the kanrinin's room. They encircled the author of the fic, Haitani. Beside him was his loyal assistant, Reiko Yamasaki. He explained to them that he would be gone for a while and that Reiko was going to take care of things while he was gone.
"And one more thing" Haitani started "She's almost as perverted as me so be careful"
Naru snickered and said "Look who's talking, S & M fetish boy"
"Hey, it's just my nature…"
"Pervert!"
"Troll!"
"Stalker!!"
"Pervert at heart!!"
"Pedophile!!!"
"Lesbian!!!"
"Hey! Hey!! Hey!!! Calm down you two" Haruka interrupted just before they were about to beat each other senseless.
"She started it!" Haitani said as he pointed at her
"I did not!" Naru told Haruka as she raised her fist at Haitani
"Shut up! If the two of you keep this up I'm gonna whip the two of you!!!" Haruka told them as she took out her whip.
Both of them dropped their stances and instead glared at each other. Haruka shook her head in disbelief and took out a cigarette. Keitaro was wondering why all the girls were dressed in string bikini's while Motoko was complaining about not feeling like she was wearing anything.
Kitsune yawned and asked Shinobu what was for breakfast. Shinobu thought for a while and said "The usual for everyone else and Miso soup, Rice and Sake for you"
Kitsune grinned and said "The perfect breakfast."
Kentaro appeared from the window and said "Not many people would say that, hey! Nice outfits, I wish it was summer all year round if you'll all wear those"
"Great, another pervert to ruin my day" Naru snorted as she menacingly left the room and gave the boys the "I'm gonna kill you" look
"It sounds weird but I have to agree with you on that one, Kentaro" Keitaro whispered to Kentaro
"String bikini's, I love it!" Kentaro replied
Suddenly Kentaro went hurtling to the ground at break neck speeds. And when the dust cleared Naru was standing triumphantly with her foot on Kentaro's chest. Soon after, Keitaro winced as Naru lost balance and fell head first into the ground. Naru stood up and signaled Keitaro that he was going to be next.
"Haitani, I think I better go with you, for your own health and mine."
Haitani felt Naru's overpowering presence and replied "I think I know what you mean, Seta must be there by now, let's go!"
The rest of them followed and exactly after Haitani had finished giving them instructions, Seta hit him head on. Keitaro followed as he dragged Haitani into the van, Sara silently sneaked in as well.
Kitsune sweatdropped and said "I think I know how this will end"
"I think so too" Motoko replied
Two cries for help escaped as Seta drove off, which soon turned into moans of pain. The van veered off course and fell into the river after a third voice joined the previous ones. Everybody that wasn't maimed by the crash ran to help them, but before anybody could reach it, the van was already back on the road and was continuing on its original route.
"Well I guess that's it" Kitsune stated as she watched all the people on the street running away screaming as Seta's van barely missed them all. "Reiko, I guess you're in charge. So get to it"
"Riiight… You know, Haitani told me I could do anything to you if I write it down on this notebook" Reiko told her as she took out a pencil
Kitsune backed away and said "Well I'll be going now."
"Kitsune finds all her sake bottles broken as she walks inside her room…" Reiko pretended to write and happily watched Kitsune run away screaming.
"That was fun" Reiko stated as she closed the notebook "Anybody else want to try"
Everybody else sweatdropped and Naru stammered "N…n…no m…ma'am"
"Good! Now let's see who the next victim, oh! It's Haruka obaa-san"
Haruka shook with rage but didn't do anything because she knew what might happen to her. "She has to sleep sometime soon" Haruka whispered to Naru
"I know and that's when we take her down" Naru replied "Motoko are you ready to play exorcist for one last time?"
Motoko nodded and said "It's a matter of honor now"
"Operation Exorcist II begins at 23:45 hours, be there" Naru whispered to Haruka and Motoko as she set her watch.
"For now, let me get this over and done with, I would have preferred Haitani though" Haruka replied
"Hey!" Reiko screamed and their hearts skipped a beat "What are the three of you doing there! Haruka come with me!"
Haruka followed her to the shop all the while anxiety churned in her stomach. She felt like she was about to throw up. When they got inside they sat down and Reiko reached into her bag and pulled out the notebook and the pencil.
"First a few questions from a few close friends, 13 years difference from your brother… Were you ever interested in him, like Kanako is with Keitaro? And if you were, what was your approach?"
"He was too old for me, never would have worked out" Haruka sighed
"So you were interested in him?" Reiko asked, a bit excited
"Just a little, not too much just a little" Haruka stammered
"That's what they all say"
"Next question! Who sent me that anyway?" said a flustered Haruka
"He told me he was one of your old drinking buddies"
"That explains it"
"Next, Did you and Seta ever, you know, do it?"
"We used to, a lot. But not anymore"
"I just have to ask this, are you lying about your age?"
"Hell no! It's just that Keitaro keeps on calling me old hag!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure"
"I doubt it"
"Do you want to make something out of it!" Haruka screamed as she raised her fist
Reiko, totally forgetting the powers Haitani had endowed upon her sweatdropped and said "No not really"
Haruka crossed her arms and said "Good"
"Now a few from a few deranged fans, Did Seta teach you how to smoke?"
"No, my brother did"
"Strange family" Reiko thought to herself, but decided not to press any further and asked "So… are the two of you thinking about getting back together?"
"I am but all he's concerned about now are those stupid turtle civilizations!"
"Strange Friends" Reiko thought to herself
"Hey, what's the hold up, keep on askin' em'"
Reiko snickered and asked "Are you smoking weed?"
"Not right now, but sometimes I do. They don't notice it anyway."
"What's your favorite card game?"
"Strip Poker, don't ask"
"Are you even worried that some Hentai mangas show you and Keitaro doing it?"
"Not really"
"Did Seta ever two-time you?"
"Yep"
"Did you ever two-time him?"
"Well…umm…can we skip that one"
"Next, Why did Seta leave anyway?"
"S…s…se…"
"What?" Reiko asked
"Set…set…SETA NO BAKA!!!" Haruka screamed with all her might
In the deepest part of the forest surrounding Hinata-sou, we find Keitaro, Seta and Hitler-Haitani participating in a strange ritual. And entire army of Mecha tamas surrounded them. Hitler-Haitani raised his arm and said something in German and all the mecha tamas started marching towards the unsuspecting town of Hinata.
"Myu! Myu! Myu!" The mecha tamas chanted as they marched towards Hinata, Meanwhile a lumbering behemoth of a mecha tama trailed behind, being guarded by a heavily armored mecha tama escort. On it was Keitaro, Seta and Hitler-Haitani.
"Did you guys hear something?" Seta asked
"No, not really. What did you hear?"
"Something like Seta no baka or something"
"It doesn't matter, the target is already in sight. Crush these fools who dare oppose me!"
"All Hail!!!"
Author's Notes: Remember, Hail!
In a few moments after the mecha-tama army invaded Hinata almost the entire village was engulfed in flames. Except for one house, Hinata-sou. The broken metallic shells of hundreds of mecha-tamas lined the pathway to it and in between that was the bound and gagged form of Aoyama Motoko.
Hitler-Haitani smiled menacingly at her told the remaining mecha-tamas "Disarm the residents and take all you want, but remember the red headed cockroach is mine."
"Myu!!!"
"I'll take that as hail"
"Myu!!!" and the rest of them stormed the fortress
"Seta, Keitaro, do what you want with Motoko." And with that he ran inside, rifle in hand, his sheathed katana at his side.
"Hail!!!"
He ran inside the room where Reiko was interviewing Haruka and told her "Lieutenant, your platoon is waiting"
"Yes, sir!" She replied. She gave a crisp salute and ran out the door
He ran towards Naru's room with his rifle ready and loaded, he broke down her door, pointed it at her and said "Yield or prepare for battle"
Naru ran to him and attempted to kick him in the face but he evaded it and let loose a burst from his rifle that barely missed Naru. He smiled and continued to fire at her until his magazine was empty. He threw his rifle to the ground and surveyed his surroundings, almost everything wooden was riddled with holes and Naru was lying on the ground clutching her bleeding leg.
He drew his sword, pointed it at her throat and asked "Now do you yield?"
She silently nodded, Hitler-Haitani took a glance outside and said to himself "The campaign for Japan begins"
Suddenly Reiko ran inside and said "Commander, the UN dropped an N2 bomb at us, it'll totally obliterate us in T minus 20 seconds!"
"Where's the notebook we still have a chance!"
"Oh, no! I left it in my purse and the door there is jammed"
"Well I guess this is the end, Reiko come closer"
"Yes"
At the exact moment Haitani put her arm around Reiko the bomb hit its mark and the entire village of Hinata was obliterated in seconds. A white light engulfed everything and when it cleared there was no evidence of the battle and instead it seemed like the day had started again. And inside Hinata-sou all the residents of Hinata-sou were gathered in the kanrinin's room. They encircled the author of the fic, Haitani. Beside him was his loyal assistant, Reiko Yamasaki. He explained to them that he would be gone for a while and that Reiko was going to take care of things while he was gone.
End of Chapter 2???!!!
Author's Notes:
Well I have only one thing to say, I suck at editing. And as always my problem which also applies to my other stories, I have absolutely no idea what I'm writing!!! Well I hope the edited version is a bit better than the unedited. And if you think the unedited version is better, tell me and I'll put it back on. I'm trying to decide on who to interview next it's either Naru or Motoko send in yer votes and I'll start on it. So this is Haitani, till next time.