Disclaimer: I own nada. Nothing. Zip. Only a sign that I wear that says
"Hug Me".
Yeah! People listen to me! Dashboard Confessional DOES rule! Just go and give it a try, download one song, or just look at the lyrics, he's awesome! Sara (Whose To Say I Don't Know) knows!!! Ok, calming down now...
Sorry if this one is going to be lame. Having nothing to do during vacation may actually have a bad effect on my creative process. That and I haven't had my regularly scheduled bag of skittles...*sob*
[Vince is sitting in his office, trying to think of ways to make other people's lives miserable. Particularly a writer who resides in New York. *hint hint* Yes, my friends, that would be me.]
Vince: How the hell can this kid get under my skin?! It's just a KID! I'm Vince McMahon, damnit, I don't need to deal with this load of crap!!
Kylrane's dad: [Buried under a pile of papers. Miraculously, it's a slightly smaller pile of papers, but hey, it's a change!] Talking to yourself again, Vince?
Vince: [realizes he's not alone in the room] Uh...yeah!
Kylrane's dad: Who are you complaining about this time?
Vince: [thinks] It's that PUNK...uh...Shannon Moore! Yeah! Shannon Moore! He's so annoying and stuff...
Kylrane's dad: [weirded out] Ok...[goes back to paperwork]
[An idea pops into Vince's head.]
Vince: [presses a button that lets him communicate with a personal assistant] Margie, get me Chris Jericho. I've got a special assignment for him. Mwahahah! MWAHAHAHA!!!
Kylrane's dad: When my daughter cackles like that, it's usually not good.
[Zip to Kylrane's house]
Kylrane: MWAHAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAH!!! [she surveys the new entertainment system bought through Jeff Hardy's credit card] MWAHAHAHAHAHAaaa..acckkk.....[starts coughing] Ok, that's when you've done enough evil laughing...phew...[calms down]...I really have to learn to control myself sometimes...like when Edge came...[grins for a second, then shudders] I can't believe I let my guard down. BAD ME! BAD ME!
[Doorbell rings]
Kylrane: EEE! I hope that's - DAMNIT STOP! Do I have a freakin' split personality?! [expression changes] Yes you do. [expression changes] NO I DON'T! YOU STAY DEEP INSIDE WHERE NO ONE CAN FIND YOU! [expression changes...think Gollum/Smeagol in Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers] But if it IS Edge, what will you do? [expression changes] I will scream "YOU'RE NOT CUTE!" and slam the door! [expression changes] But I like blondes! [expression changes] Yeah, well, good for you, damnit! Stupid fangirl...
Person Ringing Bell: Hello?! Is anyone there?!
Kylrane: [glares at...herself...and answers the door] May I...don't tell me you're here for...
Person: [strokes beard] What, the King of the World ain't good enough for you?! I'm not only a HUGE ROCK STAR, but I'm a living legend! I'm the best you can ask for, kiddie! Oh, I see, you're shocked to see such greatness in front of you! That's ok, junior, when I look in the mirror every morning, I wonder how I came to be so damn sexy!
Kylrane: [still staring] Is your gimmick Goat Man? Or FlamboyantClothingBoy?
Jericho: [I hope you figured out it was Jericho.] What did you say?
Kylrane: Oh! You're Jericho!!
Jericho: That's King of the World Jericho to you, missy! [walks into the house and lies on the couch] So, what's your name, junior?
Kylrane: I AM NOT A KID!!!!! DAMNIT!!! My name is Kylrane....SENIOR!
Jericho: Well, Lorraine, go get me a coke.
Kylrane: It's Kylrane, damnit, and why should I get you a coke?? You're supposed to be the one taking care of ME.
Jericho: Look, if my throat is all dry, how can I give you the pleasure of hearing my gorgeous voice? Ahh...[rubs throat] Now get me a coke, Insane.
Kylrane: [angrily grabs a coke can from the fridge] It's KYLRANE!!!! [chucks can at Jericho]
Jericho: [catches can] Thanks, Killjoy.
Kylrane: ARRRGGGHHHH....
Jericho: What are you complaining about? You get to spend time with the sexiest man alive!
Kylrane: I'm sorry to inform you that 1) Ben Affleck was named the sexiest man alive, 2) I don't think Ben Affleck is the sexiest man alive, and 3) You sure as hell aren't on the top of my list.
Jericho: [frowns] Figures, you are a bit young to know of the pleasures of intimacy. Once you're old enough, I think you'd understand how an injection of Vitamin C would do a woman's body good.
Kylrane: I can't believe you just said that.
Jericho: You almost sounded like that dunce Booker T for a second.
Kylrane: You sounded like a male whore.
Jericho: Once again, you're just too young to understand...[strokes beard] I'm just so dead sexy. Unlike that multicolored assclown Jeff Hardy!!
Kylrane: HEY! You lay off Jeff!
Jericho: [smirks] What, little Killian has a crush on Mr. Xtreme?? Aww...[Kyrlane glowers at him] You ought to be a Jericholic, junior. You wouldn't be disappointed all the time, I actually win matches.
Kylrane: Didn't he kick your ass on Monday...
Jericho: HE CHEATED!!!!! [slams coke down and starts yelling in Kylrane's face] That idiot won his first match in weeks over ME! ME, a HUGE ROCK STAR!!! The kid joins up with that washed up HAS BEEN Shawn Michaels and beats ME! He just couldn't win on his own, couldn't he?! BODY PAINTED FREAK!!!!
Kylrane: Why are you so jealous of him??
Jericho: Me? Jealous?! Why would I be jealous of THAT loser?!
Kylrane: [raises eyebrow] Oh, I don't know, maybe because girls scream when he takes his shirt off? [I'm kind of quoting Christian...]
Jericho: [pouts] Girls scream when I take my shirt off. Besides, he doesn't have the incredible style I have!
Kylrane: Jericho, girls scream because you have those ugly ass outfits ON.
Jericho: SHUTUP! SHUTUP! YOU DIDN'T SAY THAT!!!
Kylrane: [smirks] Did I upset poor little Jerky-cho? Well that's too damn bad. Go hug yourself for comfort.
Jericho: [Glares at Kylrane. He suddenly grabs her, throws her over his shoulder, and runs to his car.] This what you get for being a brat!!
Kylrane: What the fuck are you doing?! [starts punching his back]
Jericho: Kidnapping you, what does it look like?! I may be the most conceited man alive, but I'm no idiot. [He grabs Kylrane's arms and ties them behind her back with some rope that magically appears.] For some insane reason, Vince McMahon seems to be in fear of your underage little ass, so as long as I've got you, Vince fears ME.
Kylrane: [thrusts her shoulder into Jericho's stomach and tries to run but trips] IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY! IF I REBEL AGAINST WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT, VINCE WON'T LISTEN TO YOU!! [kicks Jericho from the ground]
Jericho: [grabs her legs and ties them too, then throws her into the backseat] That's what you think, kiddie. By the way, Elaine, anything you want me to grab before we leave?? [cackles]
Kylrane: [thinks quickly] Yeah, my coat. It IS cold here, you know...
Jericho: [looks at her funny] Alright, I'll get you that. [runs into the house and brings back her leather coat] I hope you don't mind heavy metal, I'm going to put on my Fozzy CD!! And if you don't, I don't give a damn!!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!! [pulls out of the driveway and speeds off]
Kylrane: [whimpers] NOOOOO!!!!
[Five hours later, it's nightfall. Jericho's at a rest stop. He's in one of the restaurants buying some food and Kylrane is still lying in the backseat of his car.]
Kylrane: [to herself] C'mon, c'mon, just a little closer...[is trying to get her cell phone out of her coat pocket] Why does Vince always send me the crazy ones?! [the cell phone makes its way into her hand] THANK THE HEAVENS!!!! Now...oh shit. How the hell am I supposed to hold the cell phone if my hands are tied?! Shit...[starts to fumble with the rope] Damnit, please let Jericho get in a fight or something...
[In the restaurant]
Jericho: I SPECIFICALLY ASKED FOR A NON SESAME SEED BUN, DAMNIT!!! A NON SESAME SEED BUN!!!! [grabs a random busboy and starts choking him]
[Back in the car, Kylrane searches for anything that could cut the rope.]
Kylrane: [Bangs her head against the glove compartment. It opens.] Ow, damnit! [Noses through the items in the compartment. Something sharp pokes her.] AUGHH!!! [Finds razor blades still in its packages] Thank goodness Jericho's stopped shaving... [turns around and grabs the package] How the hell am I supposed to open this?! [peels at the cardboard until the razors pop out] YES!! FREEDOM IS SO CLOSE I CAN TASTE IT!!!! [starts rubbing a razor against the rope]
[Jericho is approaching. Kylrane immediately closes the compartment with her knee, hides the other razors in her coat pocket, and lies down the backseat. She's still rubbing the rope with the razor.]
Jericho: [opens car door and gets into the drivers seat] Stupid, ignorant fools...[looks at Kylrane] You hungry, kid?
Kylrane: You kidnapped me but you're offering me food?!
Jericho: Hey, I've got to keep you alive if I want my demands met, right? [throws her a burger] Oh yeah, I forgot, you can't hold it since your ARMS ARE TIED BEHIND YOUR BACK!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!
Kylrane: [glares and mumbles] You'll get yours soon enough, Jericho...[keeps trying to cut the rope surreptitiously]
[They drive off. Jericho stays in a Motel 6 but leaves Kylrane in the car. Bad move, dude, bad move.]
Will Kylrane's other personality make another appearance? Does Jericho really prefer a non sesame seed bun? Will Kylrane escape from Jericho's evil clutches? Why did Jericho stay at a Motel 6? Can I think of anymore questions to type in? Nope, you're spared. TO BE CONTINUED....MWAHAHAHA!!!!
Please review!! I beg you to review!! And sorry if you're a Jericho fan, but I thought it'd be funny to have him kidnap me. Give me your input! Reviews are the next best thing to hugs, and I don't have twenty bucks to fork over so Edge will hug me!! (If you've read my other fic, "The Doctor Is In", you'll get it...) REVIEW REVIEW REVIEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh yeah. This was written before No Way Out, so I didn't know the outcome. Now that I've uploaded it and checked the PPV results, I see that...well...I was just too lazy to change around some stuff in the chapters. Oh well....REVIEW!!!
Yeah! People listen to me! Dashboard Confessional DOES rule! Just go and give it a try, download one song, or just look at the lyrics, he's awesome! Sara (Whose To Say I Don't Know) knows!!! Ok, calming down now...
Sorry if this one is going to be lame. Having nothing to do during vacation may actually have a bad effect on my creative process. That and I haven't had my regularly scheduled bag of skittles...*sob*
[Vince is sitting in his office, trying to think of ways to make other people's lives miserable. Particularly a writer who resides in New York. *hint hint* Yes, my friends, that would be me.]
Vince: How the hell can this kid get under my skin?! It's just a KID! I'm Vince McMahon, damnit, I don't need to deal with this load of crap!!
Kylrane's dad: [Buried under a pile of papers. Miraculously, it's a slightly smaller pile of papers, but hey, it's a change!] Talking to yourself again, Vince?
Vince: [realizes he's not alone in the room] Uh...yeah!
Kylrane's dad: Who are you complaining about this time?
Vince: [thinks] It's that PUNK...uh...Shannon Moore! Yeah! Shannon Moore! He's so annoying and stuff...
Kylrane's dad: [weirded out] Ok...[goes back to paperwork]
[An idea pops into Vince's head.]
Vince: [presses a button that lets him communicate with a personal assistant] Margie, get me Chris Jericho. I've got a special assignment for him. Mwahahah! MWAHAHAHA!!!
Kylrane's dad: When my daughter cackles like that, it's usually not good.
[Zip to Kylrane's house]
Kylrane: MWAHAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAH!!! [she surveys the new entertainment system bought through Jeff Hardy's credit card] MWAHAHAHAHAHAaaa..acckkk.....[starts coughing] Ok, that's when you've done enough evil laughing...phew...[calms down]...I really have to learn to control myself sometimes...like when Edge came...[grins for a second, then shudders] I can't believe I let my guard down. BAD ME! BAD ME!
[Doorbell rings]
Kylrane: EEE! I hope that's - DAMNIT STOP! Do I have a freakin' split personality?! [expression changes] Yes you do. [expression changes] NO I DON'T! YOU STAY DEEP INSIDE WHERE NO ONE CAN FIND YOU! [expression changes...think Gollum/Smeagol in Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers] But if it IS Edge, what will you do? [expression changes] I will scream "YOU'RE NOT CUTE!" and slam the door! [expression changes] But I like blondes! [expression changes] Yeah, well, good for you, damnit! Stupid fangirl...
Person Ringing Bell: Hello?! Is anyone there?!
Kylrane: [glares at...herself...and answers the door] May I...don't tell me you're here for...
Person: [strokes beard] What, the King of the World ain't good enough for you?! I'm not only a HUGE ROCK STAR, but I'm a living legend! I'm the best you can ask for, kiddie! Oh, I see, you're shocked to see such greatness in front of you! That's ok, junior, when I look in the mirror every morning, I wonder how I came to be so damn sexy!
Kylrane: [still staring] Is your gimmick Goat Man? Or FlamboyantClothingBoy?
Jericho: [I hope you figured out it was Jericho.] What did you say?
Kylrane: Oh! You're Jericho!!
Jericho: That's King of the World Jericho to you, missy! [walks into the house and lies on the couch] So, what's your name, junior?
Kylrane: I AM NOT A KID!!!!! DAMNIT!!! My name is Kylrane....SENIOR!
Jericho: Well, Lorraine, go get me a coke.
Kylrane: It's Kylrane, damnit, and why should I get you a coke?? You're supposed to be the one taking care of ME.
Jericho: Look, if my throat is all dry, how can I give you the pleasure of hearing my gorgeous voice? Ahh...[rubs throat] Now get me a coke, Insane.
Kylrane: [angrily grabs a coke can from the fridge] It's KYLRANE!!!! [chucks can at Jericho]
Jericho: [catches can] Thanks, Killjoy.
Kylrane: ARRRGGGHHHH....
Jericho: What are you complaining about? You get to spend time with the sexiest man alive!
Kylrane: I'm sorry to inform you that 1) Ben Affleck was named the sexiest man alive, 2) I don't think Ben Affleck is the sexiest man alive, and 3) You sure as hell aren't on the top of my list.
Jericho: [frowns] Figures, you are a bit young to know of the pleasures of intimacy. Once you're old enough, I think you'd understand how an injection of Vitamin C would do a woman's body good.
Kylrane: I can't believe you just said that.
Jericho: You almost sounded like that dunce Booker T for a second.
Kylrane: You sounded like a male whore.
Jericho: Once again, you're just too young to understand...[strokes beard] I'm just so dead sexy. Unlike that multicolored assclown Jeff Hardy!!
Kylrane: HEY! You lay off Jeff!
Jericho: [smirks] What, little Killian has a crush on Mr. Xtreme?? Aww...[Kyrlane glowers at him] You ought to be a Jericholic, junior. You wouldn't be disappointed all the time, I actually win matches.
Kylrane: Didn't he kick your ass on Monday...
Jericho: HE CHEATED!!!!! [slams coke down and starts yelling in Kylrane's face] That idiot won his first match in weeks over ME! ME, a HUGE ROCK STAR!!! The kid joins up with that washed up HAS BEEN Shawn Michaels and beats ME! He just couldn't win on his own, couldn't he?! BODY PAINTED FREAK!!!!
Kylrane: Why are you so jealous of him??
Jericho: Me? Jealous?! Why would I be jealous of THAT loser?!
Kylrane: [raises eyebrow] Oh, I don't know, maybe because girls scream when he takes his shirt off? [I'm kind of quoting Christian...]
Jericho: [pouts] Girls scream when I take my shirt off. Besides, he doesn't have the incredible style I have!
Kylrane: Jericho, girls scream because you have those ugly ass outfits ON.
Jericho: SHUTUP! SHUTUP! YOU DIDN'T SAY THAT!!!
Kylrane: [smirks] Did I upset poor little Jerky-cho? Well that's too damn bad. Go hug yourself for comfort.
Jericho: [Glares at Kylrane. He suddenly grabs her, throws her over his shoulder, and runs to his car.] This what you get for being a brat!!
Kylrane: What the fuck are you doing?! [starts punching his back]
Jericho: Kidnapping you, what does it look like?! I may be the most conceited man alive, but I'm no idiot. [He grabs Kylrane's arms and ties them behind her back with some rope that magically appears.] For some insane reason, Vince McMahon seems to be in fear of your underage little ass, so as long as I've got you, Vince fears ME.
Kylrane: [thrusts her shoulder into Jericho's stomach and tries to run but trips] IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY! IF I REBEL AGAINST WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT, VINCE WON'T LISTEN TO YOU!! [kicks Jericho from the ground]
Jericho: [grabs her legs and ties them too, then throws her into the backseat] That's what you think, kiddie. By the way, Elaine, anything you want me to grab before we leave?? [cackles]
Kylrane: [thinks quickly] Yeah, my coat. It IS cold here, you know...
Jericho: [looks at her funny] Alright, I'll get you that. [runs into the house and brings back her leather coat] I hope you don't mind heavy metal, I'm going to put on my Fozzy CD!! And if you don't, I don't give a damn!!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!! [pulls out of the driveway and speeds off]
Kylrane: [whimpers] NOOOOO!!!!
[Five hours later, it's nightfall. Jericho's at a rest stop. He's in one of the restaurants buying some food and Kylrane is still lying in the backseat of his car.]
Kylrane: [to herself] C'mon, c'mon, just a little closer...[is trying to get her cell phone out of her coat pocket] Why does Vince always send me the crazy ones?! [the cell phone makes its way into her hand] THANK THE HEAVENS!!!! Now...oh shit. How the hell am I supposed to hold the cell phone if my hands are tied?! Shit...[starts to fumble with the rope] Damnit, please let Jericho get in a fight or something...
[In the restaurant]
Jericho: I SPECIFICALLY ASKED FOR A NON SESAME SEED BUN, DAMNIT!!! A NON SESAME SEED BUN!!!! [grabs a random busboy and starts choking him]
[Back in the car, Kylrane searches for anything that could cut the rope.]
Kylrane: [Bangs her head against the glove compartment. It opens.] Ow, damnit! [Noses through the items in the compartment. Something sharp pokes her.] AUGHH!!! [Finds razor blades still in its packages] Thank goodness Jericho's stopped shaving... [turns around and grabs the package] How the hell am I supposed to open this?! [peels at the cardboard until the razors pop out] YES!! FREEDOM IS SO CLOSE I CAN TASTE IT!!!! [starts rubbing a razor against the rope]
[Jericho is approaching. Kylrane immediately closes the compartment with her knee, hides the other razors in her coat pocket, and lies down the backseat. She's still rubbing the rope with the razor.]
Jericho: [opens car door and gets into the drivers seat] Stupid, ignorant fools...[looks at Kylrane] You hungry, kid?
Kylrane: You kidnapped me but you're offering me food?!
Jericho: Hey, I've got to keep you alive if I want my demands met, right? [throws her a burger] Oh yeah, I forgot, you can't hold it since your ARMS ARE TIED BEHIND YOUR BACK!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!
Kylrane: [glares and mumbles] You'll get yours soon enough, Jericho...[keeps trying to cut the rope surreptitiously]
[They drive off. Jericho stays in a Motel 6 but leaves Kylrane in the car. Bad move, dude, bad move.]
Will Kylrane's other personality make another appearance? Does Jericho really prefer a non sesame seed bun? Will Kylrane escape from Jericho's evil clutches? Why did Jericho stay at a Motel 6? Can I think of anymore questions to type in? Nope, you're spared. TO BE CONTINUED....MWAHAHAHA!!!!
Please review!! I beg you to review!! And sorry if you're a Jericho fan, but I thought it'd be funny to have him kidnap me. Give me your input! Reviews are the next best thing to hugs, and I don't have twenty bucks to fork over so Edge will hug me!! (If you've read my other fic, "The Doctor Is In", you'll get it...) REVIEW REVIEW REVIEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh yeah. This was written before No Way Out, so I didn't know the outcome. Now that I've uploaded it and checked the PPV results, I see that...well...I was just too lazy to change around some stuff in the chapters. Oh well....REVIEW!!!